Partner Exercise: Rekindling Emotional & Spiritual Connection

Strengthen your bond with your partner through this practice - a solution to convert resentment and distance to gratitude and connection. Every relationship has the potential of building up resentment and disconnection, but for some, this leads to the magic of intimacy melting away. Give yourself permission to feel any emotion you’re having. By letting go and following the queue, you can experience a way of converting resentment into openness with your partner. | References: Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Mindfulness Meditation practices

Transcript

Hi guys,

Welcome back.

Today we're gonna do an intimate touch meditation.

As you're sitting in a space that's comfortable,

I want you to make sure that you turn off all distractions and let yourself relax and be next to your partner,

Maybe a foot or so away from one another.

If you can lay down flat on your backs,

That would be ideal.

This meditation is gonna be around expanding your thoughts and your perception around intimacy.

Oftentimes we'll think of intimacy as sexual touch and physical connection and that is indeed part of it.

But to expand on that and looking at the emotional connection,

The spiritual awareness,

The experience on that deeper level of a felt sense,

Really being there in that room,

In that space with your partner,

And allowing yourself to feel so connected with one another.

This is the bond that becomes unbreakable and when we're in a heightened state of frustration or tension or conflict,

A lot of times we feel so far away from intimate space and we're blocked from being able to get there.

So doing this exercise could be a way to strengthen that.

And we're gonna start with allowing yourself to get fully present and redirecting to the moment and really let yourself be aware of what your body's doing.

So if you are moving or if you feel tension or if you have any desire to go and hold your partner's hand,

Just notice that and allow yourself to just be in that space of stillness.

Just let your body just be in the present.

So if you experience anxiety or if you experience any insecurities,

A lot of times what happens with that is we're not fully in the moment.

We are in a place of expectations or self-doubt and stuck in the past or in the future and instead of going to all the what-ifs,

Redirect your attention to just what is in that moment.

So doing that,

Just identifying in your mind what is in this moment.

What is your body feeling physically?

Where are you in the space?

What are you experiencing with sensation,

With touch,

With the air against your skin,

Slowing down your thoughts.

We're gonna start with taking a deep breath so that we can get our bodies and our minds into this calm space,

Really centered space.

So taking a deep breath in,

Holding it for three,

One,

Two,

Three,

And exhaling out.

And another deep breath in,

Holding it for three,

One,

Two,

Three,

And exhaling out.

And one more time,

Taking a deep breath in and holding it for three,

One,

Two,

Three,

And exhaling out.

Very good.

So as we're slowing down,

Getting ourselves,

Our bodies into this room,

Being in this space with our partner,

Really being aware of what has gone on,

Whether it happened earlier today,

Whether it happened in your relationship in the past,

But just being aware of that and noticing it.

You can attend to it,

Letting yourself visit those memories in your mind,

And practice that redirecting to the present space in this moment,

And really being grateful to be in that space next to your partner,

Really knowing what you are grateful for in the relationship.

It may be easy or challenging,

But whatever it is,

Really just identify,

What am I grateful for in this relationship with this person who has agreed to do this exercise with me today as we're in this space together with our own intentions,

What am I grateful for?

Let yourself sit with that just for a moment.

Repeating in your mind,

This is what I'm grateful for.

Really allow yourself to now identify what are some tough feelings that you're having right now,

And this might come easy to you,

But it may also be something that you haven't let yourself really get specific about.

So if you're angry or frustrated,

That's okay,

But let yourself just push a little bit and get more specific.

What are you actually feeling underneath that anger,

Underneath that frustration,

Underneath the confusion,

Underneath the overwhelm,

Underneath the boredom?

Can you guess what that might be,

Even if it's not exactly right?

Just push a little bit and really just let yourself start to identify what's underneath that feeling that I'm having about this person next to me that may be uncomfortable,

And it could be sadness,

It could be missing something that used to be,

It could be feeling shame,

It could be a feeling of guilt or hopelessness or even powerlessness.

Whatever it might be,

Notice what that initial discomfort is and then get underneath that,

Allowing your breath to rise and fall without manipulating it and being in this space with your partner and noticing that although you're not touching your partner physically,

That you are in this space and there's that emotional touch,

That emotional connection together for this moment in time.

You're just capturing a moment,

You're creating a memory together right now.

So really just investing in that energy,

In that effort of pulling your attention back to the present moment with your partner in this new journey of intimacy.

So as you're doing that,

We're gonna really dig and follow that path past the emotion,

Pushing through that and letting it carry us into the space of connection.

So as we know,

Humans,

We all want connection.

We're social creatures and oftentimes we'll medicate and we will escape and avoid and rage and lash out and do all sorts of things because at the core of it,

We are longing for connection,

We're desperate for it,

And when we don't get it,

We act out or we do all sorts of hurtful,

Destructive or self-destructive or things that sabotage the relationship.

And so what we want to do is find this path towards connection,

Connecting with our partners and with self.

So in this practice,

We are simultaneously connecting with ourself with the breath,

With identifying what we're feeling,

While being able to hold that space of connection with our partner,

Joining with them,

Really touching in that space of allowing ourselves to have awareness of what they're feeling,

Really being curious about what they're feeling,

And this is a very important concept,

Being able to have that curiosity,

That empathy,

While you're still in solid,

Rooted foundation of connection with self.

