Hello everyone,
I hope that you're doing amazing wherever you are around the world.
My name is Bhoomshakha and I welcome you to my channel.
As always I'm so grateful that you're listening,
Subscribing and commenting.
I really appreciate the support.
In this one I wanted to speak to you about something that I read one of the commenters say recently.
She said something like,
I love my mother so I sacrifice myself for her.
And you know as soon as I read that I felt like a deep twinge of sadness within me.
I felt like why are we taught this lesson?
And it was a female who wrote this lesson,
This comment,
And I think it's particularly kind of inclined to females,
Females,
I shouldn't say females.
It was a woman who wrote this message or someone who identified as a woman I think.
And so I think it's particularly geared towards women that we are given this message that oh if you love me you should give yourself up for me.
If you love your children you give yourself up for your children.
If you love your mother you give yourself up for your mother.
If you love your parents you give up all your dreams,
Hopes and desires to live your own life to cater to your parents.
If you love your husband or your partner then again you do the same.
You give up all of yourself so that you can show that oh my god I love you.
I'm going to sacrifice myself for you.
I'm going to let go of everything that I am.
I'm going to give up who I am as an individual,
As a person,
As a human being to give everything to you and so that you will know that I love you.
And I'm pretty sure as I say it's an idea geared towards women but I'm sure men do it as well.
Maybe men are taught this idea as well.
I'm not sure because I'm not a man so I can't speak to it.
So I'll just speak to it from the point of view of a person who identifies as a woman.
Why I think that this is actually really really dangerous obviously in this world right now in general to believe this idea that if you love someone then you need to show them by sacrificing yourself.
It is the worst idea in the world and it literally is the reason why there's so much negativity and so many traumas and issues with relationships right now.
I kind of share my own story so that it gives you a little bit of an example but you know as I as you can imagine I did sacrifice a lot of myself in my previous years when I was in my teens when I was a child when I was in my teens when I was in my maybe early 20s until that point I used to do this all the time.
I was like all right I love my parents I want them to love me and in my head the only way they would love me is if I was a good girl if I followed the rules if I was a perfect daughter if I did everything that they asked me to do which is basically go to med school become a doctor make lots of money be successful have get married have children have lots of money etc.
Right so it's all related to that.
It's kind of funny because I've kind of done none of those things and they still love me so it kind of shows you how wrong your ideas are in your head but in my head I was like all right cool so I want them to love me I want them to adore me until the end of time I want to please them people pleasing streak that was in me and so I did everything I could in order to do that which is basically sacrificing all of my dreams desires hopes my view of what I want to do with my life I did sacrifice all of that my own sleep my own you know health in a lot of cases my own time I sacrificed all of it so that I could cater to what they wanted me to do of course it didn't work out you guys already know the story you all of you heard it many times before it didn't work out thankfully it didn't work out and then I kind of like all right obviously that path didn't work out let me try my own path and that did work out and I'm here right now with a lot of different missteps on the way obviously but what I wanted to say is that either way you know I sacrificed myself I sacrificed myself I was exhausted tired of not being myself I resented them for it I hated them at points for it because I thought they were doing it to me I was doing it to myself actually but I thought they were doing it to me and I was sacrificing myself for them and they didn't understand and they didn't even appreciate the fact that I was sacrificing myself for them and I was like what why is this happening you know I'm doing all this stuff for you and you still don't appreciate it and so resentment resentment building building bitterness blah blah and then here I am where I'm not doing anything not even a single thing related to what they want me to do with myself and they still love me and we have a great relationship in fact nothing related to all that resentment bitterness that I felt before the hatred that I felt towards them before because I thought that they were making me do something that I didn't want to do and so I wanted to share this because I noticed that in a lot of people is that oh they're like well if I sacrifice myself for this person they're gonna love me more no they're not gonna love you more maybe they'll love you exactly the same or less but you on the other hand will hate them for it you'll resent them for it you'll be bitter against them for it you will feel all this anger against them for it and that will just deteriorate your relationship in general anyways so that you'll never be able to have a proper loving relationship I noticed this that mothers do this a lot and again that's one of the reasons why I don't want to be a mother one of the many reasons I don't want to be a mother is that I noticed my mother does this a lot where she'll sacrifice herself when no one has asked her to do it for they don't we have not asked her to sacrifice herself for this for whatever the reason might