Unconditional Love Expressed In Relationships (Talk & Q&A)

This talk explains what unconditional love is and how it is applied in relationships. The talk is followed by a Q&A session and answers questions such as: are there boundaries to acceptance in relationships, and if so - what are they; how can I forgive myself or my partner; how do I stop projecting my happiness onto the relationship, and more.

Transcript

Hi everybody and welcome to this Inside Timer live event on unconditional love expressed in relationships. So the first question is what is unconditional love? And unconditional love is not really what the mind expects it to be, It is not some kind of a formula of behavior or a constant feeling in the body of love towards something or someone. What it actually is, Is this present stillness this I am-ness that we often reach in meditation. And this is unconditional love because this space of awareness, This space of being that we find, Is always embracing everything exactly as it arises. So if there is a thought that is considered negative by another thought, The space in which the thought appears awareness itself accepts it, Embraces it, Allows it to to be just as it is. So in this sense unconditional love is our truest, Deepest self and we can discover that more and more when we are on the spiritual path. So then the question is how do we express this unconditional love in the world and especially in relationships? Because let's be honest sometimes relationships are not easy and they trigger things in us. And the way to express this unconditional love is to do our best to fully accept anyone else anyone in our family, Our partners, Our friends, People we don't like so much you know to see them truly, To see them as our self really from a very absolute perspective, To behave with them as we behave with us. In order to do that of course we need to allow everything that is triggered in us by these people and sit with it, Feel it and accept it because it is a part of our self that we don't accept in case we don't accept something in them. So the way to express unconditional love in relationships is to make sure we have this unconditional love towards every part of us, Every thought, Every feeling, Every action everything that we do to fully accept it, To fully embrace it and once we do that with us it is a lot easier to to do it with others. Here it's important to say that acceptance doesn't mean non reaction, It doesn't mean just taking hits and doing nothing because ultimately we are here to serve another and if we get triggered then we are no longer in the space of unconditional love, Then we have lost this presence, This groundedness that we are and so the best thing we can do then is to take some time for ourselves to sit with everything that has been triggered and then see if a solution comes up or if we need to do anything about the situation. So once again the solution is to fully accept whatever is being triggered in us, To let it go, To release it and then to act from that place of acceptance towards the other person. It's also important to never blame others for what we experience because blame is a projection. By blaming another we first don't see them for who they are, We don't see that they are acting in the best way they could be acting in that moment and second we have lost our own self, Our own integrity and we project this losing our self onto this person and we think that they have lost themselves but in fact once we rest with what is triggered in us then we see that it is just us that we have lost ourselves. So sometimes reacting means creating some distance, Creating some space for you to find your presence, Your stillness within you and then be able to react appropriately to whatever someone else is doing. And I also want to say a few words about forgiveness because often we think forgiveness is about forgive and forget but to me that means pushing something down, It doesn't mean acceptance and real forgiveness. Real forgiveness is this discovering our essential self, Discovering that all of our emotions and thoughts and circumstances keep changing but we remain untouched by this experience, We remain whole and complete at all times and once we know that our self is always the same, Always complete then we can forgive others for their behavior because we know that ultimately we are not affected by anything that they say or do and that is true forgiveness and then there is sometimes a forgetting because we don't hold on to something that they have done in the past and we remain present. So thank you all for listening, I will now move on to the Q&A part of this talk. Artina asks what if you're not compatible with the person but still try to hang on? To me that means that there is a part of a view that the relationship is speaking to and so you are drawn back together by this something that is there and until that something is is revealed either you will become compatible or you will move in in different directions but if you still try to hang on that means that there is something in you that still wants to keep that person, That relationship for some reason. So either you can sit with this emotion or you can try and talk with the other person about it and see what they feel and if it's the same for them and then some form of healing will take place by bringing this awareness to this thing that makes you want to hang on. So V says I had a relationship for 11 years, She fell in love with someone else but either she can't let me go feeling like an option. So she can't let you go, Is that what you're saying? So I think that there's several things here she probably feels like there is a part of her that is not represented in your relationship and so she fell in love with someone else because of that but also she feels that in that other relationship there is something that she currently has with you that is not represented there so she's trying to to hold on to both of these relationships. But of course what's happening in her is that she thinks she wants something different but in fact it's just a projection, It's just a feeling in her of unhappiness, Something within her that she doesn't accept, She doesn't recognize and she wants to project that onto another relationship and feel satisfied but this satisfaction would only be temporary and then she would have to face this lack, Seeming lack in her again in another way. So the best you can do in this situation is to feel what