Thanks for joining me on this short teaching,
Exploring Anger.
This teaching is meant to be listened to in tandem
with the welcoming anger practice found on my profile.
This series of teachings and meditations
focuses on what we might typically see
as our quote-unquote harder or less acceptable emotions.
Many of us have learned to push away
these less desirable emotions based on a variety of reasons,
Perhaps religious,
Cultural,
Or social.
Yet we know that it's not healthy for us
to repress our emotions or act or react from our emotions.
And our meditation practice helps us to create space
for what is present within ourselves,
Even if it's sometimes hard to face.
Through these meditations,
We want to learn to understand our emotions better,
To learn what they're trying to tell us
and identify how they show up in our body
so that we can then work with our emotions
and use the gifts that they bring us
instead of fighting against them,
Or sometimes letting them ruin our life and relationships.
In this short teaching before the meditation,
We will explore how anger serves as both a protector
and a catalyst for restoration.
My teachings here and the meditations
have been greatly informed
by my study of internal family systems or parts work,
Somatic experiencing,
And the book,
The Language of Emotions by Carla McLaren.
As we start to explore anger,
I want to point out that when I use the word anger,
It also encompasses stronger versions such as rage or fury
or other words that might mean anger.
It's important to note that anger is also often felt
by those who are doing work to heal from trauma
as a natural part of that process.
The primary gift that anger brings us
is to let us know when a boundary has been crossed
and where we need to pursue restoration.
So I often refer to parts work
and in internal family systems or IFS,
We have what is known as protector parts,
And these protector parts can sometimes manifest with anger.
So notice that when you're experiencing anger,
It may be some part of you
that is trying to protect you,
And we are working to hear that and to honor that
and to thank that part of ourselves
that really,
Really wants to protect you.
So let's talk about our bodies for a minute.
Everyone experiences anger differently,
And these body responses can be influenced
by individual differences,
Cultural factors,
And personal history.
So as I talk through this,
And then also in the meditation,
When you work with your anger more directly,
Just try and be aware of what's happening
and see if you can identify it in your own body.
Anger can manifest as muscle tension,
Particularly in areas like the jaw,
Shoulders,
Neck,
And back,
Or even like tightening your fists.
These tense muscles can lead to headaches
or other kinds of chronic pain.
The body is preparing for action,
Right,
As a reaction to your anger,
And this can result in the tightening of muscles.
Anger can also feel like heat or flushing,
Increased heart rate,
Agitation,
Shallow breathing,
An adrenaline surge,
Kind of like a surge of energy,
Or even like shaking,
And it can also live in your stomach.
These physical responses can happen
as body's way of dealing with the excess energy
that anger can bring.
So the two primary questions that we wanna ask
when we're experiencing anger
is what needs protection and what needs restoration?
Anger acts as a guide,
Pointing out where our boundaries have been breached.
It's a protective energy that when we can acknowledge
and express in a healthy way,
Helps us to restore what has been broken.
So when you feel anger,
You can ask yourself,
What needs protection in this situation?
What boundary has been broken and what needs restoration?
Let the answers to those questions be your guide
for how you will respond and channel that anger.
I also want to mention two reactions
that we can often have to anger
that can lead to negative consequences for us.
The first is repressing or pushing our anger down.
Repressing anger can lead to enmeshment,
Self-abandonment,
Apathy,
And depression.
When you ignore your anger
or just try to like push it to the side,
You are neglecting the restoration of boundaries
and your body will try to protect you
and your psyche in different ways,
Like shutting down.
Now on the opposite side of repression,
We can also express our anger in harmful ways,
Which can lead to harsh,
Isolating boundaries,
Hurting other people,
Or even hatred on the extreme end.
So these knee-jerk reactions can lead to violence.
Neither of these options,
Repressing or expressing
in harmful ways are helpful to us.
So let's look at how we can use our anger in healthy ways
to move through the emotion
and come out restored and protected.
Anger,
When expressed healthily,
Helps us to create a boundary,
And it also helps us to have a sense
of honoring other people's boundaries.
It stops you from violating other people.
Anger can also protect other emotions.
For example,
Sometimes if you're feeling afraid
or vulnerable in some other way,
Your anger can try to come out and protect you.
So in those moments,
You can talk to your anger
and let your anger know that it's safe to be afraid
or safe to be vulnerable,
That you're making a choice to act out of vulnerability,
And so you don't need the anger
to protect you in that moment.
Healthy anger sets a boundary
and helps you to be awake to others' boundaries
and the individuality of others,
Which is really helpful in relationship
because it can really help to take away power struggles,
Projections,
Or enmeshment.
Remember,
All of our emotions are messengers,
And the intensity of our anger
highlights important aspects of our lives
that need protection and need restoration.
Often,
People wanna talk about forgiveness
in the face of anger,
And forgiveness is not something that we can impose
when a boundary is still being broken.
Forgiveness can only follow
when anger is used constructively
to restore your boundary.
In conclusion,
I hope that you will join me
in the meditation that follows
as we learn to talk to our anger,
Feel our anger in our bodies,
And create space for its healthy expression.
As we journey together,
Remember that anger,
When approached with respect
and from a position of mindfulness,
Is a guide.
It's like our warrior that's standing guard for us.
Trust yourself,
Welcome your emotions,
And allow anger to play its role
in protection and restoration.
