3 Ways We Self Sabotage + Ways To Love Yourself

Amber dives into the 3 malas; ways we sabotage ourselves and how you can start to dust off the dirt of your flaws and shadows to show up in the world from the greatness of your gifts and essence of who you really are.

02:01 - how to start our journey of self-love

04:35 - mala #1 - delusion

13:24 - mala #2 - a cloak

19:56 - mala #3 - karm

Transcript

This is the Yoga Off the Map podcast,

A space you can learn how to deepen your connection with yourself,

To live a fulfilled,

Passionate and authentic life using the lessons from the map.

I'm your guide,

Host and teacher,

Amber Hackberg,

And I'm here to inspire you to take time for yourself so that you can embody the practice of yoga and live your yoga on and off the map.

Welcome back to the show.

Yoga Off the Map with Amber Hackberg,

Where we dive into all things relationship.

How do I deepen my relationship with myself through this 4000 year old ancient practice to have more intimate,

Fulfilled relationships with others,

With the planet,

With my career,

With my relationships,

With the external world.

And today we're diving into one of my favorite topics.

Episode number 15 is about self love and rediscovering your gifts as you start to dust off any dirt,

Cobwebs,

Shadows that are clouding your vision and your view of what makes you so freaking great.

I highly recommend you have a pen and paper.

And if not,

You can always grab this information in the show notes at the end.

And as always,

If possible,

Shut off all distractions,

Be present,

Come here,

Deepen your relationship to you through being present,

Doing one thing at a time so that you can really soak up the information and begin to turn it into wisdom when you begin to embody the practices,

The contemplations that I share with you today.

Let's dive in the journey of self love.

How do we start to dust off this dirt?

How do we start to look past those cobwebs and shadows and those things that cloud us of how special we are?

Maybe you're like me or many of my other students,

And it's hard for us to see how amazing we are.

Other people tell us how great we are.

Other people share with us the impact we've had on their lives,

And we struggle with owning just how special we are because we see our flaws.

We see what we can do better.

We see where we made the mistake.

Today I'm here to show you how you can begin to see all the things that make you so special.

How do we dust off the dirt?

How do we go through yoga asana,

Moving your body through an aligned practice that brings your joints stacked so that you can find the alignment in your physical body and be able to find the alignment when you get off of your mat?

Through pranayama,

Breathing exercises,

Deepening your connection to your vital life force,

This is your breath,

Through meditation,

Sitting,

Being with yourself,

Learning how to quiet the mind.

Like I said,

Learning how to quiet the mind because we have over 60,

000 thoughts a day,

And I mean unless you're training your mind to slow down and be more present,

The mind is going to control you,

And it's going to think,

And it's going to take you down all these little rabbit holes,

But through meditation,

You learn how to control and give yourself permission to think what you want to think,

To put your energy into what you want to put it into.

Then the final thing is through journaling.

In this show today,

We're going to dive into one of my signature methods that we do in the mentorship.

With that being said,

There's five spaces open in the Live Your Yoga mentorship.

If you're wondering how you can work deeper with me,

How you can really start to implement these practices that I've been sharing with you on this journey of the Yoga Off the Map podcast,

Then go into the show notes,

Book a 15-minute call with me,

And in this 15-minute call,

We're going to dive into how we can personalize this practice for you and make it work into your schedule.

Today,

It's mindful moments,

Meditation,

And journaling as a form of self-inquiry to see what could be clouding the view and blocking you from sharing your inner radiance with the world,

To share those gifts that you have and really show up as the powerful leader woman creator that you are.

Cloud number one,

Anavamala.

It's a tricky one.

This is delusion.

So occurring when we become so insecure that we're actually self-obsessed.

This self-obsession shows up as a lack of insecurity and low self-esteem,

Where we're always needing validation from someone or something else,

Constantly comparing or wanting to be better than,

Making everything about you,

Making it all about the me show,

The I show.

This is like,

It's all about her show.

I know you know someone like that in your world and maybe close your eyes.

