The gray,
Ever-present mist,
A cloud so thick sometimes it's hard to see or breathe.
To this change I lose myself and find no foothold.
Slipping,
Always slipping,
I try to rise.
To see that thing before me down the road,
Forever down the road,
It is just beyond me.
I can't turn away.
And though I don't know it,
I can't stop it from controlling me.
It's convinced me,
Persuaded me,
That it will torture me.
Even though I don't know how,
That tortures me,
The unknowing.
It causes me to imagine all of the ways and exhausts me in the imagining.
And if I would rise,
If I would turn,
For the briefest moment I would hear the multitude of fellow travelers joining in a solemn descant.
Understanding,
Pressing me,
Holding me,
Moving me forward when my legs fail.
I would feel their warmth and the mist would fade some.
I would see their faces,
The faces of grim determination,
Inch by inch,
Second by second,
Finding footholds in the most precarious landscapes.
Thank God they found one.
I was lost.
Together and together we move,
When finally the sun is on my face,
Behind my lids.
My eyes drink in the warmth of light and raise.
This moment alone is fine.
It's here now and it is everything I need.
Somehow these fellow travelers carried me through the night so many days,
Months,
Years passed.
I don't remember my eyes open,
But now I see.
Now this moment I look right and left,
Behind me,
Around me,
The faces I owe my life.
This right now,
Here with me,
I see you and you.
You allow me to find purchase and it happens to be now when you fall,
Your eyes closed,
Trying in the dark to stay alive and I can press to bear your weight.
Because now I see you.
I see us finding a way.
I see you.
