All eyes are on the back of my head.
I know they're wondering about me.
I know they're judging my clothes and my hairstyle.
I'm sure they think I don't belong here.
As class begins,
I do my best to shrink down a little bit further in my chair.
I'm already frustrated that I couldn't sit in the back row.
I should have gotten here earlier.
Well,
I definitely won't be answering any questions.
I don't want to look or sound dumb.
It sounds like everybody else understands what the teacher's talking about.
Man,
I just saw that girl look at me.
She probably noticed how bad my skin looks today.
That guy in front of me?
He doesn't have any issues.
I wish I was that put together.
I imagine you've experienced thoughts like this before.
Maybe in a classroom,
A church,
Or waiting in a line at a store.
I'm often in a classroom,
And I encounter students feeling this way on a daily basis.
And there's a strong evolutionary rationale for caring so much about what others think.
For our ancestors,
Group inclusion was necessary for survival.
It was of vital importance.
So it's not surprising that it's baked into our very essence.
Of course,
More so for some than others.
I'm sure you know someone who seemingly could care less about what others think.
You may see them as brave,
Strong,
Even callous or uncaring.
Nevertheless,
There's probably something about them that inspires and surprises you.
Because even though in the modern age,
Caring what others think matters less for our survival,
Folks who don't care are still more the exception than the rule.
I had this realization as I sat in my ninth grade math class,
Looking around at the other students.
Looking into the faces of my peers,
It felt as if I was looking into a mirror.
I saw the same concerned look on nearly everyone's face that I had seen on my own.
And we were all concerned about the same thing.
From the most timid to the class clown,
We were scared about what others thought of us.
This realization gave me pause and allowed me a moment of respite.
If everyone else was thinking about what others thought of them,
They weren't actually thinking about me.
This whole time,
I'd been under the impression that everyone was looking at me and judging me.
But in actuality,
Everyone else was thinking about themselves.
I felt such a weight lift off of me with this thought.
Of course,
The other students did notice me some,
But my hair standing up or my little mustache wasn't something that truly bothered them or caused them to look at me any differently.
Actually,
The majority of the things that I had built up in my mind as detrimental and devastating to my reputation were not the things the others focused on.
This realization not only helped me to be less self-conscious during my school-aged years,
But it also continued to serve me well in social situations throughout my life.
Realizing that others were so engrossed with themselves,
I often took advantage of opportunities to ask folks about themselves and often found out information that was beneficial for me and for my connections to them.
There's something that happens when you engage others with personal questions showing true interest.
They often become endeared to you.
I don't do this or suggest doing this in a manipulative way,
But in a true interested way.
Because when I do,
Oftentimes those people think highly of me,
Even if they don't really know me.
Really the act of me engaging them sets me in their high esteem.
And of course,
Personally,
Being less self-conscious allowed me to be more myself,
Confident in my individuality to the point where I could truly and finally engage naturally in social situations.
So how about you?
Do you find yourself overwhelmed with what others think of you?
Do you feel like you're constantly under a microscope judged by all those around you?
Are you paralyzed into inaction by fear of misstep,
Of looking foolish?
If so,
Maybe you need to remind yourself that most people are so focused on themselves that they miss all of your perceived missteps.
Most people are thinking more about the way they look than how you look.
With this in mind,
I encourage you to give yourself permission to be yourself and be assured that your fear of what others think is exaggerated and unfounded.
And over time,
These reminders will help you find the freedom and peace you deserve.
Thank you.
