Hello my love.
Wherever you are right now,
On a floor,
In a bed,
Tucked into a corner of your home that finally feels quiet enough.
You are welcome here exactly as you are.
Heart cracked open,
Maybe you're feeling tender a little raw around the edges,
Know that there is nothing to fix,
To change,
To perform.
You just get to be in this moment.
So go ahead and get comfortable.
Shift and wriggle.
Soften and lay down on your back.
Adjust anything that feels like it needs adjusting,
Perhaps putting a cushion or a bolster underneath your knees for support.
Place your hands,
Palms facing upright beside you and soften.
Because once we begin,
This becomes a practice of stillness.
Let your body melt into the floor,
The bed,
The earth beneath you.
And allow yourself to be held by something bigger than you for a little while.
Closing down your eyes if that feels safe or soften your gaze.
And before we go any further.
I just want you to know that that ache behind your ribs,
The one in your chest that feels almost physical,
Isn't your imagination.
Researchers have found that heartbreak lights up the very same regions of the brain that respond to physical pain.
And so your nervous system isn't overreacting.
It's doing exactly what nervous systems do when something that matters has gone.
So if your heart feels bruised tonight,
Let it be true.
You don't need to explain that away.
Allow a breath to enter your body.
And let it go,
Long and slow.
Like you're fogging up a mirror.
And again.
Breathe in the fullness of this moment.
And release anything you've been carrying today.
One more in gathering yourself.
And out,
Releasing your grip on having to hold it all together.
You're here in the now.
Right now my love,
Your mind is soft,
Turned over,
A little rained on,
And that makes it perfect soil for planting something new.
In the yogic tradition.
This is called Asankalpa.
A seed of intention,
Planted deep enough in your consciousness that it doesn't need your effort to grow.
You don't force a seed to sprout,
You just give it good soil and enough darkness and stillness to do its quiet work.
So take a moment here and draw your senses inward.
Past the age.
To something truer underneath it.
Allow a phrase,
An I am statement,
A feeling to come to the surface.
Maybe it's,
I am worthy of love.
Maybe it's I belong even now.
Or maybe it's simply,
I am whole.
Allow the seed to come to the surface.
Let it rise on its own.
And once you feel it,
Once you hear it from your body,
Take this moment to repeat your Tsongkhapa inwardly.
Three times.
Slowly.
Like you're pressing it into the earth lovingly with your thumb.
Good.
It's planted.
You don't need to check on it.
Let it be.
Now we're going to travel through your body together.
Quickly in most places because this isn't the part where we linger everywhere,
But we will slow down when we reach your chest.
The hot gets extra time.
So follow the sound of my voice and place your awareness in each space that I call.
Bring your attention to your right hand.
Placing the light of awareness in your phone.
Index finger.
Middle finger.
Ring finger.
Little finger.
The palm of your right hand.
The back of the head.
The wrist.
Right forearm.
Right elbow.
Right.
Right shoulder.
Left hand.
Foam.
Index finger.
Middle finger.
Ring finger.
Little fingo.
The palm of your left hand.
Your wrist.
Forearm.
Elbow.
Upper arm.
And your left shoulder.
Both feet now.
Your right foot.
Your left foot,
The tops of both feet.
Your ankles.
Your calves.
Your knees.
Your thighs.
And your hips.
Pillow a belly.
Your lower back.
And now slowly bring your awareness up into your chest.
And stay here a while,
My love.
Feel the physical space of your heart.
Not the metaphor of it,
The space behind your sternum.
Notice how it feels.
Notice without judgement.
Notice any tightness,
Tenderness or heaviness.
And just allow.
Notice what you can notice and let it be there.
Stay here for a while.
Let your awareness rise up into your throat.
And notice if there are.
Words stuck there,
Things unsaid.
A held breath.
A swallowed sob.
Whatever's there,
Let it simply be witnessed.
Nothing needs to come out.
Unless it wants to.
Chest and throat,
Heart and voice.
Held in your attention like two old friends who finally have your full focus.
Now bring your awareness up,
Allow it to rise the rest of the way.
Notice your jaw.
Your cheeks.
The muscles around your eyes.
The space between your eyes.
Your forehead.
Your scope.
The whole head resting heavy.
