Perfection Isn't Required|Embracing Mistakes With Gentleness

Do you struggle with perfectionism or beating yourself up when things don’t go as planned? In this episode, we explore how to embrace mistakes, practice self-compassion and allow life to unfold without judgment.

I share a personal experience where my hard work nearly led to burnout, the lessons I learned and why gentleness toward ourselves is the ultimate tool for personal growth.

In this episode, you'll learn:
How mistakes are part of your human experience, not a failure
Why self-compassion allows growth without harsh judgment
Why perfectionism is a barrier to progress
How to celebrate effort, not just outcomes
How to set yourself up to move forward with grace and ease

If you liked this episode, please join the conversation in the Wild Free Well Space here on Insight Timer!

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Freewell podcast.

For those of you watching,

We are in a different location.

I felt like it was time for you to see my purple couch.

And yeah,

It's got,

I put a sheet on the bottom because if you have a dog,

You understand.

But yeah,

I'm kind of loving this setup actually.

It's like a little bit more cozy.

It feels a little bit more like family,

I guess.

And I've got my podcast partner next to me having a nap.

We'll see if she comes and makes an appearance later.

But yeah,

I have a topic that I would like to talk about.

I am not certain if that is what will end up coming out of me today.

I feel like there is something that I need to say or I need to share.

And maybe I haven't,

I don't know,

It hasn't like fully come through yet.

So we're going to see what comes out as we're speaking.

But the topic that I've kind of come up with,

And that's really not the right way to say it.

The topic that has come to me as I was like kind of sitting in reflection this morning and journaling.

And actually,

I just want to take a preface and say that I think that a really vulnerable episode of the podcast is forthcoming.

I think that I need to do a little bit of like a life update to give some context to the things that I'm talking about.

And to give some context to the things that I've been feeling.

But that's like a story for another day.

And I also think that the conversation that we're going to have today is twofold.

Like there's two sides to this story.

Because I'd already kind of plotted out an episode with some rough notes about how like,

You know,

The ways that I've been taking care of myself this month.

And the things that I've done to like show up for myself and to kind of honor this time of year for myself.

And this episode is going to directly contrast that.

And it's really funny because like it really is both and.

Like it really is that I've done some really good things and then I've messed up as well.

And that is the conversation that we are going to be having today.

So one of the questions that I kind of want to bring to the podcast and to you is this idea of why is it not okay to say when we've messed up,

Right?

Like why does saying this make us so uncomfortable?

Why do we struggle so much with saying.

.

.

Mimi,

Come.

Bella,

Come.

Look.

Hello,

Everyone.

Mimi,

Say hi.

Who's the cutest girl?

Say hello,

Mimi.

Hi,

Mimi.

Hello.

Who's my good girl?

Okay.

Brief interjection from Mila.

But why is it so hard for us to kind of just take ownership over the ways that we've potentially not done things the way that we wanted to?

You know,

Maybe we haven't shown up the way we wanted to or maybe we haven't.

.

.

Look at her.

I mean,

She's literally the best thing ever.

So why don't we just keep her in view?

Because she's better than I am anyways.

She's cuter than I am.

But,

Yeah,

Like it's a really deep conversation because there is this fear of,

I think,

Both owning the thing and saying the thing out loud.

Okay.

So there's a fear of saying that we messed up to other people but also internally just kind of saying,

Hey,

I made a decision.

Wasn't great.

Could have done better.

Like that wasn't the vibe.

Whatever it might be,

Right?

Like we have trouble kind of getting there.

And my question is kind of this.

Like why are we expecting this level of perfection from ourselves at all times in every situation when we wouldn't expect it from other people?

We would not expect other people to show up perfectly.

We would not expect other people to do things in a very specific way,

I hope.

I mean sometimes I think maybe we do and sometimes I definitely do because I have very high standards for myself and I hold other people to high standards as well.

But why are we expecting ourselves to be these kind of like omnipresent,

Super perfect people all of the time?

Like why are we so afraid to say I made a decision.

It didn't go that well.

I did something and it didn't work out or whatever.

And it's not even about failure.

It's like just about like,

You know,

I kind of slipped up a little bit.

I did something that seemed like a good idea at the time.

Maybe it wasn't necessarily the best idea,

You know,

For me.

Or like for me I think when I'm like reflecting on this topic I feel like over the past couple of years I've made a series of decisions that are inevitably taking me somewhere.

They're inevitably taking me somewhere.

But that like don't necessarily feel like,

I don't know,

Like they were made with the clearest of,

Like with a lot of clarity.

They weren't necessarily made with a lot of clarity.

They weren't necessarily made with a lot of intention.

They weren't necessarily made with like a grand vision involved.

Do you know what I mean?

So I've kind of like messed up.

Nothing bad has happened.

All of it is a lesson.