You're guilty of it being you.

It's like you're so focused on all of the things that you don't love about yourself,

All of your flaws,

That it's impossible for you to see the bigger picture,

To take off the blinders and really see yourself in your greatness.

So you're so worried about being something that you make everything about you.

One example of this is like,

If I was teaching a yoga class and the entire yoga class was just amazing,

It was epic,

Except there was this part where I forgot the left side of one of the sequences.

And instead of focusing on the entire energy of the room and the way that we moved as a whole,

All I could think about was that mistake.

I missed the left side.

I suck.

I'm just a terrible yoga teacher.

Rather than thinking of like all of the great things that you do when you are as a mother,

You focus on that one mistake that you made or all of the amazing things that you do for your husband,

But you focus on that one thing you did wrong.

Instead of being able to see all aspects of yourself,

You focus on the extra weight around your hips or that one tiny little zit on your face.

Like all you see is the zit and everything else in your beautiful face has disappeared.

This is like when you tend to magnify the negative aspects of yourself and it's impossible to see anything else.

This can happen,

And it happened to me,

If you've ever suffered with body dysmorphia.

Years ago,

I would always hear people tell me,

Your body is so great.

How do you get so strong?

I want to know.

And yet,

When I looked in the mirror,

All I saw was the places that I wanted to tone up and slim down.

It was really challenging because I couldn't see my greatness because all I saw was my flaws.

All I saw was the extra rather than just seeing like my body as a whole.

Fast forward to like four years out of my like under eating,

Over fasting,

Over exercising,

Like body obsessed,

I look back at pictures of myself and I'm like,

God,

You are so hot.

Wow,

So beautiful.

Now I can see the big picture.

But then I had the blinders on.

I was so into my anavamala,

So self obsessed that I couldn't see myself.

I would compare what I ate to everyone else.

I'd be so focused on like,

Oh,

She can eat that and look that way.

Okay,

So so can I.

Or how does she get a body like that and still eat that?

And I was always comparing.

And so maybe you can think of a time.

But there's one way that we can get out of anavamala.

And this is through community and supportive friends who can call us on our bullshit.

I'll use myself as an example.

It's like when I was in this place,

Like really self obsessed with my body and really just trying to get toned.

I had friends tell me,

Amber,

I don't think you're eating enough.

And I was like,

What do you mean?

I'm definitely eating enough with all these other health symptoms that were clearly indicating I wasn't eating enough.

I had friends that had my back.

They were there to tell me like,

Hey,

Girl,

You need to eat more.

You need to exercise less.

Why don't you take rest?

And so I really had to start to listen.

My teacher,

Amy Impoletti,

Calls this in demolifying,

Demolifying someone to remind you of the lies you are telling yourself.

Someone in your corner to remind you of the lies that you're telling yourself.

So here on the mat,

Like how can you allow it to be messy rather than trying to have the perfect pose,

The perfect balance,

The amazing inversion?

How can you practice acceptance through the wobbly legs?

How can you laugh if you fall out of a pose so we can practice this on the mat?

Let your practice be messy.

Let it change every day.

Allow there to be mistakes.

And then when you get off of the mat,

Use this contemplation.

Like what are some of your insecurities?

What are some of the things you think about yourself or perhaps have thought about yourself that you never would want anyone else in your world to know?

Don't worry,

I will put these questions in the show note,

But you can let some of the answers come to your mind as I repeat the questions aloud.

But again,

Just reference show notes if you really want to take this down in journal,

Which I recommend massive action.

What lies have you told yourself that simply just aren't true?

And then give yourself an example like I shared above of,

You know,

A time you thought something negative about yourself or a time where you looked and then someone called you on it and they demolished it for you.

Do you have an experience like I shared earlier about my body dysmorphia where you were so self-obsessed you couldn't see yourself,

But other people were calling you on it,

Perhaps a partner,

A dear best friend.

And then are there things in your life that others tell you you're great at?

