Awaken Your Compassion With Tibetan Tonglen Meditation

Tonglen meditation is a powerful practice of compassion and transformation. It involves breathing in the suffering of others, imagining it dissolving in your heart, and breathing out love, healing, and peace to them. It helps us open our hearts, develop empathy, and connect deeply with others. Would you like to join me in this beautiful practice? Together, we can create a space of kindness and healing for ourselves and the world.

Music by Alex Wit
Image by Mayank Kushwah

Transcript

Tonglen,

Or taking and sending,

Is a traditional Tibetan meditation for opening the heart and developing compassion.

Tonglen challenges our conventional approach of avoiding suffering and seeking pleasure.

Instead,

We visualize inhaling the pain of others with each breath in,

And exhaling whatever brings them benefit.

Because of this exchange,

Tonglen is also known as exchanging self for others.

Through this reversal,

We break free from age-old patterns of selfishness,

Fostering a profound shift towards compassion for both ourselves and others.

It is a deep meditation that addresses multiple facets of our selfishness and closed-heartedness.

By knowing what closes our heart and practicing this meditation,

We can shift into a state of being open-hearted.

Tonglen opens our heart by addressing and undoing our selfishness.

We have become habituated to thoughts like this is me and this is my body since beginningless time,

And so we care more about ourselves than we do about others.

The self-cherishing view makes us tight with pride and willing to harm others.

But if we go beyond our selfishness,

We realize that we are no more important than others,

And that if we are all one,

Or aspiring to be,

Then our well-being is inextricably entangled with theirs.

This is what exchanging self for others aims to do.

During the practice,

We aim to regard the suffering of others exactly as our own suffering,

And to help others as if they were ourselves.

This completely changes our viewpoint and our old motives for selfish actions.

But in order to do this,

We must be willing to accept the feeling of pain.

One of the reasons we keep closed to the pains of others is our habitual approach to suffering in general.

Normally,

When we encounter suffering and pain,

We tend to react by trying to resist it,

Minimize it,

Circumvent or avoid it.

Quite often,

We find the pain of the other person intolerable.

This may lead us to try to resolve that pain prematurely or in a way that does not truly benefit the other.

In such cases,

We are not trying to help the other but only ourselves.

Perhaps what the other needs is for us to sit with them in their suffering.

We may even believe ourselves to be altruistic,

Trying to help the other person,

That at times we may even hurt them,

Only in order that we will not have to face their pain.

Tonglen helps us overcome this.

Through the practice of Tonglen,

We develop acceptance towards pain and suffering.

By dropping our resistance to it,

We become better equipped for dealing not only with the pain of others but with our own pains.

Another point is that one of the main confusions that we may experience while developing compassion and that may arise in the practice of Tonglen is that we may fall into the trap of pity.

Pity seems to be very similar to compassion.

We feel that we feel for the other person.

However,

Pity is a feeling that makes us superior to the other person.

It arises from the need to disconnect from their pain,

Out of our own lack of ability to cope with our own pains.

In doing so,

We put the other person down,

Pushing them deeper and deeper into their own pain,

Making them a helpless victim and denying them of an opportunity to overcome their condition.

Compassion is different.

In compassion,

We realize that we are the same as others,

That we can suffer together with them,

Not because we are better than them,

But because we,

At a certain point in our life,

May suffer in the same way.

As we are practicing Tonglen,

Let's pay attention to see if we feel superior to the others by the mere act of being the ones doing this meditation.

So,

In this meditation,

We are going to develop compassion by breathing in the suffering of others and giving them our joy.

And after we overcome our disdain for suffering,

After we allow ourselves to join the others in their pain without trying to be superior to them,

You may notice that it's easier for you to practice Tonglen towards somebody that you consider a friend than it is towards someone that you consider an enemy or a stranger.

This is another layer of our egoity,

Of our closed-heartedness.

We need to realize that categories such as good,

Bad,

Friend,

Enemy and stranger come from our own mental labels and are not real.

They are centered around our own self which we try to go beyond.

Going beyond our own self is what opens the heart.

