Today I thought to speak about negative self-speak and it's something that is very important especially when sitting in meditation because meditation helps us to be more aware of what's going on.
Very often many many many people have this sort of negative self-talk,
It's very common,
And many don't realize that this negative self-talk happens in the background and when we sit in meditation very often the background noise,
The background pollution comes up to the surface so that we can change whatever is happening and choose a more positive outcome.
So negative self-talk is common but most of us don't really recognize that that's what's happening and it's a very counterproductive habit that can affect our mental well-being and our physical well-being and of course our emotional well-being so you could be doing things in a beautiful way and your mind caught in the ego,
Caught in perhaps an idea that perfectionism is the way forward,
Creates this negative self-talk that wasn't good enough or you could do better or yeah it was okay but look this is really what I wanted to achieve.
Negative self-talk is just very destructive because there is never a perfect scenario,
Everything is always seen from a negative perspective and this can affect our well-being on so many different levels so our physical,
Mental and emotional well-being can get affected but also the way that we choose to move forward is challenged because if the negative self-talk is very very strong sometimes this is the case when sitting in meditation it's very strong what you hear,
What you recognize,
What you feel,
What you sense is very strong then that creates this idea that what's going on,
The communication that's happening is very very important and very real so our whole focus then moves from a meditational perspective of understanding what's going on to the focus on the problem and the problem being the negative self-talk so then the mind is almost hypnotized to listen to the self-talk in meditation this is why meditation can be very complex if there are all these negatives happening many people believe that sitting in meditation just helps the negative self-talk disappear and whatever other negatives that you may be aware of in your meditation just disappear but this is not the case and it's very important to create a structure in meditation that helps you to focus on the positive rather than the negative and it's not as easily done as people sort of explain on the internet and you know through all these interesting seminars it's not as easy as ABC or one two three what is required is practice but a practice that comes from a state of awareness so it's not enough to be aware of the negative self-talk one has to be aware of really what's going on what is the communication why is the negative self-talk sort of invading the space or manipulating the space and all this of course comes with practice but also comes with a structure that can be understood and applied in your meditational practice in a way where then the communication that's happening is not hypnotic or manipulated by the intense focus that happens when the mind is say on in a state of fight or flight but rather helps to communicate the change and the possibility of change in your meditation or in indeed in any aspect of your life so in your meditation you can change things and this is what for me makes meditation a very precious gift that is just so very unique because what you're doing is you are inviting your mind to come back to a state of coherence which means perspective so that you see what is going on and make and from that knowledge and from that understanding you're able to make a choice to let go of the negative and choose the positive but without that perspective which is consciousness then it's very difficult to sort of make that choice because the negative thoughts will be so very present and it will be difficult to pull yourself out of the space that those negative thoughts create within your mind as say negative self-talk so it's really important that there is perspective and that perspective comes from the structure and the structure is what we're going to work through and understand through practice work through practice and understand what this structure really means in a meditational practice but also in life practice and this obviously can't be covered all we can't cover all this or all the complexity of the structure today but we will begin and the first first and most important thing is perspective to step out of the negative self-talk but still be able to communicate to what is happening rather than to suppress or negate the negative self-talk and say okay it's not important i need to focus on the positive how to sort of invite that into the space from this new perspective that you create through your meditation where the negative events of whatever it is that the self-talk is highlighting the critical because self-talk is critical in nature and and is most often associated with negative events that have happened in the past so it's not just something that's coming out of the blue you know negative self-talk doesn't just come out of nowhere it's associated with a certain structure that you are now through this perspective creating a space to realize you're creating this spaciousness around the negative self-talk where you can realize what's going on so you can sort of step in and out of the space the negative self-talk space because there is perspective and there is a spaciousness around you where you can just watch from a more detached perspective of what's going on so self-talk is often critical in nature remember this and it's if it's critical in nature it's very often connected to your past so don't try in your meditation to sort of think your past so like oh where does this come from i wonder why did something happen when i was three you know if you begin to sort of analyze the situation in your meditation then what you're doing is you're just you're you're in therapy rather than in the state of meditation so it's important that you watch from perspective from coherence okay i am connected to my spiritual practice i'm connected to my meditation i'm connected to nature to the sacred to the space the cosmos and i'm a channel of the beautiful energy that comes through me but from this perspective i also notice that there is this negative self-talk happening in the background and and when you bring this balance where you're just able to see the positive that's around you and at the same time then focus on the negative then you're not manipulated to fall into the negative and just focus on that that is a state of mind where for example fight or flight happens so you're so stressed about a situation you can only see the negative and you can only sense the negative and you can only feel the negative of that situation you're not able to step out and create perspective through connecting to the positives that are around you know just the focus is too intensely focused on the negative rather than open to seeing things from the spaciousness of consciousness so this is really important to remember meditation is about detachment it's not about therapy so you're not trying to understand through analysis what's going on if you start doing this then it's important to just come back to the breath relax the body and just allow for the communication to happen so if if the self-critical aspect of