be you don't ask her to do it but she sacrificed herself her sleep her mental health her sanity and all of it for us for us and then we don't appreciate it because they're like we didn't ask for it why are you doing it it's like take care of yourself and so they'll do this they'll sacrifice themselves for their children or for their families when the families actually haven't asked them for it and then they'll resent the families because no one appreciates them and no one appreciates how much they've sacrificed themselves and they kind of get stuck into this loop because they think then oh maybe I should sacrifice myself more and then they'll appreciate me and then still they don't get any appreciation and then there's more resentment more bitterness and as time goes on the relationship deteriorates further and further and further whereas as you can imagine what I'm going to tell you is that don't sacrifice yourself right now I'm not saying completely negate or completely ignore what other people are saying to you or what they want you to do or how they want you to live your life now don't go to the other extreme like I have or I don't do anything they ask me to do but I do want you to realize that this false notion that you have in your head that if you sacrifice yourself that your relationship with this other person is going to improve and they're going to love you and be admiring of you and going to be completely enamored with you is absolutely false it's based in nothing that's based in reality it's not real it's false and something that you've made up in your own head is a story and it's a myth and I think we get fed this myth over and over again as women that oh if you sacrifice yourself everyone's going to love you no that is not the case don't sacrifice yourself in fact if you want to be loved for who you are then live the life that you want to live and you'll notice that people don't care either way they have way too many things to think about on their own I imagine that my parents would hate me but they really are so ingrained in their own habits in their own mind and their own problems and their own dilemmas and their own dramas that they don't even notice what I'm doing with myself it doesn't matter it really doesn't matter we make ourselves this huge center of the story and we're not actually the center of the story no one actually is thinking about us and I've said this many times before because it really is the tweet that you need in order to realize no they're not thinking about me if I sacrifice myself for them they're not going to appreciate me more they're not going to love me more and I don't show other people that I love them by sacrificing myself it's so important to realize this because they will not appreciate you for it they will not they will not love you more and they will not understand your love if you sacrifice yourself for them it's just not going to happen and I don't know how to say it because it just won't happen like when that person said that you know I sacrifice myself because I love my mother I believe that she thought that if she sacrificed herself her mother would be like wow you're such a good daughter and you know you're sacrificing yourself for me and I love you and you're the best daughter in the world and in fact what's probably happening is that her mother's like oh you're the worst daughter you're terrible you don't do this for me people will always have something else that they want us to do people will always have something else they want to complain about no matter what you do there's always going to be something that's going to be missing out I've noticed this with my relationships in my life especially with my parents no matter what I do no matter what I did in the past there's always something that was missing there's always something that I didn't do there's always something to complain about and so at the end I was like alright give up you know it's never going to be satisfactory to you you're never going to be happy with no matter what I do so why not I just live for my own self why not I just live for what I want for my life what I really desire for my life instead of sacrificing myself for some people who don't want to appreciate it right I really wanted to do this video because I know a lot of you are probably stuck in that cycle of I sacrifice myself for you so you should love me more but you don't oh my god let me sacrifice myself more oh no you still don't love me oh my god and really it kind of sounds really terrible when you look at it like that but it really is the way it's actually happening right now you're probably in this mode of let me sacrifice myself more because this person will love me and they don't and then you sacrifice yourself even more imagining that this person is going to love you but they don't and then the cycle repeats itself and eventually just give up on the complete relationship when really what you need to do is do what you want to do for yourself and realize that the person is going to love you either for who you are or not either way at least you're taking care of yourself at least you're living your dreams and desires at least you're not sacrificing yourself at least you're not giving up on yourself the only person who can take care of yourself is you no one else can do that for you all right I've already spoken enough about this subject I'm sure it's a very complicated subject so you might have questions about this I'll do a follow up follow up if you have questions so comment below and let me know what you want me to expand upon and then I can do another video about that again I'm so grateful that you're listening subscribing and commenting I really appreciate the support and I shall see you the next time around bye for now
