Know Thy Self - I Am Not My Ego

Know Thy Self- I am not my Ego Join us for this series of lessons that takes us through the seven levels of existence toward Self-realization. This 7th session will focus on the realization: I am not my Ego. Ego is the illusion of separateness.

Transcript

So welcome, We're going to start with a short ceremony as usual. So let's sit comfortably on our seat and take a deep breath in and let go. Let's close our eyes and take another deep breath in and let go. And the next breath we keep in, We don't breathe out. And slowly breathe out and let go. So let go of all your efforts, Let go of everything that already happened in the past, Let go of everything that may happen in the future and allow your breath to guide you back to the present moment, To whatever is happening right now around you. Become aware of any information produced by your environment. Become aware of your body and the position it took upon its seat. Relax into that position, Become aware of the breath as it happens in its own natural rhythm. Make sure there is no tension hiding anywhere in your body, Comfortable and relaxed. Become aware of any thought you may think, Any emotion you may feel, Any sensation you may experience. Don't resist or get too entangled with any specific phenomena, You just observe. And as those phenomenas continue to happen, Allow your attention to turn back and face itself, The origin of the ultimate observer, That space within that exists before and beyond any phenomena. Where there is no movement, There is only silence. And for a moment become that silence. Take a deep breath in, Gently allow your attention to come back to your body as it is seated here, A part of our virtual circle. Let's unite our individual intentions into one unified intention. The intention to grow, To develop, To evolve. With a smile, Let's take another deep breath in. When you feel comfortable, You may open your eyes. Hello everyone, Welcome to this opportunity we give ourselves to hold hands and walk the path together, Even if for a short while. We are walking this path for the past few weeks, Guided by this question, Who am I? Using the elimination methods, As we realize that this question cannot be answered directly. So we answer the question instead, Who am I not? By peeling off false ideas about ourselves, We allow the truth to reveal itself, Naturally, Not as an idea, But as an experience. So we've been through five levels of existence. Today we're going to touch the sixth one, Quickly reviewing what we've done so far. First level was, I am not my body. The body is the temple in which I am hosted. Second level is, I am not my breath. The breath is the bridge between the body and the mind. Third level is the mind. I am not my mind. The mind is the movie that is projected, Including all emotions, Sensations, And thoughts, That together builds a picture of reality for us. And the first breakthrough is realizing that the movie has no power at all. Observer gives that power when it believes, When it identifies. Fourth level was intellect. We came to realize that our intellect is where suffering is born, And where fears are born. So we practiced closing the gaps, Closing the gaps, Realizing that suffering is born and raised in the gap between what is, And what I believe it should have been. And fear is born in the gap between what is, And what I don't want it to become. So closing those gaps again and again promotes stress-free, Suffering-free, Fear-free lives. And the fifth level of existence that we touched on last meeting was, I am not my story. All those things that happen to me is not who I am. I am free to reinvent myself in any given moment, Because I am not carrying that baggage of past experience, And I'm not bounded by that story in any way, If I am not identified with it. Otherwise, I use it as an identity. And usually I'm victimizing myself around that story. Because of that story, Today I am a victim. I cannot be happy, I cannot be fulfilled, Cannot be successful, Cannot be enlightened. Whatever you have in your head. That's what we've done so far. Any comments, Questions, Any objections, Any remarks about all the path that we've been through until this point? Question mark. The teacher says that if there are no questions, You either understood everything or you didn't understand anything. Anybody? Somebody? Should we continue forward? Are you ready? Somebody is doing something. Ready. Okay. Somebody is breathing over there. Everybody is ready. Okay. Let's do it. Sixth level of existence. Sixth level of existence is what we call ego. What is ego? It's important that we define ego before we start debating if ego is good or bad, Useful or harmful. Let's start by making sure we know what we're talking about here. Ego is not just that term that was used by Freud 150 years ago, But something much more universal that was defined millennia ago. It's referred to in different names in different cultures. But the bottom line is that ego is defined as an illusion of separateness. When you feel separated, Detached, When you feel a foreigner, When you feel that there is me and then there