All of it is taking me somewhere wonderful.

It's all going to be okay.

But I messed up.

Like even decisions that I've made in the last month or like the ways that I've spent time in the last little bit.

It's like it's all going to work out.

But it's kind of like,

Well,

I didn't necessarily need to do it that way.

But hindsight is 20-20,

Right?

It's so much easier to see with clarity looking back.

And there are ways that we can kind of plan better for this in the future.

But that's not what this episode is about.

This episode isn't about the how to do things better.

It's about the being with the feeling when it happens,

Right?

And just kind of being able to sit with yourself and say,

Hey,

You know,

I made a decision that wasn't great.

And I'm learning a lot from that.

And I really do believe that.

Like I don't think that there's right or wrong decisions.

I think it's all just a lesson.

The right decision,

Quote unquote,

Will get you maybe where you want to go faster.

And the wrong decision will teach you a lesson that you needed to learn for your evolution,

Which we've spoken about on the last episode of the podcast.

So it's all good at the end of the day.

But when we're in these moments,

We need such a huge helping of kindness and grace towards ourselves.

Because sometimes things get hard.

Like sometimes we mess up.

Sometimes we make mistakes.

Sometimes we put our foot in our mouth.

Sometimes we do things that we didn't mean to do.

Or we do them in a way that we didn't mean to do them.

Or we do things exactly how we meant to do them,

But they didn't come across the way that we meant them to.

Or whatever,

Right?

Like I'm speaking very generally because I think that there is no way to speak specifically about this without having some external example to give.

Like without speaking to each of you individually and saying,

Okay,

This is what happened to you.

Okay,

Here's how we can kind of work around this,

Right?

But when things get hard,

Because things will get hard,

And that's okay,

Right?

And we will get through it all.

That's the main thing to remember.

Like whatever is happening or whatever mistake you feel like you've made or whatever way you feel like you've messed things up,

Like it's okay.

It's all okay.

And you are going to move past this.

And you're going to be a better person for it.

And there's so much unfolding here in this time.

And there's like an evolution that's kind of flowing like a current beneath the surface pulling you forward.

There's so many good things here.

But we just need to remember to grant ourselves so much kindness and so much gentleness because I feel like,

And I say this to myself often,

Like what would I say to a client in this?

Like how would I advise a client to move forward in this situation?

And it would always be with the utmost self-respect and kindness towards themselves and just this constant reminder of like,

Well,

You're just a little human though.

You're just a little human.

You're doing the best that you can in every situation,

Especially,

And like I know this.

I know this because you're here listening to this conversation.

I know that you're doing the best that you can because you're in communion with me.

You are having this conversation about bettering yourself,

About accepting yourself,

About loving yourself.

Like we're having very multifaceted,

But all of our conversations are geared towards personal development.

So if you're listening to this,

I know that you're on that path and I know that you are genuinely trying to do your best.

Sometimes your best doesn't come out.

Sometimes your best doesn't translate to the language of the people around you,

Right?

Sometimes you feel like you've made a wrong decision just for yourself.

Like I know that in the example that I'm living personally,

I have taken on too much.

And that is a conversation between me and me.

I have not offended anybody.

I have not disappointed anybody.

I don't think that I've necessarily even disappointed myself.

I think that what I was going through was necessary.

I think I put myself on a path of accelerated growth and I am dealing with the consequences now of that.

And they're not bad consequences.

Consequence can have like a very negative connotation.

So maybe the better term would be like the results of that.

I've made a series of decisions that put me on a path that moved me in a very specific direction.

I am grateful for every decision that I've made.

I am not loving the results.

I'm not loving the outcome that I am living right now.

Not because the outcome is bad by any means.

Actually,

It's really good on paper.

Isn't that interesting?

It's really good on paper but there's something missing there.

And I think that part of this is something that I say to you guys all the time.

This is a very multifaceted.

It's quickly becoming at least a very multifaceted conversation.

But something that I say to you all the time is,

You know,

You can't hate the process and expect to love the destination.

You cannot hate yourself happy.

And I think that I struggled a little bit with the energy of the way that I got to the point that I'm at.

I am at actually today something is going to be coming into completion.

And the way that I went about getting to that place was not in a way that was necessarily of the highest alignment for me.

But I now am in a space where I've been doing a lot.

You know,

Things are getting busier with work.

Things are getting busier with the Christmas season.

And I'm so grateful for all of those things.

And I did not clean my energy or I did not have clean energy necessarily in the lead up to this moment.

And so now I'm kind of looking around and saying like,

Oh,

You know what?

Actually,

I messed up in doing this.

Like I maybe bit off a little bit more than I could chew.

And just like all of the things that are the very real human lived experience,

Like messy human lived experience,

Right?

That we all kind of have,

You know,

Where we just feel like,

Oh,

You know,

Like that wasn't great.

