What Other People Think Of You (3 Of 5)

This is day 3 of 5 - diving into what other people think of you. How much time do you spend thinking of what other people might think of you? And at what cost? Let's use whatever causes pain, causes contraction, to develop. And by doing so, achieve more happiness for ourselves and those around us.

Thanks for practicing with me,
Carlos

Transcript

Welcome to this day number three of what other people think of you.

There's a minute and 25 till we start.

I have no idea where this session is going to go today.

The thing is that when I do stuff like this,

I tend to go into a process myself.

So a lot of things are happening inside of me.

I had some very,

I can feel significant dreams this night.

And there's stuff from the past,

There's stuff about one thing which is the next step in this day number three,

Which is the vulnerability-based trust.

There's a very,

Very bright man called Patrick Lencioni that you can look up.

Which has written a book which is called The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team.

So 36 seconds,

I'm just going to close my eyes and remind myself why I'm doing this.

So I'm doing this to continue growing.

I'm doing this to do as much as I can to have a significant impact in other people's lives for the better.

Create awareness,

Create consciousness and responsibility in order to help those kids that will be here when we are not to thrive,

Have a good life.

Starting in five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One and we are live.

Good morning,

Good evening.

Wherever you might be,

I'm quite sure that most of you are actually in a zone,

Time zone where it's evening,

Right?

And I can see some familiar faces right now already.

So that's good.

Could you just help me out as usual,

Let me know if the sound is fine.

Oh,

Wait a second,

I can imagine that the sound is better now.

Yeah,

It should be a lot better now.

Just let me know if the sound is fine and if the video was fine as well.

Good morning,

Sandra.

This is such a nice thing to see you guys coming back and back.

It's like having a genuine classroom,

Right?

Having a genuine course where we can.

.

.

Let's just imagine that we just had coffee and had a chit chat and now we went into the classroom to start working.

Good morning,

Scarlett,

Tina,

Diane.

Great,

Diane.

I'm sorry that you missed day one,

Diane.

But as I mentioned the other days,

I am uploading right after we finish.

I'm uploading to Insight Timer,

So it will be there within two,

Three days for you guys to revisit.

There might be newcomers and everybody is very welcome.

If there's any questions,

Just write them in the comment field.

And I'm so happy that you guys are reaching out after this session also.

I had some of you asking questions in regards to current situations that you are in.

Some of you are asking if I do one-to-ones,

Which I do.

So I'm so happy that you're reaching out and please continue to do so.

Honestly,

I don't know where this session is going to go today and I'm going to tell you why.

The reason is that I always walk the talk.

Nothing of what comes out of my mouth is not anything that I haven't experienced and worked with myself.

Or that I'm in the middle of the process in.

So as I mentioned,

This part of what other people think of me has been a major part of my life in a very negative way.

A lot of self-doubt,

A lot of low self-esteem,

A lot of these labels that we would put on stuff like this.

And it's a continuous process.

So when I say that I don't know where this is going to go,

It's because I could keep to the script.

I could keep to what I've imagined that we should work on and what would be good and theoretically very beautiful and all of that.

You will gain a lot from that and you still will.

But the thing is that I'm really so focused on still being as authentic a human being as I can.

It's when I started this process on Inside Timer,

I made this list.

Let me just see if I can find it,

Which is an important thing for me to do.

Because I made this list and I'm just going to read it out loud for you.

And it's an important list to do,

Which I also recommend you guys to do.

Which is what do I need to be willing to say yes to in order for me to really develop through this stuff and really understand in depth what's going on inside of me.

Good morning,

Good morning.

So this list is called a yes list.

And what I decided before I started with these live events,

Which were new to me in regards to sitting in front of a camera like this.

Is that yes,

I am willing to fail.

I am willing to feel everything.

I am willing to being 100% honest.

I'm willing to not give up.

I'm willing to have fun.

I'm willing to ask for honest feedback.

I'm willing to feel my heart pound hard when being nervous.

I'm willing to accept over energy,

Which is when I get really excited it starts bubbling like as if I can't control it anymore.

So I'm willing to feel all these things.

And I'm also willing to share,

As I mentioned,

Honestly what's going on inside of me.

Because I do believe that authenticity is what creates the connection.

It's what makes us believe that the other person is actually being genuine.

So the first couple of days have been in regards to understanding,

You know,

What is it that this stuff is about?

What other people think of me?

There's the stuff about realizing what is it that I think that other people are thinking about me?

And also extracting the core emotion from that.

What is it that I'm fearing that they will think of me?

And what core emotion am I trying to run away from?

