EQ-A Healthy Nervous System: A Delight To Feel (3.27.26)

A healthy nervous system gets nervous sometimes! EQ doesn't mean to always remain "calm, cool, and collected." It means you allow emotions to move through you, without getting stuck in them, getting flooded, nor ignoring these emotions. Anger tells us when something is important to us; grief is a normal, humane reaction to loss, suffering, and unmet expectations. When we label emotions as "good" or bad, we miss the signal they are trying to convey. While reacting from an emotional place isn't always helpful, giving yourself permission, and then time, to feel your emotions IS helpful. Settle in for a while to regulate, safely feel, and witness how many feeling thoughts, and breaths change you as you stay.
"It's okay not to be okay." "It is a delight to feel my own heart." Both things can be true, and they can both be true at the same time.

Transcript

My name is Larissa. We're going to practice together for about 30 minutes. As always, Just a little bit of time to slow down. First and foremost, Just checking in with your body. Find a posture that feels supportive, Finding the balance of effort and ease. Sometimes just a little wiggle in your torso helps your body settle, Just one or two percent. And that's very often what we're seeking, Just these little tiny softenings. You're welcome, Of course, To close your eyes, Starting to turn your attention a bit more inward, Whether eyes are soft and downward, Just resting on something unmoving, Or whether you choose to close your eyes. This is an act, A chosen act of caring for yourself. Just a simple closing of your eyes, An invitation for your mind to rest, Even for just a moment. And just bring some curiosity, Where can I feel my breath right now? Just that single question, If you ask yourself that multiple times throughout the day, You'll get loads of different types of information. Where do I feel my breath? Sometimes that curiosity shows us our breath has maybe become a bit shallow. Or maybe we start to notice, Oh, I was holding my breath a little bit. Your breath is very often telling you about your emotional landscape before you even know what it is that you feel. As you get to know the feeling of breath in this moment, Your body will start to share more and more information, Moving from the question, Where do I feel my breath, To bringing some curiosity, What do I feel within my breath? What kinds of sensations am I feeling? It might be physical, Deep and slow, Broadening of my collarbones. You might start to notice other sensations, A heaviness, A lightness, Some type of emotion, A word or a phrase maybe comes. What do I feel within my breath? And then you might even bring some curiosity to just simply, What do I feel, Or how do I feel? I begin with breath because it's tangible, It's physical, We can notice physically our ribcage expanding against the length of the sweatshirt we're wearing, That we can feel when we shift our breath on purpose. Oh, I noticed my breath and then suddenly I'm able to take a deeper breath just because I'm aware of it more. And that question of how do I feel, Or what do I feel, Can bring up a lot of sensation. And sometimes what happens is our brain puts a title on it and then we start thinking about the word. But just noticing what comes up for you, Spending a few moments, Maybe a word or a phrase, But then also curious about the sensation in your body. How do I feel? Or what do I feel? And you might notice different answers to that simple shift of word choice. How do I feel? What do I feel? And as you ask yourself these questions, Give yourself permission to receive the information without judgment. That doesn't mean judgment doesn't arise, But the permission to soften judgment often allows a softening. So you don't need to judge anything that comes after what do I feel or how do I feel. And we might start to get nuanced answers as we really stay with those questions. How do I feel right now? And then check in again, Maybe adding this word, How does my body feel right now? And no matter what comes up, Just thanking yourself for giving you that information. And then bring some curiosity, How does my mind feel right now? How does my heart feel right now? And whatever the answer to those questions, Just thanking yourself for sharing that information with you. It's not always easy to land and stay with how do I feel. It can feel more easeful when the answer is joyful, Well-rested, Excited. Sometimes those answers are challenging. I feel tired, I feel heavy, I feel a sensation that doesn't have a word but it feels like waves in my body. Whatever the information that's being shared, Can you just receive it and thank your body, Thank your heart, Thank your mind for sharing with you, For trusting you enough with this information that you'll be tender to the best of your ability. Just being tender with yourself no matter what arises. And then noticing