Formula For A Successful Healthy Relationships

This talk is based on a course of miracles. It's about relationships. It explains the difference between special relationships and healthy relationships, and how we can transform them. I'm sure you can identify yourself in some situations.

Transcript

Formula for a successful healthy relationship.

Hello,

Welcome!

Thank you very much for joining me in this talk about healthy emotional relationships.

This talk is based on the Course in Miracles and the way this course explains it is very transformative.

The Course of Miracles distinguishes between special relationships and holy relationships.

I am going to substitute holy relationships for healthy because it is more familiar in my language.

It can be very common in all of us who have endured so much suffering and disappointment in our relationships and we ask ourselves why is it so difficult to find someone who agrees with our values and our points of view?

And why relationships that started with a lot of passion deteriorated until they are stagnant,

Until they fall into a routine or perhaps a breakup?

And we wonder why there are so many people looking for satisfaction outside of their main relationship?

Why are there so many divorces?

Or why relationships last so short?

Or why there are so many people going from marriage to marriage feeling empty and alone?

A Course of Miracles clarifies this painful dynamic for us and proposes the remedy.

This course emphasizes that we all seek a special relationship.

And it defines what a special relationship is.

In a special relationship,

We choose a person to be our source of happiness.

We believe that we are empty,

Needy or imperfect.

That's why our life is boring,

Absurd,

Meaningless and full of suffering or drama.

Then we give that person the power to redeem us from our feeling of lack and make us happy.

The idea that you complete me is a quintessential maxim of a special relationship.

Thinking that someone else can complete you implies that you are incomplete.

This is a misconception about ourselves.

It is the cause of all our emotional suffering because it is not true.

You are not incomplete and nobody can complete you because you are already complete.

The great danger of the formula that you complete for me is that if someone has the power to complete you doing what makes you happy,

That person will also have the power to make you feel incomplete again when that behavior that used to make you happy changes.

And then you will sink into despair and feel more alone than ever.

In this way,

You will feel happiness when the relationship works and you will feel sunk when the relationship makes water.

So,

You are empowering this person to send you either to heaven or hell.

If you are in love with its beauty when it changes,

Your love will end.

If instead it gives you security,

The day this person decides to stay with his friends,

Instead of being with you,

You will feel rejected.

The course of miracles tells us that special love is a drug and of the addictive ones.

The more you consume it,

The more you need it.

And when it disappears,

You experience a great withdrawal syndrome.

The learning is that you cannot identify something external to you as a source of your well-being or of your regrets and being at peace with yourself.

When you make something special,

You give it an exclusive power to save or sink you.

And there is nothing and nobody who deserves such power.

Only you have it.

And when you remove it from that person,

You find the cure.

Understanding that that special person you have been looking for is you.

And that your salvation comes from you.

We all have a special relationship with something,

With someone,

With money,

With a partner.

So this course teaches us to understand and transform these types of relationships into healthy relationships.

Special love relationships are fueled by special hatred.

When you hand over the power of your happiness to someone,

You hate that person because they can handle you with their influence on you.

So the course tells us that behind the soft whispers and passionate sex,

The anger that flares up when they don't treat you the way you would like and at the same time,

You hate yourself for having sold you.

To accept a special love,

You have to consider yourself imperfect,

Empty and unable to achieve happiness for yourself.

And having that concept of yourself,

It lowers you to need someone who appreciates you.

And this is why special love relationships so quickly turn into special hatreds.

This happens because the love you give to that person who you consider special is not really love.

It is a special love.

But it is not a healthy love because deep down you intend to get something from that person that you think you don't have.

And as long as you bring good things,

You love her.

But beware.

When you neglect,

You hate her.

This special hatred that hides behind special love happens when you hand your power over to someone you suppose is closer to beauty,

Talent,

Power,

Success,

Wealth than you have.

It is a fine line that separates love from hatred of that person.

