IFS Insight: The Need To Unblend

Here, IFS practitioner Tim Fortescue gets curious about the unblending process in IFS.

Additionally, if you have suggestions for topics that you'd like to be explored, connect with Tim in Insight Timer.

Transcript

Before I jump into our content Just want to ask you how your parts how have They been this week.

I know that I noticed one of my firefighters a Kind of a funny story now that last weekend.

I was at home with my twin daughters and my wife had left Doing errands and things for our older two kids And I decided to go on a little adventure and actually I found out that this was a firefighter One of my little parts that can tend to be reactive that Got a little too reactive and maybe was in more of an extreme role but my wife left and I asked the girls if they wanted to go on a little ride and we live on a a Property here that has an old rugged road used to be a road Not a road now,

Especially not for minivans and my firefighter found that out But I said,

Why don't we drive down to where we have a little swing in the trees?

I think the van can make it down there.

And so I start down the path And realize later.

This was my firefighter Kind of taking charge and you've heard me talk about driving the bus.

Well,

He was driving the minivan This time that we go down this path and then I stopped just to see how we're doing if it's possible to back up and the wheels just spin and My girls are just smiling Having fun.

Actually,

My girls are about seven.

It's probably about the age of my firefighter who was having so much fun So I decide well,

Let's drive down the path a little more See if we can gain some traction Stopped again Begin to back up or try to back up the wheels just spun and so five gallons of kitty litter later multiple cardboard boxes Under the tires trying to gain some traction.

I had to call a friend who came with his big truck and was able to Pull me and my firefighter out but after that Event there've been times in my life where I would just say,

Oh you're stupid and I can't believe that you did that but it gave me a Just a more solid relationship with my little firefighter that's probably around seven And just talked with him and said,

You know,

I probably Should have stopped you with that.

That probably wasn't the best thing but you got a Stuck and I let you but you're doing the best that you can and It was able to say wow you keep life fun Man,

This is gonna be a good story to tell I'm even gonna tell it on the podcast But maybe next time let's talk about it a little bit for and it's my responsibility to check in and to do that with you,

But Thanks for keeping life fun And so,

I don't know if you've had experiences like that with your parts this week,

But I encourage you to keep this idea the multiplicity of the mind With you and Yeah,

Be gentle with yourself even when One of those little firefighters may get you stuck in the mud so hopefully that was helpful to be gentle with yourself,

Even those firefighters that Tend to make life interesting.

