Disregarded Yet Treated Equal

Being disregarded and treated as an equal is the equivalent of being starved but being expected to thrive. If you acknowledge behaviors, shift to a new reaction or direction. You can raise the vibration of the day, and you'll start to feel more empathy and respect for past hurts, allowing for healthier future decisions, reactions, and relationships.

Transcript

Today's the day, Thanks for showing up. I'm Allison Shuhazi, A super fan of energy work and engaging the intuition. My career has spanned many genres, Bringing me to become an intuitive coach and Reiki master. I continue to collect a bundle of pivotal moments, Whispers of wisdom, And funny stories that have helped keep me real along this journey. I hope that this podcast will ignite a spark within you to connect with your intuition and your whispers of wisdom. So get ready because it's time to shift today with me, Allison. Hello, Hello and welcome back. Well, Hold on tight because I have a doozy of a topic. If you saw the title, You're probably like, What in the world? Alright so let's hop in. So I'm reading this fantastic book by Simone St. James, The Haunting of Maddie Claire. I love a good haunting book. Anyway, I was reading the book the other morning. Yep, Probably about three o'clock in the morning. And part of the statement just popped off the page. This is how here's what I wrote, You've you've disregarded her, Yet you're treating her as an equal. Well, This popped off the page. So of course, I had to open my notes on my iPad and write it down. And this is what I wrote, I kind of shortened it down. Disregarded, Yet treated like an equal. And here I am still marinating with this statement fluttering around my brain. Why? Why am I thinking about this? What is what's happening? And I think it's more about the shifting of it. It's not a trigger. But it's more of the shift. And so this is why I wanted to share this with you today. Because the more I think about it, The more I'm realizing that this happens everywhere and in all relationships, No matter how wonderful they are. I mean, I know I have felt this way about someone. I know I have felt this way from someone. And sometimes I even maybe treat myself this way too. We've all done it. Well, Let me break it down. The statement into the individual words, You know how I like to do this. So in these words, When I broke them down really proves that how much they disrespect each other. So disregarded means to ignore, Treat means to behave towards and equal means being the same. So how is this even possible? Right? It is it happens every day. And have you ever felt maybe disregarded yet treated as an equal? Here's some scenarios high level at work, Maybe at school, Maybe in a friendship or relationship and marriage. Well, My first marriage was a full circle of emotions and experiences. And I'm using this as an example because it might be something that you can connect with. When I was first married 20 plus years ago, I was 28. And I realize now that I married this man because I didn't know myself. I felt I needed to get married for several reasons. And here's some of the ridiculous reasons. However, They didn't feel ridiculous at the time. So I'm acknowledging that everyone I knew was getting married and having kids. And I got along really good. I felt like I knew him better than most. I really thought that is what love should feel like. And I didn't want to end up alone. Right. But the number one reason and I realized this after I married my now husband, Who is amazing, And you might hear some thunder in the background, Just so you know, The number one reason I got married to this the first time was because I didn't believe in I would just know it when it happened, That feeling that you get when you just know it, Because my intuition was not awake. Anyway, So let's get into the little mini story I have. After about a month of our marriage, I had a pretty major injury to my back. We are really active, Super mountain biker, Rock climbers, All that anyway, I had a really major accident that really messed up my back, Which started a snowball of five years of signs for my intuition and my ego that were in my face in my brain telling me that I needed to get out of this marriage one minute and the next minute. No, You got to stay because you've made a commitment. No, You need to get out. No, You need to stay. You need to get out. Oh my God, Constant noise in my brain. Well, I'd like to state now that for years, I blamed him for so many things. And I was the problem. Why? Because I didn't know myself. I was the one who I knew that we shouldn't have gotten married. I was too chicken to get out of it, Because I thought I had made a commitment and I needed to stick to it. Because divorce is taboo, You don't want to be the only one in your family who's divorced. Well before, And during our marriage, We did talk about having kids sort of, You know, As much as we knew how to back then. And then four years in, I had an unexpected miscarriage. And I remember him saying, How could you have let this happen? And I thought, Oh, I guess you're back on the wanting to have kids because he would flip flop back and forth. I want to have a family I don't want to have a family I want to have a family I don't want to have a family. I was like, Oh, Geez, Well, I you know, I don't know he didn't mean how did you let this happen? He meant how could you have even gotten pregnant? Well it takes two to tango on that one. Well during this low of the low time, I had a high of a high time too because I had received a letter in a packet from the Olympic Committee. I know this is crazy. I'm flipping from a miscarriage to the Olympic Committee. However, I got this packet in the mail one night I had stayed late at work. And there's this big huge packet is going through my mail and I did work a lot and I worked late because I didn't want to go home for obvious reasons. And I had been chosen as a torchbearer for the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics to represent Fort Collins, Colorado. What really me? What was this even happening? For real? Honestly, I thought it was a joke. I ended up calling the number on the packet and I had received