It Doesn't Have To Make Sense To Anyone But You!

A lot of scramble to share our thoughts with others to see if it resonates with them, and to see if it makes sense to them, before realizing that it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but us. If we like it, we should just go ahead with it, rather than wasting our time, asking for feedback.

Transcript

Hello everyone! I hope that you're doing amazing wherever you are in the world. My name is Bhoomshakha and I welcome you to my channel. As always I'm so grateful that you're listening, Subscribing and commenting. I really appreciate the support. In this one I wanted to speak to you about how when you're doing something with your life, When you've made a decision with regards to your life or with regards to the choices that you're making, With your life, With regards to your diet, With regards to whatever it might be, Right? When you're making a choice you have to remember this one thing, This one adage. I really want to share it with you because this is the way I live my life. It's like it's part of the way my vision for my life works, My mission for my life works. And the adage says something like it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you. In fact, Guess what, It's not going to make sense to anyone but you. Really it's not going to because that person on the other end, Whoever it is, Their your mother, Your sister, Your partner, Whoever it is, They haven't spent three, Four thousand hours or whatever amount of time you have spent thinking about the subject matter. As much as you've spent time on it, They have not, Right? They just have not. They don't care about it as much as you do. They don't have as much invested in it as you do. And so the amount of time that you spend thinking about it, The amount of energy that you spend on it, The amount of research that you've probably done on it, It's not, There's no one else on the planet who's going to do the same amount of research, The same kind of idea, Putting like the same kind of energy into it. No one else is going to do that except for you because you care about this issue. And so you have to remember that a lot of times when you'll be telling people, First of all, I tell people not to tell these things to other people. If you're starting something new or if you're starting a new habit or starting a new business or doing something really cool that you're really excited about, In most cases, It's a good idea to kind of keep it to yourself for the first few days, First few months, First few weeks, Whatever it might be. And then once you're used to it, Once you're happy with it, Once a little bit more stable, Then you can start sharing with people. In general, I don't talk about the things that I do with people until it's stable enough in my head because I don't want to hear their comments. I don't want to hear their criticisms. I don't want to hear their insights or feedback because they are not coming from the same place as me. I've spent hours thinking about it already. I've spent days researching it already and then I've decided, Okay, I think I'm going to do this. They're not. They haven't. They don't care. Right? And so they'll just randomly be like, Yeah, You know what? I don't really like this idea. And I mean, I sometimes do like to other people as well. I really try now to be like, All right, Let me think about this properly. And is this comment or feedback absolutely necessary? Right? Like, I really am careful. I'm trying to be very careful with that because in fact, That person might have spent hundreds of hours on it and I'm just going in and be like, Yeah, I don't like it. And then boom, Like their house of cards is completely false. And you know, They were so excited about something, But now it's completely gone into the garbage. Right? So you don't want to do that to someone else. You don't want that person to do that to you either. It's both ways. Right? And so in general, As I said, I don't share it until I'm completely satisfied and stable with the idea myself, But also if even then I share it with the world and they're like, Yeah, You know what? I really don't think it's a good idea. You know, I don't know. Are you sure about this? And this happens a lot to me because I started a lot of new things. I'm always starting new projects and always starting new things that I like to do. New publications. I just started a new publication called Rage Against the Patriarchy. Really excited about this project. And so of course I shared it with people once I was stable enough with the idea and really excited about it and grounded in itself, In myself with it. And of course, People are like, Yeah, You know what? I don't really like this idea. You know, I think I think it's too much. I think it's too ragey. And like, That's the point. But anyways, So, You know, People say all these things, But because I know that it's my idea and I'm happy with it and I've already gone into it and I know what it's all about. I don't really mind what they say because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I know what it's all about. Right. And so really try to come back to the sense of knowing every single time to the sense of why are you doing this and to come back to the sense of stability before you start sharing with people and before you let them destroy your ideas that you've worked so hard to create. This is something that happens quite often to people. I've seen it happen many times, Not only to myself, Not anymore, But I used to do that to myself all the time before. But I've seen it happen to so many people around me. You know, They've gotten by their ideas. They'll come in like just with all of this enthusiasm and this excitement. And then someone says, Yeah, You know what? It doesn't make any sense to me. And it's as if you can see, Like their inner child just like weeping inside and their whole foundation crumbling and them just like, Oh, My God. And I'm looking at it and they in my head, I'm thinking, Do not worry about it. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone. I just want to repeat that to them over and over again. And it is the truth. It really doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you. In fact, As I said, It's not going to make sense to anyone but you really. That's the truth of it. And I've given you so many examples from my life over all the different videos I've done. I mean, The fact that I one day decided, You know what, Guys, I'm going to quit my job. That makes me loads of money. I'm going to rent my apartment out downtown in a really nice area and I'm going to move to a random little tiny apartment in Chiang Mai, Thailand, Which is across the world in a random country, In the random part of the world in Asia. And, You know, My parents are like Asia. But we were born there. We went from there to here for a reason. So I'm going to move there and I'm going to start my own business. I'm going to start my own writing thing. I'm going to start my own thing. Right. So, Of course, You know, I made this decision. I made it out of a lot of hours of thinking, A lot. I spent a lot of time thinking about it. It seems probably spontaneous to other people. They're like, But yesterday you were fine. Today you're not. What's going on? Right. They don't see all the hours of thinking, Of pondering, Reflection, Contemplation that I've put into it. And so for me, I know it makes absolute sense. But then to them, They're like, Yeah, No, This does not make sense. You are losing your mind. You're probably not in the right state of mind. Maybe you should think about this a little bit more. Maybe there's something going on with you. Maybe what you need to do is just find a boyfriend. That's what a lot of people told me when I was like, You know, Guys, I think I'm going to quit my job and move across the world and start writing. People are like, Are you lonely? Do you need a boyfriend? Is that what's going on with you? And I'm sitting there thinking, Yeah, That's exactly it. Right. You're so smart. So much sarcasm. I should stop doing that. So anyways, So that's what I was like. No, It's not that. So, You know, I made this decision. I really want to do it, Blah, Blah, Blah. But then I realized over time, As I said, People are not going to understand you. In fact, A lot of times people will completely misunderstand you. They'll be like, They'll be in that zone and you're in this zone. You're like, But I said this. How did you figure that out? I mean, Come on, What's going on here? And so really no one needs to understand it. No one needs to know it. No one needs to be privy to it except for you, Because you're the one living your life. You're the one who's going to deal with all the issues, All the heartaches, All the heartbreaks, All that stuff is going to be your thing. No one else is going to be there for you during that time. They can just give this random advice to you saying, I don't think it makes sense. And then walk away. And then you're stuck with dealing with the ravages of it. Right. So why? Why bother? So in fact, I didn't actually, When I first moved to Thailand, I didn't tell anyone except obviously my family and a couple of friends. No one knew I was doing it. No one. No one, No one, No one, No one, Because I was like, I don't want to hear their criticisms. I don't want to hear their feedback. I don't want to hear their feedback. Like I'm like, It's feedback, But you haven't actually thought about it. And you haven't actually consciously thought about it. And so a lot of people just kind of give me random advice without even thinking about it. You know, Sometimes people actually come to me and say, You know, I really have a great idea for you on how you should run your YouTube channel. And in my head, I'm thinking you don't have a YouTube channel. You've never done a video in your life. You're afraid of doing videos. How do you have advice for me to run my channel? Right. I mean, Of course, I'll listen to the advice mostly, But I always take everything with a grain of salt. Less than a grain of salt sometimes, Because I'm like, Well, Yeah, I don't think I can trust your judgment or your advice because you have no idea what you're talking about. Right. It's not like a person who has 10 million subscribers coming to me and saying, Hey, Boom, So, You know, Maybe you should do this with regards to your YouTube channel. I think it'd be a great idea. Then I would jump on it, You know, Like a bee on honey or something. My metaphors need work. But but of course, If it's just a random person on the street, I'm like, Yeah, You know what? Thank you for the advice, But no, Thank you. Right. And so that's what I really want you guys to become like really strong within yourself and really understand that when you've made a decision, You're not making a decision, Just randomly getting a part of the balloon, But like, Yeah, Okay, This is what I'm going to do. You probably thought about it a lot. And so it makes sense to you for a reason, Because you've done research on it. You've thought about it. You've made a decision after hours and hours and hours of pondering. And so it makes sense to you. And usually that's the only person that's going to make sense to you. Like usually maybe maybe your partner might understand. Maybe your mother or father might understand. Mostly not. Maybe your sister might understand. You know, Someone really close to you. Maybe they'll understand. Maybe, Maybe, Maybe. But in most cases, I've noticed for myself, No one gets it. Really, No one gets it. And so am I going to stop doing things? Because they don't get it? No, I'm going to keep on doing it because it makes sense to me. And that's the only person that it has to make sense to. All right. And that's the only person that really I care about is, Does it make sense to me? Yeah. Okay, Cool. I'm doing it. And so I wanted to do this video because I really want you guys, People, Guys and gals to stop using this thing as an excuse. Oh, But you know, This person told me that it doesn't make. . . Who cares? Does it make sense to you? Go ahead and do it. Now, Of course, I'm not saying all of your ideas are going to be brilliant and on point. But if it makes sense to you, Do it. And if it doesn't work out, Cool. That's great. Some ideas work out, Some ideas don't. And so go for it. And you can call all these tweak things around. If it doesn't work out perfectly, You can be like, Well, That didn't work out. Maybe I could try this, Right? And so that's what life is all about. But you got to go for it. You can't always be going to other people and letting them ruin your ideas and then sitting in the corner in your comfort zone, Never trying anything new. That's not how you want to live this life, Do you? I hope not. All right. I hope this makes sense. If you have any questions, Comment below and I shall do a follow up video. But I think it's pretty straightforward. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone except for you. OK, Again, Thank you. And I shall see you the next time around. Bye for now.

