Ep2: Beat Your Self-Limiting Beliefs

In this episode, Barbara and Wenlin talk about manifesting in life and how much our beliefs condition what we create. They share a simple, easy yet powerful exercise to beat self-limiting beliefs, how to connect with the power of creation, why affirmations might be hindering you instead of helping you, the first crucial step to building trust and the key ingredient to cultivating compassion on your journey of self-growth.

Transcript

Welcome to BW No Filter with Barbara and Wenling.

Hello,

Is Barbara here?

Hey,

It's Wenling.

So in the last episode of the podcast,

Barbara and I were chatting a little bit about manifesting from beyond your limited experience.

And also we touched on the topic briefly about having the audacity or the courage to ask for something that is not currently available so that you can really bring what is from your dreams into your existence.

And Barbara,

Do you have anything you'd like to add or to recap from that episode?

Well,

Actually I was left very curious about hearing more about you on this because I gave my insights and we reflected a bit,

But I would like to hear from you about this topic.

Well,

I think last episode we left on the note where I had asked my favorite bakery whether they would make the almond croissant of my dreams.

They haven't yet,

But I'm still looking forward and I still go there almost every day.

So I'll give an update maybe closer to when they respond to me,

But just touching on having the audacity to ask,

I think like another idea is this,

Like sometimes the fear of asking for something that you really want stems from also this underlying self-limiting belief that is simply not possible.

And I wanted to also share this very powerful exercise that I did within this annual review workshop that I participated in.

And the host or the guide for the workshop,

Jake,

He made us do this exercise,

Which was so powerful.

It got us to think of ourselves in one year's time and then to say and to say everything as if our dreams were already come true.

So let's say,

For example,

Your dream is to become a world famous artist and to have your artworks exhibiting all around the world.

Then in the breakout rooms,

We were speaking with a couple of other,

Two other people,

And we were sharing our dreams,

Speaking as if it is already one year or one year has passed and all our dreams came true,

No matter how crazy or how wild they were.

And as I was doing that exercise,

It felt so strange because a part of myself was very scared and also it felt like I was an imposter,

But some part of me then started to really believe in the idea that it could be true because I was saying them as if they were true.

And then my brain started to really believe it would be true.

And I've started to really realize that my path has become more and more aligned with this goal and this vision that I sit in present tense.

So I didn't say I will do blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Or I was,

Or I could,

Or I'm going to,

I just said,

Wow,

You know,

I'm,

I'm experiencing this right now.

Every day is like this.

I have this,

I am this,

All this present tense.

And that was so powerful.

And yeah,

Does this relate to anything you've experienced,

Barbara?

Yeah,

Actually listening to this,

You know,

Talking and saying things in the present tense reminded me of one of my favorite authors on this kind of topic,

Let's say,

Is this Wayne Dyer.

I don't know if you ever read him.

He often talked,

He passed by the way.

And I'm always saddened because his talks were very,

Very inspiring all the time in this,

In this specific topics.

He always talked about the Tao and all the things.

And it came to me,

I don't know,

Probably you and the Chinese philosophy can enlighten us if you have,

You know,

Learned more on that direction on these topics.

But he was always mentioning several things and about those philosophies and the importance of saying,

I am,

I am,

I am.

So always in the present tense and starting from there and like creation starts from the I am.

And then,

Yeah,

You really start believing in some kind of like you're really living it now.

And then of course the future will come from what you are now.

So he,

He really gave a lot of wonderful insights on this topic.

And it was always focused on that,

On the I am and that you really create from who you are.

So if you are in the present,

That's what you want to be.

Then of course what you want to be will be.

So it's about changing.

It's it's like changing your now at least starting from the way you think about it.

So what,

What do you have anything to add about it?

But I was always very intrigued because he,

He brought a lot of these ideas from,

You know,

Chinese philosophies and all that kind of things,

Which I started to learn a little bit from him,

But maybe you can enlighten us a little more if you are into that.

Yeah.

I can't say I'm like very familiar with his work,

But I am very intrigued.

And also in have read a little bit about this concept of the Tao,

Which is basically the Tao in Chinese means the path,

The way,

But also it means the process.

It means a journey.

It means much more this idea that.

We as microcosms are also deeply aligned with the macrocosm that is life itself.

And this is very beautiful metaphor that I like to,

To use to describe our lives.

It's almost like you and I,

And all of us,

The listeners who are tuning in,

We are all each heroines of our own story.

And the greatest story that is being told is the story of life itself.

All right.

We all have these tiny books of different plot lines,

But these plot lines intertwine.