What is it that I need to start embracing and working with?

There was one of you that yesterday wrote me afterwards.

I mentioned that,

You know,

There was such an impact from our talk yesterday.

And there was a very emotional response to it.

And I think that all of these things that we experience together when we are working in a process like this is that things start moving inside of us.

I talked about,

You know,

The being a good actor yesterday.

So,

You know,

Being a good actor,

Which means that I just put on the facade and I'm just pretending to be what I think that others need me to be and what feels good for me to be.

But it can create that gap from who I really am to who I'm pretending to be.

So dreams are so powerful.

And I'm not talking about the future dreams.

I'm talking about the dreams that we have at night.

So powerful because they will show us images.

They would show us emotions that are very important for us to deal with.

So here comes the topic for today.

It's vulnerability based trust.

So what is vulnerability based trust?

On this one I showed you the last couple of days.

This triangle down here with the red bottom is a model which is from Patrick Lencioni.

Who has written a book which is mainly for team development.

I've used it quite a lot in family work and with inner work and with couples.

So his first step and I am going to cover the rest of it.

But for today,

It's the first step,

Which is the basis of all relationships is the vulnerability based trust.

So if we don't have trust and if we're not being vulnerable with other people,

We can have quite a challenge in relationship because we will be pretending to be somebody who we are not.

So opening up to that trust,

Opening up to that vulnerability is what we're going to be working on today.

So what we were talking about yesterday was to extract that core emotions that we don't want to feel.

And then meditate on that,

Opening up for that,

Feeling the vulnerability.

And then what is actually in my world a necessity is to reach out to somebody and start talking to that person from this vulnerability based place.

Frightening?

Yes.

For some of us it's easier,

For some of us it's more difficult.

So let me go back again to the dream after we do this short meditation.

So talking,

Meditating,

Talking,

Meditating.

So let's just do a short meditation in regards to our intention for today.

And if you've been on the last couple of days,

Your intention might be the same.

If this is the first day for you,

I will be guiding you into this intention.

So I will do my meditation with open eyes.

And you can just go ahead and do your meditation with open or closed eyes.

So just noticing the air coming into the lungs,

The air coming out of the lungs.

Small smile on your lips.

Feeling the smile in your eyes as well.

Just a small one.

Taking in a couple of deep breaths.

Just feeling that relaxation,

That expansion inside of you.

Calming down.

And now you can ask the question,

What is my intention with this next 45 minutes?

What is it that I would love to bring with me?

What is it that I need to look at and work on?

Just let that intention arise as a feeling,

As a sentence,

As a sensation or whatever arises.

Just take that one word or sentence or image or emotion and just take it to heart.

With a smile,

We'll just get ready to continue.

So the stop acting for me yesterday and the talking about dreams and the thing is that I had,

I'm originally from Chile,

South America.

I'm a political refugee,

Arrived in Denmark in 1976 with my family.

And I've had,

As many of you have had,

Quite a rough childhood,

One could say.

And what we do with rough chances is that we take whatever we're not able to cope with and we encapsulate it.

And that's what we call traumas.

Traumas can be what actually,

It's not traumas are not what happens to us.

It's what happens inside of us.

So you can experience people that have great and horrible things happen to them.

But if the circumstance inside has been OK,

If they have been with other people,

The damage inside,

The trauma inside might not have been as grave as if it's been the same thing that happened.

Another nervous system and being more alone.

One knows that traumas are unfortunately mainly and hardest.

What am I looking for?

I'm looking for.

They are the bad traumas and is when you really feel alone in what you experience,

But also what happens inside of you.

So the thing is that we encapsulate that until we are ready to work with it.

And I do believe that when we go through processes like this or we go to a therapist or we have other things happen that then open this old trauma,

We have an opportunity to what I call open a door to freedom,

To find gold.

But it's a question of perspective and how to look at it.

We're going to get back to that.

So vulnerability based trust is for me to not just stay stick to the script,

Is for me to share with you guys about what's going on inside of me,

Because that's what I'm actually going to be asking you to do later on for today's assignment,

Today's practice.

So me having this childhood,

Me having a father that was unfortunately tortured for three years and before he was able to go in exile.

In Denmark meant that my childhood was was intense in the sense of psychological violence primarily.

But it has formed me as a human being.

So encapsulating these things and for me to have this process now and me being the way that I walk the talk.

And I'm in a process myself meant that this night I had dreams with my mom and with my brother and feelings of being betrayed.

And I have a really good relationship with them.

But this is pointing to an inner mother and inner father,

Brother and inner circumstances.

