Pause In The Discomfort

How often do you find yourself in an uncomfortable position/state of mind, and you turn away to avoid the Discomfort? Let's talk about finding the strength to pause, feeling the discomfort, acknowledging our role of causing the discomfort, draining the undesirable, and the shift forward into the cleared-out space.

Transcript

Here's the question of the episode.

How often do you feel yourself in an uncomfortable position or state of mind and you turn away to avoid the discomfort?

Stay tuned to learn how to pause.

Welcome to shift today with Allison.

That's me.

I'm so glad you're here today.

Sorry,

A little noise at the beginning.

I've been trying to record this episode for about 30 minutes.

And it's so funny because it goes along 100% with the topic of pause in the discomfort.

So here we are.

It's the beginning of summer break.

So kids are home.

I've got an extra dog here.

My husband's working at home still.

And I've had to stop honest to God,

This is probably my 20th take of doing what I did is I just poured myself this tiny little plate of jelly bellies sour jelly bellies are my favorite.

Not a huge plug for jelly belly.

I love me some jelly bellies.

And when I'm done with this episode,

When I make it through this episode and actually get it done and published,

I am going to savor every single jelly bean on this plate.

Because I've made it through the pause of this discomfort of record this episode.

So here we go.

I'm gonna just jump right in.

Oh my gosh.

Well,

Thank you for joining me.

And also welcome to the folks on insight timer.

It's such a joy to now be featured as a teacher and insight timer.

And so thank you so much for joining me.

My again,

My name is Allison shoo hazy and I'm a huge fan of energy work.

I'm an intuitive coach.

I love mindfulness.

It's just part of my my daily routine.

And my goal is really to be the very best that I can be.

And I started this podcast and my business to help support you to be the very best that you can be as well and to shift today into a greater tomorrow.

So let's go ahead and jump in the topic today is the pause in the discomfort.

Now how often do you find yourself in an uncomfortable position or state of mind and you turn away to avoid the discomfort?

I think everybody can raise their hand to that at some point in life.

So let's talk about finding the strength to pause.

And I have four steps in this.

The first one is feel the discomfort.

The second is to acknowledge your role of causing the discomfort.

Number three is to drain the undesirable.

And then number four is to shift forward into the cleared out space.

Okay,

So let's begin with flushing out the feeling of discomfort.

So what are the facts of the discomfort?

Are you projecting your discomfort?

And are you judging the situation,

The person or yourself?

Okay,

Let's be honest,

We all do all of these things.

And so flushing out the feeling of discomfort can really suck,

Right?

It sucks.

As a human,

We tend to project rather than feel or sink in and acknowledge the yuck.

The yuck or the discomfort can be sticky.

Why?

Because we give it the power to stick around,

Because we've trained ourselves to be comfortable.

May we repeat,

We train and we have been trained to be comfortable to be angry.

We're comfortable being angry,

We're more comfortable being frustrated,

And we're comfortable being lonely,

Mad and sad and all of those things.

Why?

Because we continually do it over and over and over.

And then we tend to prepare ourselves to hold on and over analyze the heck out of negative feelings and situations instead of acknowledging the facts of reality.

So what does it mean to stay present and feel simply that stay present?

Don't turn to a list of could have should have or might.

These are called illusions.

Well,

And y'all might be a bunch of magicians.

But let's not be magicians for change and leave it up.

Leave that to the card tricks,

Right?

Stick to the facts.

If you don't have the facts,

Then don't seek someone else's bag of illusions.

Don't ask 20 friends what you should do.

You have the look at the facts,

Feel your facts and make a decision.

By staying present,

You're honoring the truth.

You're also honoring yourself.

So how often do we seek the answers to why?

Why don't they love me?

Why can't they hear me?

Why did they leave me?

Right?

There's so many,

Many whys out there.

And there's so many examples.

So here's a few examples that I have today.

And they really go along very well with summer.

Now it's summer breaks,

Right?

We have pool time,

We're going to see families we haven't seen in a while summer school,

Maybe some of you have summer school.

Maybe some folks are going back to the office finally.

There could be some reunions,

There could be some upcoming weddings.

So let's talk about this.

So some of you might here's one,

Some of you might have an upcoming event with people whom you haven't gelled with in the past,

And with who you know,

Your energy just doesn't match.

And that is reality right there.

Your vibes are different.

And this is me 100% Do you find yourself judging everyone else along with yourself?

And you're already making up scenarios,

Right?

Assuming before you get together,

How someone is already going to behave.

If you have not done this in your life,

Well,

That I'm shocked.

I think we all do this at some point in our life.

It's just what it is,

Right?

Guess what you're also setting yourself up to fail to not be present and accept reality of what is in the moment,

Because you've already assumed what the moment is going to bring.

What can what you can do is to prepare is to be present is to be the best you that you can be and lead with the intention that you're going to be open to seeing folks you haven't seen in a while.

They might have even changed as much as you have in the past few months,

The last year,

Etc.

However long it's been right people do if you feel like you've made huge strides,

And huge changes,

Guess what somebody else might have done the same as well.

