Little Happiness (Secret Of A Happy Life)

“One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats, and if some of these can be inexpensive and quickly procured so much the better.”― Iris Murdoch, The Sea, The Sea The little things in life are indeed where our happiness is nourished. When we look for joy in the here and now, the future hopes, dreams, and fears become quieter, and peace rises in our hearts.

(Please note that this is a talk, not a guided meditation.)

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

Do you want to know what one of the secrets of happiness is?

Well,

I'd like to read a beautiful quote from Iris Murdoch from her book,

The Sea,

The Sea.

She writes,

One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats,

And if some of these can be inexpensive and quickly procured,

So much the better.

I love this quote,

And I really think she does nail one of the important ingredients of a happy life,

Which is enjoying the small things all along the way.

Because unfortunately,

There's a tendency within us to wait until happiness comes in the future.

How many of us have perhaps heard this or done this in our own lives?

When I get into my college,

Then everything will be great.

When I get that girl to date me,

Then it's going to be wonderful.

When I finish college and get my first job and have my own place,

Oh my goodness,

Life's going to really start then.

When I meet my soulmate and we get married,

Could it get better than that?

Or when we have kids and we start growing and expanding our family,

Oh,

That's so wonderful.

I'll wait until the day I get the job that I really like or get promoted to a level that's amazing,

Then it will be truly wonderful.

Or when my kids get into college and they head off to school and we now are empty nesters and have a lot more free time on our hands.

Or the epitome of it all,

I'm going to work really hard and then when I get older,

I'm going to retire and live happily ever after.

Have you ever heard any of those?

Do you ever contemplate any of those for yourself?

I think they're very tempting,

But I also believe they're the path of suffering.

They create suffering because we just don't know what the future is going to hold.

I mean,

If we're looking for our soulmate,

There's a 50-50 chance that that relationship won't work and we'll end in divorce.

If we get that job,

It may not be exactly what we wanted and we'll spend hours and hours of our week doing things that we just don't like.

Or the big one when we reach retirement and now maybe we have a little bit of extra money and for sure extra time to do things,

We have health problems and we just can't do as much.

There are always things that can mess up the future,

But you know what?

Right now,

There's so many little things that we can do to put a smile on our hearts.

I want to talk about doing them and making time for them because they really are one of the pillars of a happy life.

Think of it this way.

We're waiting for a new movie to come out.

It's been promoted all over the world and there's a lot of hype about it.

And we're excited.

We go to the movie theater and we watch the entire show.

We enjoy it so much.

And when the end comes,

We get up,

We take a deep breath and say,

Ah,

That was wonderful.

But imagine,

Just imagine,

If we went to the movies and we were really disgusted by the entire movie until the very last scene,

The very last thing that happened.

And then we say,

Well,

That was good and the rest was crap,

But the end was good.

None of us would do that.

That's ridiculous.

Or let's say,

For example,

We go to the ballet.

I know a lot of people may not like the ballet,

But if you do,

Like me,

You probably go to watch the entire ballet.

You don't go to watch the last little step that the ballerina is going to take.

That would be silly and ridiculous.

We go to watch the entire ballet or let's say we like a sport,

Whatever it may be,

Soccer,

Football,

Golf,

Whatever the sport may be.

Anyone who really gets into a sport doesn't just go to see the final scores.

We don't,

For example,

Watch football to see the Super Bowl and just look at the final score and don't watch any of the other games throughout the year.

If we like football,

We're going to be watching the games throughout the season.

We're going to be hyped up.

We're going to get together with our friends and we're going to have a blast.

We don't wait until the final score who wins or who loses.

That's not what sports are about.

They're about enjoying the event.

I'm using these analogies because our lives are like that.

They're an event.

They're something that is happening.

And when we say,

I'm going to wait until this happens before I start living,

Is really a very sad way to live life because we just don't know what the future holds.

I have a friend of mine who's just on the brink of retirement and he has been healthy as a horse throughout his life.

And right now,

Unfortunately,

He's having some very serious health issues.

So his dreams of the future aren't panning out the way he was hoping.

But the good news is he's lived a really good life.

He's enjoyed his journey and he surrounded himself and invested in people in his life.