is others, There is me and the rest of the world. When you feel this duality that separates you from your experience, From whatever is in front of you, That sensation, That illusion of two debating with each other, This is what we call ego. When you say, I agree, I disagree, I want, I need, When you are concerned with what will I gain out of this, Then you are acting from ego. Ego is dominant, That element. So separation, That illusion of separateness, Is ego. So why is that an illusion? Why do we call it an illusion? Because separateness doesn't really exist in reality. The nature of reality, Of our physical reality, Is the nature of oneness. There is no two that you can actually find in real life. There is only one existence, One entity, That of course changes form, But always as a part of the same oneness. And what's beautiful about that is that you don't have to be religious to connect or reconnect with that idea, With that reality. It used to be a realm of religious people, You know, God is one. So if you believe in God and you connect in that sense to the religion, Then you know that God is omnipresent. But if you are not religious and you are not connected to this idea of God, Then what does it mean? I am here, The world is out there. But today you don't have to be religious in order to understand or realize that oneness is not just a religious idea, But the nature of the physical reality that we are all part of. Anywhere you want to cut it, You find only oneness there. You can see in physics, For example, If you go to the subatomic level of any matter, You find that there is no place that anything ends. You cannot find a border in the subatomic level of matter where something ends and something else begins. It's just a matter of density of energy. Where it's more dense here, Maybe less dense here, More dense here, Maybe less dense here, But very dense here again. So physically we don't end. And we are a part of oneness influencing and being influenced by everything. You know, You've heard about the butterfly effect, For example, In quantum physics. What does it mean? It means that everything influences and being influenced by everything else in matters that we don't really acknowledge or aware of, But a part of, For sure. You know, It's such a beautiful realization that science is bringing now, Not religion. Chemically, We are all part of the same matter. We are all built from stardust. You know, Our body is formed by matter that sucks from planet Earth, Matter that came from other planets to materialize this planet. We are all organisms that are built from the same chemical substances, Powered by the same life energy. We cannot be separated from it, Even if we convince ourselves otherwise. Do you see that? You know, The first law of Newton is that energy cannot be destroyed. It can only be transformed, Metamorphosed. But energy is the same. Sometimes the energy is high, Sometimes it's low. Total energy is one. And we are part of that, Whether we want it or not. Whether we acknowledge that or we fight against it. You know, This is a huge realization. Whatever you do influences, Because you are part of this creation, An organic part of this creation. Oneness is not just an idea, A philosophical or religious idea of a utopian world or something, You know. It's your physical existence. Whatever you decide, Doing or avoiding doing, It influences life. Sometimes the influence is quite obvious, Sometimes it's very subtle, You know. You decide to go to the protest and raise the flag against whatever, You influence. You decide to stay at home and avoid that confrontation, That influences. So the idea that whatever is happening out there doesn't concern me and I can't influence that anyways, That is based on an illusion. Oneness is the nature of our reality and we are all a part of that. This we need to realize if we want to move forward towards an awakened consciousness. If you keep experiencing life from that separated identity that you created for yourself, You'll keep yourself trapped in that cocoon, Artificial cocoon you built for yourself. And life cannot really touch you when you are hiding in your cocoon. So the best way to explain that is the story about the wave. You know, Think about a wave in the ocean. Choose one wave. Of all those waves. And think that this specific wave, Some miraculous way, Received self-awareness. It became aware of itself. And now it's floating above the sea, Aware of itself, Thinking all those thoughts about the separated self. Like, What am I doing here? Why is everybody floating towards the shore? I want to be unique. I want to float the other way. Or I want to be yellow. I don't want to be blue like everybody else. What will I gain out of this existence? And people, Can't you see that everybody is crashing down there? We have to stop this. All those questions that a separated self is asking. And 30 seconds later, What happens to that wave? It goes crashing on the shoreline like every other wave. This is our story. We rise from that oneness and receive a unique shape and form. And we start building a story around that. An identity around