Sometimes it does pay to give the benefit of the doubt because you would want the same in return,

At least I know I would.

And if this is impossible for you to do,

Then here's a phrase I use.

And sometimes I speak it out loud,

But most of the time I say it internally.

But I thought I'd give you this little tidbit.

When I know I'm going to be in a situation and I do try my very best to be open to see what is going to happen and to be present.

And if it doesn't seem to work out,

Maybe somebody hasn't changed,

Which is very possible.

That I have this phrase that I use.

It's,

I wish you well,

But I don't wish you back.

Oh,

It's a thing.

I don't know might help you.

Okay,

So here's another tidbit.

Pay attention to when you might be projecting your feelings.

So we tend to get super uncomfortable when we're projecting sometimes not realizing we're projecting when we need to be focused on acknowledging what's going on inside of us.

Okay,

So here's the example a lot has to do with relationships,

Like friendships with lovers with partners,

Whatever it is,

When we meet someone in our relationship,

When we meet someone,

Typically we are our best selves,

We're behaving with our best behaviors,

Until we start to get comfortable.

And then over time,

We relax,

And we both begin to become more authentic.

If you can start off authentic,

Way to go.

That's awesome.

But we usually are on our best behavior because everything feels so good and vibrant,

Right?

So remember this people show you who they are.

And guess what we show them who we are to.

So let's repeat that.

That's kind of a statement.

People show us who they are.

And guess what we show them who we are to,

You know,

This goes back to that projection.

Like we tend to blame,

Blame,

Blame,

And not realize we're part of the discomfort ourselves.

Okay.

So with that,

Acknowledgement is key.

We need to make sure that we remain aware and admit that sometimes we play the leading role in our own discomfort.

Here's something to remember.

And this has to do with children.

As adults,

We have the power to project ourselves as a positive,

Flawed role model for the younger generation,

So that they're not searching for the answers that we're here today searching for as adults.

If we can acknowledge that.

So here's a few examples I have for you.

If you have a hard time getting out of bed because your partner has left you,

This is on you,

Not on them.

Feel your feels,

Acknowledge your part in the breakup.

This could simply be that you were in a weak mental state and couldn't walk away when your intuition was trying to tell you.

Here's another one.

If you're struggling to find a dream job,

Then maybe this is a sign you're not listening to your intuition,

Yet you're chasing another illusion.

Fulfillment of reality comes from the connection with your intuition through intention.

Illusions are the cousin of expectation,

Right?

Expectations can never very,

Very rarely be fulfilled.

So if your divorce,

Here's another one.

If you are divorced,

If your divorce is someone else's fault,

If you continue to blame your divorce on someone else,

Then ask yourself,

Why did you stay?

I did this.

I projected my feelings for years.

I was married prior to my current marriage and I projected my feelings and I wasn't staying present and to what I played the role in that relationship to.

So there's probably a laundry list of what the other person has done.

But remember to stay present in the facts of why did you stay?

Right?

I stayed because I wasn't strong enough.

I wasn't strong enough to walk away.

I was fearful of what everyone else was thinking,

What they were going to think again,

At projecting the illusions,

What they might think.

And it wasn't always fantastic.

I'll tell you that when I did announce my divorce,

But I'm stronger today because I did finally,

I got out of bed and I walked away.

Now,

Are you still in here's a big question.

Are you still an adult?

Well,

Are you still in jail?

Are you an adult still waiting for your parents to love you exactly the way you want them to?

Or here's a flip.

Are you a parent frustrated with your adult child,

Or your children any,

Any age who isn't loving you the way you want them to?

Recently,

I read about a client who had her,

She was complaining because her adult son who was 27 years old,

Who was a college graduate,

No job,

Living at home,

Gaming all day,

Sleeping,

Son was complaining,

And he was making no effort to do anything to change his life.

Right.

And I said to myself,

Why should he?

Why should he make a change?

He's not being accountable.

He's not being held accountable.

And so he's doing what any adult child would do is he's taking advantages of all the benefits that he's being given.

Oh,

I mean,

That's painful,

Right?

So here's the shift I came up with for this scenario.

And this might resonate with some parents of adult children.

Time to make a shift,

My house,

My rules.

And if you don't like them,

Then you have to find a new place to live,

Need to find a job to support yourself,

As I have done a poor job enabling your behavior.

So I'm making a change in my life to allow you to live the life you want to live,

Not the life I want you to live.

So go live it.

It's time to stop complaining and open the drain to release and let go of what we do not desire in life.

All right,

Shift complaining to it's time to participate in active solutions,

Active solutions based on the facts.

And what role we played in this.

I was once in a place where I held onto feelings for so long that I forgot why I was holding on to them.

I was giving my power away to something invisible and throwing my energy in my vape,

My vibration off.

And I didn't really understand that until I started doing all this mindfulness work.

So let's see if you connect with this statement.

Friendships,

Love relationships,

Work,

Parenting relationships are never as vibrant as when they first begin,

Right?