And your whole body now,
All at once,
Resting completely.
Feel and bring your awareness to the entire body all at once.
The entire body.
Your breath has been here with you this entire time.
Through every version of you that's ever existed,
Through every heartbreak,
Every spiral.
And every moment you didn't think that you'd survive and somehow did.
Your breath was always here.
It never left,
Not once.
So bring your attention to it now.
Just notice it moving you.
The slight rise of your belly on the inhale.
A fall on the exhale.
And out.
And.
.
.
And ah.
Let your breath be the one relationship in this moment that asks nothing of you.
Gives you everything.
Stay here with breath.
And instead of chasing peace.
And pushing away the hard stuff.
We're going to welcome both.
Loneliness and connection.
Unworthiness and belonging.
Nothing is going to replace the other.
But holding both together.
In the same wide space of you.
Bring to mind gently the feeling of loneliness.
However it shows up in your body right now.
Maybe it's a hollow behind your ribs or heaviness in your throat.
Let yourself feel the feeling of loneliness fully.
Without pushing it away.
Without drowning in it either.
Just feel it.
The way you'd feel the rain on your skin.
And now,
Alongside that feeling,
Without erasing it,
Bring to mind a memory.
A time you felt deeply connected to someone.
It could be small.
A hand held.
A laugh shared.
A moment when somebody looked at you like you were the whole entire world.
Let that memory live in your body right now.
Right next to the loneliness.
Both are true.
Both can exist in the same breath.
Loneliness and connection sitting side by side inside of you.
Now let that settle.
Let it go.
And bring your attention to the feeling of unworthiness.
Maybe it comes from the quiet voice that whispers you're too much,
Or not enough,
Or somehow unlovable.
You don't need to argue with it.
Let it speak.
And allow yourself to taste the feeling.
Not trying to get rid of it,
Just allowing and accepting.
And beside this,
Bring to mind a memory of belonging.
A moment where you were fully completely accepted exactly as you were.
Maybe with a friend,
A pet.
A version of you before the world told you who to be.
That feeling of belonging,
Allow it to open up inside of you.
And sit right next to the unworthiness.
Not cancelling the other out.
Unworthiness and belonging.
Both welcome here.
Both accepted here.
Both part of your human experience.
Allow yourself to feel it all.
And this is the secret that nobody tells you.
That healing isn't about choosing one feeling over the other.
It's about making enough room inside you that both can exist without either one running the show.
Knowing that every feeling,
Every emotion is fleeting and temporary.
And that you can hold both,
You can hold all of it.
And you can be safe in that whole thing.
So bring your awareness back now to your heart space,
The space in the center of your chest.
And imagine it as a flower.
Watch it without forcing.
And notice if it wants to open.
Just slightly.
One petal of love at a time.
Opening at its own pace.
In its own time.
And this is kind of magical if you let it be.
Our heart doesn't break into pieces and stay broken,
It breaks open.
Wider than before.
With more room inside it than it had yesterday.
Let the flower be whatever it wants to be right now.
Open,
Closed,
Halfway.
All of it is exactly right for you.
Breathe here into your heart space,
Into this flower of love for a few moments.
Just rest.
In the center of your being.
In the centre of your heart.
In the center of unconditional love.
As you breathe in,
Imagine love pouring into your body with your inhale.
And as you breathe out imagine love pouring out of your body.
Let's return to that seed we planted.
Bring your Sankalpa back to your mind.
The one you chose earlier.
Or maybe it shifted.
From this softened state.
Repeat the sankalpa to yourself slowly three times.
Good,
It's planted deep now in the soil of your being,
Soil that's been turned and rained on and tended by your own willingness to feel everything tonight.
In to deepen your breath.
Wiggle your fingers,
Your toes.
Breathe life into your body.
Life into your being.
Let your body remember that it has weight.
It has edges.
It has earth beneath it.
Everything that's impermanent including this ache you walked in with is already shifting.
That's how it works.
Nothing stays exactly as it is.
Not the pain,
Not the ache,
And not you.
You will grow,
You will transform and you can keep coming back to the flower in your heart.
When you're ready.
Allow your eyes to gently open.
Welcome back,
My love.
Be kind and loving towards yourself.
Take care of you.
And be gentle with your heart tonight.