that. Forgetting that we are part of that ocean. We're only concerned about the separated, Temporary shape of the wave. As if the ocean doesn't exist. And 70, 80 years later, We go crashing back, Losing our individual and unique shape. But back to the ocean where we never were separated from. A wave cannot exist without the ocean. What is a wave? It's an oceanic expression, Isn't it? There is no actual entity called wave. We give it a name. But it's not really there. It's only the ocean. Where does the wave end and the ocean begin? Can you tell? Same with us. We receive self-awareness. But that awareness of the self makes us forget the source that we are a part of. And we wander around in this life asking only questions that have to do with separated identity. The mantra of the ego is what do I want? What do I need? What will I gain out of it? This is ego. Think about it. If the wave doesn't feel connected to the ocean, It can only depend on its own limited resources. So of course, Its whole existence is in this context of lack. There is never enough. Because you are not connected to the bounty of the ocean. At least you are not aware that you are connected. So that bounty is not accessible to you. There is only your own limited resources, The wave resource, As if the wave has any power of its own. So your life is in this context of give and take, Give and take, Between you and life. And you have to make sure that you only give as much as you receive, And not more, Otherwise you will deplete your resources. So the context is always the context of lack. I don't have enough. And the little I have, I have to preserve. And I have to defend. Because I know if I don't, Life will take it away. You see, Cravings and aversions. Again, Cravings and aversions. What do you say? I think I spoke enough. Tom is asking where your accent is from. What? I was born in London. Can't you hear my accent? It's Cockney. I'm Israeli. Tom alone sounds Israeli as well. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. Any questions? Guys, Show me that you are breathing here. How does that translate to your life? The experience of a separated entity engaging with life? John. John says, From the big picture of who I am, I understand how I am not the six levels you define. However, To live in the external world, The me versus the world has served my vocation, The ability to raise a family. Maybe he's still typing. Your ability to raise a family does not come from the illusion of separateness. Oneness is raising family through your form. You know, There is a beautiful story about a woman called Susan Segal, Another Jewish comrade. She's American and she experienced what we called spontaneous enlightenment. And she wrote a book about it. It's called Collision with Infinity. She really describes it as a car crash. She was unprepared, Completely surprised by that experience. She was pregnant and she describes that she was waiting in a bus stop for a bus, And the bus came to the bus stop and the driver opened the door and she put a step on the bus. And that's it. That separated identity of who she was evaporated and never returned. And there was no I anymore. I am walking, I am climbing, I am pregnant. That separated I, That experienced life through that lens, Was completely absent. And she describes it as a shock to the system. One of the first questions that she encountered was, OK, So who is going to be the mother of this unborn baby if there is no I there anymore? And then she describes beautifully how motherhood happened through her. And the baby received everything a mother should give, Everything a baby needs. But there was no I anymore to take ownership of that, Of that action, Of that baby. So don't confuse yourself to think that you need a separate identity to exist on this planet. You need a separate identity to separate yourself from this planet, From this existence. You don't stop existing when that illusion evaporates. You continue existing and for the first time actually contributing something substantial to the growth of humanity, Of consciousness. So you know that idea, I need my ego in order to operate in this life, Is born in the ego. Now listen, The ego is a very sophisticated animal. He knows you better than you know yourself. And he knows which buttons to push, To convince you to never let go, Never give up the idea that you are in control, That it's all because of you, Thanks to you. The ego is there to survive and he will not commit suicide as long as he can have a say about it. So this idea, No, I need my ego to operate, I need my ego to be successful, I need my wants and needs. Otherwise why would I be motivated to do anything if there is no wants and needs? I tell you, Don't worry about it. There is another force that replaces wants and needs, Once you are vacant from your ego. And that force is called love. And love will start expressing itself through you once you are vacant from ego, From fear. Love and fear are opposite forces. Love is like fear standing on its head. If you are full of fear, There is not much room for love. And if you are full of love, There is not much room for fear. The