Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Free Will podcast.
Today I am here to talk to you about the number one reason why you shouldn't work on your mindset.
And like there's a lot of things that can come up when we think about mindset work.
And I don't think that we can have a conversation about working on ourselves without talking about personal development fatigue.
Before I even get into what I wanted to talk about today,
My sassy little episode,
Because a little bit of sass does everyone some good.
But yeah,
We can't ignore it.
So there is,
I think that personal development fatigue is a real thing.
I think that we can get tired of anything,
To be honest with you,
When we're doing it too much,
Too often,
Too intensely,
Etc.
Etc.
And I think that we don't necessarily approach our personal development with the appropriate sense of like fun and play and discovery and exploration that it actually deserves.
Because this is just your whole life,
Right?
Like,
No big deal.
No big deal.
So like,
On the one hand,
Yeah,
This shit is serious and it's important.
And on the other hand,
It's your whole fucking life.
So like,
You are going to be doing this forever more,
Amen.
You had better find a way to enjoy it.
Because if you don't,
It's just going to be basically torture.
Because you want to get better,
You want to improve,
And then you kind of run through this cycle of like beating yourself up because maybe you're not making improvements fast enough.
Or you're tired of focusing on the same things,
The same patterns keep coming up,
Etc.
Etc.
So there's a million ways that personal development can become overwhelming if we let it.
And I don't want to negate that in this conversation that we're having today.
So like,
If you feel like you are in that position,
If you feel like you're in that moment where you're kind of like burnt out on personal development,
Take that seriously and give yourself what you need.
Take time away if you need to.
Infuse some play into your life,
Just in general.
And then also infuse some play into your personal development.
Like,
Why the fuck not,
Right?
Like,
This is your whole life,
Like I said.
And mindset and personal development,
I mean,
I think it's literally the foundation of a good life.
Now,
Obviously I'm super biased.
It's my job,
It's my life,
It's what I focus on,
It's what I choose to talk about every week sitting here with you guys.
I love it.
And so it's obvious that I'm going to say that you can't live without it.
Because I couldn't.
I couldn't possibly live without this.
I couldn't actually,
To be honest with you,
It's so funny now that I've said that out loud.
I don't think I could live without the podcast episode.
Because I unpack a lot of my own stuff while I'm talking to you guys about these things.
And because I love this.
I love having these conversations.
They are so necessary,
In my opinion.
If you want to live a good life,
You cannot just sit around on your butt and like hope it just happens.
I feel like you have to be proactive,
Be mindful,
Show up for yourself.
And I feel like that's a lot of what this podcast is centered around.
But I do respect that if you're coming at your personal development from a very aggressive or a sort of punishing sense.
And especially if that is a theme that has played out in your life and the way that you kind of approach yourself.
Where you're trying to,
I always say this to clients,
But you can't hate yourself happy.
So if you are trying to hate yourself happy,
Meaning punish yourself,
Be really mean,
Be like,
Oh my god,
Why did I do that again?
I always do this,
I always blah blah blah blah blah.
And like talking to yourself basically like you're a piece of garbage.
Yeah,
That's going to be a huge problem.
And long term that is probably going to cause you to be a little bit burnt out on working on yourself.
Because you're not enjoying the process of working on yourself.
And it is a process,
A lifelong one.
And there's like,
I just think,
Really no way around it.
You need to find a way to make the most of it.
So again,
If you are in this space,
You really need to take a second and ask yourself,
What do I want and what do I need right now?
And maybe that is a break.
Maybe it's not reading the millionth,
You know,
Personal development book.
Maybe it's unfollowing some accounts on social media that are like bringing these things up because you need some space.
It's like when you can't find an idea for like something that you want to write.
Or like if you think even about high school and stuff like that when you were doing homework or you were writing an essay or whatever.
And you just need to kind of like take a walk,
Clear your head,
Get some fresh perspective and then come back at the situation.
And I think that that's okay to do as well.
Okay,
And this was all just a sort of like precursor,
A little side note.
Because this is not what we were talking about today.
Okay,
So in my opinion,
As a mindset coach,
The only reason why you should not work on your mindset is because your life looks exactly the way you want it to.
Now,
Name me one person whose life looks exactly the way they want it to.