They're always complimenting you on this one thing,

But you find it really hard to believe or have the confidence to truly own that?

What do you believe your superpower is?

What makes you so darn special?

Was something that you get complimented on all the time.

And so,

You know,

As these questions come to mind as I shared the stories above,

You probably are like,

Yeah,

I can relate.

Something came to your mind.

And if you found any of these questions triggering or challenging,

Then you have a little work to do and we all do.

That's why these are,

It's called demolifying.

It's called taking off the dirt,

Getting rid of the shadows.

They're meant to mirror back to you the parts of yourself that you're learning to love.

We can't change.

We can't heal what we don't bring to the surface.

So your homework is to ask yourself again and again until you find and can say with confidence that you are amazing and you have superpowers.

I'm going to share with you mine when I did this activity in another class.

When I was beginning to teach yoga,

I loved,

I absolutely loved teaching yoga.

I taught like 16 classes a week every type of yoga there was because I was so obsessed with yoga.

Yet I was super insecure and judgmental.

My students would write me notes,

Send me text messages,

Tell me how much they loved my classes and my way with words.

And it literally took me five years to really build the confidence to believe that.

And even now,

Even now I have butterflies and a little bit of anxiety when I teach.

I'm constantly working on this,

This acceptance that I have a gift when it comes to teaching yoga.

So know that like learning to love these parts of yourself and learning to have confidence,

It takes time and it doesn't happen overnight.

Mala number two.

Mala is a cloak.

In this cloak that we have for number two,

Maya mala,

Maya yi mala,

Maya yi mala,

Maya yi mala.

This is where you become object obsessed.

This is deception and where you become so object obsessed that all you do is care about what other people think about you.

This is where you'll begin to hide parts of yourself and play small because you're afraid of what other people think of you.

It keeps you from sharing your gifts with the world because you're so obsessed with what other people think.

You know the honeymoon stage of a relationship where you only show the good parts of you,

The ones you think other people are going to like.

Until you have the person hooked,

They're into you.

You're in this relationship and six months later you begin to reveal more parts of yourself.

This is where you're so obsessed that your partner might not like you.

You hide parts of yourself because you're so obsessed with impressing them.

A great example of this was when I was with my ex-boyfriend.

This ex-boyfriend I had and everyone loved him.

He was so gentle and loving in the public eye.

But around his girlfriend,

Aka me at the time,

Or his mom,

A different aspect came out.

No one in the community could have ever imagined that he would treat me the way he did because he was putting on a show.

There was this part of him that he was so obsessed with what everyone else thought.

He was impressing them.

But his true colors would come out around other people.

So self-obsessed that he put on a show.

There's this other time I was like,

I think I was 12 years old and I was sitting in the back of the truck with my little sister.

I was in his ashtray.

Who knows why I was in his cigarette ashtray.

But I was like,

Oh my gosh,

This is weed.

This isn't tobacco.

It's green.

I was like,

Man,

Dad's got weed in the car.

I was so in shock because my dad put on a show.

My dad wasn't ever going to let us know he drank or he smoked or he was aka human.

He would only show certain aspects of himself to us because he was obsessed with what his children think.

I'm sure if you have children,

You can relate to that.

Or perhaps you can think about the first time that you realized and accepted that your parents were human and not perfect.

Maya y Mala is where you keep your thoughts,

Feelings,

And opinions to yourself because you're afraid of not being liked.

In relationships where you stay quiet because you don't want to cause problems.

So instead of sharing how you feel,

Addressing your concerns,

You keep it in,

Which causes disease.

Very unhealthy.

When we're so in Maya y Mala,

We're fearful to be ourselves.

If you get caught up in this mala,

It will cause you to lie and be dishonest with yourself and with others.

Perhaps when you go out to a restaurant with certain types of people,

You don't order what you'd like because you're afraid other people won't order it.

If everyone at the table's ordering vegan and you're not vegan,

You might like,

I'm going to order vegan because you have this fear other people won't accept you if you order what you'd actually order.