And the weird thing was that there were so many other people and I was not caring about what they thought of me.

So there's something that I can extract from this and also relate to the process that I'm in the middle of with you guys.

So what am I telling you?

I'm telling you that there's something which is so important in regards to really writing down what is it that I think that other people think of me?

What is the core emotion that I don't want to feel?

And how does this relate to my past,

To my childhood,

To my experiences?

And how can dreams in this now show me a lot more truth to what's going on?

So like a week ago,

This is where the third eye comes in.

Like a week ago I had this other dream and the dream I woke up with this third eye,

Not physically of course,

But I woke up with something which was look deeper,

Look deeper.

So going back to the stories that we can tell ourselves,

Our narrative,

Which can be below the line,

Either in victim,

Villain or this hero,

We can use this to start challenging these stories and really start challenging them in a way that will liberate us.

So when we are afraid of what other people are thinking of us,

What we like to continue contracting and feeling bad and continuing that vicious cycle of victim,

Hero,

Villain,

Victim,

Hero,

Villain,

Or what we like to start expanding,

Challenging,

Working with it.

It should be an easy answer,

Right?

But let me just hear with you guys.

First off,

Does this make sense?

Are there any questions right now?

And also let me know if you are willing to go to this path where we are actually going to be working in depth with the stuff that will liberate us.

It's an easy yes,

But also I'm looking for you to really also look inwards and being honest.

It might also be a maybe,

It might also be a no.

And just accepting wherever you are.

So let me just know you guys,

Where are you in this?

Is it,

Can you relate?

Is it something that you are willing to work with?

I will take that on as the next step.

So just in the comment field,

Let me know.

Yeah.

Thanks,

Kate.

Okay.

Thanks,

Claudia,

Scarlett,

Tina.

Okay.

So is it,

Is it uncomfortable being,

You know,

In this level here where we are working with our vulnerability based trust?

Yes,

It is uncomfortable.

And this is where,

When we are caught in this cycle of,

You know,

What other people think or feeling that we're not good enough or whatever story we're telling ourselves,

We are very much based on the right side of our brain,

Which controls our left side of the body where all the vital organs are.

And we are very much caught in emotions.

And this is where theories and models can help us out.

This is where,

Let me just find this one.

There's a staircase called the competent staircase.

So what we need to do is find a balance where we can have the emotional reaction,

But also,

But also meet it with,

With more cognitive approach.

And it's not to say that emotions are not okay,

But it's just to say that let's,

Let's create a balance.

So creating a balance would be okay.

I need to practice this stuff that has to do with really understanding what is it that I'm telling myself that they are telling me or thinking of me?

What is the core emotion that I'm feeling?

And am I willing to practice feeling that in my meditation room?

Because what will then happen is that it is,

If it is rejection,

As in my case through all my life,

Then I can meditate on that.

I can open my heart to it.

I can start embracing it and I can start repeating.

So I start becoming consciously competent in these different situations.

So this,

This is when you say repetition is the mother skill.

This is the staircase.

We are primarily unconsciously incompetent,

Which means that we don't know that we excuse the language,

Suck at things.

But then we become consciously incompetent.

Now we know.

And usually when we,

When we struggle with stuff like this is because our emotional age is very low.

But,

But the emotional age for most humans,

Adult humans right now is very low.

And it's quite logical.

I mean,

How many of us have had more than,

Not even,

How many of us have had classes in school teaching us about relationships,

Teaching us about emotions,

Teaching us about how to deal with our body and mind and how to deal with relationships?

None,

Right?

Unless you've gone to a Steiner school or something like that who has different ideologies,

Philosophies.

So most of us haven't had any training at all.

And I'm calling it training because what we,

What we train,

We become good at,

Right?

So if we become good at dealing with uncomfortable emotions by thinking that other people have negative thoughts about us,

That's what we become good at.

So let's start becoming good at the opposite.

Let's start becoming good at embracing that emotion.

And maybe also one of the things that I'm going to pass on to you is how can we start having good thoughts on other people's behalf?

It's just as real.

So what this says is that when we start practicing again and again and again,

We will start becoming consciously competent.

So had I gone five years back,

I would be probably not being able to control my emotions and I maybe would be crying right now or,

But the thing is that I've worked so much with this that I'm feeling very honest with you right now.

I'm feeling very as myself and my breathing is calm because I've repeated again and again and again.

And I'm becoming more and more consciously competent.

So this goes for everything that we've ever learned.

I mean,

None of us have stopped.

You know,

All of us have learned how to walk right on unless we have a physical,

We're physically disabled.

And even if you are,

You can learn how to walk.