And then at the end of the day,

We are flowing in the general direction that is life itself.

And interesting that you,

You talked about this idea of,

Um,

Changing your almost changing your current self so that you can then realize your future self.

And I think a lot of topics about manifestation talk about how.

As you speak in the present,

I am,

It is also perhaps as you're listening,

You're hoping to manifest,

Um,

The impact that you want to achieve in the world.

If you're a female change maker and you're tuning in and instead of thinking that,

Oh,

No,

I'm still missing some context,

Or I still don't have,

You know,

The amount of knowledge that I need,

But simply believing that you already have all these resources.

And then of course,

At the same time,

You,

It's not that you don't do any work,

Right?

You do have to do work to accumulate,

To become the future self that you want to be.

But the first step,

As you mentioned is to be grounded in the present moment and to start to believe that you already are your future self.

And I think that is such a powerful paradigm shift as well.

Is there anything you would like to add on that or elaborate on?

Um,

Well,

I would like to touch ground on the taking action part of it,

Because you said,

Say,

No,

There is,

You know,

A lot of people when talking about manifesting is like,

You know,

Hoping and praying that this will happen and moving no finger about doing anything.

And of course we have to take action,

But even if it's focusing on the present,

There is a lot of work.

I mean,

Sometimes work is not always in the external world in the beginning,

There is a lot of work to do inside and with yourself,

You know,

How do you make yourself believe something that you don't have,

And you have no idea how to really get it out in the world.

So there is a lot of internal work that you have to do and you have to do it in the present.

So,

So there is work,

Of course you don't,

Perhaps sometimes you move your hands.

Sometimes you don't move your hands,

But you know,

There is work,

There are energies that are moving.

And once you start to move from within,

Like you start to really,

First of all,

See that future self that you are trying to become.

And then you come to the realization that,

Okay,

Then I have to become that person now.

So I can say I am and actually believe it because,

You know,

There is this thing with the affirmations and all these kinds of things that are very popular,

That many times they are counterproductive because when you are repeating things that you don't really believe you could make more harm than good because you create some,

You know,

This connection,

This conflict,

And you're actually not believing it.

And then you're maybe,

You know,

Beating yourself in the head because you are not there yet.

And you have struggled believing what you're repeating.

So I'm not really up to just repeating things just for the sake of repeating them.

I'm more of like,

Okay,

I would like to become that person.

And then what does that person feel?

How does that person think?

How would this person behave or react or respond instead of react?

You know,

All these little things,

And then try to apply them now,

Like today and be present and then be aware.

So I catch myself not always before I do the things,

But soon after I did it and say,

Oh,

And then instead of like,

You know,

Going into a downward spiral of self-criticism,

Just saying,

Okay,

Next time I will catch myself.

So these are,

You know,

A lot of things that aren't really needed to be done now and nobody talks about them.

And it's work,

And it's a lot of work and it's a lot of energy because it's you with yourself.

So it's you against you kind of thing,

Which you have to team up.

You with you will move forward.

And then from that new you that you are creating,

That's how you're bringing your future to your present because you are becoming that person.

And then of course you are taking new action in the outside world because you are a new person.

If yesterday you would have behaved in a certain way,

Well today with your new approach,

You will take a different action.

So instead of sitting and watching Netflix,

You are researching what you want to do,

Or you are calling someone or you are,

You know,

Asking the questions that you need to ask.

So that's a thing for manifesting.

It's an important thing.

You have to take action,

But you have to take action that makes sense to with this thing that you want to become or you want to achieve or you want to have or whatever it is.

Yeah.

That's so powerful.

And I also want to even pick out the point that you mentioned just even a little bit briefly and you talk about this idea of conflict in psyche.

And a lot of this conflict is the reason behind this self-limiting beliefs behind stopping a specific individual from realising her dreams and her vision.

And as you mentioned,

I think like possibly the most important factor for many of us is this idea of compassion.

We are not where we want to be,

But at the same time,

This person whom we are right now has brought us so far.

And there's so much of who we are right now that might also still be valuable,

That still you know,

Has protected us,

Kept us safe.

So how might we be able to move forward to become the future self that we want to be at the same time being compassionate to some parts of our old self and also beginning to cut ties with some of this old parts of our identity.

And yeah,

And I really liked the idea that our identity,

As you mentioned,

Is fluid.

And I love this identity of fluid self and that we are constantly growing and morphing.

And a lot of the time,

This self-limiting beliefs are almost a self-defence mechanism that the body or the mind presents to protect the ego so that whatever has served us in the past continues to keep us and retain that solid sense of self.