And because of that,

These people are really supporting and being with him.

And even though he's having health problems,

He's feeling that love from them.

And even though it wasn't what he expected to have happen,

He's still enjoying his life.

And he can look back over his life and say,

That was a good life.

He's enjoyed his whole journey.

But don't we all know people like a relative of mine who worked really hard,

Particularly towards the end of his career?

And he dreamed of buying a fifth wheel and traveling all around the United States with his wife.

He was so excited.

Anytime I went over to his house,

That's the magazine he had out,

He actually purchased it before he even retired.

But right after he retired,

He got sick,

He got cancer,

And he spent the next two years fighting it.

And then he died.

He never got to live his dream.

And he also didn't live life as well as he could have because he was waiting until that retirement came.

And this is more of a sad story.

So in life,

We have to be careful about,

Someday I'm going to begin living.

And it's better to see it this way.

Life is a very long journey.

I'm going to be doing this for a super long time.

So how do I get to do things that put a smile on my heart throughout the day?

For example,

When I started university,

I knew I was going to go for a very long time.

I always had the expectation of getting my PhD.

I wasn't sure in what field quite yet,

But I knew I was going to go on,

And I was going to go on for a very long time.

So every time graduation came for my master's degree,

My undergraduate degree,

My second master's degree,

My PhD,

Because I did a two-year postdoc,

I knew I wasn't done.

So I knew I couldn't get burnout along the way.

That would not work for me.

So here's what I did.

I really worked on enjoying my journey of being in school.

I actually liked it.

I remember just one thing when I was an undergraduate student.

Every time I got an A on my test,

I would go over to this shake shop and get myself this really good shake that I liked.

I only did it when I got an A,

But thankfully I got a couple A's,

So I got to get them pretty often.

And it was great.

I really looked forward to it.

I exercised every day.

I got involved with intramural sports.

I was in a lot of clubs and actively involved in leadership.

In the summers,

I was able to save up some money for my job during the year,

And I was able to travel.

I went to Europe for three months one summer,

Then I went to the Far East one summer for three months,

Then I went to the Middle East for three months one summer.

It was great.

And it made the journey of school so much easier.

I never crammed for a final.

I knew that would be the death of me,

So I didn't.

I would prepare for finals and papers way ahead of time.

So when finals came,

It really wasn't any different for me.

I just acted like it was a regular day,

And it was for me.

So I never got burnt out.

And you want to hear something funny?

When I was done,

I actually enjoyed school so much that I decided to apply for a second PhD in a completely different field.

And after I got in,

I thought,

Well,

I probably should work for a little while and not get that second PhD,

Which I ended up not doing.

And it was a good choice,

But it just shows how much I enjoyed the journey of school.

I know school isn't for everyone.

I get that.

But whatever we're doing,

It's important to enjoy what we do.

I've been doing my job now for over 30 years,

And I really like it.

I hope to do it another 30 years.

Really.

Because I find so much pleasure in what I do.

I don't do it too much.

I take a lot of time off.

I do a lot of things to enjoy life.

That's the secret of life.

Enjoying the little things of life.

And there are so many of them.

For me,

It's often pets.

I've almost always had a pet.

As soon as I graduated,

I got a pet.

Because I love animals.

I've had cats.

I've had dogs.

I'm sure you all have.

They're wonderful.

You know,

You go camping.

You go traveling.

You get together with friends.

You hang outside.

You read books.

You go to movies.

You go to theaters.

I love art.

And I love visiting art museums around the world.

I have a blast with that.

I mean,

If you really talk to people that life is going well for them,

You're going to find it's the little things that make life good.

Not the big goals that they're shooting for.

Because if we wait for the big goals,

It will be the death of us.

Because we don't know what's going to happen in the future.

Don't do that.

That is a path of suffering.

Because life is just too unstable when it comes to the future.

We do not know what's going to happen.

A far better approach is to say,

Well,

Whatever I'm doing,

I'm going to do it well.

I'm going to enjoy myself.

And maybe my work isn't that great.

Maybe I do something that's kind of mundane.

But I'm working with people.

Can I talk to them?

