Find a position that allows your body to rest without needing to hold itself upright through effort.
Let your hands settle.
Notice the surface beneath you.
Notice the air against your skin.
Take a deep breath in and let the breath leave without forcing it to become slower or deeper.
For the next few minutes,
Do not need to solve a relationship,
Explain a decision,
Or decide how anyone else should feel.
You are here to notice what you have been carrying.
Imagine that you stand at the edge of a wide meadow.
You notice a path that moves through the grass toward a line of trees in the distance.
Begin walking.
The ground feel solid beneath your feet.
You do not feel the need to hurry through the meadow.
Nothing here needs you to manage it.
As you walk.
Become aware of a bag.
Resting across your shoulder.
You may not have noticed it at first.
Perhaps you have carried it for so long that its weight feels ordinary.
Reach toward the bag and notice the stones inside it.
Each stone represents a responsibility you have taken on.
Not the responsibility for your own words or choices.
The responsibility for how everyone else responds to them.
Take out the first stone.
This stone holds the effort of keeping other people from feeling disappointed.
You may have learned to anticipate what others want before they say it.
You may agree before asking yourself whether you have the time,
Energy,
Or desire to support them.
You may feel another person's disappointment as proof that you have done something wrong.
Hold this stone for a moment.
Continue along the path until you reach the trees.
Beyond them,
A river moves,
Cutting across the land.
The current follows its own course around rocks and falling branches.
It does not stop to ask whether every part of the landscape approves of its direction.
Instead.
It takes the path of least resistance.
Begin walking toward the riverbank.
Place the first stone on the ground beside the water.
You are not releasing your care for anyone.
Instead.
You are releasing the job of preventing every uncomfortable feeling another person may experience.
Reach into the bag again.
The next stone holds the need to explain yourself until everyone understands.
Perhaps you have searched for the perfect words.
Perhaps you have added reasons or justifications,
Softened your meaning.
Or continued talking because another person did not immediately accept your answer.
Feel the weight of that stone.
Then place it beside the first.
Another person may understand your choice,
Misunderstand it,
Agree with it.
Or just like it.
Their response.
Does not determine whether your opinions are real.
Take out another stone.
This one holds the belief that kindness always requires a yes.
Notice whether your body reacts to that idea.
Perhaps your chest tightens.
Perhaps your stomach contracts.
Perhaps your mind begins presenting exceptions and reasons why your situation is different.
Let those reactions be present.
Kindness does not require constant availability.
Care does not require self-abandonment.
Who may be loving and still have limits.
Place the stone on the riverbank.
Reach into the bag once more.
This stone holds the fear that someone will think differently of you.
If you stop making everything easy.
Perhaps they will.
You cannot control the version of you that exists in another person's mind.
You can only decide whether you will continue leaving yourself behind.
In an effort to shape it.
Place the stone on the ground.
Feel the difference in the bag now.
There may still be stones inside it.
You do not need to identify everyone today.
Instead.
Celebrate that you have made space.
Turn your attention toward the river.
The water moves without apology.
It is not harsh because it has direction.
It is not uncaring because it has boundaries.
It simply follows the path that belongs to it.
Now I will offer you three ideas.
Practice hearing these words in your own mind.
Begin with.
I care about you.
And my answer is no.
Repeat it silently.
I care about you.
And my answer is no.
Notice what happens in your body.
You do not need to change the sentence to make the discomfort disappear.
Let the words stand as they are.
Now practice the second idea.
I understand that this may disappoint you.
And I still need to make this choice.
Repeat it silently.
I understand that this may disappoint you.
And I still need to make this choice.
Another person's disappointment may be real.
But your limit is also real.
Both can exist at the same time.
Now finally,
Practice this.
I am not available for that.
And I do not need to prove that my reason is good enough.
Repeat it silently to yourself.
I am not available for that.
And I do not need to prove that my reason is good enough.
Notice which idea creates the strongest response.
That means that the sentence touches a place where you have rarely allowed yourself to stand.
Look down at the stones beside the river.
They remain part of the landscape.
You are no longer required to carry them.
Someone may feel disappointed.
Someone may need time to adjust.
Someone may wish you had chosen differently.
You can allow their experience to belong to them.
You can allow your choice and your own experience to belong to you.
Step away from the river and return to the path.
Notice how your body moves without the weight across your shoulders.
As you walk back into the meadow.
Remember,
You are responsible for speaking with honesty and care.
You are responsible for your actions.
You are responsible for repairing harm when repair is needed.
You are not responsible for making every person comfortable with every choice you make.
You do not have to become unkind in order to stop abandoning yourself.
Reach the place where you began.
Feel the surface beneath your body again.
Notice the air against your skin.
Let one of these three ideas return to you.
I care about you and my answer is no.
I understand that this may disappoint you.
And I still need to make this choice.
I am not available for that.
And I do not need to prove that my reason is good enough.
Carry the sentence with you.
Take a full breath in.
And let it leave.
When you are ready,
You may open your eyes.