negative self-talk is there in the background then just be there observe okay i have these negative thoughts this is what i think about myself gosh look at all that suffering that's happening and just observe how how this perhaps is part of your everyday habits perhaps connected to if you are able to detach in this way you may observe oh perhaps the negative thoughts also correlate to other aspects of my life and i'm i notice that perhaps i'm not nurturing myself i'm not eating properly i'm not exercising i'm not doing things that are positive because that self-critical self-talk is happening in the background and is depleting my sense of confidence and depleting my sense of self-esteem and whatever else you know the negative self-talk goes beyond just the chit chat that happens in the background that very often becomes obvious when we try to do things for example when we try to change certain structures in our lives we if we say oh no now i'm going to nurture myself then another part says oh i'm too tired to nurture myself i don't really feel like exercise or cooking a nurturing meal i just feel like sitting on the sofa that's you know perhaps the consequence of negative self-talk happening in a practical sort of physical sometimes emotional way so it's important to look at the inner critic and how how you apply that the energy of this negative self-talk in your life when you're sitting in meditation this becomes more important than ever because part of meditational practice is to to just let go and enjoy the moment and enjoy the flow and this means that you need to really come back to a positive mind and coming back to a positive mind means that you have to let go and forgive yourself forgive yourself for not being perfect okay i could do it better i could cook the gourmet meal that really nurtures me and everyone thinks is fantastic but i'm human and sometimes i'll burn the rice or the vegetables will be overcooked or whatever you know forgiving yourself can be as simple as that or it can be about going a little bit deeper and stopping the sort of negative self-talk that happens and focusing the energy on forgiveness rather than just repeating the same energy over and over again which is part of negative self-talk there is a repetitive aspect to the communication you know i'm not good enough i'm not good enough and it repeats itself in many different ways but really the energy is the same so forgiveness is a wonderful way to clear the negative emotions and patterns and energies that come from within this negative self-talk remember negative self-talk has something to do with your past so when you're clearing the negative emotions or patterns or energies you're also clearing your past but you don't need to know what's going on um you just need to practice you don't need to know okay i'm clearing my relationship the history of my relationship with whomever and then sort of remember all the little difficult points in your past that brought you up brought you to this moment of um inner work that's happening you don't need to do that and it's really just about coming back to a positive coming back to a positive means that you focus on forgiving yourself and remembering that the perfection doesn't come from what you do but comes from your attitude so when you let go of this critical aspect of yourself this negative perspective of yourself then the positive mind naturally comes up to the surface and this sort of negative um very often neurotic behavior and anxious type behavior that happens because there is so much negative self-talk in the background becomes less of an issue because actually what feeds a lot of the anxiety and depression that is happening in our world today is this negative negative self-talk so the opposite of negativity is self-forgiveness and shifting to a positive attitude in the way that you connect to your feelings in the way that you connect to your actions and in the way that you collect connect to your beliefs about yourself your self-perceived sort of understanding of different things that are happening deep within yourself difficult to put into words but i'm sure you understand what i'm saying we we don't want to human beings are very good at adapting to situations and we don't want to adapt to the negative self-talk we want to focus on the forgiving aspect that happens when we see that positivity is so much more than the perspective that the mind is sort of um they're they're pinpointing uh or highlighting in the background you know and this idea that we have to do things in a perfect way or in a way that's just the number one champion way of doing things can create the toxic um guilt and the toxic shame and the toxic regret and the toxic mechanisms within that then remove us from this positive sense of self sense of self and then the focus becomes the negative sense of self so it's important to remember that in the end we're human beings and when we come back to self-forgiveness it doesn't have to always be mental we don't always have to think about forgiving situations we can actually use our bodies and in in this way in meditation we can use our bodies to let go of the negative and come back to the positive and one way of doing this is to make sure that you're breathing in a correct way so you're not breathing in a shallow way or you're not breathing into your body and there is tension in your body or constriction in your body that you're just breathing in a way that flows so for example breathing into the body and we can try this together now breathing into the body deep into the abdomen into the belly out with the sternum and then breathing out letting go but extending the out-breath so you're really relaxing you're really relaxing on the out-breath you know a simple movement like this creates a communication within your mind that it's okay to let go of the negative you can relax you don't need to be in this fight-or-flight type energy that then tenses the body up creates cortisol too much cortisol in the body that then the body reacts to in a very negative way but this just changes when you begin to relax your breath and breathe in a deep way but sometimes it's not enough because sometimes we're so caught up in our focus in our negative focus you know if you feel guilty for example or if you feel irritated with a situation or jealous or angry about a situation it's so very easy to get caught up in the energy of that negative especially if there is the negative self-talk that says in the background oh see this is really how it is yes there is reason to be jealous or yes there is reason to be upset how can they treat you in this way or how can that person speak or think or feel whatever it is that then gives more energy to the negative it's very difficult if there is negative self-talk and what i call energies of the past and also your habit of falling into a negative pattern a negative constellation all happening at once it's very difficult to then say okay i'll just breathe and let go of the tension whether that be guilt or anger or frustration or one of the many thousands of negatives that the mind can be very fixated on and then create more negative emotions and more negative thoughts it's very difficult so what to do well you can use your body in many interesting ways one way is to tap so tapping is basically when you bring your fingers and gently tap on certain points in your body so for example