ego is planting those seeds of fear in you, To make sure you never allow yourself to let go, Really, And let go of the idea of being in control. It's all because of you, Thanks to you. You know, A big ego is not only a big ego, Who says, I am great, I am a winner, Everything is thanks to me. A big ego is also the guy who says, I am a loser, Nothing works for me. This is also a very big ego. Why? Because everything is concentrated on I, I, I. An awakened consciousness doesn't experience life in this context. I, I, I am big, I am small. There is no I that still exists. There is no I that is still there, That steals all the energy, All the attention. I see a few questions coming. I think you attended to John's point. He was saying to compete in the world, The ego serves me, But he recognizes the drawbacks in building relationships and contributing to community. Look, What happens in a relationship? One ego wants and needs, Wants and needs, Wants and needs, Meets another ego, Wants and needs, Wants and needs. So we are two beggars begging for, You know, Something from the partner. I want, I want, And I will be with you, I will love you as long as you be with me and love me. It's like a contract between two suppliers. I will give you this, You will give me that. That's why we have a relationship. Think about it. Most of the people that are in a relationship, They are there in a relationship because of fear. There was once infatuation that melted them together as a unit, But now they are just comfortable or they are afraid of doing something else, Or they are dependent, There is a co-dependency. Isn't it so? Ego meets ego and they build some kind of a relationship. Want and need, Want and need. Sorry, You were saying? He responds, Yep, Good point. Ego also leads to negative self-image and the fear of losing. D says, It seems difficult to keep remembering that we're not separate when experiencing everyday life. What you're saying makes sense. In other words, How do you live without thinking separate? How do you apply this to your everyday life? This is not a theoretical philosophy course. This is something that needs to be translated into experience, Into your daily life. How to do that? Practice. It's crucial for the sincere seeker to practice so that realization translates itself into experience. How can you practice? You keep reminding yourself again and again, Day after day, All right, This is who I am. I am oneness. I am not separated. This is who I am. I am love. I am not fear. I am love. I am joy. I am peace. I am silence. This is who I am. Keep reminding yourself again and again. Meditate. There is a meditation to each level of existence, Body, Breath, Mind, Intellect, Memory, Ego, And self that we will touch this coming Saturday. Practice those meditations again and again. Once hearing this is not enough. I mean, Rare people hear it once, Remember, And that's it. They don't need to be reminded again. But assuming that we are not one of those rare individuals, We need to practice. Yeah. Keep reminding yourself. And when you forget, You remind yourself. So now you remember. And then you will forget again, I guarantee. And you remind yourself again. That's the pulse of life. And the more you remind yourself, The less you forget. This is one practice. And then the other three pillars that I strongly recommend is create a community where you can be supported on your path. Find a sangha, A study group, People like-minded that support your growth. Adopt an attitude of service. I am here for you. What can I do for you? Let me know. Let me know. You know, Free some time. Every day, Something small, A gesture of your open heart that gives without any conditions. Seva, It's called. Seva. Just share your bounty with the world unconditionally. And then have a master, Have a teacher in your life that inspires you to keep on growing. Seva, Satsang, Sadhana and sadguru. These are the four pillars. Unconditional giving, Seva, Satsang, That practice. Sorry, Satsang, That community. Sadhana, The practice and sadguru, The teacher. These are the four pillars. If you keep them strong in your life, You will stay on the path and you will forget less and less. Okay, What else? Shelly was asking if the ego is found in emotions. Ego is the context of your experience. And the experience could be anything. It could be an emotion. It could be a sensation. It could be a thought. It's like the difference between, I'm in pain and pain is being experienced. What is lacking in pain is being experienced, Is that I. Do you see? There is no I that has a relationship with the experience, That is trying to hold on to that experience because it's pleasant or is trying to chase away that experience because it's painful. That I doesn't exist. There is only a direct experience. You know, We all have those, We call it inspiration. What happens when we are inspired? Something bigger takes place than that ego and plays through me, Sings through me, Experience through me. Have you ever sat on a cliff looking at the sunset or something like that and woke up half an hour later just to become aware that you are gone? Gone. Not