Finding Stillness In The Noise With Mary Schiller

In this interview, MamaJ talks to Insight Timer teacher Mary Schiller. We both share experiences of what it was like to find our own quiet. Both teachers share their lived experiences of trauma and how we all have the power to ignore the thoughts that hold us back.

If you've enjoyed this talk, check out the course Create a Conscious Morning Habit on Insight Timer

With love MamaJ

Transcript

Today we'll look at finding stillness in the noise and how inner peace is available to us regardless to what's going on externally,

Stresses or anything else.

And I'm really a little bit giddy today because we've got Mary Shilla who is a mentor and a hero of mine and a number one teacher.

Thank you,

That's so nice.

Amazing teacher on Insight Timer.

Mary,

I know this is a little bit off script from what we said,

But would you just like to introduce yourself a little bit in case there's anybody that doesn't know you?

Sure.

So I am a coach and author and I basically had a pretty major life transformation about 10 years ago now in 2014.

And ever since then,

I have brought what I learned into pretty much everything that I do.

So I started coaching people a couple of years after that and really all of the transformation that I went through has,

You know,

Continued to grow over the years.

And as I have discovered more,

I've tried to bring that to more and more people in various ways.

Wow,

Wonderful.

Absolutely beautiful.

And it appears to me that this is a brilliant session for you,

Finding stillness in the noise.

For sure.

One of the things that I really didn't know is that the noise was in my head.

I did not know that.

It seemed to me that there was difficulties in the world,

That I was navigating some really challenging circumstances for a lot of my life and that the piece would be to find something external.

So initially,

You know,

Maybe drink and relationships and so on,

But also even things like walking in the mountains or working out or even finding peace in work,

Like overworking myself.

And what I came to realize is that the internal noise never really stops and that's what I was trying to find peace from.

So those things,

Those external things were actually a distraction.

To distract me away from my own internal noise.

And when I discovered that there is a very simple way to access peace inside because it is already you.

You're already that peace.

And that I didn't have to take notice of what was going on in my head.

So I've had trouble sleeping and I still do from time to time.

But what I would notice is that I would be constantly going over and over and being worried about not sleeping and turning all of that up,

For instance.

And when I realized that as soon as I'm buying into that,

I'm actually just making that even noisier.

And that I can accept where I'm at,

Which may be a struggle and it may be difficult and I may have something on my mind,

But I can accept where I'm at.

And actually that acceptance starts to lower the noise a little bit and have as much peace as I can have in that situation or in that circumstance.

And it shifts the perspective from seeing that the peace is within rather than I have to go and do something to make myself feel that peaceful,

That peace.

Did you want to speak to that?

Sure.

I was going to say that my experience is sort of the opposite in a way because I always knew that the noise,

As you call it,

Was in my head.

I always knew that it was there.

I thought that it was sort of put there through some events that occurred in my life,

Mostly in my twenties,

But continuing into my thirties,

Some very traumatic things occurred in those kind of formative years of my life.

And so I thought that unless I could go back in time and undo those things,

That that noise was permanent.

And I had a lot of people,

Experts,

Quote unquote,

Telling me that the noise was permanent and that I had to learn to live with it,

Basically.

I had to accept it,

Learn to live with it.

And that just wasn't okay with me.

And so I literally spent 30 years trying to figure out how to get rid of it.

And I finally kind of like you.

So this part kind of coincides with your experience.

I finally realized that the noise was not a problem.

I had been told it was a problem,

That it was something that,

You know,

Was permanent,

That was a quote unquote mental illness that I would never be rid of.

And I didn't look for peace in external ways.

I was looking internally,

But I thought it was impossible.

I thought basically that had been taken from me and replaced by this noise.

And when I realized that the noise wasn't actually a problem and that everybody had that,

Everybody had thoughts all day long,

Like you,

I just started to ignore it.

And I didn't give it so much weight anymore.

And when I did that very quickly,

That peace that's always present within us that I have discovered is really our natural state,

Just started to become more and more pronounced as I ignored what was going on in my head and tuned into that peace that's always present.

Yeah.

So completely the opposite direction of trying to fix the peace and actually ignoring it is the answer.

Sorry,

Fix the noise,

Ignoring it is the answer because the peace is always present beneath that.

Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And does your head still get noisy?

Do you still have a lot of thoughts about stuff?

I would not describe anything as noise.

I don't see it like that anymore.

I see it as a normal human experience because to me,

Noise sounds negative.

And I don't look at any thought as negative or positive or something that I want or don't want.

