Resentment: Letting Go Of The House Of Misery

Resentment hangs on to the times that weren't fair, that hurt us, that did us wrong - but we live in the misery. Let's take an imaginary road trip to the house of resentment - to it's room inside of us. Discover that room and recognize you don't have to live there. The feelings and emotions addressed in this guided meditation are resentment, misery, unfairness, fairness, sorrow, sadness, pain, hurt, anger, victimhood, waiting and wanting.

Transcript

So nothing less than the universe shows up as the breath,

As yourself.

So breathe you deeply in,

Follow it into your chest and into your lungs,

And there let all that is merge with also all that is.

And so if I told you that today we would take a road trip to a house full of resentment,

Everybody would be like,

I don't know about that man,

I'm not sure.

But how many times we go there in that room inside of ourselves.

It reminds me of a song.

Mamas tell your children not to do as I have done.

Live the life of sincere misery in the house where resentment won.

So let's not do that,

Let's do something different.

But let's breathe together.

And we're entering our imagination as we do this.

And let's find that breath pattern.

Because see,

The breath not only joins you,

But it takes you somewhere.

It takes you inside.

So let's follow its wisdom into our bodies.

Let's request that its knowledge and intimate connection with all that is resonates with the intimate connection that we are as all that is.

And let's look at resentment from different angles and understand it more than just a feeling that we feel.

And I've been feeling it lately as my mom was going through health issues.

You know,

It takes you back to when you were a kid and what happened there and what was your experience and what was going on.

It brings up everything in the past that you hadn't resolved when you're looking at a parent about to go.

And can you set that aside and be present,

But also knowing that it's a part of being present to notice these feelings,

These awarenesses.

So as we journey inside,

Let's touch into what seemed as scary,

An awful feeling of resentment.

Because we're more than just a feeling.

And resentment isn't a place we want to live,

Because that for sure is sincere misery,

To live in resentment.

And we fight against those things inside of us that want to be heard.

I want people to know how I feel.

I want them to know how they hurt me.

I want them to acknowledge this.

I want it to be recognized.

I want to be free of it that way through the recognition,

Right?

Through them getting it.

But that requires that they see themselves.

And when we're seeing ourselves through resentment,

We're not really seeing who we are either.

And we're the ones trapped with that feeling in the house of resentment.

So let's go in and look at it more closely and allow the light of awareness to show us who we can be.

So take that breath in again,

Breathing in,

Letting the wisdom enter your bloodstream.

Let it acknowledge that light of awareness that you are,

That you were born,

How much awareness it took to create the body you're in,

To engage life,

To know that even though you build a house full of many rooms and one would be called resentment,

That you're the builder.

You're not just trapped in a house that you built,

That if you built it,

You can change it,

You can tear it down,

You can rebuild it.

So let's go to that room inside of ourselves and as we breathe in,

We imagine in our minds this house that we are.

Then we take that house down into our heart area.

Because see,

Up in our minds,

We enter that house.

But in our hearts,

We can hold that house and look at it from the outside and we can see which room holds resentment.

And as we enter that house and we look for that room,

We don't have to be afraid that we won't be able to escape it.

In fact,

The crazy thing is,

Is sometimes we get in it and we just roll around in that room.

For many,

A poor boy has lost his soul.

We go in that room and we roll around in it for hours thinking of all the things that hurt us,

That weren't fair,

That did us wrong,

That cheated us out of something.

Just notice those feelings in that room.

How is that room decorated?

How do you see it?

What's on the walls?

What kind of carpet or flooring does it have?

What's this basis?

Is it concrete and hard?

What's it like?

So the imagination taps into the subconscious awareness of the room that we're in.

So we breathe in and out,

Knowing that the breath is our friend,

Our companion.

That we're not walking alone into a space,

But every breath we take is a connection to all the wisdom of the universe.

That breath has coursed through stars and now it's coursing through your veins.

And it's no different because it remembers when you came from those stars,

That you're made of the same thing.

And it embraces that house with you and it embraces that room.

And more than hold your hand as it goes in that room with you,

It merges with you and your body.

So as we're breathing deeply and looking at this room,

What do you see?

And the walls that are mine are oozing.

I don't even want to touch them because they're sticky and gooey.

And the floor is as much mud as it is concrete.

And it's easy to fall and get it all over you.

And I can feel so much blame in that room.

And I thought it was going to blame you,

But it's blaming me.