So all of us have learned a lot of stuff.

Because we didn't give up.

Because we just continued.

And the same goes with this stuff.

If we don't give up,

It might take a year,

It might take two,

It might take months,

But we will eventually get better and better and more consciously competent at this stuff.

Thanks a lot for those words.

And also,

If you just came on now,

We're talking about what other people think of us.

And I'm talking into models.

I'm talking into what we can do to work with stuff like this.

So let's move into the next meditation.

And what we will be looking for in that meditation is,

What is it,

The vulnerability that we're feeling?

But I'm challenging you now,

Because we tend to repeat story,

Right?

We tend to go below the line.

And we tend to have patterns where if we do have,

You know,

A story,

A personal story with a lot of trauma,

With a lot of challenges,

We will by default be going into the victim role.

So when we start off this meditation just in a little bit,

You will by default probably,

Now I've mentioned it,

Now you might do something different.

And that's what this is all about,

Consciousness,

Right?

So we can start having other decisions on what we want to do.

But when we do connect with our vulnerability,

See if you can connect with it,

Not from a victim role,

But from a creator,

From a place of embracement,

From a place where you become the good mother or the good father to yourself.

So when in a minute we're going to step into the meditation,

Just notice what happens when I,

Even the word vulnerability,

Can,

You know,

Activate the victim role.

So it's,

We're going to go into that emotion,

Also into the victim.

But then transform it into something that is embracing that,

Because that's what you need to practice whenever you are having thoughts on other people's behalf that bring you below the line.

And then in this meditation,

We will also be practicing how to start having thoughts above the line.

Because listen,

We create these emotions,

Like on demand right now.

It feels like it's old emotions,

That that sadness or that loneliness or rejection is our old emotions.

But we create these emotions right now and right now.

And that's our liberation,

Because when we get that,

When we understand that,

We can start changing it.

If I'm really able to create any emotion right now,

Forgetting about the past,

Am I going to go for the negative,

Below the line emotions?

No way,

No way.

I'm going to be going for the above the line,

The nice expanding emotions,

Right?

So,

So we're just so,

You know,

We've almost been brainwashed into,

By ourselves,

To thinking that this is,

You know,

This emotion is true,

This emotion is true.

And it's because of this and this and this.

And that's what I mean about the third eye,

Starting to look for the truth,

Start to look for the now,

Start to look for the liberation in this now.

So listen,

Let's get not necessarily comfortable,

But let's sit down in a way that we can focus.

And I would lay down on a couch if I had to get comfortable.

Let's just sit and challenge ourselves in the sense that it's OK for these old stories to pop up and look at them from your heart,

Bidding them welcome,

But also being open to that these stories are no longer of good use to you.

That it's,

There's,

There's a change in government.

There's a change in,

In,

In,

In who is actually deciding what goes on inside of you.

So I'm going to do my meditation with open eyes.

That's what I'm practicing.

So,

But do go ahead and close your eyes if you're comfortable with that.

And let's do one thing that was actually quite a good thing yesterday and just be in meditation now,

Just be listening to my words from a meditative place,

Which was a really big thing for me as well,

Which just arose spontaneously.

And that is that we are one hundred and two souls right now in this circle,

Right now meditating.

Let's just imagine that that we are actually in the same room.

We are,

We are on the other side of all this pandemic stuff.

And it's summer and it's warm and there's a cool,

Nice temperature in the room.

And we're all there in one big circle.

And we're looking at each other.

And we've been learning about vulnerability based trust.

So we're looking around on everybody else in the room,

Looking at the smiles,

Looking at the faces that might be a bit worried.

What is going to happen and really inside of you right now,

Just be there looking on all these beautiful people that are just like you.

Looking for freedom,

Looking for understanding,

Development,

Healing.

So opening up for the vulnerability emotion.

Just notice right now what happens and also if you are ready to open up for the work into this part of you,

Which is the vulnerable one.

But which I'm challenging you to embrace,

Which means that,

Yes,

You can be activated into your victim role.

But embrace it from your heart,

Embracing as if you are your own mother or father,

Which has this this capacity of really embracing you.

So in this circle,

Now take down your right hand and your left hand so you feel that you are holding on to the other person's hand,

Which you don't know.

And just by imagining this this big circle of souls of humans just like you that are willing to work with vulnerability,

Just feel how it is to hold another person's hand.

And whatever contraction or it might be expansion that arises,

Just be with it.

Taking a deep breath.

Just a small smile.

Just really bidding that contraction or vulnerability welcome.

You don't need to do anything about it,

Just be with it.