daydreaming, But just gone. And there was just that beautiful sunset being experienced. Like women in labor many times say that the idea is to let go and then something bigger comes and engulfs you and allows that flow to happen. We sometimes call it inspiration. When there is no ego, There is no I that claims ownership over the experience, Holds it or fights against it. This is what it means to experience without an ego. What else? Shantel says it's difficult to think this way due to being educated about ego. For example, In school it teaches you to strive to learn for yourself or for a good job. You know, It's a very good question to ask yourself. What am I striving for? Why do I want a good job? Why do I want a healthy relationship? Why do I want a big house? Why do I want a red car? What is my motivation? It's a good question to ask yourself. You will find that we are chasing images of happiness. It's a race after images of happiness. We believe that when we will have that or that or that or all of those, We will be happy and content. Of course, That's never the case. We know that now from experience. If happiness is found there, It's temporary. And the next thing that will come will steal that temporary happiness. You wait for years for your partner to say the right sentence, The sentence that you waited for. And finally he says it and you're so happy. And then he says something else and it destroys it completely. Happiness cannot be found there, True happiness. We will talk next session about happiness. But that egoistic chase for all those things that we don't have and that we need, That egoistic chase has to stop. You need to realize you will never achieve happiness that way. And if you will, It's going to be temporary and it's going to be taken away 100%. Because the nature of life is change. You can wait all your life to the night in the shiny armor, Right? And believing that only when he arrives you can be happy. And then he, Let's say he arrives miraculously, Usually he doesn't, But let's say he arrives and you live together and you are on a cloud of happiness. Then you realize that your whole night can fart and he is not shaving daily and he starts drinking and he's too concerned about his mother, Et cetera, Et cetera. And you realize happiness is not hiding there in his arms. Isn't it so? D says, Very true. John says, Yep, Never enough, But if lucky inspiration will drive the efforts. Yeah, Allow that. And how do you allow that? You let go of the idea that life is here to grant you all those things that you lack. That's not what life is about. If you feel lack in your life, It's not because that life didn't give you what you expect. It's because you are still not connected to who you are and you operate your life through ego. I want, I need what I will gain out of this. Remind yourself, This is not what life is about. You know, There is the story of Genghis Khan. Do you know Genghis Khan? Have you heard about him? The Mongolian conqueror? I think in English we say Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan. Okay. So Genghis Khan was a great Mongolian conqueror and he conquered half of the world, Looted and raped. And he was really fierce. His army was terrible. And they say that when he arrived to the borders of India, He conquered the continent easily. Like everybody is shanty, Nobody really. There was no opposition. So Maharaja after Maharaja was surrendering to his army. And then the story goes that when evening came, He demanded from his new slaves to prepare dinner for him. So they said that the Indian people opened a huge table and decorated it and they offered him a loaf of bread made of gold. So Genghis Khan was very upset and said, Are you joking? I mean, What am I going to do with this loaf of gold? I can't eat that. So the Indian says, Yeah, But you know, You are Genghis Khan, The great conqueror. We didn't want to give you just bread, You know, You deserve gold. So then the story says that Genghis Khan woke up from that illusion and he ordered his armies to retreat and go back to Mongolia and stop the looting. And when he died, He ordered that he will be buried naked and without any treasure like they used to bury kings, You know, Just naked and make sure that his palms are open. So everybody knows that Genghis Khan left this planet without anything. I don't know if this is true or not, But it's a beautiful story. You know, We need to wake up from that illusion. Life is here to grant me my wants and needs. What can you actually gain out of this life? Think about it. If you are not connected to it already, What can you gain? Money, Material, Relationships? What can you take with you? Why are you chasing all those? Experience, Joy, Love. Yeah, This is not something that you take from life. That's the realization. That's the key. We'll talk about it next session. Kathleen asked, Aren't needs part of being in a human body? The body has needs. Yes, The body needs, You know, Water, Oxygen, Food, Sleep, Etc. The body has needs. But I am not the body. Go back six sessions ago. I am not the body. Yeah, I'm here to provide whatever my body needs. Yeah, For sure. Why