And like,

What is it that wasn't great?

What isn't going well is my perception of how this has unfolded.

And what is not going great is how I feel about the way that I have moved.

Because it does not feel like it was fully in alignment with the version of me that I want to be.

And so it's really interesting.

Like we can have these moments.

And I will say too,

The sooner that you realize that you are out of alignment,

The quicker that you can get back into alignment.

So me sitting here having this conversation with you is already shifting so many things for me.

I can feel it.

Where before there was a lot of like shame feelings and kind of heavy feelings about this.

And not really wanting to have this conversation.

Because,

You know,

Like it's not,

It doesn't feel necessarily great all the time to like out yourself.

And just kind of say,

Hey,

I'm a guide.

And yes,

I know a lot about mindset.

And whoops,

Look,

I'm human.

I still make mistakes.

I still do things that are not exactly the way I want them to be.

Or,

You know,

I still kind of mess up.

And I'm still learning as I go.

Because we have this projection in society,

Especially with things that are being shared online.

That like everything is perfect.

And everything is wonderful.

And it all looks kind of this very specific way.

And I want to share the opposite of that.

Because we're all going on this journey together.

And even though I know a lot about mindset,

I'm still learning a lot about mindset.

And even though I know a lot about personal development,

I still get tripped up on things.

Because like,

Human.

And that's the thing of it all.

Like,

I want to share that message.

Because I think that we all get quite tripped up with this desire to be perceived in a very specific way.

And like,

As much as I would love for you to think that I am cool and awesome and like a genius and whatever else it is.

It's like,

Yeah,

But I'm human.

I'm really human.

And I also want to share these experiences that I have.

Because I want you to feel like you can take the pressure off.

Like,

I want you to feel like we all make mistakes.

And even the people who are not out there like kind of airing their dirty laundry in exactly the same way that I am.

Doesn't mean that they're not also making mistakes.

And that they're not also having these very real human moments.

And like,

Even though everything looks perfect on the outside or even though these people seem like they have it all together.

It does not actually mean that they do.

And when we're in these situations and we are struggling with ourselves or with other people potentially.

But the example that I gave you from my life was just me and me.

It was just me and me.

Not loving the way I showed up.

Not loving the way that things unfolded necessarily.

But like,

That's also interesting.

Because like,

Yes,

Not loving the way that things unfolded.

But also,

At the same time,

Being okay with the way things unfolded.

Like,

There is that duality in this experience.

I do feel very much like I kind of wish things had gone differently.

And like,

I'm okay that they didn't go differently.

And now it's about that healing aspect of it.

It's about this.

Sorry guys,

Just going to take a sip of water.

Because my beautiful girl.

She got tired of being on the podcast.

It is like about this like really just showing up with kindness now as you move through the healing process.

Because the healing process is more an acknowledging,

I think,

Of whatever is unfolding for you.

Like,

That's always going to be the first step.

Like,

When you can kind of just say,

Hey,

This is going on.

It doesn't feel great.

It's not wonderful.

It's not really what I wanted.

Not really where I wanted to be right now.

You know,

Like when you can have that conversation.

I think that a lot shifts just from that.

Just from you being able to say,

Hey,

This is the thing.

Whatever that thing is.

This is how this happened.

This is how I'm feeling about this.

Like,

Me having this conversation with you has taken a weight off because I've just said the thing.

That's it.

I've given it up.

I've released it.

I've put it out into the world.

And I've said,

Hey,

I made this decision.

I am not perfect.

And I don't want to be seen as perfect.

Lord help me.

I really hope that nobody thinks that about me.

I doubt it.

Because I don't think I give off that vibe.

And also,

I don't think I could portray that image if I tried.

But,

Yeah,

I just,

We just need to acknowledge where we are.

Say the thing out loud.

Have a deep sort of acceptance for the fact that,

Hey,

This time around things did not maybe go the way we hoped they would.

And so much gentleness with ourselves.

Because we are just out here doing the best that we can.

And we're learning every step of the way.

And when we trip up,

We learn maybe even more.

Maybe exactly what we're supposed to learn,

Right?

Like there's no set curriculum for this school called life,

Unfortunately.

So we're all just kind of like going at it.

And we're just,

We need to be doing so with the utmost respect and kindness for the very real human experience that we're having.

You will mess up.

Things will go sideways.

Things will not work out the way that you hope they will.

Things will be hard sometimes.

And that's okay.

And all of it's okay.

All of it's okay.

And you're capable,

Too.

Just in case you needed that reminder.

You are absolutely capable of dealing with whatever it is that comes your way.

There is nothing stopping you from being able to show up fully.

There is nothing stopping you from picking yourself up,

Dusting yourself off,

And just keep on keeping on.

