Transforming Fear

In this episode, Candice takes you through the steps of transforming your fears. She breaks it down into 5 different steps that you can use to turn any fear into a more positive thought that serves you.

Please note: This talk may contain explicit language.

Transcript

Hey guys, Just a fair warning that this podcast does contain explicit language. Hello beautiful humans. I am really excited to be back here with another episode of the podcast this week. I'm gonna dive right in because we're talking about something important and I've got some steps for you today. So I'm really excited to share because I feel like this is gonna really hit home right now and really be super useful for you guys. So today I want to talk about transforming fear. So today I want to talk about transforming fear and transforming fear is basically all about reworking your mindset. So just in case you're new here and you've not listened to any of my other podcast episodes or dealt with any of my material, I'm just gonna break down what mindset is. So mindset is essentially the thoughts that you think which influence the emotions that you feel, Which influence the beliefs that you have, Which influences or causes the actions that you do or don't take. There's a little wriggle room here because you can also say that your emotions trigger your thoughts and your beliefs are essentially created by an emotional response being triggered over and over again. It's a bit of a vicious cycle in all honesty. It's not, It's kind of like a chicken and egg discussion. Where is it the thoughts that trigger the emotions or emotions that trigger the thoughts? I think it's both. I think that's something that we need to be mindful of from both points of view. So we'll just leave it there for now. Basically thoughts, Beliefs, Emotions and actions. That's your mindset. All of that together. Okay so what I want to talk about is what you're thinking and what you believe to be true about your current situation. So we are obviously in a difficult time globally and this is I feel like a really prevalent issue. There's a lot of fear, There's a lot of scarcity, There's a lot of negativity and so how can we work with that on a micro scale just in our own lives in order to have a positive ripple effect moving out. Okay onto society, Onto our family, Our friends, So on and so forth. So what I want to do is I want to give you some time right now to think about what you're feeling about the situation. I want you to take a second, Pause the audio, Like really connect inward and think about these questions. What are you thinking right now about your current situation? What are you feeling about the current situation? What do you believe to be true about the current situation, About people and about the world right now? So please take some time, Seriously pause the audio, Think about it for a second and then once you have your answer press play again. So now that you've taken that time to kind of like think things through let's work on rewriting these if necessary. So maybe your thoughts are positive and you're feeling good and you know you're really out in the world being a beacon of light and hope and positivity and that's amazing if that's the case. This is going to take you through the steps to reframe any fears that you might have and I'm going to use examples from my own life just to make it more concrete. So I will be using examples from this situation, Things I'm feeling right now. So the first step is to state your fears. So this is my fear right now. I am afraid that this moment, This situation will be prolonged by the people I see not following the suggestions or orders they have to stay home. So we need to look at reframing this but in order to do that we have to look at the root. We have to get to the root of what the problem is. So of course I said some words like I'm afraid which is important okay we're talking about fear that's great but there's more to it than that. So we're going to move on to step two which is breaking it down into smaller pieces. So my fear that I stated was I am afraid that this moment will be prolonged by the people I see not following suggestions or orders to stay home. So breaking this down what do we have? Well okay we have a fear of this situation being prolonged that one's relatively obvious. There's also a little bit of frustration that people aren't doing what I want or what I think they should and then under that there is wanting to control people or the situation or the world. So there's kind of a lot packed into that little phrase like it seems simple but it's not necessarily. So step one state it. Step two break it down into smaller pieces which we've just done. Step three is then to reframe each piece. How do we do this? So you can start by asking is this really true? I'm gonna be honest with you this question works best when you're dealing with a limiting belief in your own life. So it's it's not the best question to ask in this case but depending on what your fears are I really wanted to like propose this because it could be a good option for you. In this particular instance with the examples that I'm using it's okay but it's not wonderful. So like is it true that I'm afraid of this situation? Well I mean yes or we wouldn't be here. Is it true that people aren't doing what they quote unquote should? Because I reworded it as they're not doing what I want and they're not doing what you know what I think they should. In this case of course it's true because I'm stating it from my opinion but is it true that people aren't doing what they should? This is what I mean by this one not working so hot in this situation here and these examples but if you have a different example you might find this question super useful for really like busting through some BS and realizing that the stuff that you're telling yourself or the fears that you have available like right now in your life are not at all true. Okay but the next question that you can ask yourself to reframe it is is this serving me? So does this belief help me in some way? Is it moving me forward? Does it get me closer to my goals? Is it helping me show up as my best in the world? And the answer to all three of mine is absolutely not. It is doing me absolutely