How To Avoid Toxic People Especially If You Live With Them

It's easy to avoid toxic people if you can door slam them, or kick them out of your life. But what if you live with such people, especially during lockdown? How to deal with their toxicity then? This episode touches on how you can protect yourself from negative energies surrounding you.

Transcript

Hello everyone!

I hope that you're doing amazing wherever you are in the world.

My name is Boomshakha and I welcome you to my channel.

I'm just really happy.

I always get really happy when I see the sun and it's actually warm outside today.

I know I'm wearing a lot of stuff but it's actually warm.

I mean it's windy but warm.

So warmish,

Not too cold in Canadian terms.

In this video I want to speak to you about toxic people.

I recently shared an image that said something like some of the most toxic people in your life come disguised as friends and family.

I shared that image and a viewer or a person who was reading it said I'd love it if you did a video on this.

I'm like alright,

Yeah cool.

A couple of days later after that I still hadn't done the video obviously because I have a schedule for it.

This person messaged me saying I watch your videos,

I love them.

Could you do a video about what do you do if you have toxic people in your life that you can't avoid?

Basically friends,

Family.

What do you do?

How do you deal with that?

How do you deal with people who are extremely toxic,

Who are extremely negative,

Who are energy vampires,

Who are taking away from you without giving back to you?

What if you can't just door slam them?

What if you can't just break off that friendship or relationship?

What if you have to live with them?

Especially if you are a child or you're a teenager or you are in a financial situation where you have to live with your parents and they are extremely toxic.

Or you are with a partner that you have to stick with for some reason,

Some whatever reason it might be.

You can't give that up.

What if you are stuck in a situation that is extremely toxic or filled with toxic people and you can't leave?

What are you supposed to do then?

It seems like a terrible situation to be in.

I wouldn't necessarily say that my parents are the most toxic people on this planet.

I'm not saying that they are terrible people in general.

They are actually really good,

Kind,

Generous people.

But they have toxic behaviors for sure.

I'm sure they look at me and think,

Oh my god,

She is very toxic too.

It's obviously based on perspective.

But I sometimes do think that they are extremely negative and they are always depressed for some reason or another or stressed out about something or another.

They always get sick all the time because of it as well because of the stress and the negativity in their lives.

I'm lucky that I don't actually have to live with them.

I live in Thailand most of the year and only because of the pandemic I'm here.

I do like spending time with them in small doses.

But I would say that in extremely high doses they do get to be extremely toxic and not good for my mental sanity.

So how do I deal with it?

And particularly in the pandemic,

I'm sure I've done a video on this in the past,

But in the pandemic there are a lot of people who are stuck in situations where it's not conducive to their mental health.

Actually,

They are probably thinking,

Well,

I'd be better off on the streets rather than living in this house because it's really not good for me.

So how do you deal with it?

How do I deal with it?

I'm going to give you a couple of tips from my end.

Again,

I can only speak from my perspective.

I'm not giving you ideas as an expert.

I'm giving you ideas as a person who's living through it right now.

Now again,

My parents are good people and I'm not complaining about them,

But this is a situation that I'm in where they are negative and a little bit toxic at times.

And so to be honest and to be authentic in that situation is very difficult.

So how do you do it?

You can't just run away all the time.

I can't run away from the situation all the time because I've promised myself that I'm not going to run away from things anymore.

And even if it gets extremely toxic,

I want to make myself so strong that I can go into any situation and be like a tree,

Like an oak tree,

Like a long,

Tall,

Not long,

Tall oak tree that,

You know,

Even if there's winds coming at it,

There's a hurricane,

There's a tsunami,

It's still standing tall.

It might be swaying a little bit at times because the wind is extremely powerful,

But it's still standing strong.

Its roots are so deep in the earth that nothing can faze it.

Nothing can bring it down.

I want to be like that oak tree.

And so I've always constantly been thinking about how to build up my tenacity,

My internal resilience,

My inner strength so that I'm so strong within myself that nothing on the outside can perturb me,

Can move me around.

I'm not saying that I'm becoming a robot.