In order to mala-fy this one,

You have to make the commitment to yourself to be honest,

No matter what the consequences are.

A practice here of surrendering what other people think of you as a vow to live a truthful,

Honest life.

Like when you get into a new relationship,

Let the farts,

The burps and the morning breath be seen.

Be comfortable or learn how to get comfortable with expressing your needs,

Your desires and your non-negotiables.

If it doesn't work out,

It's not meant to be,

Let people see who you are.

Share who you are because who you are is what will attract people that really matter,

Especially let them see your flaws because the people that love you,

Really love you,

Will love you for who you are,

Not for who you pretend to be.

Take off the mask,

Be yourself and some things to contemplate when looking to de-malify maya and mala.

Have you ever kept your thoughts,

Feelings or opinions to yourself because you were afraid if you spoke,

You wouldn't be liked?

Are you a people pleaser?

Do you want to make everyone think that you're this amazing person,

Like you need to impress everybody?

Do you pretend to like things when you're around certain people?

Do you change based on who you're around?

Do you dress differently than the way you like?

Are you showing up in the world the way you truly want to show up in the world or are you showing up in the world the way you think you should be showing up in the world?

And what are some examples in your personal life where you are so object,

People obsessed that you are lying to yourself?

Again,

Head over to the show notes to get those questions and answer them,

Journal on them,

Reflect on them.

This will help you to be more honest and to show up authentically as magically as you are.

Karma number three,

Karma mala.

This is confusion,

The cloak of helplessness.

You become so powerless because you can't do anything.

So can you remember a time where it's like,

Doesn't matter,

Nothing's going to change,

Can't do nothing about it,

Not going to do anything at all.

You are the victim.

You're helpless.

And my teacher calls that you just put your head in the sand.

For those of you that don't vote,

Doesn't matter,

Not going to vote.

For those of you that don't show up for certain things in the world,

It doesn't matter,

Not going to show up.

Maybe with a partner in your career,

Doesn't matter,

Not going to change anything,

Won't do anything at all,

Where instead,

If you're out of this mala,

Not so confused and helpless,

You're acting,

You're dealing,

You're looking at it.

When you're living in karma mala,

Life gets so overwhelming,

You just shut down.

It's basically when you have anava mala and maya-i mala together.

You are in this space where you're so self-obsessed and you're so worried about what other people think,

You've hit rock bottom.

And so what?

How did it mala-ify this?

Address the malas.

Deal with your shit.

Because if you don't deal with it,

What happens?

What happens if you don't do something about it?

It boils up.

It affects everyone in your world.

You lash out.

Let's say,

For example,

I'm so stressed out,

I'm so busy,

I have so much on my plate,

I need to give to everyone,

I need to do for everything,

I can't take care of myself,

So I'm not going to make time for myself.

And then who pays the price?

Everyone in your freaking world,

Including yourself,

Because you're miserable.

This is what causes health crises.

It's also a time where other people have to save you.

When you hit rock bottom,

You don't have money,

You can't take care of yourself,

And now you're helpless,

You need other people to pick you up and save you.

Don't be the enabler.

Tough love.

Give tough love.

Let others hit rock bottom.

If you know people that are in karma mala,

Helpless,

Ignore it.

Don't pull them out of that.

Let them hit the bottom.

Let them see what happens.

Because there's only one person that's going to pick us up and lift us out,

And that's ourselves.

You know,

My mom always said,

Like,

I'm going to help your brothers.

And she would always try to save them by helping them,

Until one of my brothers got in so much trouble,

She couldn't save him.

He hit a rock bottom and he had no choice but to get out on his own.

You know,

If you're in this place,

Know that you're not alone.

Know that you can ask for help.

Get support.

Practice with other people.

Ask for tutorials.

And if you know someone in this place,

Remind them they're not alone.

Offer your help.

Get them the support they need.

Invite them to practice something that you can all do together.

Share with them some tutorials,

Practices that have worked for you.

