When you start to realise you've been reining yourself in for years just to fit in.
There's a moment I remember really clearly.
I went into work feeling fine on what seemed like a normal day,
Not expecting anything out of the ordinary.
Then I got some feedback from an interview I'd had.
It was something along the lines of,
You can be a bit overwhelming.
And then she likened me to an excitable puppy.
I was only 22 and at the time I didn't argue or even question it.
I just thought,
Okay,
So I'll rein it in a bit.
And I did.
Obviously not all at once,
Just a few little adjustments here and there.
Less of me showing up the way I naturally would and less instinct.
Less of that energy I didn't even think was a problem until someone else made it one.
And all because I wanted to progress and do well.
I wanted to be seen as professional.
I wanted to be accepted.
And you don't really notice it happening,
That's the thing.
You think you're just adapting in order to be more professional,
Adjusting to how things work.
And then you realise you're editing yourself.
In that moment,
I had a choice.
I could have said,
Thank you for the feedback and continue to feel comfortable being who I was.
However,
I chose to change.
I chose to listen to how others viewed the world instead of taking a moment to decide what would be best for me.
And all because I thought adapting would lead to me progressing in the corporate world faster.
The sad thing is,
This started a pattern that I would have to learn later in life.
And as you've heard me say before,
Life is a series of patterns,
Otherwise known as habits.
Fortunately,
I have learnt.
And this is something I am trying to avoid passing on to my children.
Instead,
I encourage them to be themselves whilst being compassionate to those around them.
As you can imagine,
This is not always easy.
Fitting in starts to feel like progress when adapting to fit in may feel like progress until you realise it comes at a cost.
It actually takes more effort,
Which is draining.
It actually takes a lot more effort.
You're seeking to please others instead of pleasing yourself.
And because you know it,
You don't know who you are anymore.
Yes,
You may think you're doing well.
And on paper,
It definitely looks like it.
After all,
You're progressing,
You're being seen as capable,
And you are delivering.
So you assume everything is fine.
But for this to happen,
There is a lot going on underneath.
You start checking yourself before you speak.
You start thinking about how you're coming across.
You start asking yourself if you're too much in certain rooms.
And over time,
You stop trusting your natural response,
Because instead of being your awesome,
Unique self,
You choose to fit in.
And then you hit a point where it catches up with you.
I've had moments where it tipped too far,
Where my head wouldn't stop running through everything,
Where my head wouldn't stop running through every single thing I was about to say and do,
Where I'd wake up already tired.
And from the outside,
Nothing looked wrong.
That is the sad part.
You're still functioning and showing up.
And yet inside,
It doesn't feel sustainable anymore,
Because it's exhausting.
It feels like you're holding everything together,
Just about,
And nobody else can see it.
But then there's a pattern that you notice.
When I look back on it,
I know there's a pattern.
It starts with wanting to do well,
Wanting to prove yourself,
Wanting to be taken seriously.
Then,
Somewhere along the line,
You start shaping yourself around what gets approval.
And it works,
Until it doesn't feel like it anymore,
Because you don't feel like you anymore.
That's usually where people are when they come to me.
Because as I've always said,
No one is broken.
They're just slightly removed from themselves and unsure how they got there.
And what changes things?
It's really quite simple.
It's noticing where you started to edit yourself,
Where you've learned to hold back,
Where you've decided it's safer to tone it down,
And then slowly start to reverse that,
One moment at a time.
One conversation where you don't overthink how you sound,
One situation where you don't shrink from what you really think,
And one decision where you stop second-guessing yourself first.
That's how it starts to come back,
Just one small step at a time.
If this feels familiar,
Then it probably means you've been operating like this longer than you've realised,
Doing well whilst holding it all together and still getting through,
And still feeling like something has got left behind of you somewhere along the way.
It changes when you start paying attention to where you've been stepping back from yourself and deciding you're not doing that anymore.
Even in small ways,
That's enough to start with.
So,
I invite you to take a moment right now to allow yourself to reconnect with who you really are,
To notice the moments where you've had to pause because you haven't recognised the person who is talking.
You are saying things that you wouldn't usually say.
There's power in pausing and reflecting,
And this is not an opportunity to beat yourself up.
This is an opportunity for you to decide what your next best move is.
This is your opportunity.
Decide who you want to be going forward.
If you are comfortable in your skin,
Then continue as you are.
However,
If you do not recognise yourself anymore and you've decided that it's time to change,
Then first be kind to yourself,
Show yourself some self-compassion,
And then decide the one small thing you need to do to get yourself back onto the road that will take you to where you want to be in order to become reacquainted with yourself.
It would be great to hear what your next best move is.
Take care,
Everyone.