Therefore,

As a preliminary to Tonglen,

First meditate on equanimity,

Equalizing oneself with others.

When we discriminate between sentient beings considering some closer and others distant,

Bias arises.

This leads to partiality in our efforts to help.

By equalizing all beings with ourselves,

We develop a deep sense of cherishing for all.

This shift allows us to strive towards alleviating the suffering of all sentient beings by offering happiness to each equally.

Finally,

Before we begin our practice,

We need to address the issue of the dangers of Tonglen.

When we breathe in the suffering of others,

Can we actually hurt ourselves by overloading our system with suffering?

The answer is yes.

So long as we are able to transmute the suffering into joy,

Then we become benefited by it.

But if we are drowned by the other person's suffering,

Then we are in fact hurting ourselves and not helping them at the least.

Delving into the realm of suffering,

Both our own and that of others,

Can intensify our awareness of the collective suffering in the world.

We may find ourselves overwhelmed by the magnitude of suffering we confront,

Feeling powerless to enact meaningful change,

Or even experiencing physical distress from the weight of the suffering we absorb.

It's not uncommon to harbor strong aversion towards Tonglen practice or to question its efficacy,

Feeling as though it fails to resonate with us.

Therefore,

We must keep ourselves well-resourced throughout the entire performance of the practice,

Does Tonglen truly help the other person objectively?

No one knows.

But according to some Tibetan teachers,

It really does.

Such teachers claim that there is an actual exchange of suffering and joy.

However,

Since joy is the nature of our being,

It is boundless and endless,

And by performing Tonglen from a place of being in contact with this boundless source of joy,

We are able to remove suffering from the world.

So let us begin our practice of Tonglen.

Find a comfortable sitting position.

Make sure you really feel comfortable.

The comfort of the body gives us joy,

And this is a resource that we will use to connect with our innate joy.

Feel the joy of the pleasure of comfort expanding into your body.

If you feel that you need a deeper boost of joy,

Then I invite you to bring to mind any memory or any idea that reminds you of something good.

It might be something from the past week that was fun,

Or something from your past that you feel good about.

And when you bring it to mind,

Notice the positive sensations in your body.

This is what we mean by resourcing.

Allow the positive sensations to increase.

And notice that when the positive sensations increase in your body,

Positive emotions and thoughts arise as well.

This positivity is going to serve as our protective shield from any negativities that may arise from this practice.

If you are unable to develop positivity within yourself,

Then this practice is not for you.

Not at this moment.

You need to work on finding joy within yourself before being able to take the suffering of others.

Being well-resourced,

Let us become aware of the empty nature of our consciousness.

The emptiness simply means a vastness of space where there are no objects.

To bring awareness to this spaciousness in our being,

We will make use of the bell sound.

Listen to the sound of the bell and follow it from the fullness of sound to the emptiness and spaciousness of the silence.

This silence is the nature of our being,

The base of our consciousness,

Who we really are.

Within this silence,

We cultivate bodhicitta,

The desire to help all sentient beings.

Let us begin now with the main phase of our tonglen practice.

The first person you practice tonglen for should be yourself.

Begin the practice of sending and taking with yourself.

Take a specific situation in your life.

You can imagine it in front of you and feel it as a sensation.

Visualize it as a dark smoke.

With the in-breath,

Inhale it in.

Look at it.

Realize what it is and what it needs in order to be resolved.

Allow it to mix with the joy that we've cultivated inside.

And then exhale the antidote into the world.

Feel it feeding your body and the surrounding.

Once you've exhaled,

Don't pay any more attention to the suffering that was.

Just focus on the medicine.

Then again,

Continue with the same situation if it has not yet been fully resolved,

Or another situation.

Imagine it.

Feel it as a sensation.

Visualize it as dark smoke.

Inhale it in.

Look at it.

Realize what it is,

What it needs in order to be resolved.

Allow that to mix with the joy inside of your being.

And then exhale the antidote into the world.

Feel that your inner joy is transmuting this darkness into light,

And this light spreads around you and feeds all of your being.

Continue now doing this for a few more breaths.

