The Silent Wife

This was written during a very difficult time in my life. I was in a very unhealthy relationship/marriage and this poem reflects how I was feeling during that time. I have since ended that situation. For clarification purposes, I was never unfaithful, the parts of this poem mentioning possible activity with another person were intended to reflect my former spouse's ideas, not mine. It is my hope that by sharing this with the Insight Timer community it may help others to realize they're not alone and to find a kindred spirit in the healing process.

Transcript

The Silent Wife I have no opinions,

I have nothing to say.

I just sit here and listen to your stories all day.

I won't try to speak,

For I will not be heard.

I won't speak of my day,

You don't care anyway.

I won't get up to hug you,

That shows weakness I fear.

I want you to listen,

Please God make him care.

It's all about you,

That's always been true.

It's your way or no way,

That's all I can do.

Try to change now,

Why bother my dear?

What's done has been done,

I no longer fear.

Love you the same,

I never will now.

Can anyone blame me?

This is how my life turned out.

The apartment just so,

The mileage just right.

A life of perfection,

But something's not right.

What could it be?

I've asked myself.

Look in the mirror,

Just let it out.

I see your face,

And curse your name.

I see your face,

But it's not the same.

It used to be loving,

Or was it really ever?

The mask came off that September.

Now my mornings are cold,

And my nights are alone.

God please save me from this darkened hole.

Always on the lookout,

Always on your guard.

Have my lips felt those of another?

That is the dilemma that you are under.

Convince yourself my love's reserved for someone else within my heart.

A smile or a compliment,

That's what you seem to fear.

Have I not convinced you?

Have my intentions not been pure and clear?

Held in the arms of another,

And worried to death of a secret lover.

These are the thoughts that are in your mind.

With the promise of trust,

I guess you lied.

So continue I will,

To live this life of lies.

Alone in my misery,

The shade drawn on my eyes.

There is no redemption,

No rest for the weary.

I'll stay strong,

Though it is scary.

So till one day,

This rope I walk breaks,

I'll keep my vows that I made on that day.