Feel the warmth from the other person's hand.

Feel the connection with the rest of the circle.

And now see if you can use that in breath to open your heart,

You know,

Breathing into your heart.

And exhaling out of your heart and into the circle of the group.

Just imagining that everybody in this group,

These 122 people are all willing to feel vulnerability,

Are all willing to hold hands and breathe into their hearts and exhale into the middle of the circle.

So now you're also breathing in the air,

The energy from the circle.

And you're passing energy into the circle from your heart.

And let any emotion that arises really arise,

Bid it welcome,

Let it really come into existence.

Do not struggle,

Not feeling,

Not thinking.

Just being here.

Just being here.

We are souls.

Souls and bodies,

Bodies that have stories,

Stories that create emotions and thoughts.

And we're just practicing to become more and more open to this,

Letting go of the pain,

Letting go of the contraction,

Letting go of the stories.

Let's just have a minute in silence.

Just stay in this circle with all these people.

All you beautiful people.

And also,

Yes,

Of course,

Do allow happiness or joyfulness or laughter.

And let's really understand that everybody in this circle,

All of these 122 souls are just here for the same reason as you are.

Different stories,

Different personalities.

But also seeking for more peace,

Happiness,

Connection.

OK,

Let's take in a couple of deep breaths and before letting go of the other people's hands,

Just see if you can just squeeze those hands a bit and then have that squeezing go all through the circle.

And now just get ready to move your attention out once again,

Stretching.

Hmm.

So we all have things that we are searching for.

We all have a longing.

So how can we start looking at this contraction that we have based on what we think other people think of us,

Where we place ourselves in regards to them?

Usually it will be below if we tend to have this kind of behavior.

But not only,

You know,

Taking this for the truth,

Also seek to look deeper.

What is it,

The emotion that I'm not willing to feel?

Not only accepting this emotion as the truth,

But look deeper to whether this emotion is actually pointing to something that can liberate us.

So before I share a story with you,

Which I heard from Tara Brack,

Whom you might know,

And if you don't do,

Please do look her up.

She's amazing.

Amazing.

Together with Jack Kornfield.

Two insanely amazing souls.

Before I tell you that story,

Let me just see if there's any questions here or anything you guys,

If you have any questions or anything,

Just use the comment field now before I move on.

It can also be sharing because listen,

The vulnerability based trust is about us putting ourselves on the line out there,

Experiencing our true self,

Feeling all the anxiety,

Feeling all the joy,

Feeling us just being us.

And my,

What I actually think is going on is that we have these stories on other people's behalf because we're just afraid to show our light.

We're afraid to be big.

We are.

We're not afraid of the dark,

As Nelson Mandela says.

We are afraid of our light.

We're afraid of what will happen if we show all of this and just being ourselves,

What will then happen?

Yeah.

Yeah,

I agree,

Kate.

Yeah.

So,

So listen,

Yesterday I mentioned that we're going to work on resource persons today.

We are going to move that for tomorrow.

But I will say that using a group like this,

Despite that we don't know each other and we are quite a lot of people in here right now,

We can use this group.

You can use me,

You can use the faces who you might already know in here to meditate later on throughout these days.

And,

You know,

I'm quite sure that all of us would say yes to if I.

OK,

Let's do let's let's do a test right now.

How many of you would say yes to me using you as a resource person in my meditation?

And also by saying yes,

How many of you would agree to all in this group that that you they can use you as a resource person?

And by resource person,

I mean somebody that I can imagine just from the face right here.

So I'm looking at so many beautiful faces and just bouncing up and down to the screen.

How many of you will will be available for everybody else in this group just by this face that we can have,

Just by having this face as somebody that I.

When I breathe in,

I can feel that I'm with this person not knowing you,

Not knowing you,

But knowing you in the sense that you are just like me.

You're looking for something we're seeking.

We're looking for healing.

We're looking for freedom,

For peace,

For love.

So I can definitely also,

Yes,

There are a lot of yeses there.

And I'm quite sure that even though you're not writing yes,

I do want to believe that you are open to this.

So we're getting to the point where I want to share a story with you.

But I also want to say this now and before we finish.

My challenge to you for today,

Because,

You know,

What talking is fine.

We can read loads of books and we can have great insights.

But if we don't put it into practice out there,

If we don't put ourselves on the line out there,

It will just be a good experience.

It will just be knowledge.

It will just be wisdom.

But let's be vulnerable.

Let's take this.

You know,

The lesson from today is the vulnerability based trust,

Which means that I had one of you guys write me yesterday in regards to a relationship that was really hard,

Codependency and what to do.