no favors to believe any of these things to be thinking these thoughts because all it's doing is keeping me in a very vicious cycle of negativity and frustration and anger in some cases. I sound pretty calm and chill right now but you should hear my text messages to my friends. So yeah it's not serving me right now it's keeping me stuck. It's keeping me in negativity. It's keeping me in a vicious cycle also of looking for proof that I'm right which is really nasty like that that situation becomes really insidious but it's definitely happened so me believing that I'm right that I'm frustrated that people aren't doing what I want them to do that this situation could be prolonged because of that my wanting to control people wanting them to behave the way I want them to do it actually causes me to go out into the world looking for proof. The mind is a problem-solver so if you give it information or you you pose a problem which is in this case people aren't doing what I want them to do it's going to find proof that you're right because it wants to solve that problem it wants to answer that question and so it keeps me stuck in this cycle of like kind of searching for negativity which perpetuates negativity it's awful so we really want to like just snap snip that in the bud oh my god what's the saying I'm saying that wrong anyways but we want to cut that off so that we can move forward in a really positive way so that moves us on to step four so I'll just go through the steps again just as we keep going step one state your fears step two break them down into smaller pieces step three reframe each piece and step four is now rewrite it so I'm going to take you through how I've rewritten each one of these so my first one was fear of this situation being prolonged and that becomes I am grateful for my safety and the safety of the planet I know that staying home isn't an ideal situation but it protects me and my loved ones sorry if it protects me and my loved ones then I am happy to do it I know I can make the best out of my current situation by doing all the things I say I never have time for this gives me extra time to focus on self-care and loving myself and showing up for my friends and family so let's go back to step three where we did this reframing piece right and I asked myself the question is this serving me well now you can see how my rewrite my rewrite sorry my rewrite of this limiting belief the of this fear is serving me now it's serving me because it's it's highlighting my gratitude for my safety for the safety of those around me for my family for my friends for how this time is allowing me to do things that I don't typically have time for or is allowing me to do things that make me feel good that helped me like you know feel loved so that's huge we've just taken something and transformed it from negative to positive and we've done so in a really authentic way this is not some Pollyanna shit positivity has become a buzzword that is synonymous with bypassing we are not bypassing we are not pretending that we don't feel fear we're not pretending that our situation and our reality is not true we are just looking for ways to actively change it positively not by negating not by avoiding ignoring or bypassing we're not slapping some positivity on a shitty situation we are looking at the shitty situation and analyzing whether or not it's actually doing anything for us whether it's serving us or helping us and then we're making a conscious choice to move forward I am NOT into Pollyanna I am NOT I am NOT here for it I know a lot of people that spend a lot of time spiritually bypassing calling it positivity it's not it's actually toxic it is really really unhealthy and bad for you to be positive for the sake of being positive you need to be mindful and aware of the decisions that you're making and you need to make them from like a really well intentioned accepting and loving place it's okay to feel the fear there is nothing wrong with where you started you're just acknowledging that you want to get to a better place and that's great so let's keep going the next one is frustration that people aren't doing what I want or what I think they should which becomes I believe that people are inherently good and I trust that people are doing their absolute best given their current circumstances I am NOT aware of the pain that each person may be carrying and I understand that we are all dealing with our problems in our own way so here we can see that we are giving people back their free will if we've been in a situation where we've kind of been judging other people and I'll admit like I've totally been there especially living in Italy that's given me a very different perspective on how the world is currently dealing with the situation because we made choices at the beginning of this of this situation and now we are dealing with the consequences and it's been really hard seeing other countries not kind of learning from our mistakes and so I'm acknowledging that I'm frustrated but I'm also acknowledging that I believe that people are inherently good and that they're making decisions not selfishly but with it you know the good of all of mankind kind of taken into consideration which is really good I'm also giving people permission to show up as they are by saying that I'm not aware of what everybody is going through I'm only aware of my reality and so I'm allowing people to show up and be whoever they want to be which is huge the last one is wanting to control people the situation and the world which becomes the only thing I am in control of is myself other people's actions are none of my business I focus on staying in my own lane which is huge and actually if you follow me on Instagram you'll know that I've actually just written a post about this just because it was so prevalent it was coming up constantly for friends and family and clients and I just really felt like something needed to be said so if you want to dive more into this idea of you know being in control of ourself you can head to my Instagram and check that post out so now we have gone back step one state your fears step to break it down into smaller pieces step three reframe each piece asking ourselves important questions step for rewriting it and now we're at step