Hello,
My name is Ashley Davis Bush and I'm a clinical social worker.
I have been working with grievers for 35 years.
I've also written quite a few self-help books including three that are specifically for grievers.
Today we're going to be talking about pet loss.
Now pet loss is a very important loss and often misunderstood or even minimized.
So today we're going to be talking about how important it is to address the grief,
The very profound and deep painful grief that comes with pet loss.
And I'm also going to offer you a guided meditation to help with your healing process and hopefully you will be able to return to this guided meditation again and again as you allow your heart to fill with love and gratitude side by side with the grief.
To begin I'd like to invite us to settle into this moment to allow yourself to inhabit this time and place and space.
Dropping into center I'm going to ring a bell allowing us to really be present together now.
Breathing in,
Breathing out.
Pet loss is universal.
Pets are so common and they are more than our pets.
I think you would agree that if you have loved and lost a pet you know they were fur family members,
Perhaps your fur companion,
Maybe even your fur best friend.
The thing about loving pets and usually we tend to love a dog or a cat maybe a horse or a rabbit,
Bunny,
A guinea pig,
You know the sky's the limit really if you attach to an animal they become embedded in your heart.
But I would say the most common pets are dogs and cats or puppies and kittens.
And when we invite these beings into our life,
Into our home,
Into our family,
They are the embodiment of unconditional love.
They love with abandon and typically we do not get into fights or arguments with our pets as we might with our people.
So many would say that loving their cat or loving their dog is a very pure kind of love.
It does not have conflict.
It does not have any sort of disappointment attached to it.
It's just pure love.
Unconditional love.
You for them and them for you.
And so this attachment is very powerful and profound.
You may not experience it in any other relationship in your life.
All of this makes sense why losing this pet can be devastating,
Can be heartbreaking,
Can be soul-crushing in a way that others may minimize or trivialize or not understand.
That can also compound the sense of loss that someone else may say,
Oh I'm so sorry you lost your pet but it wasn't your husband or it wasn't your wife or it wasn't your child.
And either they've never loved and lost a pet or they cannot tolerate your pain that they need to minimize it.
But we know that losing a pet can be ever powerful.
Now what I'd like to help you do is get past the pain.
That said,
The pain is natural.
The pain is normal.
The pain is part of the love.
But what starts to happen over time on the grief journey is the gratitude gets larger than heartbreak.
That love gets more expansive than sorrow.
So you have both existing side by side but eventually gratitude expands to kind of minimize and dissolve some of the sorrow.
So to that end,
I'd like to offer a guided meditation to help you soothe your sorrowful heart.
So I invite you to close your eyes and get settled,
Get comfortable and just listen to my words.
I'd like you to imagine and remember the first time you ever saw your pet.
It may have been when he or she was a puppy and you were perhaps selecting one from a litter.
It may have been when he or she was a kitten or a foal if it was a horse or some miniature baby version of its adult self.
It also could have been an older animal that you selected from a special place like the SPCA.
So imagine the first time you saw that animal and imagine the first time you touched or held that animal and the kind of connection that you started to build in your heart.
Whether it was instant love,
Instant connection or just a warmth that developed over time into a deep love.
Now I want you to imagine the first time you brought this animal into your home when it started to become part of your family.
When you opened your doors,
Your arms,
Your heart,
Your home to this beautiful animal that eventually became integral to your family system.
So imagine walking around the house with that pet as you introduced it to different rooms.
Maybe you kept it in a crate.
Maybe you had a special room for it.
Maybe you can imagine the dog bed or cat bed you bought.
Some of the toys you bought.
I want you to imagine the first few months as you and this pet bonded.
As you started to trust each other.
As you started to have experiences of love building on each other one by one.
Remember the laughter.
Remember playing.
Imagine yourself getting down on the ground and roughhousing or cuddling or kissing.
If your pet liked to kiss or lick.
Sometimes they do.
Sometimes they don't.
But just imagine those early times.
Those early years of getting to know each other.
Getting to bond with each other.
Now I'd like you to imagine taking your pet outside.
Maybe it was on a walk.
Maybe it was playing in the backyard.
Maybe it was getting some fresh air and sunshine.
Maybe you had games you played together like throwing a ball and having a fetch kind of game.
Maybe your children were involved.
Maybe your partner was involved.
Maybe you have a sibling who was involved.
Start to have a montage of times inside and outside.
When you had fun.
Where you snuggled.
Maybe they slept with you.
Maybe they got on the bed with you.
Maybe they weren't allowed on the bed with you.
Maybe you put them in their bed at night.
Tell them good night.
Maybe you had special little rituals of snuggling together.
Of having snacks or treats.
Enjoying special special things that only you and your pet know.
Now feel your heart expanding with gratitude for knowing such a special soul on this planet who opened their heart to you.
Who opened their trust to you.
Who depended on you to keep them alive.
To keep them safe.
To watch out for them.
To take them to the vet.
To basically take charge of their life as they took charge of yours.
As you entrusted your heart to them and they entrusted their heart to you.
Feel in your body.
Put your hand on your heart right now.
Put your hand on your heart right now and let your heart expand into the love.
Let your heart have gratitude towards your beloved fur family member.
Thanking them for the good times.
Thanking them for the privilege of loving them and being loved by them.
Thanking them for being part of your life experience on planet Earth.
Thanking them for loving you.
Thanking them for being in your heart now and forever.
Let your heart expand.
Breathe in the love.
Breathe in the gratitude.
Breathe in the warmth.
What a gift this beloved pet was to you.
To your family.
To others.
To anyone who met this beloved little being.
Breathing in.
Breathing out.
Feeling your fingers and toes as we come out of the meditation.
Letting yourself rest in this feeling of warmth and love and gratitude.
The important thing about this meditation is that you are reflecting on a life well lived with this beloved being.
As for their passing,
Yes,
Their time on earth was done.
The last thing I want to share with you in this talk today is the idea of the Rainbow Bridge.
You've probably heard about this concept,
But the Rainbow Bridge is a special,
Imaginary,
Perhaps real,
Place.
A meadow in the Sun where your beloved pet waits for you until it's your time to exit planet Earth.
There you will find your beloved pet who will reunite with you and jump around as a healthy younger being and bark and smile and snuggle with you and you will cross the Rainbow Bridge together to the other side of the veil.
You may have many pets waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge.
The idea,
Of course,
Is that they do not forget you and you do not forget them and therefore there will be a reunion and that is something to look forward to.
Your pet is always in your heart.
Your pet is part of who you are.
You're a different person for having loved and cared for that pet and for having them enter your heart where they still exist even when they're not on the planet anymore.
They exist in your heart and their impact exists in your heart and will not ever die.
So we are all grateful for the beloved pets whom we love,
Whom we know the odds are very high that we will outlive and yet we continue to love our pets because they are the essence of the purest unconditional love and every time we have a relationship with one of these blessed beings we are improved,
We are touched,
We are expanded and we are grateful.
So thank you for listening.
Please come back to this meditation if you found it helpful and I wish you many blessings and much peace on your grief journey.