Could I maybe branch into a different part of the job that makes it enjoyable?

I remember one of the first jobs I got when I was at university was working in the fast food industry.

And I really like working with people.

But they put me back with the hamburgers.

And I was flipping hamburgers.

Because that's what guys did.

And the girls often worked on the register.

Well,

I asked them.

I said,

You know,

Would it be okay if I worked on the register?

Because I just really would enjoy that better.

And they let me.

And it was a lot better for me.

So making little choices in our job can make a difference.

Making little choices in our relationship.

Do we go on dates with our partner?

Are we going to the park and having fun with our kids?

Are we doing things that right now,

Today,

Are making our hearts happy?

It's the little things that matter so much.

And so we do a lot of little things.

And you know what?

That turns into a really beautiful life.

And here's the best thing about it all.

If for some reason life gets cut short,

Guess what?

We're not going to be too disappointed.

I mean,

We'll be sad.

But overall,

We'll say,

That was a good life.

Thank you.

And I really enjoyed it all along the way.

I enjoyed it when I had little kids.

I enjoyed it when I had my job.

I enjoyed it when I was with my family.

I enjoyed it when I was at work.

When we look at all the little things that add up to a good life,

Then we focus on,

OK,

Today,

What can I do to put a smile on my heart?

Now I do want to add one little thing we have to be careful with.

There are things that can make us feel good,

But in the long run they're not very good for us.

Let's say,

For example,

We like smoking.

Smoking may be a thing that we really enjoy,

But in the long run it's probably not going to be very good for us.

Let's say we like to come home and really enjoy our beer or our glass of wine,

And that turns into a six-pack or a twelve-pack every night or a bottle or two of wine every night.

Again,

We all know these are not good for our soul because after we do them,

We actually in the long run don't feel better.

When we do things that are good for ourselves,

We feel so much better,

More relaxed,

More at ease.

I mean,

Watching a sunset or having a bottle of wine,

You're going to feel a lot better after that sunset.

Because overall,

It's going to be so much better for your soul,

And it won't have any negative consequences that goes with it.

Because if we do things that have negative consequences to them,

Then that probably isn't good for our soul.

For example,

Let's say we really get into a sport that's very dangerous.

Then we have to realize,

As I've known from people that get into sports that have a lot of speed in them,

Sooner or later they're probably going to get in an accident,

And they're going to have a lot of pain later in their lives because of the thrills they get from that speed sport.

So choosing things that don't cause us damage afterwards is key.

Doing things that just bring our hearts joy and peace and just overall sense of well-being throughout the day is a good thing.

And we all know the phrase,

Do things in moderation.

There's deep wisdom in that.

If we like chocolate like I do,

Having it once in a while can be such a wonderful experience.

Eating it every day may not be.

So finding balance,

Finding a variety of things is the most helpful thing that we can do.

So if today something isn't available,

I can do something else.

My mother taught me years ago that reading is a really good way to pass your time when you're waiting for something.

So thankfully she taught me to develop the skills of reading,

Which I really enjoy.

And you know,

Reading you can do anywhere.

You can go to a library and go get a book,

So it's very inexpensive.

And it's a great pleasure.

It opens up a whole new world to us when we open up a book.

Or getting up in the morning and having a cup of tea.

What a beautiful way to start today.

I mean the list is endless.

Planting this flower garden in your yard just so you can have those things to look at each and every day.

There's so many little things that we can do.

We tend not to do them because we get distracted by things that probably aren't that healthy for us.

Or we're waiting for a future when we have lots of time.

The key here is we don't know what the future holds.

A beautiful life,

A happy life,

Is as Iris Murdoch said,

A continuous dream of small treats.

Having little things that we do throughout the day creates a beautiful life.

And we can do that.

We just need to stop waiting until someday I'll and start living today.

Because there are just so many beautiful things that we can be with.

Let's be with them.

Let's live lives that are celebratory.

So that if tomorrow is our last day,

We can look back and say,

That was a good life.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

Until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.

Reviews

I enjoy listening to doctor puff I can relate to his words and he has helped me think differently with areas in my life. Thankyou

Thank you very much 🙏

Wonder. Definitely a good philosophy for a long and healthy life