The Dangers Of Projective Identification

This track explores the concept of projective identification, a process where a person unconsciously disowns certain emotions or traits and projects them onto another person. It explains how this can shape relational dynamics, where the other person may begin to feel or act in ways that reflect the projected material.

The track looks at how this pattern often operates outside of conscious awareness, especially in close or early relationships. It also reflects on the emotional impact of being placed into a role that does not accurately reflect who you are.

Transcript

Projective identification is someone basically saying, I unconsciously disown something in myself So I'm going to project it onto you and then relate to you in ways that pressure, Invite, Or shape you into carrying or expressing it. This can be emotions, Needs, Thoughts, Or feelings. And this often happens outside of conscious awareness. The person is not usually sitting there thinking, I'm going to make you hold my feelings for me. Instead, It's a psychological survival strategy that can develop when certain emotions, Needs, Traits, Or parts of the self feel too threatening, Shameful, Or unsafe to own internally. So what happens over time is the other person may begin carrying a role inside the relationship. They may become the angry one, The selfish one, The needy one, Or the unstable one, While the person using projective identification experiences themselves as separate from those qualities. The dynamic can become self-reinforcing because the relationship itself starts organizing around the projection. An example of this in my own life is with my mom. My mom is toxically positive, And so she disowns all of her anger. And every time I came around her, I felt negativity. And she would just say and do things that would poke me, And over time, I would explode. So she cast me in the role of the angry one, Where I was basically a character on her stage, And she would do things that made me feel angry. So then when I expressed anger, Naturally, She would look at me and be like, Oh, See, You're angry. And that would satisfy her subconsciously because she could say, Look, She's angry, Not me. This is such a complex and interesting topic that I really suggest anyone that is in a confusing or exhausting relationship or environment to look into this and see if you can spot this in your own life. Where this really becomes harmful, I feel, Is in families and in parent-child relationships, Because children naturally adapt to the emotional reality around them. So a child may begin expressing feelings, Behaviors, Or identities that the parent cannot consciously tolerate in themselves. And the worst part is that the child is no longer or ever being seen for who they actually are, But through the lens of the role that they are being unconsciously asked to carry. I don't believe my family, Still to this day, Has ever seen me for who I am. I was. I feel scapegoated and put into this role of the bad one where everyone unconsciously put their garbage on me, And so I would act as a child and as a teenager explosive and always angry. And I look back at myself and say, Of course I acted that way, Because I knew deep down that the way people were seeing me was not true. It was not reality. So that can make a person feel insane and angry. And yeah, When I understood this concept, It really. . . Put some pieces together in my life and helped me understand a lot of the feelings that I had and a lot of the things that I went through.