Like there is no line in the sand that says,

Oh,

Well,

You've messed up X number of times or you messed up again and thus you must just stop.

You must never continue and whatever.

Like it's not like that.

It just,

It's about being just with yourself.

So wholly present with yourself.

Holding yourself through the discomfort,

Through the misalignment,

Through the missteps,

Through the veering off the path and then getting back on.

Just constantly holding your hand as you come out the other side.

Inevitably stronger.

And if not stronger,

Let me tell you a hell of a lot wiser.

Right?

A hell of a lot wiser.

The lesson that I'm learning is not something new.

It would be fun if it was,

Honestly.

I think I'd feel better if it was something new.

It is not something new.

It is a deeper version of the same lesson that life has been trying to teach me for the last like three years,

I think.

Or longer.

Or maybe my entire existence in all honesty.

Because I know that I have a tendency towards burnout.

I made a series of decisions in mid-September that pushed me to work really,

Really hard in a very,

Very short period of time.

And I am grateful that I did it.

I am grateful that I did it.

The way that I showed up,

The integrity and the consistency and the thing that I did in that period of time was so necessary for my growth.

I said this before.

I will say it again.

I will say it forevermore.

I made the right decision for that version of me.

That needed to happen.

I needed to relearn this lesson.

I needed to come to the edge of burnout.

I needed to just taste it with the tip of my tongue,

Apparently.

For the millionth time.

For whatever reason.

All of this was meant to unfold this way.

And I don't love that it unfolded this way.

And I love that I made that decision there.

There's so many things that are unfolding at the same time.

There's so many emotions.

So many things going on.

And it's like,

Yes,

Because we're human.

Because we're human and we have the capacity to hold more than one emotion at the time.

And multiple truths can be real at the same time.

Like it's true that I have been in a place of tendency towards burnout.

It's true that I'm healing that.

It's true that I came a little bit too close or a little bit closer than I would have liked to.

And it's true also that I did such good work in the lead up to this.

And it's true now that I need to find another way to move forward.

A gentler way.

Because even when I was doing the thing and I was doing a lot of work,

I was still gentler with myself than I was three years ago.

Than I was ten years ago.

Whatever it was,

Right?

I am much kinder to myself along the way now.

And part of that is the environment that I find myself in and the circumstances and the support system,

As I've mentioned repeatedly on the last couple episodes of the podcast.

And then part of it is just because,

Like,

Lessons,

You learn them and you integrate them as you move on.

And even when you think you aren't,

I promise you,

You are.

Like even if you think like you haven't actually gotten it or it's not really like sinking in for whatever reason,

I promise you it is.

It really,

Really is.

And when we get to those tough moments,

We just need to be kinder to ourselves.

We need to cut ourselves some slack.

We need to say that it's okay that we messed up.

It's okay that we ended up in this place.

It's okay that we're going through whatever we're going through.

And we will come out on the other side.

And,

Like,

Personally,

Just saying this,

I'm already on the other side.

It's over.

It's crazy.

Like,

I understand that that sounds exaggerated,

But it really is.

I think that you can even see,

If you are watching this,

At least,

A difference in my energy from when I started to now.

And,

Like,

There's a little bit more,

Like,

Pep in my step,

So to speak.

And it's because,

Like,

It lives outside of me now.

Like,

I said the scary thing.

I didn't lock it away.

Brene Brown does so much work around shame.

And,

Like,

I know that she has,

Like,

An entire book about this.

But,

Like,

When you bring shame to the forefront,

When you say the thing that's embarrassing,

That's scary,

That makes you feel small,

And you bring it to the light,

It's almost as if it evaporates.

It just doesn't exist anymore.

Because it feeds on the dark.

It feeds on the small space that you keep it inside of you.

And it doesn't need to be there.

You can let it go.

You are worthy of letting it go.

You are capable of letting it go.

You have the tools necessary to let it go.

You can get this out in whatever way you need to.

Write it down.

Rip it up.

Burn it in a safe environment,

If that works for you.

Speak to a close friend.

Speak to someone who's important to you in your community.

Speak to your pastor,

To your priest,

To your therapist,

To your coach.

Like,

Say the thing out loud in a safe environment.

Say it to yourself.

Write it out,

Whatever it might be.

Whatever brings you a sense of catharsis and a sense of freedom.

And you'll know,

Because you are the expert on you.

You will know exactly what you need.

But above all,

You need kindness.

And I am sending so much of that to you today.

Yes.

So if you love this episode,

I would love to have you join my Wild Freewell group on Insight Timer.

This is a space where we can come together and discuss the episode.

You can ask me questions.

And just we can connect a little bit deeper.

And I would love to have you there.

So if that's something that speaks to you,

Then please,

By all means,

Feel free to join.

And,

Yeah,

I just hope that this podcast finds you so well.

And I will see you on the next episode.

Ciao.