Urge Surfing For Hair Pulling

This meditation is designed to support you in the moment of a hair pulling urge. You’ll be guided to visualize the urge as a wave- rising, cresting, and eventually passing while you take the role of the surfer, observing without trying to change anything. We will practice getting to know the urge with curiosity and explore what message it is trying to send. We close by using a simple breathing technique that keeps the hands gently occupied to help regulate the nervous system.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to this meditation for hair pulling.

For many people with hair pulling,

Urges are an unavoidable part of their daily life.

This meditation is designed to be used while you're experiencing urges to pull,

Or right when you notice that you've started pulling.

The goal of this meditation is to support you in real time as you're experiencing an urge,

A practice often called urge surfing.

This means staying with the urge,

Observing it as it rises,

Rests,

And eventually passes,

Without reacting automatically.

The intention here isn't to make the urge go away,

But to notice it with awareness and curiosity.

You may find this very difficult at first,

But remember that growth always happens at the edge of your comfort zone.

Let's begin by finding a comfortable position.

Sitting with your spine upright may be best for this practice,

But you can also do this lying down if you prefer.

Whatever feels best to you.

Now take in a deep breath,

And let it out.

As you exhale,

Relax your body,

Including your shoulders and jaw.

Again,

Take in a deep breath,

And as you exhale,

Let go of any tension you may be holding on to.

Now I invite you to acknowledge the urge if it's present,

And see if you can frame it as a messenger rather than an enemy.

Hair pulling often acts as a regulation tool or coping strategy that shows up when you're off-center,

So the urge is a message that you've become dysregulated or out of balance.

One of the most effective ways to manage the urge is to respond with curiosity,

And ask yourself what it's trying to signal.

It's important to note that this exercise works best when you can release judgment about the hair pulling.

So if you notice any judgment,

Anger,

Or frustration towards your hair pulling as a whole,

Practice acknowledging it and setting it aside for a moment.

We're not ignoring it,

And it might be there when this meditation is over,

But for this practice,

Ask it to give you some space.

Or step aside for just a few minutes.

If you can't right now,

That's okay too.

To begin,

Let's settle in by taking a deep cleansing breath,

And then letting it go.

Let's do that a few more times.

Deep breath in,

And let it out.

Another deep breath in,

And let it out.

Relax your shoulders and your jaw.

If you notice any tension in other areas,

Gently relax those as well.

Now let's try urge surfing.

First,

Let's take a minute to picture a wave forming in your mind's eye.

The wave starts to ripple,

Then it builds,

Getting bigger,

And continues to grow until finally it crests and starts to fall,

And eventually the wave has completely returned back to the ocean.

An urge goes through this same process if it's not acted on.

It builds and builds until it crests,

Falls,

And subsides.

Sometimes it may feel like the urge is going to keep intensifying without ever subsiding,

Or you may believe that you can't tolerate the discomfort of it.

But these are just feelings,

And all feelings are temporary experiences in time.

No sensation can stay intense forever.

In this exercise,

You are the surfer,

And your goal is to ride the wave.

You don't want to get rid of the wave or prevent the wave.

You just want to experience it and ride it out.

If you're experiencing an urge right now,

Let's notice where it is in the process.

Did you catch it while it was small?

Is it building because you're not interacting with it?

Is it at the top,

As intense as you can imagine it?

Is it starting to fall away?

Just notice where it is.

Whenever you notice an urge during your day,

You can imagine it as a wave rising and then falling again.

Now I invite you to notice how you're experiencing this urge.

Is it a thought?

An emotion?

A sensation in your body?

Just take a moment to see what you notice,

Whatever comes up.

There's no right or wrong answer,

And it's okay if what comes up doesn't make sense to you right now.

Just allow whatever shows up.

What qualities does the urge have?

Is it a tingle?

A tightness or pressure?

Does it have a temperature?

Does it feel warm or cool?

Does it have a certain energy?

Is it a restlessness?