And so important that we reach out to somebody and that we have friends or family or therapist to talk with and to be vulnerable with.

So I challenge you on taking this core emotion that you've extracted from the thoughts that you think that other people have about you and take that core emotion and share it with somebody today.

Will it be uncomfortable?

Probably.

Will it be more on the path of liberation?

Probably.

So this challenge is just taking it,

You know,

You can also be writing a letter to a good friend or a letter to your mom or dad or whomever.

But start massaging this part,

This story,

Changing it for,

Not necessarily for the better,

But changing it so you can feel that it's not as hurtful as before.

So to be quite clear,

Choose one person to either write to or call or meet with and share what's going on inside of you.

You can share the talks that we're having here.

You can share what you've been learning for the past three days and you can share that you were challenged to be vulnerable about this.

It's a big step.

It can be a big step.

But let's remember that the steps that we take now will create the foundation for the steps tomorrow.

And we're not,

You know,

We're not in a hurry with stuff like this.

Slow is fast with us humans,

With us souls.

So let me just see Caroline,

Can you give me a recommendation if we do this,

But our significant others do not reciprocate?

Does reciprocate mean,

You know,

Mirror it or have the same kind of thoughts about it?

I guess that it does.

Well,

I would reach out to somebody who is in the family.

You can do,

Let me just draw this because I haven't mentioned this today,

But I've been working as a psychotherapist for the past 13 years.

12,

12,

Yeah,

12 or 13 years working with kids,

With adults,

Couples,

Teams and companies.

But it's the same.

I mean,

The scary stuff is that many of the things that kids struggle with is the same that we struggle with.

They're just getting earlier into this,

You know,

Healing process.

So that's really a great thing.

So what I was about to say was that I do these relationship circles.

And I actually have this 14 year old girl,

Or actually,

No,

Sorry,

She's turning 16 today.

And I asked her because she's like really,

She didn't feel that she had anybody to reach out to.

And we can create these stories.

That's what we do all the time,

Right?

We create these stories about ourselves and create these emotions because it fits into our narrative.

And we continue this vicious cycle below the line,

Victim,

You know,

Villain and hero.

So it's super simple.

You make,

You know,

Circles like this.

So Caroline,

This could be.

Yeah,

Yeah.

So I'm just saying,

Yeah,

Yeah.

So what I'm saying yes,

Yes to is,

Yeah,

Yeah.

That I yes,

They do not return the vulnerability.

So the question is,

What do we do if our,

You know,

A partner,

Our the person that we have as a significant one does not return this vulnerability?

That's a great question,

Because,

Shit,

What are we going to do?

What are we going to do?

We're going to feel rejected again.

But the thing is that,

I mean,

We can continue relying and basing our emotional experience of ourselves on what other people think of us,

How other people react to us.

So I'd say there are more steps to this.

It's more complex than I'm just sharing now.

But one thing would be to share,

But sharing just to practice yourself sharing.

And then there will be,

If they don't mirror it,

There will be a reacting,

A reaction that we will interpret as rejection.

But what we can do is then ask,

Are you rejecting me right now by not mirroring my vulnerability?

So that will be one way of asking that question.

Does this,

You know,

Create you?

Is this is it necessary for you to be brave?

Yes,

It is.

Will be it would be a step in regards to you moving in the right direction.

I'm quite sure of it.

So getting back to this,

What you can do with this relationship circle is that if we look at the inner circle,

This will represent who we share everything with.

And I mean everything.

Also all the dark sides,

Everything that we,

You know,

Don't want anybody else to know that we like,

We're so ashamed of it ourselves that we don't even want to think of it ourselves.

So this is the inner circle.

Few people have people in here.

And those who have,

It can be,

You know,

Childhood friends where everything is just open.

For the majority of us,

We don't.

We don't,

We might even not have ourselves in here because we've closed down so much from all these dark side that we just,

You know,

Put these,

What do you call those when you don't want to see.

So we just closed down for that area.

So we might not even have ourselves in this inner circle.

But the thing is that we can start saying,

Okay,

One thing is where I emotionally think that's also an important point.

Where do I emotionally feel that I have people that I can,

For example,

Share this with today that I'm challenging you on.

So let's say that my brother,

I have a really good relationship with him on an emotional side,

But there's also an emotional side where I don't have,

You know,

As good a relationship with him as I would have.

I do love my brother and I would probably also die for him.

Not probably I would.

If I had to give him one of my organs,

I would.

That's got to say it all right.

So,

But we have personalities that are so far from each other that he's out here.

So he would be a good person for me.