But even as I say that,

It's got room to blame you too.

Why not?

Let's get everybody in this mess.

And the feeling,

The feeling is heavy.

It's like wearing a warm,

Hot,

Wet coat.

It just gets gooed up in that mud.

And as much as I want you or others to see how I was hurt,

I don't like being in that room.

It's so close to victimhood as well.

And not that there's anything wrong with victimhood.

We've all been the victim of something.

Others,

Ourselves,

This belief that it has to be seen by others,

Acknowledged by others to be cured.

There's so much desperation in there because nobody's investing in how they should see themselves in regards to me.

They're not looking at what they've done.

They're looking at where I hurt them.

That feeling of resentment,

It has a vibration and an energy to it.

And my resentment in myself,

It calls for resentment,

Not healing.

When I meet them,

It doesn't call for anything better from them.

Unless maybe they're aware enough to see that I was rolling in resentment.

And maybe they roll up a sleeve and they reach in that room to try to pull me out.

But I'm so caught up in that resentment that it's a struggle and a fight.

And then they're aware I've got to find my own way out of that room.

But they can hold space.

Now maybe I bump into that person.

But mostly when I vibrate resentment,

The energy that meets it is resentment.

And then it's a resentment party.

And everybody's got a little bit that they can contribute.

They had a box of wine with resentment written all over it.

And they'll drink with me.

They'll drink with you too.

But is that the feeling that I want to be in?

And this is usually as deep as we go with resentment.

We feel it.

We get angry.

Or we get hurt.

We get sad.

Resentment.

Look around your room and see the pictures on the wall.

What do the faces look like?

Are they happy?

Are there images of you so young and little where you first tasted resentment?

Where you first felt it in your body?

Where you began to build the room in its honor?

Are you kidding me?

I'm not building the room to resentment in its honor.

And yet it has a place in my house.

It's got its own room,

Its own beliefs and character.

And just by acknowledging these things and seeing them,

You begin to get your legs underneath you.

So what is resentment if not a feeling?

What else is it?

That mud,

It's a stuck energy.

It's invested.

So invested.

And feeling and hearing itself.

What are you noticing about the room you are in?

The pictures on the wall.

The places where things weren't fair,

Where you were hurt.

Where you hold on so desperately to someone acknowledging their role in your pain.

But even as I look around,

They're just pictures on a wall for me.

There's not really anybody else in that room but me.

Because I'm the only one feeling it.

The only one looking at it.

And its energy,

It takes up a whole lot.

In fact,

The longer I spend time in that room,

The bigger it gets.

The more I can remember that sincere misery because is there any joy in resentment?

It's like when I said the word joy,

It tried to enter the room,

But it was smart enough not to get its feet dirty.

But it's waiting for me,

Just outside the door.

So see,

Resentment takes up space and energy.

It deprives you of your creativity because it uses it to run your mind and your heart,

Your feelings.

So we slowly breathe in,

Inside this room and looking around.

And we can feel a shift inside ourselves.

It's like we can pull one hand out of that muck and look at it.

And we break the hold that resentment has through awareness of what it is.

Has it ever solved a problem?

Or has it taken you deeper in?

Has anyone met you in that room?

Did you think you met you in that room?

Or a version of you?

That's the product of resentment.

See,

This energy creates a version of you,

But you're more than a version.

And as you breathe in and begin to feel your awareness of this,

That it's not all of you,

That it projects a reality about you that isn't real,

Did the event happen?

Yeah.

But what did resentment layer it with?

How did it make it unresolvable?

Because see,

If you resolve it,

You don't have it anymore.

And if you don't have it anymore,

You can't get angry at someone about it.

You can't resent them.

But you're the one feeling the resentment.

You may be directing it towards them,

But they could literally have no idea what you're thinking,

Unless their vibration is called by resentment towards you.

And then they'll say,

But you did this,

Remember?

Remember?

And then it's a battle of resentment.

See,

It's a battle to you in your mind and a battle to them in their mind,

But what energetically is happening is resentment has seen resentment across the room.

My God,

You're beautiful,

Resentment says.

I want to experience you.

I want to roll in you.

I'm magnetized by you.

And resentment is having a love affair with resentment as you cry and are angry.

What an incredible energy.

And here you thought it was just a feeling when it was calling to its lover,

Its beloved across the room,

Its deep wound,

Its deep wound in another,

Calling across.

And its misery is its pleasure,

Or your memory is its pleasure.