if you're tense if you're angry yes you can do many things you can use magnesium for example to relax the body you can breathe out in this way that i'm explaining to you now you know breathing out in a prolonged way or you can tap the point which is known as the trg which is the area where the jaws meet you know the area just near your ears there you can press them now and sense you know not too hard you can press them and sense the energy in that space very often there is tension we don't even know that there is tension there very often when you're asleep your mouth will move because there is tension some people even grind their teeth because there is tension there in these parts of the face but hold on to tension because our face is communication the way we present ourselves to the world the way we communicate to the world if we're angry at the world or angry at ourselves or angry at certain people or situations in in the world that creates our experience of the world then the tension will be automatic you know without even thinking you'll tense the area and so by tapping you can do this now by tapping this these two points the trg points you you'll notice that the body is thinking oh what's going on here i'm being told to hold the energy differently and remember you're not thinking oh where did this pain come from did it come from my grandmother did it come from the way i was treated when i was three you're just tapping and moving into a positive so you're focusing on the beauty of the cosmos as you tap and how it flows and how it flows and how easy it's to let go you're focusing on the positive because transformation only happens when the brain moves back to a positive not when it's caught in the ego mind sort of space that is creating cortisol and creating fight or flight or creating anger or frustration you can tap all you want if that is the way that your mind is thinking then you're not really transforming because transformation happens when you are able to come back to positive affirmation so tapping is done with your fingertips quite quite firmly but not so hard that it hurts and you're just tapping away and at the same time visualizing what what beauty there is around you because you're creating perspective remember you're creating the spaciousness that allows perspective and the perspective that you're creating is one of coherence so you're thinking okay we are all parts we are all part of this wonderful symbiosis of life there is positive and negative but i can connect also now to the positive even though my mind has been pulling me down towards you know the the abyss towards this sort of cavern dark cavern um of negative self-talk that is very focused on just all the problems rather than the possibilities the potential of solutions exists in the spaciousness of a positive mind and focusing on the positive aspects of life then helps us to really move beyond this mental chatter negative mental chatter and see that actually when seen in perspective to everything else the negative self-talk um isn't as negative as we thought because we step out and create a detached feeling to or a detached communication a detached physical relationship to that negative self-talk that happens for most people on a subconscious level it's good to understand what we're doing it's good to understand why we're doing these things and to focus the energy so that there is a relationship in the practice to the psychological mental energetic blocks that sometimes get so very difficult that we feel that it's impossible to change we feel we're in a hopeless type situation but actually it's not true we have to create a positive structure remember it's all about creating a structure that allows for a step-by-step clear movement towards the positive rather than hanging on to the negative as so many people do through negative self-talk remember it's common this is why so many people do it and it's counterproductive to everything that has to do with meditation physically mentally emotionally it's counterproductive to listen to the negative and be caught in the negative so how do we change we change through creating perspective coming back to consciousness and moving the focus from the intense negative attachment that is created through stress or anxiety so common in the world today to a positive which means we can relax and let go this is why meditation is so very important because we all need to relax we all need to let go we all need to come back to this sense of it's okay to breathe it's okay to give oneself a hug and say it's it's okay it's okay the critical mind might might come up to and struggle with that a little and come up with this sort of sort of more negative self-talk oh no it's not but just keep nurturing yourself forgive yourself give yourself for whatever it is that is there the energy that is there that's pulling you down spiraling you down towards this sort of roadblock or difficult hopeless type situation and move out of the negative self-talk and come back to self-forgiveness this is missing gem in transformation you can give yourself the gift of consciousness and research has shown that this is so very positive when applied in a very clear manner especially when applied in in a meditational state because then the focus when you're in meditation the focus is almost hypnotic so it's almost as if you quantum leap through the challenge of transformation in in a meditational state you quantum leap through all the blocks the roadblocks and the difficult situations that the mind can take years in therapy sometimes years to get through so it's truly exciting to remember all these things and to remember that also forgiveness is on some level about self-acceptance and self-acceptance is about loving yourself as you are so today in in your day find those situations where you are critical where that negative self-talk happens and then remind yourself that you have a choice you know you can you can just listen be present to the negative self-talk and then remind yourself that okay what is the opposite of being critical self-acceptance how can i accept myself in this sort of practical situation that is happening in in my life and then find positives that you can remind yourself to embrace so that becomes your inner hug that becomes the way your ability to almost protect yourself from those negative judgments that are happening in the background not through more fear or trying to surround yourself with white light or whatever but finding the positive because there are in the universe there there is an infinity of positives that you can recognize through self-acceptance and forgiveness because then you have the energy to look out there and see okay how can i truly appreciate appreciate myself my capabilities and the energy within me in a way where my self-esteem moves to a higher level and is supported by the universe by the cosmos self-acceptance self-forgiveness practice these wonderful positive attributes in your everyday life whenever you find yourself caught in negative self-talk or caught in a situation where your mind is just pulling you down spiraling you down towards this space that in the end is just a waste of time remember negative self-talk won't get you anywhere it's just an old habit that needs transformation and deep breath as you take a few moments to come back to stillness you deep breath as you relax in stillness thank you you
