This is Dr.
Christiana Wolff,
And these are instructions for the Supportive Touch and Mindful Self-Compassion Break.
This is modified from the work of Christopher Germer and Kristen Neff.
This practice has two parts to it.
I will just talk a couple of minutes about the practice,
And then I will guide us through actually doing it.
So the first part of the practice is what we call supportive touch.
Supportive touch means that we are placing one hand,
Or it could also be both of our hands,
On the body in a supportive way,
In a way that says,
I'm here.
I don't abandon you.
We can do that,
For example,
By placing a hand on the chest,
Over the heart.
It could be over the belly.
It could be maybe just holding one hand with the other in a supportive way.
As human beings,
Or as mammals,
We all thrive through supportive touch.
The interesting thing is that the supportive touch doesn't always have to come from another person or being.
We can also give this supportive touch to ourselves.
And yes,
This can feel a little bit silly in the beginning.
So please just experiment with it and see what's that like.
So let's try a couple of different versions of supportive touch.
So starting by placing one hand on the chest,
Maybe closing your eyes for this,
And just noticing what's that like?
Does your body like that,
Or not so much?
Noticing how you can feel either from the side of your chest,
Feeling a hand on your heart,
Or you can feel from the side of the hand,
Feeling a breathing chest under the hand.
And for this practice,
Really allowing yourself to listen with your body.
So even if your mind might tell you that this is silly.
So let's try a couple of other options.
So now placing both hands over the heart and noticing.
Now leaving one hand on the chest and placing the other one on the belly,
And noticing.
Now placing both hands on your belly.
Now letting go of the belly and placing one hand on your cheek.
So resting your face in your hand.
And now resting both hands in your lap and one hand holds the other hand in support.
And this one is a great one to do in public.
Nobody will know that you're giving yourself support here.
And now taking a moment to see if there's any other position that you would like to try.
And letting the way it feels in your body be your guide.
So now we're moving on to the second part of this exercise,
Which is the mindful self-compassion break.
Self-compassion has three components.
The first one is mindfulness.
So that moment when we are awake to what is happening in this moment,
To this moment of pain,
This moment of tension,
This moment of suffering,
Mindfulness.
And we can gently name that as this hurts,
Or that was painful,
Or simply ouch.
The second part is what we call the shared humanity.
And this is what also makes self-compassion different from self-pity.
Self-pity is all about me.
It's a contracting around me,
And why this shouldn't be happening to me.
Why this is unfair,
The poor me.
Self-compassion,
On the other hand,
Does the opposite.
It expands into the community with other human beings who feel the very same thing in this moment,
Or who have ever felt this way.
So it's the closing versus the opening.
And in this part of the mindful self-compassion break,
We can be very specific.
We can say,
Yes,
This is what it feels like for,
Let's say,
A woman or a man,
A father,
A mother,
A friend,
A colleague,
To experience this.
And then again,
Be specific.
This is what it feels like for having been lied to by a partner,
For example.
And then we can feel into how this is painful,
But this is not that personal.
This is just what it feels like for a human being to be in that situation.
Not to belittle it,
But to join with the brotherhood or sisterhood of all other people who are feeling that way right now,
Or who have ever felt that way.
And then part three is kindness,
Kindness towards myself.
And so in this step,
I will choose a word or a phrase that reminds me to stay kind or as kind as possible to myself as I can.
And that could be something like,
It's okay,
Or this shall pass,
Or may I be kind to myself.
So you get to choose what word or what phrase works for you best.
I will guide you through this exercise with an example of your choice.
Sitting in an upright and dignified posture,
Allowing the chair to support you completely,
Just as you are,
Allowing the eyes to gently close if that feels comfortable to you.
Taking a few moments to find your breath.
Scan your experience and bring into awareness any emotional distress or other difficulty or strain you're experiencing in your life right now.
Notice if you can find this discomfort in your body.
Where do you feel it?
As you bring this discomfort into your awareness,
If you wish,
Now adding the supportive touch that feels right for you.
Perhaps this is placing one hand over your heart,
Or two hands.
Or maybe it is simply holding one hand with the other in your lap.
Just taking a moment to feel the warmth of your own hand.
The first step in the self compassion break is simply to notice whatever difficulty is here for you right now.
To acknowledge that this is a moment of suffering.
Mindfully allowing it to be fully here in your experience.
Perhaps saying something to yourself to acknowledge this moment,
Like this hurts,
Or this is what stress feels like in my body.
Shifting now to the second step.
To connect with your deep sense of knowing that suffering and hardship are part of life for everyone.
This is in fact part of our common humanity.
This is one thing that connects all of us.
Maybe saying to yourself,
I'm not alone.
Or other people feel this way too.
Or you can make it very specific,
Like this is what it feels like when anyone is heartbroken,
Or lonely,
Or grieving,
Or whatever it is.
Noticing again,
Your supportive touch on your heart or wherever it feels right to you.
Sends into the warmth and the gentleness of this touch.
Now asking yourself,
What kind words do I most need to hear right now?
Perhaps you can say,
May I give myself the compassion and kindness I need?
Or may I accept myself just as I am?
Or may I be strong?
Finding whatever words are most nourishing to you.
If you can't seem to find the right words,
What might you say to a close friend who's struggling with the same issue?
Giving yourself whatever kindness you need in this moment.
Allowing whatever kind words come to mind to resonate.
Sensing the self compassion of this moment.
Breathing in,
Breathing out,
Just as you are.
So you can use this practice as part of your sitting meditation practice.
Or you can also use it anytime during the day,
When you notice that you're hurting,
That your feelings are hurt,
That you are in pain.
And just giving a little bit of self compassion to yourself.
Nobody will notice.
And it can be really quick.
This is a simple way to practice self compassion throughout the day.