And I don't mean like in the short term,
Absolutely.
And we need to sink into that and be in gratitude for those moments where everything is great and we're rocking it and we're loving life and like whatever.
But like there's always going to be more to want and there's always going to be more to achieve and we live in a society of more.
And we as humans really love progress.
We love moving forward.
And so long as that's a part of our lives,
Every time we reach a new level,
I think there's a saying,
Isn't it?
New levels,
New devils.
So like every time we upgrade,
Every time we move to a new space,
There's going to be new obstacles,
New challenges,
New mindset blocks that come up or whatever that we're going to have to face.
So there really isn't ever going to be a moment in which you are not working through something new.
And so it's just about like finding a way to,
Like I said earlier,
Enjoy that process.
Because if we're totally honest,
We know that growth is not linear and it is not one and done.
So like you're never going to get at this destination where you have the perfect mindset,
Where you have everything figured out.
Like I read about this,
Live this,
Teach this,
Talk about this all the time and I still don't have the perfect mindset.
I still get tripped up on things.
I still get tripped up on things sometimes from like years ago that I thought I'd healed that re-kind of present themselves or whatever.
Like we're humans,
We're imperfect,
Perfectly imperfect and it's totally normal.
So I think that working on your mindset always,
Always,
Always needs to be a high priority if you really want to move towards what you want.
And like why I'm connecting mindset in this case towards like achievement and like goals is because that's the way that we look at the world.
Like we tend to only work on ourselves when we're actively trying to get something.
When we have something,
We kind of sink into it for a little bit.
And sometimes that's more brief for certain people than others,
Right?
Like that's something to be mindful too.
Are we sinking into gratitude?
But that's a topic for another podcast.
But if we want to be able to live the lives that we dream of and if we want to be the people that we see in our minds,
Because I genuinely believe that every single one of us has like a dream version of ourselves.
We have a version of ourselves that exists almost exclusively in our heads that is this ideal version of who we want to be.
And so if we want to move towards that version of ourselves,
Not because we want to be perfect,
Like let's not get tripped up here,
Not because we want to be perfect,
But because we like that version of ourselves because we see value in that vision that we have for ourselves and the vision that we have for our life.
If we want to move towards that,
Then we need to be constantly focusing on our mindset.
We need to be constantly thinking about what are we saying?
What are we thinking?
How is that influencing our beliefs?
How are our beliefs influencing our behaviors and our actions that we do or don't take?
And when I say constantly,
You know if you listen to this podcast for any amount of time that I do not ever mean every single day.
I don't believe in consistency or discipline for the sake of those two things.
I do not believe in discipline for the sake of discipline.
You should not be showing up to anything just because you feel like you have to.
Such a bullshit reason.
It is not going to get you the results that you want.
You need to come at your life with joy,
With excitement,
With passion,
Right?
And so you're not going to be able to do that if you're coming at it from like,
Well I have to do my morning routine.
That's the one that I always associate it with because people are so fucking rigid about morning routines.
Like you have to meditate for 20 minutes,
You have to do it sitting up,
You have to do it at sunset at 4am and all of this bullshit.
No you don't.
You don't have to fucking do anything that you don't want to do.
And I just do not believe in consistency or rigidity or discipline for the sake of those things.
Like that's not valuable in my opinion.
That's not a good way to approach your life and it's very very punishing.
Which is actually what we were talking about at the beginning.
I think that those attitudes would lead directly to personal development fatigue.
So like that doesn't make any sense.
But we do need to be focusing on the things that we want.
If we want to achieve a certain thing in our life then we need to take the steps necessary to achieve that.
And that does include being a little bit more consistent with watching our thoughts,
Watching the way we talk about ourselves,
About our lives,
About the people around us,
The people that we spend time with,
The actions that we take,
The beliefs that we believe,
Etc.
Etc.
Etc.
So let me ask you a question.
Do you want to get everything that you want?
I mean everything and anything that you want.
Because you are allowed to want things and you are allowed to have them.
And like I do not mean this in any way in a material sense.
If that's your bag that's totally fine.
That's not necessarily how I'm intending it but you're going to fill in the blanks here.
With whatever has meaning and value for you.