I'm saying that I'm strong enough that if things do happen around me,

I can be like,

All right,

Yeah,

Cool.

So this is a difficult situation that I'm in.

I see it.

But you know what?

I'm strong enough.

I can deal with this.

Also,

It doesn't affect me as much because I know that's only a temporary situation and it's going to pass by soon enough.

And this is what I've noticed about toxic people.

And as I've said,

I've been around many toxic people.

And it might be because I'm an INFJ and toxic people are kind of attracted to us.

I know definitely narcissistic people are attracted to us and they're definitely very toxic.

But in general,

I find that toxic negative energy vampire like narcissistic people are constantly attracted to INFJs because of our internal strength,

Because of our cheerfulness,

Because of our energy,

Whatever it might be.

There's a reason they're attracted to us.

And so I've always been surrounded by these kind of people and I've noticed that they go through these phases very fast.

So I'll give you a quick example.

You know,

I'll get up in the morning and most mornings my parents are fighting about something.

Now,

Fighting in an Indian household is kind of weird because they'll be yelling at each other and it might seem like fighting,

But they're just having a conversation sometimes.

Sometimes they're actually yelling.

So you can't actually tell the difference sometimes.

They're like,

Are you yelling?

Are you fighting or are you just having a conversation?

Well,

Today I'm having a conversation.

OK,

Good.

Today I'm fighting.

All right,

Great.

And so sometimes I'll wake up in the morning,

You know,

I'll be doing my yoga.

I get up every morning and I do a yoga meditation practice.

Very,

Very important for me and for my internal resilience,

Which is something I'll speak about.

But I wake up in the morning and they'll be fighting.

Right.

And I'm like,

Oh,

Interesting.

OK,

Good.

In the past,

I would be like,

Oh,

My God,

They're fighting.

I should do something about it.

I have to go mediate.

I have to talk to them about it.

Now I realize that this is a drama that they're playing out in their lives and they just need to play it out.

So it'll just be playing out on its own.

I don't need to do anything with it.

So they'll fight.

And then an hour later,

Everything is back to normal as if nothing happened.

You know,

I'll come downstairs for breakfast and everything's peaceful and quiet.

And my mother's like catering to my father.

Oh,

Do you want something to eat?

You know,

Maybe I can make some nice dishes for you.

That's if nothing ever happened.

Right.

And so I really want you to realize that a lot of toxic people are just actually playing out dramas,

Like just their own dramatic situations.

And there's nothing you need to do about it.

Right.

It's only going to affect you if you get involved with it emotionally or physically or whatever might be.

Right.

It was very easy for me in the past to be like,

Oh,

My God,

My parents are fighting.

I should go help them out.

I should go and talk to them and implicate them.

And I would sit for hours and hours and hours talking to them,

Making sure that they were happy with each other.

The next day,

Again,

They'd be fighting and I'd be like,

Oh,

My God,

I have to go help them.

I did this over and over again until I realized this is just a normal thing for them.

Every single day they're going to fight or every other day.

And that's it.

This is the drama.

This is their life.

And so me being involved in it,

Wasting my energy,

My time,

My resources on nonsense,

That's just going to be repeated over and over again is a waste of my time.

So now when it happens,

I'm like,

All right,

OK,

Cool.

And then an hour later is done.

And then I wasn't involved.

My heart wasn't involved.

My emotions weren't involved.

I'm busy.

I put on headphones if it's too loud.

I'll be doing my work.

I'll be doing my yoga and meditation.

I'll be so into my practice that I won't even notice what's going on.

My sister's even commented on it.

She's like,

Did you not notice that they were fighting?

I'm like,

No,

I didn't,

Because it's not my business anymore.

They're fighting because they're fighting because it's important to them.

It's not about me.

It's about them.

They're doing their own thing.

Let them.

Right.

You don't need to be involved in everything everyone else does.

All right.

Let them deal with their own business.

You deal with your business.

Right.

And so this is something really important that you need to realize that you don't need to be involved with every toxic behavior that's going on around you.

You do not need to be involved in it.

Let it happen.