But then if we don't begin to cut some ties or become really honest with ourselves,

Like I used to do this behaviour in the past because it made sense.

But right now,

If I want to move towards this dream or this vision,

I can no longer be a person who is,

For example,

Seeking stability.

Perhaps you want to take risks because you want to expand and increase the degree of impact you want in the world.

Meaning you have to like release some of the things so that then you can grow.

And I love this metaphor on this saying,

Youtte pi youshih,

In order to gain,

You must lose.

So you must lose some parts of your old behaviour,

Your old self,

Even your time,

How you spent it from the past.

I have experienced this as well before February.

There've been so many new projects I've been wanting to work on.

And it's almost like my intuition told me that I would need this time and this space.

And even though I enjoyed the steady income and the confidence,

And also like the,

Even the compliments I received from some of the regular jobs I've been doing,

I decided again,

To use my old self's inclinations to cut and reduce some of these things simply so that I can have the space to then grow and then grow these new projects,

Grow my new self.

Is there anything else you would like to share?

How has your experience been,

Barbara,

On this journey?

Oh,

Well,

Just about the last thing you said,

Especially when you're starting new things,

There is a lot of energy that is required from us,

Like mental energy.

And if you are spread too thin,

Doing like 101 things,

Where is all your energy going?

So you may get there to all the 101 things that you want to do,

But most likely you will not do any of them,

Like not even average,

You will be really killing yourself.

So this is so important.

And sometimes it's like,

You really don't need to be doing most of the things we are doing probably we shouldn't,

But we do them because we have been doing them or,

You know,

Maybe they are escape ways for not doing the really important things.

And it's really,

Really important to be honest with yourself and identify what things are really serving you and then really like detach from everything.

And some things that you really need to stop doing like forever.

Well,

You will decide which ones you will have to understand which ones and something you just have to put aside for a while because you have another priority.

Either you want to start your business,

Your project,

Or,

You know,

Something,

A new path in your life,

As you will say,

Like,

You know,

Leave aside the stability.

That always makes me laugh because what is like,

You know,

The security of the whatever it is that you are doing.

We have already seen in the last two years how crazy everything can get from one day to another.

It's like,

So whatever you're doing today in whichever field,

How can you know you can still do it the same way tomorrow?

So stop living in this fake illusion that because you're doing something,

It's a stable and it's a steady.

And if you are not really open to adapt to the circumstances like around you,

Maybe you have really good business going on or a really steady job that is going on and you don't dare to leave it because no,

No,

This is steady income.

And I know I wake up tomorrow and it's going to be there.

But who said it's going to be there tomorrow?

You know,

So it's just like an illusion of stability.

Stability is nonsense.

And the sooner you come to conclusions with that idea,

The better,

Because then you will be willing to take the risk for the things you really want to do instead of holding to that,

You know,

Illusion of stability or safety and all that.

Just accept it.

Of course,

You don't go and do crazy things without the preparation,

But just don't stay in a place that is not really making you any good because you are afraid of taking risk.

I mean,

It's risky to live your entire life doing something you don't like or in a circumstance that you don't like or with a self that you don't like.

That's even worse because you can live with yourself.

I mean,

You've got to live with yourself till you die.

So don't cling to things that are really,

Really not good for you.

And they can be tiny.

They can be big.

It doesn't matter,

But just learn to let go of everything basically.

That's really sound,

But at the same time,

Really tough advice.

And I remember having this conversation some months back and on the topic of letting go,

I would like to also speak a little bit about this and then later on,

Of course,

Hear your opinion because for me actually during the pandemic,

What I was very focused on was like fortifying myself and I focused on becoming resilient because I then had the belief that the world cannot be depended on and I had to depend on myself and I was very focused on training others to be dependent on themselves.

So no matter what happened to the world,

They could rely on themselves.

But then later on,

I think towards the end of last year,

And I experienced this paradigm shift and I cannot even explain if there was a triggering incident,

But I started to realize that I had lost my trust in the world.

And in order to realize the real dreams and the visions that anyone has,

It's not just important to trust in your own ability,

But also to be able to trust in this greater invisible hand that is present.

And you mentioned the Tao,

Right?

This idea of the Tao,

Which is so powerful and that we are all,

And I talked a little bit about how we are each heroines of our own journey and that the greatest story that is being written is life itself.

But I do recall vividly that we had a conversation and you said that when you truly step into this idea of trusting,

Not just yourself,

But also the world,

And you are clear with your vision,

You declare and you ask for this vision.

It's almost like the entire world then begins to conspire and all these forces come together to align,

To help you realize that goal.