I mean,

Let's just be honest,

Everything's fantastic in the beginning.

Then they all begin with joy,

Passion and wonder that it feels as if it will stay this way forever.

And then life happens.

And I've kind of discovered through all my writing and working with clients is there's really two types of relationships.

Some continue to grow because we nurture them with the intention of learning and growing together.

And the second is,

Well,

Some will just fizzle out because the expectations are suffocating everyone involved.

They're suffocating ourself and we're suffocating the other person and vice versa.

So think of them this way.

The relationships based on intention seem effortless and infinite,

Kind of like an hourglass,

The infinity symbol,

While others are like being on a ladder.

You make three strides forward,

And then you fall 10 steps backwards.

Kind of like BFFs change,

Lovers sparks dwindle and will only survive if you genuinely like each other and you really are truly friends.

Parents who can't wait to be parents,

They end up becoming so overwhelmed when they realized it's not all about the cute pictures and the snuggles.

We get into cycles and stack should shields.

We're exhausted.

We're bored.

We're lonely.

We're annoyed with one another and we lose ourselves.

And then we feel stuck and it's all someone else's fault.

When the blame game is laid out and the pieces start to be assigned,

This is the bullhorn telling us that we need to regroup and reconnect within,

Connect with our intuition and get back to leading with intention.

This will help you find the plug and pull the drain.

Think of this as your sink.

Okay,

Here's an example.

Think of this as a sink full of water.

You've washed an epic amount of dishes,

So many dishes that you can't even see the drain.

It's time to get dirty.

Reach in,

Face the feelings,

Acknowledge your part and release the drain.

Release the expectations of yourself and the other players and get back to reality.

Ask yourself,

How do I begin my day?

How do I feel about myself?

What do I need to do to be my best self today?

Am I leading by example or following someone else's script?

Do I need help?

It's okay if you do because there are strengths and numbers.

I truly believe that.

So here's a story of a time when my of a time when my intention and intuition began to align and I 100% paid attention to the signs that were being laid out in front of me.

I was in a point in my career where I was so uncomfortable and frustrated and I just wanted to jump.

I wanted to leave.

I'm like,

God,

If I just maybe it changed jobs,

Right?

But it was like at this epic time in my life where I knew something big was coming and something had to change and I so desperately wanted to go to this American Bankers Association marketing and management program in Chicago.

I had heard about it.

I had some friends who had gone to it,

Some colleagues.

They'd learned so much.

They'd made some great connections.

It was just a really good stepping stone for their career and this is when I was very career oriented and I thought,

Well,

This might be great for me.

So I asked for two years.

I asked my boss and he kept saying no,

We don't have it in the budget.

No,

We don't have it in the budget and then all of a sudden the third year he had something else going on and he said,

Hey,

You need to go to the board meeting with the senior management and get our budget approved for next year and I thought,

All right,

This is a great opportunity.

So I went to the budget meeting,

Got everything approved and they said,

Hey,

Is there anything else?

And I said,

You know,

There is one more thing and they're like,

All right.

And so I mentioned this class and I mentioned how I've asked for a couple of years and it hasn't been in the budget and I said,

Is there any chance that maybe we could get it in the budget and I could go this year?

And they said,

Absolutely,

Absolutely you can go and I thought,

Wow,

That was easy.

And I was set into the position to ask.

So I did,

I did.

I had the confidence enough to say and ask,

Right?

And I went and that's where I met my husband and my whole life changed for the better.

So you never know,

Like if you really pause and pay attention,

The moments will present themselves to make epic shifts in your life.

So when opportunities present themselves,

Why do we ignore them?

Why do we let others talk us out of them or worse,

Why do we talk ourselves out of them?

Right?

Oh,

Stop and start living the life you're meant to live.

And I can tell you after that,

I went to that program.

I met my husband,

Not my now husband,

My now husband.

And he lived in South Carolina,

I was in Colorado,

And nobody wanted me to go to South Carolina.

Nobody wanted me to go a few people,

You know,

After they met him,

They're like,

Yes,

This is amazing.

This is your man,

You got to go,

You will be happy.

And I hear we are 15 years later.

But there were many who tried to talk me out of it because they were uncomfortable.

It wasn't what they wanted me to do with my life.

But what did I do?

I stopped.

I paused in the discomfort.

And I started living the life I was meant to live.

So honor yourself by listening to your intuition.

It will lead you towards wisdom that is ready to be felt and clarity prepared to be seen.

So just for today,

If you're feeling discomfort,

Take a moment to pause.

Feel the discomfort,

Acknowledge your role of causing the discomfort,

Drain the undesirable,

And shift forward into the cleared out space.

I believe in you and I know you can do this.

It's not easy,

But I know you can do it.

Well,

Until next time,

I hope you're able to shift today into a greater tomorrow.

Bye bye.

Oh,

And now I'm going to enjoy my jelly beans.

Bye bye.

This episode of Shift Today with Allison was created,

Directed,

Produced,

Edited,

And written,

And 100% done by Allison Chuhazi.

That's me.

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