So today I'm going to talk about unblending in internal family systems and blending within the IFS process can be understood as the phenomenon in Which the emotional states and fundamental beliefs of one aspect of a person's psyche become intermingled with those of another aspect or with the core self this fusion can often result in heightened levels of distress and impulsive sometimes destructive behaviors That stand in the way of the individual's access to their intrinsic sense of self And such occurrences can significantly obstruct the pathway To recovery and growth as the energy that emanates from the self is integral to our healing the practice of unblending becomes an indispensable skill within the framework of the IFS model in the healing process It entails a deliberate effort to distinguish and separate the overlapping parts from each other And from the self I could have used a little more unblending In the case of getting stuck in the mud Practitioners often use this method when you the client have a lot of self-energy and are working with your parts They also use It after moments of direct access That's when the therapist holds Self-energy and talks to the parts directly and so this is different from the Inside approach when I as practitioner am engaging With you in self-energy knowing that you have enough self to engage with your parts direct access is when a Practitioner like myself holds the self in the session when you're unable to unblend and speaks directly To your parts and when a part is able to successfully unblend It ushers in an opportunity to shift the focus Onto the client's own self thus providing the various internal parts With the liberty to decide for themselves how closely they want to Interact with the client self who you are at your core or not the practitioners deep-rooted connection to their intrinsic self-energy Plays a pivotal role in guiding the unblending process It's of the utmost importance that they or me when I'm in session as a practitioner maintain keen self-awareness to discern instances when their own internal parts might inadvertently interfere with the progress of healing And developing the ability to recognize and effectively distance these internal elements as necessary Is critical and I find I have to do that all the time in session is to just intrinsically ask my parts to soften back because they can tend to try to Take charge of the session and I need to remind them that They play a part that they can trust me I'm older now and I can bring that self-energy to the client and as a result that client is able to often access more self-energy and our systems are capable of Getting what they need and Healing themselves if we can trust them and trust the process One of the fundamental aims of unblending is to attain a clear distinction between the various parts of the psyche as well as from The central self or what you've called me the central self or what you've heard me call Being beloved a deeply loved human being at the core There are scenarios where in a certain part may demonstrate resistance to the separation process And under these conditions pivoting towards direct access or me as the Practitioner holding the self-energy and speaking directly knowing that I'm speaking to parts But realizing that you the client may be blended and to speak to your parts directly and this is often helpful the act of unblending is conducive to Several therapeutic benefits it facilitates the emergence of more strong self-energy Empowers the client self to assume a leadership position in the IFS parts work journey It improves the understanding of the target part the part that we're focused on in that moment without external influences and it supports direct and unfettered dialogue between the self and its Constituent parts the decision for the practitioner or therapist to assist with the unblending process is often helpful in These specific situations for instance when a client encounters difficulty in engaging with a part through the lens of self qualities like those C words that we often talk about Or before reaching a consensus that encourages and a reflection the process of unblending Should be continued until there's ample presence of self-energy a critical mass available to further the course of the healing and journey of engagement with our parts Addressing and soothing any interrupting parts and having them soften back and addressing their potential reservation regarding the process of unblending along the way as necessary is key to unblend with efficacy practitioners are encouraged to first Identify those parts that are reactive or pose obstacles They should then prompt the client to Request these parts to step back Temporarily and assume the role of one witnessing or observing with a primary focus on the target part that part that seems to Want or need attention the most?

In the present moment of our work and If the other parts are able to soften back and withdraw to a peripheral position and adopt a stance of more curiosity and relaxation And take a momentary break Then that can free up space for us to get to know one part at a time And we let the parts that soften back know that they can have a voice To but they may learn a lot by witnessing and we all learn more if we can engage with one part one target part at a time and they Will have a chance.

I've also found that it's helpful sometimes to ask my own parts and know that you can do this in your own work To if you're not with a practitioner or a therapist But have parts maybe go into a room that has a glass where they can see me But there's a little bit of separation or sometimes maybe just go into a waiting room and we'll call them back in To help them unblend,

But I encourage you to experiment with how to Get some of those parts that may jump in and inhibit Us getting to know those parts that may not have as much of a voice and See where that goes and go back to those parts that jumped in first Thank them for their courage But give them a voice at some point too and they can be a target and upon completion of unblending It's important to verify With the client if you're a practitioner Or just check in with yourself if you're doing this on your own that the part in question has been successfully Isolated or able to step back so that the target part can continue sharing in comfort and as I had mentioned an expression of gratitude toward the parts that cooperated with softening back or Unblending and letting them know that it took a lot of courage to do that and we're not going to forget about them It's key to and can help them soften Stubborn parts that persist may require additional probing and they may even need to become the new target or part of focus for a bit too before they're able to Step back and you can use Inside or direct access Techniques with this and as the particular Parchwork session draws to a close.

It's Important to revisit the unblended part and ensure that they're still distinct and provide relevant Updates to them see what they witnessed and then update them on what happened if needed but Yeah,

Unblending is key to the IFS process when we're blended with our parts and We don't have that critical mass of self-energy Or even just a drop of curiosity and compassion is all it takes sometimes it can really kind of put a block into The healing process so I encourage you to take time to unblend and See which parts are up See who needs the most focus Right now on your journey as you work with your parts

Reviews

Informative and interesting. Loved the story about your firefighter! 😀