Clearing Your Personal History

Do you ever find yourself experiencing habitual emotional responses which are not helpful? Often they show in the phrases 'I always feel so', or 'I wish I hadn't reacted that way'. These kind of responses are often rooted in the past, and in this guided practice we revisit that past in order to change the response, to access our strengths and resources from our wiser selves, and to revise our historical responses to allow choice, freedom and movement.

Transcript

Hello and welcome.

Thank you for being here.

Today is all about addressing responsive states which were first created in your past,

A habitual state that sneaks up on you in certain situations and which has become unresourceful to you.

It's like a state that you've had before,

The kind that you equate with,

I always do that,

I've always done this,

I always feel that way in these situations.

Maybe you keep on relating the state to a cause,

It's because of something that happened a long time ago and it's a state that you no longer want.

So it could be like anxiety or panic or feeling not good enough or rising to anger or plunging to sadness,

When you don't really want to.

So today we will enjoy a reflective guided practice to realign the imprint of events which have passed,

To let go of obstacles to moving forward.

Some of you might find that you dive quite deep today,

Some of you might experience a slower release whose form you don't yet know and which will show itself in the coming days.

And that can be a good thing because it means that you can make shifts,

You can heal,

You can integrate your past,

Becoming a co-author of your future.

So whether sitting or standing now,

Take a moment to make sure that you're well supported,

Grounded,

Chest and shoulders relaxed and open,

Back easy and comfortable,

Ears soft,

Jaw relaxed,

Maybe lips slightly parted and tongue relaxed,

Creating space within,

Remembering that the body is a vessel through which you breathe,

Oxygen being carried through your blood from the tips of your toes to the crown of your head.

Open your channels.

So begin by exhaling fully,

Just letting your breath out,

Emptying and allowing your in-breath to take care of itself into the space,

Expanding into your sides and your back,

Gently,

Without force,

Without effort.

Again,

A long exhalation,

Continuing to allow your in-breaths to take care of themselves and yourself to forge a natural rhythm.

And notice at this point if there's anything,

Anything unnecessary,

Anything extraneous with you that you would like to let go and if so,

Move it out,

Move it out.

Now from your state of safety and comfort,

Here I invite you to bring to mind that unresourceful state that you sometimes find yourself responding with,

A recurrent problematic experience that occurs for you from time to time and that you would like to and that you would like to change.

Identify it,

Notice how it manifests,

Notice how you look when you're in that state,

Touch how you feel in that state,

Notice the kind of things that you say and do,

Notice what expression your face is wearing and name that state in any words,

Any expression that fits for you.

And while you're just lightly holding that state,

Travel gently back in time to the last occasion on which you had these or similar feelings as a response to a trigger,

Just skimming the experience enough to know it and then further back to maybe a year or two ago,

Four or five years ago when you had found the same response occurring,

Just skimming and moving backwards in time until you reach the earliest experience that you choose to remember when you went into that now unwanted state response.

Trusting whatever comes to mind and witness what was happening there,

Noticing yourself in the situation from the outside in,

From the safety of your now,

Witness the environment,

The energy,

Just enough to know all that you need to know,

That which you need to know and release as you come back now to your present moment safely,

Easily,

With the sound of my voice occupying your body and your integrated self.

And you may like to make a little movement,

Perhaps a little shake,

A twiddle of the fingers,

A tap of the toes,

And steady again,

Grounding and ask yourself in the light of the information that you have just learned or re-learned or refreshed,

What internal resource would have been useful to you back then in that earliest time that you can remember to an earlier you,

Which would have made it less problematic,

Easier perhaps,

Less troublesome.

Which internal resource could have been of value and that resource may be a quality or a strength that you now have or a more general state,

For example,

Confidence,

Safety,

Feeling loved,

Courage,

And identify the resource that you believe would have been the useful resource and let the resource envelop you,

Wrapping you safely within its cloak while permeating to your inner being,

Strong,

Soft,

Aligned.

Notice any bodily sensations right now,

Notice how you're breathing,

Notice your posture,

Witness how you're wearing your face when you have that new resource,

Notice what you feel deep within,

What you might be saying to yourself and what you know you can voice to others.

Hold on to this state,

Embody it with love,

Wrap yourself in its cloak and take yourself back through time as if you're seeing your life path from the outside in.

You may be alongside it,

You may be above it,

Wherever you are,

Travel back until again you reach that earliest time that you remembered where that first unsatisfying experience had occurred,

The experience that provoked that now unresourceful state and within your protective and empowering cloak,

Take a good look at your earlier self back then and simply witness,

Imagining how you might have responded differently if you had back then been able to use your current resource,

The one that you are holding,

The one that is holding you.

If you truly had been able to know then,

What do you know now?

Just witness how that changes the situation,

The behaviors involved and then step into the situation and experience it differently,

Holding your resource,

Feeling held,

Running the situation through again with a different outcome,

A more satisfactory outcome,

A more resourceful state of being and some people like to gift this new resource to the younger self in some way and remember to thank your younger self for doing all that they could at that time,

For surviving,

For managing,

For at some level,

In some way,

Having positive intention and doing the best that you could and then step out again to the side or above,

Bringing only your resilience with you.

Turn toward now and begin to travel forward,

Moving through all those other times where you've had that unresourceful response and now changing the experience,

Holding your new resource until you reach your present,

Slowing down,

Easing up.

Notice what is happening in your body and repeat with me as you allow yourself to align.

I am safe,

I trust,

This is me,

I have choice.

I am safe,

I trust,

This is me,

I have choice.

I am safe,

I trust,

This is me,

I have choice.

I am safe,

I trust,

This is me,

I have choice.

And you might like to imagine a time in the future where in the past you might have been tempted to go through the old response to a specific situation,

Yet where now you might feel that you can respond differently.

You can be free of the constraint and when you're ready,

Just check in with the air around you,

Perhaps a little shake,

Take a breath and do whatever you need to stretch into now.

And be aware that this is a practice that can feel quite scrambly and in a way that is the design because we're shifting the neural pathways around a little to remind you that you do have choices,

That now you have different knowledge and resources than you had back then,

That you can break cycles,

That you can be different,

You can clear your personal personal history so that the power of the unresourceful responses that you might have had can go.

You're free to choose new responses.

Thank you.

This is Dr.

Jan Russell wishing you universal love and peace from me.

Go well.

Reviews

Your insights and guidance you share are deeply appreciated. Thank you 🦋❤️

I had a ah ha moment from this meditation. Thank you

That was really helpful, I’ve done other meditations that have retraumatised me and left me back there without the skills to deal with it but I felt this was really empowering and dealt with it in a trauma informed way. I will return to this one, thank you 😊

This was so helpful and needed. I love this and hope to visit this more. Very empowering

This provides a path to some very important inner knowledge. So glad I listened!

Wonderful. I just discovered Dr Jan on Insight yesterday. Clearing Personal History was just what I needed after another recurring bout of "I'm not good enough." Thank you for sharing the wisdom of crones!

This was amazingly powerful! Thank you so much for walking me through this experience. 💕

I chose something that is so ingrained now but was surprised at some of the past scenarios that arose. So I personally found this practice very effective. And I loved the time travel back-and-forth, which made me almost feel I was flying in a healing dream state. Thank you❤️

I feel like a made a breakthrough with this meditation. I had a powerful response. Thank you❣️❤️🌹

Thank you Jan. I first experienced this on a live call with you. At first i thought i'd be re traumatized - it hurt to go back. Now though i feel light. Very powerful. A process i know I'll return to again and again. Thank you also for not having background music.

That was so powerful and so helpful for me. Thank you.