And it's almost like,

As what some people call it,

A quantum leap.

Do you want to talk and share with our listeners here a little bit about that,

About trust,

Not just in yourself,

But in life itself?

You took many risks in your life.

Well,

Yeah,

It's a complex topic.

I mean,

There are many things that you have or could trust.

When you were starting the idea,

You said you couldn't trust the world.

Well,

The world is one thing and this invisible universe or thing or power or God or whatever you want to call it are two different things.

And the world with humans and the world that we don't see.

And so first,

For me,

It's important to make this separation because for me,

I trust in what I don't see,

Like I trust it blindly.

And of course,

It has to be blindly because you cannot see it.

But I feel it.

And then,

However you decide to approach the,

Let's call it physical world and the people out there and the everyday life,

Well,

That's very personal.

And that's up to everybody's experience on how to move around there.

Really,

If you learn to really trust that invisible thing,

Then it doesn't matter what's going on out there,

Like in the physical,

In the material,

Because then you will be kind of inspired or guided or your intuition or you will just really know where to go.

And the people who is in front of you is the right person.

And 99% of the time it is.

And when it's not,

It's because you really didn't trust that bigger thing.

And then you try to reason your way through life and then you ended up hitting a wall.

So basically,

The less you can interfere with your logic about the decisions,

That's in my personal experience.

You know,

When I hit a wall,

It's because I interfere with my mind instead of just blindly trusting that intuition that comes from something bigger,

From trusting that whatever happens is going to be good.

And hear me out here,

Because whatever happens to be like a terrible thing in the eyes of people.

And it could be for most people a catastrophe.

But if you are really in tune with whatever is going on inside and trusting the universe,

That catastrophe,

It could be the best thing that could ever happen to you.

But as soon as you interfere with your mind and try to solve the problems and not trusting,

Not trusting,

Not the people,

The bigger picture,

The universe,

Whatever you want to call it.

I don't really like to use a name because some people have conflicts,

But it's like just calling whatever you want.

That is invisible.

You have to trust that.

That is guiding your action,

That is guiding you.

And then everything results.

But you have to act from a sense of trust.

And I cannot stress this enough.

It's not trust in the person you have in front of you.

It's trust in that thing that you cannot see.

That the person who is in front of you,

No matter what she or he is doing,

Is the right thing.

And a lot of people struggle with this concept because it's like,

But these people,

This person is just behaving wrong with me.

And then,

Well,

But how does this person,

What is this person really doing to you?

Why is this person in your way?

So I mean,

This is a really complex topic,

But I will just conclude with this.

You know,

The trust has to be 100% in that invisible thing.

And then you operate,

Some people call it faith,

Some people call it trust,

Some people call it,

You know,

Whatever.

It doesn't matter what you call it,

But you just know it's the right way.

You have to feel good.

You have to really learn to read your internal guidance.

How you feeling?

So many times when we meet for coffee or something,

My question is like,

How are you feeling?

How are you doing?

Or how are you or something?

You know,

It's like,

It's a different approach.

It's a very peculiar one.

Most of people really don't approach things this way,

But this is the way it works for me and it has worked pretty well.

Thanks for sharing that,

Barbara.

And I think that is so powerful.

And I,

As someone who has quite recently,

I would say,

Began to really deepen my connection with my intuition,

I can wholeheartedly agree and vouch for what you're saying,

Since I've aligned both my logical brain and the side of that,

That says like,

Oh,

You know,

Having collected this data,

This,

This,

This,

This is the logical next step that would maximize,

You know,

My impact in the world that would minimize my effort.

And then at the same time,

The intuition,

As you mentioned,

Which for example,

Led me to create that entrepreneurs meet up.

And then I met you and then we went for coffee and then you said,

Why don't we do something?

And then here we are.

So,

And who knows how this will unfold,

But probably like,

I'm just guessing also a lot of our listeners here,

Especially those of them who have not yet embarked on this journey of trust,

How can one begin to start to build,

Even just take baby steps towards having a little bit more trust in the world.

A little bit more trust in,

As you mentioned,

This invisible hand,

I mean,

God,

Faith,

The sauce,

The Tao,

Whatever you want to call it.

Do you have any tips from your own experience for our listeners here?

Well,

I don't know if from my own experience but yeah,

It also applies to me because what I would say is like,

Just start to pay a little more attention to yourself.

And this is valid for everyone.

And it is also a reminder for me because it's easy to forget that you have to pay attention to yourself.

And what I mean about that is,

What's your thoughts when,

Especially when you've got to make a decision,

Like an important one,

Not what kind of coffee you're going to have,

Just feel how you feel.