So do you want to get everything that you want?
And yeah this might sound really trite.
And it might also feel super impossible right now.
It's not but it might feel that way.
But it's the single most important thing that you'll do in this existence right?
Because it's the literal creation of your entire life.
What you want creates the life that you live.
Whatever you want.
Okay if you want love,
If you want sex,
If you want the car,
If you want the bag,
If you want to travel,
If you want to work for yourself,
Whatever it is that you want.
Those are,
Sorry one second.
Those are the foundations of the life that you are living and that you're creating for yourself.
That's huge right?
And you have options.
You always,
Always,
Always have options right?
Which means that you can choose to sit around and wait for the universe to drop things in your lap and like you know give you the man,
The relationship,
The sex,
The job,
The body,
The mind,
The whatever,
The travel.
You can keep,
No offense if this is you and if you feel triggered by this but you can keep whining and complaining about how things just don't work out for you and if you're that person please see the previous podcast episode about letting life surprise you and how you can reframe that.
But yeah you can talk about how life is hard and it's unfair and insert any other lame ass excuse here.
Okay you can sit there and you can bask in the glory of all that is not right with your life.
You can stick with the status quo,
You can keep your life exactly the way it is if that floats your boat.
Because you get to decide.
You always,
Always get to decide because you are in control of your life.
You're in control of yourself,
You're in control of your thoughts,
Your beliefs,
Your actions.
No one can command what you do or don't do besides you.
So if it's true though that you get to decide that means that you can also choose positive beliefs over negative beliefs.
At the end of the day the work is the exact same.
It's making the choice.
Right?
It is making the choice to focus on your mindset,
Making the choice to show up for yourself or making the choice to stay exactly the same.
But it's all the same choosing.
And like keeping negative beliefs might be a little bit simpler because we tend to run that way on default.
It's the way that we are raised in our society.
We might be able to switch this.
I feel like the generations moving forward are less tolerant of this than like maybe my parents or my grandparents generation would have been.
And certainly before that like yeah that's not even a thing.
But I really do think that like we have the potential to shift this long term.
But right now it really is about whether or not you are willing to just show up for yourself.
Because keeping the negative beliefs might be easier but and like let's say this one more time for the cheap seats.
Is it actually getting you what you want?
Is your current mindset actually getting you what you want?
Are you living a life that lights you up,
That makes you happy,
That sets you on fire?
Like do you feel jazzed about going after things?
Do you feel excited to get up in the morning?
And like not every morning guys.
Like it's the same story.
It's not like it's every day is sunshine and rainbows just because you're working on your mindset.
That's not realistic.
We're humans.
Ebb and flow,
Light and dark and all of the duality that comes with that.
But are you skewing towards most days being really awesome or most days being really hard and negative?
Right?
There's a fundamental difference there.
It's not about being positive all the time.
It's not about being Pollyanna all the time.
But at the same time if you had to choose between the two,
Between being a miserable bitch or being Pollyanna,
What would you prefer?
I'd rather be Pollyanna to be honest with you.
Because I think that being Pollyanna is going to get me closer to the life that I actually want to be living.
So anyways,
But now we're getting off track.
So being positive will take,
Not even necessarily will take,
Might take.
Might take more focus,
Right?
But the alternative to that is literally keeping your life exactly the same way it is now.
Just sit there for a second.
Being positive might take focus.
It might take a little bit more of your effort.
It might take a little bit of practice.
But the alternative is literally keeping your life exactly the same way it is now.
So think about that for a second.
How would it feel to wake up six months from now,
A year from now,
Five years,
Ten years,
Twenty years,
Whatever,
Okay?
And realize that your life is exactly the same as it is today.
Would that make you happy?
Would you feel good living long term in your current reality?
Like is your current reality so good that if you had to spend another five years living this day,
You'd be like,
Yes,
I could totally do that.
Does that sound like a vibe?
Or does it sound like torture?
Something to sit with,
Huh?
Like ask yourself these questions,
Please.
Like don't,
I'm not here to be spiritual entertainment.
I am here to help.
I am here to actually light a fire under your ass and get you to like do something.
So stop for a second.
Take out your phone.
Take out a pen and a piece of paper.
Go get your notebook.
Go get your journal.