Your pain,

Your misery,

Is its pleasure.

And here you thought it was about somebody else.

Because see,

The pleasure of resentment is the use of you.

Now the struggle there is,

But it really happened.

Things weren't right.

I was unjustly treated.

Of course.

And something else comes to the doorway when I say that.

Something that wants to see that you're more than this one feeling.

That that experience happened.

But it was never supposed to have a room built for it.

It was never supposed to have you visited at night and it to take your time,

Your creativity,

Your joy.

And joy beckons you like a lover as well.

Come here.

Come enjoy.

Get out of that room.

And the awareness that knows that you're more standing there at the edge too.

See,

We're merged with a different energy right now.

Our focus is on this room of slop and mud that's holding us hostage.

And we thought it was somebody else holding us hostage.

But it's our hanging on to it.

The belief that it meant something about us.

The belief that it was true forever until somebody else fixed it.

They acknowledged it.

And that's a losing game.

Because who's whole enough to do that?

And are you whole enough to do it for yourself?

Well,

Yes you are.

Because you're here and you're doing it.

You're looking at it.

You're recognizing it for more than just the feeling of woundedness.

So where do you go where you follow the breath?

And instead of being that wounded person in the room,

You take that focus which was rolling in the mud of that room and you put it on the breath.

See,

That's another lover that wants to be intimate with you.

That supplies your body with what it needs,

With energy,

For the use of your choice.

It loves you so much it allows you to do whatever you want with it.

So let's breathe in this lover,

This intimate connection that supports you doing exactly what you want to do,

That honors your choice to live in a room or to shift your focus.

And as soon as your focus turns to this lover of air,

This breath of the divine,

That you are this life force that is so intimate with you that it joins your bloodstream and whispers sweet nothings to every inch of your body.

That adores every organ in your skin.

That even brings you moisture if you need it and awareness if you allow it.

So let this lover in with your focus.

Let it drip into your heart,

Through your lungs.

Let it meet the counterpart it's been looking for,

Which is the love that you are,

The vibration that is timeless you,

That recognizes the breath as the intimate connection of consciousness,

That it's consciousness seeking,

Entering,

If you allow,

Into you.

And as they merge inside your body,

Let your focus not just see that merging,

But drop into it and merge with it.

Hold the breath so close to you that it becomes you.

Recognize that you're as much what you're breathing in as what you're breathing out.

And what is this entity that can merge with air and breath and rhythm?

And this entity that can merge with those things and is merged with itself looks at the house that was built from a different angle.

I see it existing inside of me,

The whole house,

Not just a room.

I'm not locked in there.

And I realize that the outside may never acknowledge the pain that was in that room.

But now that I'm connected to a different vibration,

Not resentment anymore,

I'm connected to the love that I am.

You're connected to the love that you are,

The recognition that your awareness has no timeline,

That you watch time begin,

And that you can love the aspects of you that feel resentment.

And when the energy of resentment calls for your attention,

It's not met with resentment.

You're the awareness you've been looking for.

You're the one who built the home.

You're the one that can bring it,

That house,

Home to you.

And see,

You can enter that room as awareness.

And where joy was stuck on the outside,

It's not stuck for you.

You can walk right in.

And you can love every picture on that wall and every experience.

And as resentment sings its lover's song,

It's met with a sound that's never heard,

That opens it up and shifts its perspective.

And when you reach your hand down and stroke the cheek of the one stuck in the mud,

That mud just disappears.

And you love the mud,

And you love the pain,

And you love the imagery.

And with your fingertips,

You brush past every image,

Filling it with love,

So that you that experienced it was never alone.

And all those versions of you remembered that you were the breath,

That it was breathing,

That they were breathing,

That you were breathing,

And you weren't alone.

And because time doesn't exist,

You can exist in every one of those spaces,

Holding your hand and loving you,

Giving awareness to what that situation was really about.

And the room clears up,

And the imagery dissipates.

And there's this beautiful awareness.

And the house of resentment hasn't won.

And you allow that vibration to permeate your body and every cell that has a memory and has been seeking the touch of your awareness.

And you breathe that love into every cell that has lived in resentment and has memories of it.

And it's your choice,

See,

To let it go or keep it.

You're a choice to do with this awareness and this energy what you want.

I choose to let it go,

To let the beliefs and the toxins of that energy go,

Just by releasing the tension of my body and letting awareness embrace me from the inside.

What do you choose?