Actually,

Let me do this.

One thing that I'm is that I'm sharing with you,

But the other thing is,

As I mentioned,

I walk the talk.

So what I will do today,

Because my brother's all the way out here,

Is that I will be vulnerable with him.

I will share this dream that I had this night with him.

And I can feel just saying that now it starts.

I'm smiling right now,

But inside I'm not smiling and I can feel also emotional.

You know,

The tears arising.

So so what I'm getting at is that this stuff isn't easy,

But I know will this create,

You know,

Having this vulnerability based trust with him.

Will that make our relationship better?

Definitely.

So what happens when we choose to do stuff like this is that,

You know,

Slowly when doing so,

We start moving in.

Because if he mirrors it,

Caroline,

If my brother will mirror this and there's a chance that he won't.

First off,

I will benefit from me taking that very brave step of being me,

Being vulnerable.

And I will have to deal with him not mirroring it.

I'm willing to feel that rejection that I would then turn into fuel for my spiritual,

Personal development.

My path,

Right?

So what if he does mirror it?

What if he says,

Listen,

There's also stuff that I want to share with you.

And this is where the beauty starts arising,

Because then suddenly we have a foundation where we start sharing stuff with people that goes deeper and deeper.

And this is where the trust just arises in such a strong manner.

So that will mean that eventually with one talk and this next talk and the next talk that my brother will start in my inner relationship with him moving inwards.

Let me know if this doesn't make sense.

Blinders,

Thanks.

Blinders.

So,

So my challenge is for you guys,

And I will take the same challenge today.

You know,

Karina,

Who's my wife,

She's out here.

She's in here.

When I had to start really taking responsibility for my hearing of myself with sugar and candy,

And I had this addiction where I could go down and buy stuff.

And also late at night.

And my thing has always been to calm down my nervous system.

It would be eating lots of food or,

You know,

Bingeing.

It would be candy and stuff like that.

Then I would,

You know,

I would go down to the gasoline station and buy stuff.

And then I would stuff my mouth and eat and eat and eat.

And then I would go back home to the house and then go to the garbage can,

Lift some garbage,

Put all the trash in.

So I realized that I was doing this.

And I also know that one of the things that we need to do here is to be honest about it.

So my point is that Karina,

She's in here.

My wife,

Right?

And the thing is that it hasn't been an easy ride.

We've been married for like 13 years,

But we can grow together.

Like parallel we can grow.

And by starting to have somebody who we can share all this stuff with,

We can really develop into the humans that we are,

Into the souls that we are.

Okay,

We're about to finish.

I love stuff like this and you can probably sense that from me.

I said half an hour to do this.

Now we're at an hour approximately.

It's getting light outside.

You can see we have snow.

So listen guys,

I just want to share this last story with you.

And it's as I mentioned from Tara Brack,

Which I do think that you should look up together with Jack Kornfield.

Tara,

T-A-R-A-B-R-A-C-H,

I do think.

If somebody knows her,

Please do write her name in the comment field.

Also Jack Kornfield.

So I like to take things,

The stories that we tell ourselves and flip them.

Because just as we used to think that the earth was flat and then we found out that it's round.

We could also find out that our traumas,

Or we still believe that our traumas are bad.

It's something that is really,

Really not good for us.

We could also flip it and look at it as it's something that will liberate us.

And that is my true belief that,

That is at least the way that I approach it.

With all the clients that I have,

That is my approach.

So this story goes to not prove that point,

But just,

You know,

It's a story that will be as a metaphor for this.

So Tara told the story which is about,

You know,

In the east,

In a temple,

A Buddhist temple.

Which was a temple that was not really that visited,

Because it was not a very nice temple.

You know,

It hadn't been really taken care of and inside there were the normal,

You know,

Statues.

And then,

As you can probably imagine,

In front there was this big Buddha.

But it was not a very beautiful Buddha,

It was,

You know,

To say the least,

It was not that nice.

It was not beautiful.

But people went there anyway because,

You know,

It had a really good energy and there was something special about the place.

So this Buddha was,

You know,

Was very,

Very old and it was starting,

You know,

Cracking and it needed repair.

And there was a big discussion to whether just take it all and just,

You know,

Get rid of it and then create a new one.

But what was decided was that to repair it because there wasn't any funds to do otherwise,

To buy a new one or have another one produced.

So they started repairing it and the big cracks they started,

You know,

In order to see whether they could just,

You know,

Repair the outer layer,

Which was really thick.

They started opening up the cracks and just to see what was inside,

If that was broken as well.