and I realized those woman who I talked to was really she's like, You got to turn this information in right away. We got to get it going. And I realized it was my intern Gina Nogari, Who had nominated me for all the community service that I was doing at the time. And I was selected to carry the Olympic torch. I mean, How does this happen? I'm in. It was unbelievable. Wow. I mean, I was what an honor, Right? I remember this day and night very, Very well very clearly because I went home to tell my husband, My then husband. And his first response, I thought for sure he was going to be so excited about it. And really happy for me. Okay, This is the turnaround we need. This is what's going to happen, Right? It's gonna go really well. He's going to be happy for me now. So his response was, Why would they choose you? I'm the athlete in the family now. Gosh, I guess you're going to need to start training get back into shape. Kerplunk. Really? That that's your first reaction? Not way to go. Congratulations. You do do so much in the community. You do work really hard. No, Not even close. Well, Fast forward to the day of the event. I when I carried the torch, Which was absolutely magical, One of the most magical moments of my life. It was truly amazing. My parents flew out to be there for it. I'm surrounded by friends. My girlfriend came in from Wisconsin and surprised me. It was just really it there was this blanket of snow that fell that morning. It was just magical. It was a magical moment to be around people in the community I worked with. It was just fantastic. But in the meantime, I was still living with this man who completely disregarded me. It was tough. So, After eight months, After that pivotal torch moment, I had to have some surgery, I had to have a neck fusion, Which was kind of a big deal and confusing and kind of scary at the time. So I reached out to my mom to come to help me and I'm so fortunate because my mom and dad have always been there to help me through these really, Really tough times. Well, After the stay, My husband had taken my folks back to the airport and he came home and he came to me. I was resting and he said, Well, I had a long drive and I've made a decision. Thinking Oh God, What is the flip flop going to be now? Right? I've decided that we shouldn't have children at all. Like what? This was a light switch decision. That's what I called him. One day he was all for something and the next day he wasn't. It had been four years of this and it wasn't just the children. It was like this for everything. He would always make the decision and he the way he stated it. It was like, We've decided this, But it was him and his decisions or indecision I should say. Well, I also realized I had a switch. I didn't realize that my switch was bigger. My switch was more like a breaker box switch and I flipped it. This was the this was for whatever reason it was the right timing the right moment. I have heard this statement many, Many times before. But I flipped that switch. This was the moment and all of a sudden I could see clearly I could feel all of my senses were entirely intact to include my intuition. It was starting to come to the surface. Okay, Have you ever heard that song? Jimmy Cliff, I can see clearly now the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. Okay, I won't keep singing because I know I keep doing this on my podcast. Anyway, I love that song. Anyway, Well, I replied to him, Okay. All right, I'm hearing you. And guess what? I've decided that we're getting a divorce. There was no animosity. It was just a matter of fact. I woke up from being trapped in a disregarded but treated as equal relationship. I was awake. Being disregarded and treated like an equal is the equivalent to being starved, But being expected to grow. It's like cutting off a friendship but pretending you care by asking someone else how you are. It's like looking down on someone but expecting them to respect you back. It's like eating a big bowl of frozen yogurt every night before bed and getting angry with yourself because you're not losing weight. Okay, You know I had to throw in a food reference. I'll have me some frozen yogurt. That is definitely my grudge. Anyway, Well, When I reflect back, It goes back to me, Myself and I or for you, You, You and you. I mean, It's all about the individual. If I am the one disregarding you, Then I am projecting onto you my disregard for myself. And if I'm the one complaining yet accepting your disrespectful actions, Then I am at fault for not making a change by walking away. And sometimes you know what we're both at fault. It happens in marriages. It happens when we eat frozen yogurt. You know, I have to keep this a little bit light. Anyway, Pausing and reflecting has brought me to a place of acknowledgement of where I have disregarded myself and others. I have I am I'm to blame for a lot of things. I worked really hard to apologize to those those who I have maybe wronged. I've apologized to myself for all the negativity I have said and done to myself. And I am shifting all these behaviors. I'm trying to shift these thoughts, Behaviors and my actions in a respectful and honest direction. This isn't an easy topic to admit. However, Admitting and acknowledging when we've done something wrong to someone is not only respectful for them, And of them, But it's also respectful towards our future selves if we are making the change now. Thoughts, Behaviors and actions can be shifted. So just for today, Define one area where you're disregarding someone by treating them as an equal and vice versa, Who is disregarding you? Remember it goes both ways. So if you acknowledge behaviors, If you shift to a new direction or reaction, You can raise the vibration of your day. And you'll start to feel more empathy and respect for past hurts, Allowing for healthier future decisions, Reactions and relationships. How about that? Well, Thank you so much for joining me today. And if you liked this episode, Please feel free to share it with a friend and leave me a review wherever you listen. And if you'd like to connect, You can find my information in the show notes. Well until next time, Shift today into a greater tomorrow. Bye. Counseling.