too, Very often the answers to those questions shift. Very often we have a pattern of thinking that goes along with it. I have a pattern of thinking in my own mind and I know that it's relatable to many folks. And sometimes the first thought when I'm checking in with myself is I'm tired. And that can be valid and real. And my mind will run with a story, Well I'm tired because I only got this many hours of sleep and yesterday I didn't do enough of this or I did too much of this. And then my mind will just kind of run along with the story. But if I really check in, I am tired. Where do I feel that in my body? My eyes are tired, My throat has this quality of tension in just a very small space. My chest softens a bit when I'm checking in and asking how do I feel. Something curious. I notice actually my mind is a little busy actually. It's just my eyes and my shoulders that are tired. And what does busy feel like in my mind? And then a story happens. It's all I'm busy because. Hang on, What does busy feel like? And then my mind might come up with a picture, An image, A phrase, Something seemingly unrelated. But what does it feel like and can I stay with that for a moment? Very often your body is sharing with you all kinds of information that our mind misses because it's running with a story. You just return to yourself a thousand times. Back to that very first question. Where do I feel my breath? And then take a moment here just to soften all of the questioning about feeling and just allow yourself to feel. Where do you feel the fullest part of your inhale right now? What about on this inhale? Is there a shift at all? Where do you feel the fullest part of your inhale? And then what does it feel like when you're full of breath? What part of your body softens first when you begin your exhale? Can you even feel the coolness of the air as it moves into your nostrils, Up your nasal passages and into your sinuses? Can you feel the subtlety of the breath, The air as it moves through your body? In this way, Really getting to know the sensations of now. Thanking your mind for all of its interpretation and then giving your mind permission to rest. We don't need to think about this right now. I don't need to decide how I feel in one word. Can I feel the fullness of the experience of being human, Which very often includes a multitude of feelings, Sensations and experiences? Even as we're here, Just, Quote unquote, Just sitting. Take a few moments here in stillness. Maybe just noticing your breath. Maybe noticing your feet touching the ground and really experiencing and receiving the steadiness of gravity beneath you. Maybe there's still curiosity about how you're feeling, Your emotional landscape. And rather than thinking about it, Noticing all of these different layers of sensation in your body. Breathing and aware of breathing and returning to the sensations of breath. Anytime your mind is lost in thought or telling you a story, And it's not about shutting down your mind or making it wrong for where it's going or where it's been. It's this invitation to return to the present moment. Maybe starting to recognize different patterns of thought. Like, Oh, I'm telling myself a story I tell myself often. What do I feel in my body? Is there any tension in my cheeks, My jaw, My throat, My chest, My shoulders, My hands? Can I notice the depth of my breath and receive the fullness of it? It's here in our body, It's where our emotions linger in sensation. Our mind might tell us the story a hundred times and it takes us on the same path a hundred times. It's here in the present moment with your body, You can start to notice, What kind of tending do I need? Sometimes just giving yourself permission to feel what you feel is enough. Sometimes we avoid that permission, We avoid a feeling, We avoid a thought, Because we have a part that's afraid if we feel it, It'll crush us, It'll drown us. But very often the permission to feel allows everything to soften. Not needing to cling to a joyful moment, Not needing to push away a difficult moment. Just like your breath will change every single moment of the inhale and the exhale. It's the same with our emotional landscape. Can I stay with myself just for this moment, Just to notice this exhale, And trust that that's enough? I'll share here two different writings just looking at feeling. Just giving yourself permission to feel is such a large part of our emotional intelligence. Our ability to truly be resilient, There's so much information that we could find about a resourced nervous system. And what does that mean, To be resourced? Or to have a nervous system that's supportive? A resourced nervous system, A healthy nervous system is one that responds to the present moment, Not one that's calm all the time. And we could look at all of this broad swath of information that's coming out, Science that's talking to us about how to have a healthy nervous system. And