When we're in this space,

We can't pick someone up and make them get out of their helplessness,

But we can be around them.

We can open up a space for them.

We can remind them that we're not here to judge them.

Or I can be here for you and remind you that I'm not judging you.

That I'm here to believe you.

Like,

I'm here to not lie.

I'm here to be honest.

I'm here to be your truth burner,

Space holder.

But I can't get you out of your helplessness.

I can't make you take massive action.

But I can be someone here to remind you,

Like,

I got your back.

I'm here for you.

So get out of your own way.

Stop caring so much what the world thinks about you.

And take action.

Be someone that's like,

I want this.

I'm going to do whatever it takes to get this.

And then I promise you,

You will.

Some contemplation questions for this mala.

Have you or are you ever been so deep in your own shit that you shut off and you shut down?

What happened in this experience?

Perhaps there was a heartbreak that left you closing out to the world.

Or hard conversations that have you staying quiet rather than dealing with what's happening.

Have you ever been in a place where you're like,

I'm just not going to do anything about it because it doesn't matter if I do?

Look at it.

And then ask yourself,

How can I change that?

How can I write a news story?

How can I tell a different side?

These are ways in which we cloud ourselves.

In Sanskrit,

It's like this cloak,

This shadow that we put over ourselves,

A blanket where we hide who we really are.

But when we begin to love ourselves,

We take action.

We choose the people we care to give us honest feedback.

We don't try to impress everyone.

And we know that the world doesn't revolve around us.

That one zit or that little bit of extra weight,

No one's focusing on the way that we are.

So how can you love yourself?

Look at all of the greatness that you already have.

Make time for yourself.

Get on your yoga mat.

Breathe more.

Meditate more.

Journal and reflect.

Do these together.

Integrate them together.

And look,

If you're like me,

I've had mentors,

Coaches,

Teachers.

I've taken over a thousand yoga teacher training hours.

I've been with eight different coaches.

I've worked with several different mentors.

I've had people die.

I've had people leave.

I've left relationships.

I've lost babies.

I'm birthing a baby.

Like I've had it all,

The highs and the lows.

I've helped over 75 women just in the last 18 months get back into the driver's seat of their car.

Learn the tools to reduce stress.

Learn the ways to love ourselves.

Learn the way to show up as better mothers leaders.

So if you're someone like,

I need someone in my corner,

Then book a call with me.

Set something up.

We still have five spaces this month.

And I would love to see if you were a good fit to work with us.

And if not,

At least come into the Facebook group and just hang out with some of the free content that we have there,

The different practices,

The free live trainings,

Master classes.

If you want to find this,

Leave your yoga community or www.

Facebook.

Com slash groups slash yoga for inner peace.

And again,

Just head into the show notes.

All the journal questions are there.

The implementation practice will be written out for you.

Either way,

I'll see you on the next show.

And remember that you're the most powerful being that ever existed in your world.

This is the longest,

Most intimate,

Sacred relationship that will ever exist.

It's the one you have with yourself.

Nourish it,

Water it,

Tend to it,

Feed to it.

Love who you are for all your greatness and all your darkness,

The duality that exists,

Life and death.

You are so freaking beautiful.

And I can't wait to hear from you.

See you in the show notes.

See you on the next episode.

Sending you so much love from the Costa Rica jungle.

All of my love to you until next time.

And I want to thank you.

I really appreciate you tuning in and listening to this podcast.

It's an honor to know that people are listening and gaining value while generating their own insights.

For more actionable tools and practices,

Head over to my Facebook group,

Www.

Facebook.

Com slash groups slash yoga for inner peace to learn more practices that you can put into your toolbox to reduce stress,

Build confidence and create a community of other women who are like you wanting to better their lives to better their communities.

Thank you again for being here.

And if you're on social post a photo of you listening to this and tag me Amber Hackberg so we can hang out online and continue growing this relationship first from the inside and then from the outside.

I'll see you on the next episode.

Reviews

Wonderful podcast! Very interesting and inspiring! Thank you!