five which is to integrate it so this is where the rubber really meets the road you need to work on integrating these new beliefs into your life and this can often be the hardest part because this happens by making a choice every time the negative thought comes up to repeat the new one so it requires a lot of self-awareness and a lot of mindfulness you really need to be present with yourself you need to be aware of what you're thinking and when these words come up when these thoughts come up when these beliefs come up and you need to actively choose wait no stop like you can literally say that it really works you can say it out loud or in your head stop to cut the thought off and then repeat the new thought I realized that my rewrites in step four were quite wordy like yours don't have to be and and likely they won't be depending on the fear depending on where you're starting but it's important that you take the easiest path so if you want to shorten them to make them easier to repeat to yourself in these moments where you're integrating then that's totally fine do that maybe you have like a long version that you repeat in the morning and then you have a shorter version that you can kind of whip out whenever you find yourself in these situations so yeah it's really important that every time this happens you make the choice and this is hard because you need to make the choice to not sink back into your old habits and you need to also potentially be making a difficult choice to purposely avoid conversations people or situations that trigger your nigger whoa that trigger your negative thought until you're better able to maintain your new belief even in the face of challenges because it's not necessarily super easy guys like I understand that I've rewritten like these five steps to like changing your mindset and it's great and they are useful and they really really work if you are willing to do the work if you're willing to show up for yourself this will absolutely help you but let's not get it twisted it's simple in theory and it's much more challenging in practice because when you're in the middle of a situation that is pissing you the F off and you need to show up as your highest self that's when you're going to be tested that's when you need to put your new mindset really into into perspective and you need to say okay like now is the time that I have to like throw this out I can't just like fall back into my old habits and that's what trips a lot of people up so the idea of rewriting a limiting belief is super easy it's the doing it that is much more challenging so I'll repeat one last time all of the steps and then we'll kind of finish up for today so step one state your fears you're gonna say like one sentence choose one fear super important don't like bog yourself down with like 50 million fears or write down all your fears but work through them one at a time please because less is more less is 150 bazillion percent more in this case okay step two break your fear down into smaller pieces so really analyze what are the different aspects of this fear like what's kind of hidden underneath the surface like there's the words that I said but maybe there's even emotions and beliefs I'm feeling or experiencing underneath this phrase okay step three reframe each piece by asking yourself important questions step four is to rewrite it take the negative and flip it try and make it positive and if not positive try and make it more neutral if that's the best that you can do that's totally fine it's still a step in the right direction and then the next time you go through this process you can take the neutral and rewrite it to positive and step five is to integrate it by making the choice when the thought comes up the negative thought comes up you replace it with your new more positive or neutral belief so yeah I hope this serves you I feel like this is like a really handy tool I use this with a lot of clients and like I said it sounds simple but it can be difficult when you really need to put it into practice so just do your best show up and love yourself and like really be present with this this entire situation and what you're feeling feeling afraid is totally okay it's normal it's it's you know a normal reaction to this situation and that's totally fine and you don't have to even be willing to change your fears right now maybe what you need is to really sit in that space there's nothing wrong with that so be where you're at first and foremost and then move forward from there really honor yourself love yourself as always take care of yourself as always like you're probably sick of hearing me say it but I'm not gonna stop I'm not gonna stop cuz I know you need to hear it cuz I need to hear it my friends need to hear it and my clients need to hear it and my family needs to hear it like we know these things the answers are simple but sometimes it's so freaking hard to show up that way for ourselves and that's totally fine so just do your best love yourself through this whole process if this wasn't the right time to listen to this podcast that's totally cool drop it and then come back when you're ready because it's always going to be here for you and yeah just I hope it serves you if you loved this then please share it and if you want to you can review it you can leave a comment you can share on social media whatever anything that you feel called to do I so appreciate it by sharing I feel like you are spreading a little bit of love and light out into the world because that is the intention behind this podcast is just so much freaking love and so much freaking light and keep in the faith and keeping things hopeful and positive and optimistic even when things are tough so yeah I hope that you love this I hope that it serves you if you want to connect with me more you can find me on my website which is www. Candicealacia. Com you can find me also on Instagram at Candice Alacia and on Facebook at Candice Alacia coaching and yeah if you need anything please don't hesitate to reach out I really want to be here for people especially during this time we need each other more than ever the sense of community is so important and so yeah just don't hesitate to reach out I got you boo have the best weekend and I will talk to you soon