I don't care.
Ask yourself these questions.
Do yourself the favor and actually show up for yourself.
Don't just like let me be babbling on while you're going for a walk with the dogs,
Yeah?
Like or driving down the road or whatever it is.
Be here,
Please.
Do this,
Please,
Because it is going to impact you.
Not it might.
It is going to impact you because asking yourself these questions is unlocking your own personal power.
I don't have your answers.
I don't know what's right for you,
But you sure as fuck do.
You absolutely do.
And this podcast is always,
Always,
Always geared at unlocking that for you.
I'm trying to take you deeper into what you actually want and help you realize whether or not your current behavior is actually getting you there,
Right?
So if you actually did the work,
Proud of you,
Proud of you.
I see you and I respect you and I'm cheering you on.
But if the answer to either of those questions was a hell no,
Then it's really time to do something about it.
OK,
If you feel like looking at your life five years from now,
If you were to live the same day for the next five years,
That wouldn't make you happy.
OK,
And you wouldn't feel good about it.
Then it's time to do something about it.
If you want to play a bigger game,
You need thoughts and beliefs that will get you there.
You need a mindset that will support you in taking action towards getting whatever it is that you want.
You deserve that.
You are worthy of that.
Right.
So don't sit on your dreams and don't wait for things to be like mystically,
Magically different or for the universe to drop shit in your lap.
Because like it absolutely can happen.
But you'll be waiting for a while,
I'd imagine,
As opposed to you just like getting out and doing something about it.
Right.
Whatever that is.
And you know what's best about this is that you know,
You know what it is that you need to do.
You know,
If you want the body,
You know what the step is.
If you want the job,
You know what the step is.
If you want to get the relationship,
You know what the step is.
But you're shitting it.
You're scared.
And so you're not doing something about it.
And that's totally OK,
Too.
Everything that you feel is totally fine.
Wherever you are is totally fine.
But figure out what you need in order to take action and then go do it.
If you're not able to take action on your own right now because the fear is just too big,
It's too much,
Maybe you need a book,
Maybe you need a course,
Maybe you need to talk to a friend or a family member.
Maybe you need to go for a walk or move your body to help move that stagnant energy out of you.
Maybe you need a coach or a mentor.
I understand.
Shameless self-promotion.
But like maybe that really is the key to unlocking this next path for you,
Right?
Maybe having somebody who is in your corner cheering you on is exactly what you need.
And maybe you can get that from something else,
From the book,
From the course,
Right?
Maybe you have those people in your life,
You lucky duck.
I hope you hug them and kiss them every day if that's the case.
If you have the people in your life that support you in that way,
I hope that you share immense gratitude for them because that is huge and not everybody is that lucky,
Right?
So that's amazing too.
But regardless of what it is that you might need,
Use your power,
Okay,
And make a choice to create your future and to go after the life that you've been dreaming of.
Okay,
I believe in you.
I know that you can do this.
You've absolutely got this.
You just gotta do something about it.
So what are you gonna do?
This is where I leave you.
That's today's episode.
I think that was quite fire energy actually and I really hope that you guys enjoyed it.
Please feel free to leave a comment or,
Yeah,
If you loved it,
If you didn't,
If you're triggered,
If you're upset,
Whatever,
It doesn't matter.
It's all welcome here.
Please,
Please,
Please let me know what you think.
If you loved it and you want to subscribe or rate,
Leave a review,
Etc.
,
Etc.
,
I would love you for that.
That would be amazing.
Obviously,
The more feedback I get,
The more that this gets kind of filtered to other people.
And if you know anybody who could benefit from this message and you feel like sharing,
Wow,
That would mean the world to me.
I would really,
Really appreciate that.
And if you want to connect with me more,
You can find me on my website,
Of course,
Www.
Candicealacia.
Com.
And if you want to chat quicker,
More instantaneously or whatever,
If you want to reach out to me directly,
You can find me on Instagram at Candice Alacia.
C-A-N-D-I-C-E-A-L-E-S-S-I-A.
So,
Yeah,
Slide into my DMs.
I'm here for it.
I hope this episode was useful.
I hope you have an amazing weekend.
And I will see you on the next episode of the podcast.
Ciao.