Let it happen on its own.

You don't need to go and be like,

I'm going to go in and save the world.

No,

You don't need to save the day.

You don't need to save your parents.

You don't need to save your family.

You don't need to save your brother.

You don't need to do any of that stuff.

They're all adults.

You need to save your children.

They need help from you.

They're too young to take care of themselves.

But if you don't have children and they're just random toxic people,

You don't need to save them.

Let them do their thing.

They're playing out their own dramatic shit.

Just let them.

All right.

Do not be involved.

Because as soon as you get involved,

That's when the toxicity hits you.

Because as long as I'm not involved in the fight,

As long as I'm not involved in the toxicity,

As long as I can just walk away,

Which I do,

It doesn't affect me anymore.

A lot of times they'll be fighting and I'm like,

It's a little bit noisy in the house.

I'm going to go for a walk.

And so while they're doing their thing,

Half an hour,

45 minutes,

Usually that's how long it lasts because it takes a lot of energy and they don't have that much energy.

And so I'll go for a walk.

I'll be back and they'll be done by then.

And I can just chillax.

I have a nice walk in the beautiful sunshine and I'm back and I can go back to work without worrying about noise or anything like that.

Do not let yourself get involved with toxic people.

Do not let yourself get involved with their nonsense.

Just step away.

Step back.

Stay in your bubble.

Stay in your bubble.

Now,

The bubble is created by physical practices,

Grounding physical practices,

Self-care practices.

How do you get to be that strong?

By taking care of yourself,

By loving yourself,

By doing a regular physical practice like dancing or yoga or tai chi or qigong or TRE or something that puts you into your body,

That makes you stronger from the inside out,

That brings you back to your body.

We spend way too much time here and not enough time in our body.

Our body needs to deal with it.

We need to be in our bodies in order for it to really come to fruition,

In order for our bodies to really be grounded and safe and secure.

Come back to your bodies every single day.

So as I said,

I do a regular two to three,

Four,

Sometimes five hour practice every single day of yoga and meditation.

Very important for me.

Otherwise,

I wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing right now.

I would not be able to do it.

So have a regular self-care,

Grounding,

Self-love practice,

Whatever that means to you.

Different things,

Different people have different practices of these kind of things.

Some people like to take a bath.

Some people like to eat a piece of cake.

Some people like to go for a walk.

Some people like to spend time with their dogs.

I don't know,

Whatever your thing is.

Come back into your body every single day and do not let yourself get involved with toxic people.

Let them do their thing.

Just let them.

They're going on and on and on about it.

Why do you have to be involved in it?

Why?

What's the point?

How is that going to help you?

It's not.

How is that going to help them?

It's not.

You don't want to become their crutch.

You don't want to become their therapist.

You don't want to become their savior.

Let them go do whatever they're doing.

Because that's the drama they're playing out.

They're going to play it out for the rest of their life.

You don't need to be involved with it.

You just don't.

It's very easy to do.

I'm sure you're making excuses in your head about why you can't do it.

Get rid of all those excuses and just do it.

If you have questions about this,

Let me know.

I'm sure it's a little bit harsh to hear because a lot of us are so involved and used to being involved with toxic people in our lives.

So you really need to step back now and say,

No,

I'm sorry,

I'm not being involved with it anymore.

You just don't need to.

It's not important.

If you have questions,

Message me or comment below and I shall do a follow-up video.

There's a lot on this subject that I could speak about,

But I want to keep this video short-ish.

I'm going to say goodbye,

But if you have questions,

Obviously comment below.

I'll talk to you soon.

Bye!

Reviews

Thank you for the advice, that’s what I’ve realised, you don’t need to get involved in peoples’ dramas. Stay loving but distant, it’ll play out for them. Thanks for sharing.😄🙏🏻

Thank you so much :). I really needed to hear this right now
The part about your parents having toxic behaviours sometimes was very relatable for me, since my dad has toxic behaviours sometimes and it becomes very energy draining.
You talked a lot about how others toxicity can be avoided by not getting involved, but what strategy is best when you’re the target of the toxicity?