Softening self blame.
And coming home to compassion.
Taking a moment to settle into a comfortable position.
And allowing your body to be supported.
By whatever is beneath you.
Au revoir!
There's nowhere else you need to be.
Today we're going to explore something many of us know very intimately.
And that is self-criticism.
That voice inside that tells us.
We should have done better.
That we shouldn't have said that.
That we should be further along.
That we need to try harder.
Or perhaps that somehow we're not good enough.
And sometimes self-criticism can feel so familiar that we don't even recognise it as criticism anymore.
It can simply feel like.
Thinking.
But there's something really important to understand about this inner critic.
Often it isn't trying to be cruel.
It's trying to keep us safe.
At some point in our lives,
Our minds learn to notice mistakes.
And it believes that it can help us avoid danger,
Rejection,
Embarrassment,
Conflict or failure.
Their mind develops a kind of internal monitoring system.
It watches.
It evaluates.
It looks for what went wrong.
And it says.
Be careful.
Don't do that again.
Try harder.
You need to get this right.
And in certain situations,
That mechanism can genuinely be useful.
If we've made a mistake,
Reflecting on it can help us learn.
And if something needs to change,
Self-awareness can help us change it.
But sometimes this protective mechanism becomes overactive.
And instead of helping us learn from what happened.
It keeps us stuck inside what happened.
We make a mistake.
The anacristic appears.
We feel shame or anxiety.
And our nervous system senses threat.
And then the mind searches even harder for what might be wrong.
Which gives the inner critic.
Even more material.
And the cycle begins again.
Something happens.
We criticise ourselves.
We feel threatened.
We become more anxious.
We scrutinize ourselves more closely.
And then we find even more things to criticise.
It's almost as though the mind believes.
If I can find everything that's wrong with me.
Perhaps I can prevent something bad from happening again.
But there's a problem with this strategy.
We can't create safety by constantly attacking ourselves.
And this is why compassion can be so powerful.
Compassion isn't saying nothing matters.
It isn't making excuses.
And it isn't pretending that mistakes don't matter.
And it isn't letting ourselves off the hook.
Compassion says.
I can acknowledge what happened without making myself the enemy.
We can take responsibility without punishment.
We can learn without shame.
And we can make changes without believing that we are fundamentally flawed.
So let's explore that now.
If it feels comfortable.
Allow your eyes to close.
Or simply soften your gaze.
Feel the support beneath your body.
And notice the weight of your body being held.
Now take a slow,
Gentle breath in.
And a slow breath out.
There's nothing you need to force.
Just let the breath find its own rhythm.
Now bring to mind a moment when you found you were being hard on yourself.
Nothing overwhelming.
Just something small enough that you can stay present with it.
Perhaps something is sad.
Something that you did.
Or something that you didn't do.
Or simply a moment when you felt that you weren't good enough.
Notice what happens in your body as you bring it to mind.
Perhaps there's tightness.
A happiness.
A contraction.
Or perhaps very little sensation at all.
Whatever you notice is okay.
And now rather than immediately trying to change it.
Simply acknowledge.
This is difficult.
And perhaps I'm hurting.
Notice if the inner critic has something to say.
Maybe it says,
You should know better.
You always do this.
Why can't you just get it right?
You need to do better.
Rather than fighting with that voice.
See if you can recognise its intention.
Perhaps underneath all those harsh words.
There is a part of you trying desperately to prevent pain.
Trying to keep you safe.
Trying to make sure you don't repeat the mistake.
To your mates quietly say.
Thank you.
I know you're trying to protect me.
And then,
But I don't need to hurt myself in order to learn.
Take a gentle breath.
Place a hand over your heart chest.
Or wherever it feels comforting.
Feel the warmth of your hand.
The simple physical contact.
And imagine speaking to yourself as you would speak to someone you deeply cared about.
Not with false reassurance.
And not with empty positivity.
But with warmth.
Perhaps say.
It's okay to be human.
I don't have to be perfect to be worthy of care.
I can acknowledge what happened.
Can learn from it.
And I can still be kind to myself.
Let those words settle.
You don't have to believe them completely.
And you don't have to make yourself feel compassionate.
Simply give yourself the possibility of compassion.
And if self-blame returns.
That's okay.
Just notice it.
There is the critic again.
And gently come back.
Back to the breath.
Back to the barbie.
Back to the hand resting over your heart.
Might imagine the inner critic becoming a little quieter.
Not because you've defeated it.
But because it no longer has to shout so loudly to get your attention.
Perhaps imagine telling that protective part of you.
You don't have to monitor me every second.
You don't have to punish me to keep me safe.
We can learn through kindness too.
Take another slow breath.
And allow the body to soften wherever it can.
The forehead.
The jaw.
The shoulders.
The Bathy.
And remind yourself.
A mistake is something that happened.
It is not the whole of who I am.
A difficult moment is something I experienced.
It is not my identity.
And having an inner critic doesn't mean I have to believe everything it says.
For a few moments.
Simply rest here.
No fixing.
No analyzing.
No reviewing the past.
New preparing the future.
Just breathing.
And allowing yourself to be here.
