Secret Of Emotional Accountability & No Self-Blame

Emotional accountability is not self-blame. In this teaching, Tiger points to the truth that emotions respond to perception, interpretation, and the stories being believed.

For anyone caught between blaming others and blaming themselves, this reflection offers a more honest doorway: releasing others from responsibility for your inner experience without turning that blame back on yourself.

Transcript

If you want to give that power over to others, You are perfectly free to do that. But if you want to resolve that inner conflict and you demand that other people resolve it for you, Good luck. Let's call it total experiential accountability. And I'm speaking to and for myself here. What I see that is profoundly true. Is that it's fundamentally impossible for anybody else to disturb me emotionally. It's impossible. Because my emotions respond to my perception. They respond to the stories that I'm telling. And so it doesn't matter what someone says or what someone does. Fundamentally. My emotional response is dictated by how I interpret it. What I think it means. Mostly what I think it means about me. And nobody else can make me believe the content in my mind. Now granted, There's lots of conditioning that we have, Where if XYZ happens, Then it means this, Therefore I feel this. And we think that meaning is on the outside. We don't see that we're creating at all. But in my exploration of this, There's just no way around it. Like, I'm so sovereign in that way. My experience is my own. Nobody else can disturb me emotionally. Now, Again, From the lens in which I'm looking through, And this is deeply true for me, I don't necessarily always like that truth. But it's true. And the more I see that it's true, There is the invitation to align with that truth rather than fighting against it. And what is it to fight against it? It's to blame other people for my emotional experience. It's to tell other people that they have the power to disturb me emotionally, Which is to give up my power to actually meet it and resolve it. I always find this interesting and this really seems like one of the massive misunderstandings within the human species. Is that people have emotional disturbances and there's this automatic assumption that we are disturbed by other people and circumstance. It's really wild to me because when I look it's just so not true. And it seems to just fuel more and more conflict. Where we need other people to be how we want them to be in order for us to be at peace, Which means you're a slave to other people. And it's just not true. And so I can recognize the potential. Difficulty in that sort of total experiential accountability, It can often seem overwhelming. Especially when you find yourself perpetually bothered by another human being. And want to blame them. It doesn't have to be, But it can be difficult to see that in some way I'm doing this to myself. It's not to say that. . . Let me put it this way, In no way is it a form of victim-blaming, Which is usually the knee-jerk reaction. More so, It's acknowledging the truth of experience. And honoring yourself enough to know how powerful you are. As it relates to what you experience inside of yourself. If you want to give that power over to others, You are perfectly free to do that. But if you want to resolve that inner conflict. And you demand that other people resolve it for you. Good luck! That's not in alignment with how it actually works. And to understand that how it works is it is resolved by seeing and aligning yourself with the truth. Then we have to acknowledge these things. Now the reason that that is so important especially as it relates to dealing with difficult people, Is the more this truth is allowed. It dramatically reduces the tension. Around your perspective. About the other person. Because you can see this, That if what you crave is internal wellness, And you truly believe. That the other person is taking that from you and giving you something internally that you don't want. It puts you in this precarious situation. Where you need to defend against something. That is impossible. And then you try and solve it. But you're trying to solve something that isn't the real something. And for me, Especially. It releases the other person. It essentially says, You are not to be blamed for what is happening inside of me. And it's not even to say I blame myself. In fact, As it relates to the truth of things, Blame is irrelevant. Blame is a man-made concept that reinforces an idea of separation that's not really there. And so the more you see the truth of things, Blame is irrelevant. It's a distraction. There's this great, Great freedom. In releasing other people.