Now we will practice Tonglen for a friend.

Imagine a friend that is in a specific painful situation.

Imagine their pain.

Recognize their situation.

What is it?

When you have a good grasp of this pain,

Imagine it as a dark smoke.

Feel it as a sensation,

And inhale it deeply into your being.

You can hold your breath,

Or you can make very small breathings that keep the air in the lungs,

Not exhaling fully or inhaling.

It's as if your lungs are full,

But you're just exchanging the air a little bit.

In this state,

Feel that you take this pain into yourself.

Feel that the other's pain becomes your pain,

That you are taking their place.

You are exchanging yourself for another.

And then let this pain mix with the joy that you felt.

Feel the sensations of joy together with the sensations of pain,

And allow the pain to dissolve into the joy.

If the pain becomes overwhelming,

This is a sign that you need to go back to resourcing yourself,

To reminding yourself of the joyful things that give you pleasure.

Feel that pleasure in your body,

And then mix the rest of the pain with that pleasure,

Allowing the pleasure to dissolve this pain.

When you are ready,

You will notice that the dark smoke has dissolved into a clear light.

Exhale this clear light,

And feel that it is feeding your friend,

Filling them with the joy and happiness that you cultivated inside of yourself.

Feel that they are receiving everything that they need to overcome all of their sorrows.

When you are ready,

You can take another deep breath,

And then either holding the air in,

Or kind of with the lungs full,

Slow,

Shallow inhalations and exhalations,

As you transmute the suffering into joy,

Before exhaling it again and nourishing your friend.

Moving on,

We do the same practice for a stranger.

Think about someone that you know about,

But it's not a friend.

It's just a person that you've heard about them and their issues,

Their difficulties.

Bring them to mind.

Think about their situation.

Their pain.

Their difficulties.

Feel that as a sensation.

Visualize it as dark smoke.

And then inhale that into your being.

And then inhale all of that into your being.

Feel that pain.

Make it your own.

Exchange places with the other person.

And then allow all that pain to mix in with your joy,

Or to dissolve into your emptiness.

And be replaced with a brilliant light.

Keep your lungs relatively full,

As you are transmuting the suffering into joy.

Imagine that it becomes the antidote.

If the person is missing self-confidence,

Then it becomes self-confidence.

And then exhale the antidote,

As a shining light.

And feel that it goes to the actual person,

And they are nourished by it.

They receive this joy,

This happiness.

Let us practice for a little bit with a stranger.

As the final part of our meditation,

We will practice Tonglen towards an enemy,

Or a so-called enemy.

A person that we feel is trying to hurt us.

This is the most difficult part of this meditation.

Try to see that person objectively.

Without anything having to do with you.

We are not trying to understand their aggrievance towards you.

Although this understanding may arise from the practice.

We are trying to actually ignore it.

To find something else that has nothing to do with you.

That person's pain and suffering.

That person's unmet need or needs.

Feel that person's pain as a sensation.

Visualize it as dark smoke.

Inhale that in.

Look at it.

Realize what it is and what needs to be dissolved there.

While keeping the air in,

Allow that to dissolve with your own joy.

And let the darkness become light.

Give yourself as much time as you need.

And when you are ready,

Exhale the antidote that resolves that pain.

Feel that this shining light feeds the person in need.

Don't pay any more attention to the suffering that was.

Just focus on the medicine.

Do this for as long as you feel.

In our final step,

We are going to imagine that we are breathing in the sorrows and pains of the entire world,

Including ourselves.

Imagine all the pains of the world.

Inhale those in as a black smoke.

Allow that smoke to dissolve in your inner emptiness and your inner joy.

And when you are ready,

Exhale light and love into the entire world.

This feeds you and all other beings.

Conclude this meditation by placing both hands on your heart and simply giving love to yourself.

Focusing on your inner joy.

Recalling your goodness and feeling the pleasure of it in your body.

Giving thanks and love to yourself and recognizing that you are a manifestation of loving light.

Thank you for joining me in this work of light,

Spreading love to yourself and to the entire universe.

And until the next time we meet,

Namaste.