And when you are thinking all your reasons,

And with your logic brain,

Just notice if there is some sound,

I mean,

And some noise,

Some interference that you don't really feel good with that.

I mean,

And I have,

You really have to start paying attention because most people are not used to pay attention to how they are feeling and how they are reacting.

And then look back in the past,

How many times you were sure you had to do one thing,

But then you came to another conclusion because it was the most logic one.

And then time in,

You regret because you knew that wasn't the way you have to go and you knew you had to do different.

And this is amazing because so many times I start talking to people and they say,

No,

In the beginning,

But then they reflect.

And then it has happened to me sometimes even years later,

People get back to me and say,

You know,

Remember that conversation?

Well,

It happened this and that,

And now I'm on a completely different way because you were right.

So it may be hard in the beginning to really understand how to do this,

But start reflecting from the things you did in the past and not from a judgmental standpoint,

Just research,

You know,

Like research your own history and learn how many times did you regret something?

Try to remember,

Did you have a feeling about that?

Did you have an idea that was different,

That you knew you wanted that you put it aside because maybe someone told you to do different.

Maybe your mind told you to do different.

Maybe nobody else was doing it and you were sure you had to do it,

But nobody else was doing it so you couldn't trust it.

So start looking back and see if you can spot one,

Maybe more.

And I'm sure there will be many times when you just ignored your intuition and you didn't know it.

And then you wish you could go back in time and do a different,

But you can't,

But you can do a different in the future.

So I hope this is a little tip that can get you started to reflect.

Yeah.

And that's a great and very actionable exercise.

And it almost reminds me of something I've heard of before from a yoga nidra and meditation teacher,

Tracy Stanley.

And she mentions in one of her sessions about how it's important for you to connect with your intuition and also to reflect back,

As you mentioned on you know,

Specific scenarios and situations in which maybe you didn't listen to your intent,

Your intuition and how did that go?

How did that actually go well for you?

And then for the times in which you did,

You know,

Follow your intuition,

What happened?

And then you can really make a very sound decision moving forward,

Whether that makes sense to trust this thing that,

You know,

Some people call intuition,

Gut feeling,

Some people call it the download from the great internet,

The great Tao,

Right?

Yeah.

That sounds like a wonderful way to really connect deeply with intuition.

I'm just thinking we have just about a couple more moments before we end off the podcast.

Is there anything else you would like to elaborate on that's on your mind relating to this idea of trust and relating to also,

We talked a little bit about compassion.

So maybe do you want to touch on that,

This idea of compassion or even the other part,

Because you mentioned there's trust in the world,

Right?

This invisible hand,

The things you cannot see.

And then there's trust in,

For example,

The person which is in front of you,

In your community,

Your family,

So on and so forth.

Yeah.

Well,

You just dropped me a lot of possibilities.

That's what I'm saying.

Let's make the best from the last minute we have here.

Wow.

The compassion thing,

I mean,

I'm always saying like,

Don't be judgmental with yourself.

That means be compassionate.

So for some people,

The word compassion,

It's also complex to understand.

So start from just not beating up your head when you start to really understand that you are doing things that you don't like to be doing,

Or you reflect to your past and say,

Oh,

I should have done that,

Why,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

No.

So you go back,

You learn,

In the future,

You do it different.

And if the next 10 times that you try it and you do it the same way,

Well,

Still be patient.

So that means be compassionate.

Just you are learning,

Like maybe learning to walk.

I mean,

How many times it tries and falls?

Like nobody's saying,

Oh,

You're stupid,

You can't walk.

So just think about that and just help yourself,

Hold your own hand and be patient.

And I think that's the best I can say with the time we have in hand.

And we can chat with the rest next time maybe.

Yeah,

That sounds great.

Yeah,

So thanks for leaving our listeners here with this note of holding confession for themselves and also just being patient,

As you mentioned.

And that probably is the first step along with what you mentioned about reflecting on the situations and specific scenarios in which you might have connected with your intuition.

And that went well,

And that might serve as reinforcement to encourage you to trust more and to expand this trust in a more expansive way moving forward.

All right,

With this,

I guess we come to the end of today's episode.

And thank you so much everyone for tuning in.

We'll be in touch again with the next episode.

See you all soon.

Yeah.

Thank you everyone.

And thank you also,

Waleen,

For the questions you always bring to the table because I think it helps.

It will help a lot of people.

I love picking at your brain,

Barbara.

It is amazing.

All right,

We'll end up this episode.

Thanks everyone.

Bye.

Bye.