Reviews

INSIGHTFUL and WISE❣️🙏🏻💕

For the record, I think your metaphors are fine and add to your authenticity. 😊 I love this brief talk. Ever since I was young child, my mother tells me I "dropped bombshells" on her and my dad. By this she meant that (and I still do this, nearly 50 years later) I would think things through, read things, and make a decision AND a plan - all without saying a word about it in any really significant way to anyone else. I think this gave her a lot of anxiety, waiting for the next "big idea" to drop, but she always seemed to roll with things fairly well. it was only when my own child was growing up that my mom told me how stressful it was on her.

So, as a professional in disability services with my educational background and degrees in psychology and counseling psychology, I considered that. After discussing it with my mother, I realized that not telling people was a two-edged sword, though I didn't realize it. Not telling them was excellent for me, for exactly the reasons you describe. it allowed me to crystalize my vision and feel comfortable with my decision and plans. (I did this after my husband proposed, too - told nobody for two days afterwards so I could savor the moment without external influences.)

The flip side, though, is that by keeping things to myself, I was cutting others out of my life in a meaningful way, to an extent. It wasn't just my mother. I started asking long-time friends - my best friend and I have been friends since we were 4 years old, having met in kindergarten, and she says this too like, "No kidding, Sherlock." This situation is one where close friends and family end up not feeling valued, trusted, or that their input doesn't matter to me. It DOES, but though it MATTERS, that doesn't give them an automatic license to continue pressing their views on me. My "bombshells" and "blindsiding" people created a general air of unpredictability and standoffish-ness. I had no idea.

Case in point. I was about to graduate from college with my bachelor's degree, and after years of thought (and experience, which my parents were directly involved in), I decided that after I graduated, I would enlist in the military. I announced this to my parents pretty matter-of-factly, outlined the very topmost level of decision-making (there were many and diverse, deep reasons beyond what I shared then), and figured that would make sense. I was not prepared for the silence that fell when I finished. I inwardly shrugged it off and suspected it had something to do with one of my mother's cousins having been killed in action during Vietnam, but other than him, only my two grandfather's had served during World War II, and we were in a time of peace with no clear and immediate threats that I had discerned during my research.

Years after I got out of the service, and not long before my husband did himself (we met while stationed together), did my mother tell me that hearing me say I was joining up made her physically sick to her stomach. There was much more, but she never let on what her reaction was until many years later. She supported me. I hate that my approach caused her to feel that way, though.

Consequently, I now take a hybrid approach. I still keep much of the decision-making to myself for the reasons you stated. However, minor ideas around the very edges of my Big Idea - I will discuss those with others. Those items are far enough removed that opinions from others don't really impact my overall decision process that much, and it not only lets them feel included and valued, but it also softens the potential shock when I do "announce" my decision to others. I have found this approach much more satisfying for all involved, and lessens the interrogations I used to get when things would seem to come out of nowhere.

My decision to join the military illustrates this nicely too - despite having spent years in high school in one of the military auxiliaries and talking about ROTC and the military being the most common path to the career I wanted at the time - I figured all those clues would make my decision much less surprising, but apparently I was wrong. I got absolutely GRILLED by my mother, and to a lesser degree, my father. I myself was blindsided by their reaction, thinking my history would have laid the foundation for this possibility. I learned that those in our inner circle want and need to feel they are a part of our lives, and if I shut them out in this way, they do the same to me. (The fact that their dropping bombshells on me doesn't bother me because I understand the process and usually have picked up on the signs earlier seems to irritate them though. Can't win for losing, I guess.)

So now, if I want to do something like maybe redecorate the living room (totally making this up), I might ask a friend if they have a preferred brand of paint and why. I might mention I have been kicking around some ideas and am just gathering information Later, if I do decide to use the brand they mentioned, I might do the "bombshell" reveal but point out in clear terms to them that I listened to them and took their advice, and that shocking neon blue wall paint is the brand they recommended and I like it just as much as they did. (It's also harder to be critical when you know your input helped create the end result. 😁)

Psychological matters aside, the core of all this is that I agree with you on keeping things to oneself during the decision making process and until you feel settled and comfortable with it. Seeking outside information is good too, if it serves to advance your thinking. I like that you mentioned you told your family and a few close friends only - those are the core folks I'm thinking if who would likely feel the most hurt or negative towards the "bombshell announcement" method. Telling those few can help make things more comfortable for all and keep relationships strong. Even so, it's not necessary to share all the details about every aspect of what's on your mind with them. Just broad strokes, and possibly a few other things far enough removed from the core of the matter that their input might be helpful but isn't the make-it-or-break-it issue it could otherwise be.

In everything, balance. And to thine own self be true.

Thank you for articulating this topic so well. Very refreshing to hear! I've bookmarked it as a pep talk for times I might have some self-doubts about whether I should talk things out with others - born of fear or procrastination or insecurity - or just buckle down to work through it and move forward myself.

Thanks for sharing this. I see you and the light within you. Be well. 🤲🏻❤️🤲🏻

Oh how I love that! I'll definitely listen to it again! Thank you for sharing that little wisdom 😊😘

Such insightful advice, thank you!! 🙏🏻😊