it triggers in you as well. The 11 years is really a long time so I can imagine that it's not easy because maybe there's things also in you that you project onto the relationship some form of happiness and contentment and fulfillment so I would recommend coming back and recognizing that this happiness, This fulfillment that is seemingly being taken away is already here, It's already within you and knowing that coming from this place of presence and of acceptance there's several things that could happen but for sure it will reflect that for her so she would be able to see that she also is already complete and already fulfilled and already happy. If she can see that, That's great because then most likely your relationship will continue to unfold maybe even in a more beautiful way than before but if she can't see that then it will trigger the sense of I need to move away here and then the best thing you can do is to allow for that to happen. Of course stay in touch with her and see what is happening in her and do your best to support her and to love her as she is. Yeah, That's it, Just keep reflecting to her that she is already complete and happy by knowing that yourself for you. That would be my advice. I find it amazing how relationships reflect who we are really and the more fully we accept every part of ourselves the more beautiful all of our relationships become not only with our partners but also with family members, Also with friends and most importantly with our own thoughts, Feelings, Body, Behavior, You know all of these things that create our personality and then the more this personality can shine through in a variety and even often unexpected ways. So the first and most important relationship is always the relationship with our thoughts and the more we understand the structure of the mind and the structure and the patterns of emotions the more we can also understand those things in others and the more we can embrace them as they are as well. And you say I have recently started seeing things from this unconditional love point with my boyfriend but I realized I recently went back to my old ways of thinking taking an aspect of him that bothers me personally. Any tips on how to remember to take someone as they are yet still respect my own need. So I think this aspect of him that bothers you personally, Annoyingly for the ego, Should be your point of focus because it is this aspect that contains the most lessons for you personally, The most things that you don't accept about yourself. So be with this, Be from from the place of unconditional love towards your own response, Your own reaction to this aspect of him and then see what comes as a result of that. And it may well be that you tell him, Look I don't like what you do here, I don't feel like the relationship is balanced or something like that, Whatever it is that that it triggers in you but first and most important to respect your own needs from a place of unconditional love means to first and foremost not react from a place of anger or an acceptance towards him. And then once it's clear that there is no real issue, The issue is on the level of separate people with separate needs and separate desires and wants, Then you can talk about it and the perfect solution for you will will come. And just to say a bit more, Going back to old ways of thinking is not necessarily a bad thing because sometimes what someone triggers in us is this old part of us and old behaviors that sometimes even need to be enacted in one way or another. So even if it feels like old thinking, It's actually the way to to go through it and to process this emotion and then release these old patterns of thinking. Yes I know it's it's not always easy to see that it's something within us because the mind is is very convincing it's very convincing in saying that it's the situation that is wrong, That needs changing, That creates this anxiety etc etc but it's actually the other way around and if we if we begin to notice our day-to-day experience we will see that it's this way. So for example some days you wake up and there is anxiety in the body and so the day ahead looks difficult. This place is in your house or your home that you don't like, There's people that you think about and problems that come to mind and that's just the anxious feeling coming to life. Other other days you wake up it's the same morning, Same home, Same body, Same you, Same age and you feel happy and so everything around you is beautiful you know you notice all the things you're grateful for, The sun is shining, People are friendly you know. So it's really not the circumstances or the situation that creates our feelings it's more that a feeling arises and then we can either sit with it and feel it or we project it onto a person, A circumstance, A situation. Stephanie you say reading the four agreements and the fifth agreement is a good suggestion for people in this event. Yeah definitely I've read it a few years ago and and I love all of the agreements and especially one that says don't take things personally and and that's very difficult because sometimes people blame us. You know I said in the talk don't blame others because that's a projection of yourself onto them but the same is true backwards when people blame us it's difficult not to take it personally but the more we rest in unconditional love the more we see their blame as attention as a feeling that they are projecting onto us so it's not really something to be taken personally it's something that we can consider, Think about, Think if we should change something about us if they have a reason to say so and some of the times they will some of the times they won't but in either case we shouldn't take it personally. So yes I agree that you can read the four agreements it's a great great book. So I think I will end this talk here once again feel free to to reach out and check out my other talks and meditations on the platform, Join my group or actually my aim at the moment is to gain as many followers as as I can really because more followers will help me provide mentoring on the platform and also workshops so please if you like this talk do follow me on the platform and spread the word with your friends. All I wish for all of you is to find this unconditional love within yourself and then the right relationships and the right circumstances just come naturally. Thank you, Thank you all. Bye bye.

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