Hello and welcome.
If you're here I'm guessing you've had that moment.
The one where you look at your teen and wonder if they might just be broken.
They don't listen,
They isolate,
They forget things consistently and it feels like they're nowhere near ready to leave the nest.
But I'm here to reassure you that they are absolutely not broken.
They're just growing up in the only way a teenager brain knows how and it's not always graceful.
So let's dive in and start by unpacking a bit of what's going on in the adolescent brain because understanding their development will make all the difference in how we support them.
Teens are experiencing a massive neurological renovation.
In fact their brains are under construction in a way that makes a highway work zone look like a minor inconvenience.
There are three main players in this renovation.
The prefrontal cortex,
The amygdala,
And dopamine.
The prefrontal cortex or PFC is the brain's decision-making headquarters.
It's responsible for planning,
Impulse control,
And thinking things through.
Think of it as the project manager of the brain,
The one who's supposed to step in and say hey maybe jumping off that roof isn't the best idea but here's the catch.
In teens this project manager is still in training.
In fact it won't be fully operational until around the age of 25.
So when we ask teens to think before they act or consider the consequences we're leaning on a part of the brain that is a work in progress.
It's like putting a brand new intern in charge of a big project.
They'll get there but they're still learning.
This is why teens can seem impulsive and why in high-stress or highly emotional moments their project manager takes a backseat letting other parts of the brain drive.
Then there's the amygdala which we might call the emotional center.
In teens the amygdala is highly sensitive firing up intense emotions and reactions.
This part of the brain is particularly responsible for fear,
Pleasure,
And survival instincts.
For teens it's running on all cylinders which means they're feeling their emotions in a big way.
This explains why teens can go from feeling on top of the world to devastated in a flash.
And the amygdala doesn't just control emotions it also scans for threats and rewards especially in social situations.
So something as simple as a friend canceling plans can feel like a huge deal.
It's not because they're over dramatic their brain is actually wired to process it that way.
Lastly we have dopamine the feel-good chemical.
In adolescence dopamine levels are higher and the brain's reward center is more sensitive than in adults.
So when they do something that feels thrilling whether it's taking on a challenging sport meeting new people or yes taking a risk they're experiencing a stronger dopamine hit than we adults would.
They're wired to chase these experiences.
It's why they often prioritize the thrill of something new over the logical path.
So when you find them pushing limits or breaking the rules know that their brain is actively seeking these high reward situations.
Now we know what's happening under the hood but let's talk about some practical strategies we can use to communicate connect and cooperate with our teens.
After all our role isn't to fix them it's to guide and support them as they grow.
So let's talk about perspective taking.
Imagine walking into a new job every day with a new set of rules and expectations but no one has given you the full job description.
That's adolescence in a nutshell.
They're navigating school pressures,
Changing friendships and social dynamics all while their brain is literally rewiring itself.
So here's a tip try asking open-ended questions like what's one thing that was hard today rather than why didn't you finish your homework.
When we ask from a place of curiosity rather than judgment we invite our teams to share what's on their mind.
They start to see that we're actually trying to understand not control their experience.
Also we're going to talk about focusing on strengths.
Teens are naturally in a stage of life where they feel judged by peers,
Teachers and often by themselves.
Our role as parents and teachers is to balance that out by focusing on what they're doing right.
So here's a tip take a moment to notice their strengths.
Did they help a friend?
Show kindness in a tough situation?
These little strengths can build their self-confidence and motivate them to make positive choices.
This is about letting them know hey I see you and the good you're doing and I honor it.
Let's talk about setting boundaries.
Boundaries are critical for teens but they're learning to make sense of these limits while developing their own values.
Rather than imposing rules for the sake of control frame your boundaries in terms of values your family holds.
So here's a tip if respect is a core family value talk about how this value applies to real-life situations.
For instance if everyone values respect we take turns speaking without interrupting.
Boundaries grounded in values aren't just rules they're guiding principles that help teens navigate a world that sometimes feels confusing.
Now let's focus on the tone and communication aspect.
When teens inevitably forget the rule or push a boundary it's easy for us to respond with a tone that sounds frustrated or annoyed but here's the tricky part.
Teens are hypersensitive to tone and they can pick up even the slightest hint of negativity.
So here's a tip take a breath before you respond.
Then try to phrase your request in a way that's calm and specific.
For example instead of saying you never listen try I noticed the trash didn't get taken out could you do that before bed.
This approach keeps communication clear and reduces defensiveness.
And finally let's talk about being a guide.
Our teens don't need us to direct every moment of their lives.
What they need is a steady compassionate guide who can offer support listen and provide wisdom without overwhelming them with commands.
Here's a tip think of yourself as their life coach.
Instead of telling them what to do try asking what would help you get this assignment done.
This encourages them to take ownership over their decisions and builds a critical problem-solving skill.
Tools they'll need long after they leave the nest.
And here's the good news while it may feel like teens are pushing us away they need us now more than ever.
This push and pull dynamic is part of their growth.
They're figuring out independence while still relying on the safety of our relationships.
By showing up with empathy humor and a steady hand we're giving them the tools to find their way.
Thank you for listening and for being here willing to learn and willing to grow with your team.
They notice more than they let on and as hard as it may be to see right now every bit of effort you're putting in is planting seeds for the future.
Shaping them into strong thoughtful adults they're meant to be.
So let's keep building the bridge of communication connection and cooperation because the best is yet to come.
Thank you.