For having more than you and for being able to control your happiness.

So a little mistake in a special love makes it become special hate.

On the other hand,

In a healthy relationship,

You do not consider yourself a person who is missing something,

Nor do you give the other person the power to save or thank you.

Be part of an equality in which the two of you are complete beings and that you are together to discover,

Expand and celebrate the gifts that you grant each other and the world.

You recognize that the source of your happiness is in yourself,

Inside you,

And that you can choose to feel good despite the behavior of your partner.

Your partner is not the screen on which you project your unmet needs and your dislikes,

But an appreciated partner whom you appreciate more and more.

The Course tells us that the reason you are together is not to compensate for each other's deficiencies,

But to honor and express a sufficiency that you already have.

In this case,

You do not use a relationship to quarrel with each other,

To belittle yourself or to pigeonhole yourself in suffocating roles.

Rather,

Your relationship is a way of bringing out the best in yourself and stoking your light so that it shines to the fullest.

In a healthy relationship,

Each one has looked within and has not seen any insufficiency.

By accepting your complexion,

You want to extend it by joining another as full as he is.

He does not see differences between his being and that of the other since the differences only occur at the body level.

He doesn't see anything he would like to appropriate.

One of the ways to cultivate a healthy relationship is to abandon your insistence on the way you believe that your partner should behave and support him on the path he has chosen,

Instead of the one you expected.

Free yourself from your partner's egoistic demands and expectations.

If one of you chooses to explore another path,

The other person may become upset and try to pressure your partner to follow the script.

Understanding that your partner stays true to a certain form is a wrong indication of a special relationship.

Non-attachment to a form is an unequivocal indication of a healthy relationship.

In a healthy relationship,

Both have much credit for their ability to flow with changes in the relationship and to be able to create a marriage based on love and not fear.

The Course of Miracles tells us that the special love relationship is a favorite weapon for the ego to get away from peace.

You think they will lead you to heaven but they condemn you to hell.

In healthy relationships,

Only love is cultivated and they take you to heaven.

So when distress appears,

It will be your indication that you are in a special relationship and not a healthy relationship.

So if you are already in a relationship and you consider that you are in a special relationship and you want to transform it into a healthy relationship,

To cure this relationship,

Find and focus on the aspects that support your favorite version of your partner.

Stop pounding on your flaws,

Reward the favorable aspects and enhance the behaviors and relationships you want.

Another point is that you cannot control the behavior of others nor can you tell them what they have to decide.

What you can fully control is in what aspects are you going to focus to enhance your experience.

Another point is that you decide to support each other instead of continuing to have a conflict.

If you support each other,

You will be building a healthy relationship.

The Course of Miracles tells us that if you have problems in your relationship,

It is because you have put in the hands of the ego,

A matter that is not capable of handling.

In other words,

You cannot get out of a problem in a relationship with the same mentality with which you started it.

This Course tells us that you don't have to do it all by yourself.

Ask for help with all your heart and you will receive it.

You will be told exactly what you have to do,

When and how,

Through faith.

That is,

You do not need to generate anxiety to solve everything at this time but ask the Universe,

God,

Face to what you want,

To send you a signal to tell you how you have to do it,

When and where.

It also tells us that if you do not perceive the blessings of that relationship,

It is because you have been concentrating on the flows.

Ask and affirm that you are going to find the blessing,

The affirmation in your relationship.

It is there,

The happiness and the healing that you experience when transforming a special relationship into a healthy relationship.

Far exceed the rewards you hope to achieve,

So when you recognize the goods they offer you,

You will give thanks for all the people you have shared your path for a moment or throughout life.

And all your relationships will bless you forever.

And here ends this exercise that distinguishes between special relationships and healthy relationships.

I hope it helped you.

Thank you.

Reviews

Thank you. Quite succinctly put and applicable to any type of relationship, be it romantic, friendship, business or with things like money or life pursuits. Namaste 🙏