To be in this space where you have a little bit of physical distance from your partner but with the intention of moving and touching in just a moment,

So noticing every time you have some sort of self-defeating thinking or any non nurturing thought about the other person,

Just notice it like it's a cloud in the sky and it's just drifting away and putting your mind in that space of noticing where your hand is currently.

And we're gonna move your hand slowly,

Just moving your pinky slowly closer to your partner's pinky,

And ever so slowly,

Even slower than that,

Slowly moving your hand,

And when you finally feel the sensation of your partner's finger against yours,

You stop and you let yourself notice what it's like to have that sensation of touch in this intimate setting.

You're both doing something different,

You're opening up in this vulnerable way with touch,

And you have this connection.

What is this like for you as you're having this delayed gratification,

Not moving any faster,

Not pulling away either,

Letting yourself touch and slow down mindfully and connecting and appreciating your partner,

Appreciating things going at a pace where you're really taking in every single movement,

Every single sensation.

So when you're in this space and you're noticing this,

Watch for those judgments,

Watch for your attention drifting,

And again applying that mindfulness,

So you're paying attention on purpose in this present moment non-judgmentally,

And you're pulling this attention to intimacy,

And intimacy is a place of vulnerability,

And ultimately it's about I see you,

I get you,

And I feel that you get me,

And that you see me,

And you're here with me,

My walls are down,

And I'm letting you in,

And I'm reaching out to you.

It is this joining,

Beautiful experience,

And notice what it's like to just be sitting in this space with your partner.

For this moment,

Touch and breath.

So with that touch,

I want you to take a deep breath in with me,

Holding for three,

One,

Two,

Three,

And exhaling.

And noticing the touch and breathing in,

Holding for three,

One,

Two,

Three,

And exhaling.

Notice if your body is wanting to move,

If there's tingles,

If there's tension,

Any sensations.

So what's happening through your body?

Is there an electricity going through your body?

Do you notice a numbness?

Do you notice resistance?

Do you notice a longing to have more and to have more touch?

Seeing if we can play with the fingertips,

Just let your hands be communicating for the moment.

Let your hands explore your partner's hand.

And slowly,

So you take in every single movement,

Maybe your nails scratch against the person's skin ever so gently.

Maybe you clasp hands and your fingertips are touching the other person's hand.

So you're clasping together,

Holding hands.

Or maybe one person's hand is on top of the other person's hand and vice versa and a flow.

And just let your hands just explore for a moment and just be here in this intimate spiritual journey of connection.

Closer to your partner,

And again this exercise is just with our hands.

It's just moving.

Continue just to move and flow and take a different form.

Maybe the waves are just filling your body.

Maybe they're calm waters.

But are you feeling love?

Are you feeling heightened connection?

Are you feeling joy?

Are you feeling arousal?

Are you feeling fear or insecurity?

Just what are you noticing?

Whatever it is,

Comfortable or uncomfortable,

Just get used to identifying that and breathing through that.

As you continue to be in that space of this connection in the present moment,

Physically connecting,

Spiritually connecting,

Connecting with self and your partner and noticing your feelings through this journey of traveling through your partner's hands and connecting with them that you're traveling into a space of their heart.

And that for this moment you can magically guess what they're feeling.

You can magically understand and get them and get very curious and interested in what they are experiencing emotionally.

And without opening your eyes,

Without any verbal words,

Really see if you can just push yourself to set aside your own thoughts and feelings for a moment and practice that empathy.

Imagine being in that person's body,

In that person's experience,

In that person's awareness through their lens and their perspective.

What are they feeling right now?

What are they experiencing in this moment with you?

If it's uncomfortable,

If it's comfortable,

I want you to name it in your head.

Let yourself put yourself in their shoes for a moment and have that empathy,

That intimate connection.

The walls are down and you're just in that space of open communication listening to them in this really in this new way.

Letting your breath rise and fall comfortably and naturally.

And now clasping your partner's hand just in this space of joining and connection.

We're going to do an affirmation as we close our meditation today.

I want you to mentally say an I statement for yourself.

An I statement that allows you to be in a place of gratitude,

In a place of self-affirmation.

It can be something like I am good enough.

I am worthy and valuable exactly as I am.

I am doing and trying the best that I can.

And I also want you to take in that affirmation and place it in your heart.

Just imagine that those words are just traveling into that space in your heart and take your other hand,

The one that is not clasped with your partner,

And place your hand over your heart as if you're just gently pressing that affirmation into your body.

Repeat that affirmation,

Just stating that affirmation,

Taking it in.

Very good.

And lastly,

I want you to identify an affirmation that you will have for this joining,

For this partnership,

This exercise that we did today,

That it doesn't just stay here,

That this is something that you're going to apply when you're out there in the world,

When you're arguing about dishes or the kids stuff or daily life experiences or when you're frustrated or whenever you feel that distance.

And I want you to think of an affirmation that you can have to capture this very moment and apply it in those times.

And it could be the physical reminder of this experience of touch,

Maybe a sensation that happened in your body that felt charged and tingly or the electricity,

Or it could be that space of really getting your partner in that empathy piece of the exercise.

I want you to think of that statement or phrase,

An affirmation that really captures this moment today.

Okay,

Thank you for taking this journey with me today of intimate touch.

And I hope you enjoyed it and we will get together next time.

Reviews

A bit too packed with info/different things, but great altogether. Thank you!