not? Healthy diet, You know, Healthy environment. Definitely. But this is not who I am. I don't need all those things. My body does. My father used to say there's only two things that we need. We need to be born and we need to die. The rest is up for negotiation. What else about ego? I like this explanation of it being the illusion of separation. Because it allows us anytime we're going through a hard time or, Or even experiencing something really wonderful. We have this opportunity to observe whether or not we're merging with that experience, Or whether we're staying separate from it. And we, We can observe that that's, That's our ego at work when we don't allow ourselves to completely merge whether, Whether we think it's a good experience or not. So if there's something that feels, You know, Triggering or difficult or bad, We can observe that it's the ego that's causing us to pull back and be in that, That separate duality. Yeah. How many times it happens to you when, You know, For example, You said to meditate and you're completely at ease and some, And something so blissful presented itself, You know, You're just pure joy. Did it happen to you? And then after a minute or an hour, You never know, Time has no sense in that when those moments happen. But then you wake up and you say, Wow, That was amazing. Shit, It's over. I want that. I want that again. What happened to that? What happened to that? Did it ever happen to you? You know, And this is when, You know, Ego is awakened. I want, I need, This is what I, This is what will make me happy. I want to go back to that bliss. Any sentence that starts with, I want, You know, The ego is playing. I want, I want this, I want that. I want to be awakened. I want to be an enlightened consciousness. It doesn't matter how graceful your idea is about your goal, Your supposed achievement. As long as there is an I that wants, There is ego there. And I tell you, Ego cannot kill itself. I want to eliminate ego. Who wants to eliminate ego? Who wants to eliminate ego? The ego, Not possible. Do you see that? So I say, If you really want to be successful on this path and come closer and closer to an awakened consciousness, Use that ability of the ego to drive you forward. Use that I want, But now replace all those things that you want, Material, Success, You know, Relationship, Whatever. Replace that with an awakened consciousness. This is what I want. I want to be free. And it will take you, Because the ego can be very powerful in that sense. And you are accustomed to work with that type of motivation. But now you are striving for the truth. And the ego can take you all the way to the edge of the cliff. The ego can take you all the way to the edge of the cliff. It cannot jump. It will not commit suicide. But you can come all the way to the edge. On the edge, Something else is happening that's got nothing to do with your wants and needs. But it can at least help you evolve to that position where you are completely vacant of any other idea of happiness. Nothing else out there bothers you anymore. And you are available for the grace to happen. And then the grace takes over, If you are lucky. Next session we're going to discuss what's hiding in the seventh level of existence, The last one. So make sure you don't miss it. The other thing that I like about this level and learning about the ego in this way, Is that rather than thinking about experiences as pleasurable or painful, Or I'm struggling, Or I'm not, Or I'm happy or I'm sad, Or I'm this or I'm that, It's more about am I connected or am I disconnected? And when you can see how the ego plays in your life, You can come to that point where you can observe whether you are fully connected and immersed in this moment or whether you're not. And your only want is just to be right here right now. And then it is. And it's so easy. And it frees you, It taps you into that bounty and frees you from anything that weighs you down outside of that experience. Yeah, The only thing I want is to be in the present moment. That sounds like a vision I can identify with. Ask yourself, Are you trapped in the belief that something else should happen in order for you to be happy, Content, Fulfilled? Are you waiting for something else to happen? If so, Know that you are in a trap. Enlightenment cannot happen somewhere else, Some other time. It cannot be realized later when you're more evolved or whatever. Either you are available here and now or you are not. Ponder upon that. Practice the meditation about the ego. I am not my ego. Find it on my Insight Timer. Practice all the meditations that we've been through so far. If you are sincere about your quest, Know that there is work to do. It's not enough just once a week listening to somebody speaking about it. You are invited to experience it through practice. So thank you for your time and your attention and your beautiful questions and your donations and make sure you don't miss our last session of this journey this coming Saturday when we will discuss the self, The nature of self. Thank you for coming. See you soon.

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