Or maybe it feels like a buzzing or vibration?

Is it subtle or strong?

Is it coming in waves or is it steady?

Do you notice any thoughts or beliefs about future urges?

When we get curious,

We find that there's so much to notice and learn about a simple urge.

Now take a moment to check in with yourself and your current state.

Ask yourself,

What do you need in this moment?

Are you tired?

Bored?

Stressed?

Hungry?

If there were no limitations or obligations,

What would you rather be doing right now?

However you experience it,

Just notice without trying to change it.

Now let's get to know the urge in a different way.

I invite you to imagine that the urge is a part of you that you can talk to.

It might help to imagine in your mind that you're sitting on a park bench and your urge is sitting next to you.

Let the urge know that you want to learn more about it and understand it better.

Ask the urge what it wants to tell you or what message it has for you.

Then pause and wait for an answer.

Again,

Practice being open to whatever answer comes up.

You may find that the answer is often closer than you think if you can open yourself up to it.

It doesn't have to make sense to you right now and you don't have to like it.

If you notice judgment during this practice,

Try to acknowledge it and set it aside for a moment.

The point is to get curious and learn more about it and receive whatever is there.

We want to practice befriending the urge rather than pushing it away.

Just sit for a moment with the thought,

What do you want to tell me?

You can also ask,

How are you trying to help me?

What positive outcome do you want for me?

What are you afraid would happen if you didn't help me in this way?

Are you open to trying other ways of doing this job?

Now I'm going to guide you through a practice called alternate nostril breathing,

Which will give you a tool to center yourself and sit with the urge.

This breathing exercise is perfect for managing hair pulling because it occupies your hand or hands depending on how you choose to do it.

We're going to practice breathing while covering one side of the nose in an alternating pattern.

In the traditional practice,

There's a particular hand placement for this technique and you're welcome to do that if you're familiar with it.

Otherwise,

Just cover each nostril when instructed in whatever way feels most comfortable to you,

Such as with your pointer finger or thumb.

Let's get started.

Close off your right nostril by gently pressing your finger against it and inhale through your left nostril,

Then hold at the top.

While holding,

Switch to close off your left nostril and exhale through your right side.

Now inhale through the right,

Hold at the top and switch,

Then exhale through your left.

Now I'm going to guide you through several rounds of this,

Instructing you which side to breathe through.

Don't forget to cover the other side.

Inhale through the left side.

Hold and switch.

Exhale through the right side.

Inhale right.

Hold and switch.

Exhale left.

Inhale left.

Hold and switch.

Exhale right.

Inhale right.

Hold and switch.

Exhale left.

Inhale left.

Hold and switch.

Exhale right.

Inhale right.

Hold and switch.

Exhale left.

Inhale right.

Hold and switch.

Exhale right.

Inhale right.

Hold and switch.

Exhale left.

Inhale left.

Hold and switch.

Exhale right.

Inhale right.

Hold and switch.

Exhale left.

Inhale left.

Hold and switch.

Exhale right.

Great job.

Now notice how you feel.

How is it different from when you started?

Has the urge changed at all?

If the urge has subsided,

That's helpful to notice.

If the urge is still strong,

That's okay too.

You've benefited from simply paying attention,

Even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Remember,

The goal is to notice what's already there,

Not to change it or make it go away.

With continued practice,

As you spend more time just noticing without reacting,

It gets easier.

It becomes less uncomfortable to watch the urge rise and fall.

Again,

We're not trying to make it go away.

We're learning to let it be there without getting caught up in it or becoming overwhelmed by it.

As we come to a close,

I invite you to choose a mantra for the rest of your day to use when you notice an urge arise.

This may be something like,

When I notice an urge,

I choose how to respond.

Or,

My urge is a message to pay attention.

You can come back to this meditation or practice this on your own at any time you start to notice an urge.

The more regularly you can return to this practice,

The more helpful you will find it.

May you have a mindful day.