sometimes, The end of an article will have some form of calming. And our brains can interpret, Well if I'm calm all the time, Then I have this healthy nervous system. And it can be so lovely to respond with calm, Especially in the face of stress. But what a nervous system that's healthy truly is, Is one that responds wisely to the moment. And when terrifying things are happening, Our nervous system is supposed to get nervous. When we're stuck in a stressful thought, Our nervous system is going to share with us all of these beautiful stress hormones so that we can be ready to flee or fight as needed. A healthy nervous system is the ability to feel all of your feelings and express them in a safe way. Not to suppress them and then carry them with you forever. And we've all experienced an unhealthy expression of emotion. We said something we didn't mean. Or we imploded and we felt like we were going to drown in the emotion. And because we've all experienced that, We have parts of our beautiful, Brilliant brain that just want to keep us safe and that try to tell us feeling that is not safe anymore. And if we look at all of the science behind nervous system health, It's the ability to meet a situation with a wise response. Not to be calm all the time. And not to feel good all the time. It's the ability to express your emotions safely. And very often that begins with the permission to feel them in the first place. I am allowed to feel sad, Upset, Frustrated, Angry. That doesn't mean that's who I am. I'll share this first reading here. This is a poem by Jared K. Anderson. He says, I am not okay today. So in the absence of okay, What else can I be? I can be gentle. I can be unashamed. I can turn my pain into connection. I can be a student of stillness. I can be awake to nature. I can sharpen my empathy against the stone of my own discomfort. I am not okay today, But I am worthy of many things. And we sometimes struggle with the answer to, How do I feel? Especially when the response is, I don't feel okay. And so sometimes we don't pause and ask ourselves, How do we really feel? Because there is a lot to be shared in that simple question. And to remember, Even when we're not okay, We're worthy of many things. Even when we're not okay, We can be awake to nature. We can be empathetic with the human experience. Everyone feels not okay sometimes. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. It's just the experience of now. So anytime you ask yourself, How am I feeling? And the response is some version of, I'm not okay. It's remembering, It's okay not to be okay. In the absence of okay, What else can I be? Can I be gentle? Can I be unashamed? Can I connect? Can I be a student of stillness? Can I sharpen my empathy against the stone of my own discomfort? Is there anything you can give yourself your own empathy, Your own permission for in this moment? Notice again, The rising and falling of your breath. The change from inhale to exhale and back again. I'll share one more passage here from Jared Anderson's book, A beautiful expression of, It's okay to not be okay. So I'll share another poem. This is called A Delight to Feel. It's a delight to feel. It is bliss to know this particular sorrow. I no longer fear I will fall into the chasm and be swallowed whole by it. Because I spent time here. And found my heart here. Because I spent time with my heart, I found myself. I no longer fear I will be abandoned, Alone, Left for the buzzards and empty-eyed beings. I know now the only way I've been abandoned is by leaving my own heart. I cannot feel alone for my heart is with me and I with her. There is still grieving and sorrow and suffering and despair, But no longer are they followed by the thought, This is forever. Instead my heart is saying, Don't be afraid, Because I am with you. Knowing I cannot be lost, Knowing I've never been alone, The knowing in my body is not the same as the concrete rigidity of my mind. My heart is much softer, Much wiser, Much gentler, And with a strength beyond measure. It is a delight to feel my own heart. And with that I'll invite you to bring your hands into any of your closing habits or practices. Just feeling the sensation of your hands moving, The weight of them, The sensation of your own hands, Your own touch offering you some soothing, Offering you some support. We'll end with a few loving kindness phrases. Just repeating them back as they make sense for you. May I give myself permission to feel. May I remember it is a privilege to feel. May I remember the innate goodness of my breath. When action is needed, May I choose to move with ease and peace. And may the merits of our practice ripple out to benefit all beings. And go slow if you can. Find a little movement. Even that little movement, Can that be a delight to feel? Just taking a moment to thank yourself just for showing up. And as always, Thank you for being here, Supporting each other in our Sangha. Thank you.