But what was the very,

Very crazy thing was that when they opened up,

They found out there was a complete,

Massive,

Gold Buddha inside.

And as they peeled off all of this clay,

All of this material outside of the Buddha,

They become aware that everything inside was gold.

Everything was intact.

And it was the most beautiful Buddha ever in massive gold.

So this story for me is the same.

The clay being the traumas,

The clay being the pain layers.

The clay being the pain that we feel when we feel that other people don't like us.

They reject us.

We feel shameful.

All of that pain is the clay.

So by working with the clay,

Cracking off the clay,

You know,

Embracing it,

Taking it to heart,

Seeing it as a necessary path in order to get to what is not broken.

Get to where the gold is.

Get to where our soul is.

Our soul,

Our true self,

Our whatever we might use of words,

And words we will not be able to describe it,

Has never been broken.

Can never be broken.

We cannot add anything to it.

We cannot extract anything from it.

So for me this story is quite significant in regards to embracing the fact that I do want to say yes to peeling off these layers and working with this.

So we're about to finish off guys.

Thank you so much for being here.

As I mentioned earlier,

I am recording on a separate sound file and I'm posting this after each session.

So you will be able to revisit these sessions on Inside Timer.

Day number one is already there.

So if you just came into this group.

Thank you also Lisa.

If you just came into this group,

Go ahead and listen to these days.

Day one,

Day two is already on the way to being published.

Thanks a lot for the donations.

As I mentioned,

Also the last couple of days,

I really,

Really appreciate this platform.

And I do know that it's a balance between finance side and the heart side.

It's been a struggle of my own.

But we need to make money and we need to also give.

And the more we have of both,

We can do both.

So it is to say that I really appreciate Inside Timer's work.

And they of course have a part of the donations.

But my part,

I transfer that to the project here in Denmark called Big Heart Skateboarding.

Which I've been skateboarding since I was 13 years old and it's definitely created a path for me which was so beautiful.

And also now we have in the school a lot of kids.

We don't distinguish whether kids have disabilities,

ADHD or Dawn syndrome or anything like that.

They all come in and participate in the same classes as everybody else.

And all of them,

As I mentioned the other days also,

They learn all of these things.

And they learn all of this because I strongly believe that this is not about you and me.

This is about the future generations.

And whatever we can practice now,

Whatever freedom we can achieve,

We will,

Whether we want it or not,

Pass it on to our kids.

Or other people's kids or me passing on to you.

So my strong motivation is to look seven generations forward and see,

Okay,

What can I do right now?

What can I work with that will create a significant change or just a change in seven generations moving on forward?

Thank you so much for today.

I am not necessarily looking forward to having this talk with my brother.

But I strongly believe in the walk the talk.

I mean,

Let's put ourselves out there.

And I will share tomorrow how it went today.

And I have quite a good feeling of what it is that I want to talk with him about.

So let's all of us,

If you're up for it,

Take the challenge.

Find out how you can share from this vulnerability place inside of you what you are struggling with.

Somebody who you would love to have an even better relationship to.

Do accept that there might be,

As Caroline wrote,

Not necessarily a mirroring into the vulnerability.

But do not translate that into a rejection.

Just translate it into that person not being as you and maybe being a bit different,

Needing more time or more words.

And just be proud that you are doing this over here.

This is where the primary work needs to be done.

And let's practice staying at home in our own field and our own emotions.

Thanks a lot.

I hope that you have a great evening and hope to see you guys tomorrow again.

Thank you.

Bye bye.

So that was the end of day three.

And I can definitely feel that,

You know,

Sharing what I share really puts me in the center of what we're talking about.

Which is what other people think of you.

But what's going on right now inside of me is that it's a combination of different emotions.

There's like being uncomfortable,

Being.

.

.

I know that,

You know,

I do this all the time,

Put myself in these situations where.

.

.

Before doing it and while doing it,

It doesn't feel good.

But I know that these things that I'm sharing,

It works.

I also know that by doing it,

I will continue developing.

So there's only one way to do this and it's by,

You know,

Seeing what is good to do and then do it despite it not feeling good.

And then little by little we can feel the benefits from it.

Thank you so much for being a part of this.

Thank you so much for practicing and making that change inside of you that will for sure make a change out in the world.

.

.

.

.

.

With whomever you have closest to you and who you cross on your path.

Thanks a lot.

Bye bye.

Reviews

❤️

I wanted to stop the replay as it was so gut wrenching for me to feel the vulnerability. I held hands in the circle while my chest heaved and I was sobbing , and then I made it through! Thank you for walking the walk and sharing your lessons. ❤️🙏