I don't have those kinds of judgments anymore.

I very rarely fall into that pattern.

I honestly can't remember the last time I did.

I'm really not paying attention to that.

I'm listening elsewhere,

I guess,

Past it or through it or something.

And so,

Yeah,

I didn't find it helpful to label anything in that way.

And so even early on,

I just let go of all of those kinds of ideas of,

You know,

Whether I thought was helpful or unhelpful or what have you.

It all just started to look kind of like this neutral stuff that was flowing through me and all of us.

And I could pay attention to it or not.

It didn't really matter because there's something else we can listen to instead.

That comes from that deeper place within ourselves.

Love that,

Love that.

For me,

I have the saying,

My head's gone.

And I really,

It became apparent to me.

What happened for me was after finding peace and after realizing that it isn't natural states,

It's something within me,

I still had some habits.

I had some habits of overworking,

Of pushing myself,

Pushing through and not being tuned into when it's time to take a rest,

For instance.

I would not even recognize that.

And so after a period of time,

I had a breakdown.

And I literally had a breakdown in the middle of London,

Crying against a wall,

Couldn't move,

Couldn't think,

Nothing at all.

But what the breakdown taught me was a more sensitivity to that off switch,

To the fact that,

Oh,

My head's gone.

I need to step away or I need to take a break or I need to,

Whatever it is,

Just not continue to dig in,

Which was a habit in many areas of my life.

And it just became a habit in,

You know,

I was very passionate about what I was doing.

So I dug into what I was doing.

And the breakdown was a gift because it really helped me to see,

Oh,

That's what you're doing.

And that's what happens when you do that.

That's all it is.

And what's really interesting now is I'm not scared of a breakdown.

I don't not overwork because I'm scared that that would happen.

I just have a more sensitive listening to,

Oh,

Your head's gone,

Actually.

And sometimes I still go there and I've got the gone head,

But my head's gone.

And I'm able to say,

Oh,

Oh,

OK,

Your head's gone.

Take a break,

Get some fresh air,

Have some water,

Maybe look at it tomorrow or whatever it is.

And that just wasn't there before.

I would pile through that.

And it's so interesting to me to see that we just do it to ourselves.

Innocently,

You know,

I didn't know it was an innocent thing.

It just,

I just did it to myself without realizing that I could do something different.

And that,

That head gone moment,

I actually enjoy now when I see that because I'm like,

Oh,

Yeah,

That's why I'm not able to sort that problem out.

Because,

Because my head's gone and all I can see is the inside of my head.

Yeah,

It's so fascinating,

Isn't it?

I would say my experience is similar,

Except that the habit was different.

So I,

Again,

My habits and things were not external.

They were internal.

So my habit was trying to,

Like,

Any time I would have a thought slash feeling that related to trauma,

I immediately jumped on it,

Right,

And tried to push it away or it would say,

Oh,

My gosh,

I really am sick,

You know,

That kind of stuff.

And so when I realized that all of those thoughts were fine,

That they weren't anything to be concerned about,

I just stopped doing anything like that.

I just didn't care anymore.

Like,

They would come in and I would have all the feelings and everything and I just didn't care anymore.

So I stopped trying to fix that.

And then very quickly,

As a result of stopping all of that kind of,

You know,

Futile management of it,

I freed up a lot of time to go do things that I wanted to do.

So,

You know,

So again,

Mine,

You know,

It's similar,

But different expression,

I guess,

Of,

You know,

Mine was a more internal thing.

And when I saw,

Oh,

Gosh,

I don't have to spend 90% of my waking hours trying to manage my thoughts and feelings.

I can just let them be there.

And then I have time to go create things that I want and,

You know,

Make changes in my life and things like that.

Yeah,

Amazing.

Well,

As you know,

If you've been on These Lives,

That this is a special series for Advent,

It's called Advent to Peace.

And it's where we're looking at these subjects of everything,

Everything you need is within your own consciousness,

Within you and accessible to you.

And that it's innocent to get in our own ways.

And actually,

The world is still pointing to external things.

And so we get that message very often.

And both Mary and I,

In our different ways,

Like to share this message of hope and resilience,

Because we know 100% that everyone has got access to it.

I hope you've enjoyed this talk with Mary Schiller.

She's an amazing teacher here on Insight Timer.

So do check her out.

If you'd like more on how to access that stillness within,

Then join my course,

Discovering Inner Peace,

Unlocking Your Natural Wellbeing.

Until then,

My friend,

Lots of love.

Reviews

Thought provoking and crucial. Tysm for this reframe reminder!