Struggling With Sleep

Clay discusses his struggle with sleep. He offers thoughts and ideas on solutions to the problem of finding and maintaining sleep. Additionally, he offers support to those who walk alongside in the journey to restorative rest.

Transcript

I read until I couldn't keep my eyes open,

And vaguely remember reaching over to turn off the light by my bed.

Sometimes reaching across the king-sized bed to turn off the light is enough stimulation to pull me out of that drowsy state right before sleep,

Causing me to remain awake.

But not this night.

I was fortunate.

I fell comfortably into that pleasant state where tension is erased and where my body and mind could recover.

And when my eyes opened,

The first thing I noticed was that it was still dark outside,

And my heart sunk,

Because this meant that it wasn't time yet to get up and start my day.

But I didn't really want to check my watch,

Because I knew that if it was close to 7am,

I'd never get back to sleep.

When you have trouble sleeping,

The act of checking the time may initiate a series of troubling mind games.

Because if I wake up too close to when my alarm is set to go off,

I get concerned about whether or not 30 minutes of sleep is even possible.

And if the time shows that I'd only been asleep for a short while,

I get concerned that I'm going to be up forever and have a hard time falling back to sleep.

This night,

I gave in and checked the time.

3am,

Essentially the middle of my sleep cycle.

Laying there,

I began to dread what was to come next.

Oh,

I've had practice with this,

As it's been happening most nights for the past 20 or so years.

Ever since becoming an,

Quote,

Adult,

And assuming real responsibilities,

I've had trouble sleeping.

Over the years when this happened,

When I'd wake up in the middle of the night,

I'd anticipate laying back down,

Closing my eyes,

And then engaging in a difficult and exhausting wrestling match with my thoughts.

I may not have had a particularly stressful day at work,

But that didn't mean I wouldn't find something to obsess about.

If it wasn't work,

I'd start worrying about my health.

And in that vulnerable state of tiredness,

Issues that were manageable during the day would become behemoths behind my closed eyelids.

And heaven forbid if my anxiety got the best of me,

I might reach over,

Pick up my phone,

And search the symptoms on WebMD.

Then it was off to the races.

But before falling into a full blown panic attack,

I generally got up.

The time was probably 4.

30,

Maybe 5am.

I just spent a miserable hour or two struggling to fall back to sleep and wrestling with my demons all the while.

At that point,

I'd go ahead and start my day.

Get the coffee or tea started,

Sit down at my computer,

And start banging away at the next item on my to-do list.

After two or three days of this cycle,

I'd generally have one decent night's sleep,

The exhaustion finally catching up to me,

Forcing my body to shut down and recharge.

Over the years,

I tried many different tactics and methods to deal with my struggle with sleep.

And my goal right now is to simply lay those out for you,

Letting you know what's worked for me.

Unfortunately,

I can't say that every night is peaceful and easy,

But after almost 20 years of struggling,

Things are better.

My methods may work for you or simply provide some ideas that could help.

If nothing else,

I hope that if you are struggling with sleep,

You will at least feel some peace and connection knowing that you are not alone.

There are many of us in this boat,

And for me,

The solidarity I experience from that knowing helps.

The first thing I focused on when I was trying to get a handle on my sleeping issues was to make sure that I was tired at the end of the day.

With that in mind,

I didn't force myself to try to go to sleep at an early hour if I wasn't tired.

And I tried my best to do physical activity that would tire my body out during the day.

Then,

I focused on reducing the amount of stimulation before sleep.

I stopped checking social media or reading news before bed.

I also quit watching intense shows or playing action games before falling asleep,

And if I was reading on a device,

I turned off the blue light.

I then focused on changing things about my sleeping environment.

I changed my pillow,

Put a topper on my bed,

Installed blackout shades,

I made sure that I was hydrated.

I also tried melatonin and CBD,

Which seemed to help me fall asleep but not stay asleep.

I'm happy to let you know that many of these changes helped,

But I still found myself regularly waking up,

Wrestling with my thoughts,

And struggling to fall back to sleep.

That noisy mind bothered me most.

And then,

Through trial and error,

Finally,

I found something that helped with that.

It was simply adding a distraction into the equation.

Writing a novel or a book before bed has always helped me wind down,

As long as it's not too intense.

But I found when trying to access that same distraction in the middle of the night,

There was too much stimulation with a light on or my device on and my eyes open.

So I turned to a distraction that was aural-based.

I listened.

I first tried music,

But it wasn't distracting enough.

I tried sleep meditations,

Which helped,

But sometimes brought a hyperfocus to the issue.

Eventually,

I found the audiobooks worked best for me.

I had to learn to be comfortable with something in my ears,

And I had to make sure that the books were interesting but not overly stimulating.

But with the aforementioned changes and the aural distraction,

I find now I'm in a better place than I have been in years.

To recap,

Here are the changes I have found most beneficial for me.

I try to make sure that I'm tired at the end of the day,

And I don't focus on getting to bed at a rigid time.

I sleep in a dark,

Comfortable environment and make sure that I'm not overly stimulated before sleep.

I might read a little,

Without blue light,

But then I put my earbuds in and listen.

Most nights,

These things help,

But in full disclosure,

Sweet sleep is still something that I work on daily.

So as you consider your own struggle with sleep,

Maybe something I've said has resonated with you.

Maybe there's a new trick here for you to try.

Regardless,

I know that many,

Many,

Many of us struggle with sleep,

And finding your way to that peaceful rest will be a unique and individual journey.

But I imagine your journey has some similarities to mine.

And especially if you struggle with a busy mind that robs you of rest,

I'm hopeful that you can find a distraction or another solution that allows you to settle in and find the peace and freedom you deserve.

Reviews

As I lay awake after struggling for the last few hours to go back to sleep hearing this helped. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am grateful 🙏.