Episode 139: Paint Your Masterpiece | Michael Fabber

Michael Fabber and I discuss his journey and mission of ending suicide. This is such an important topic because suicide is way too common. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t know someone who has either attempted suicide or completed suicide. Michael really breaks this down for us and shares how connection is a key in ending the suicide rates. Michael shares the musts in order for someone to feel suicidal: Feel alone, Feel like they are a burden, Be willing to hurt themselves beyond repair.

Transcript

They say you need three things.

One is to feel isolated,

Like you're alone.

The other one is to feel like a burden,

Like it's worse with you here,

Better without you.

And the third is to be able to harm yourself beyond repair.

That's the hardest one and the non-negotiable.

Why is that the hardest?

Because we're wired to save ourselves.

So you have to get past your hard wiring that your whole body is.

And that was Joyner that said that,

I'm being reminded.

So the idea is I can't take away that last one,

But I can take away those first two if we're connecting at deeper levels more often,

Because then we will not feel isolated and we'll also know the importance of us and how we matter.

So that's the idea of its connection.

And through deeper level connections,

We can end suicide,

Self-injurious behavior and addiction,

Because all of them are trying to fill or end voids of pain.

Hey there,

I'm Steph.

And I want to welcome you to the Beautifully Changed Podcast.

This is where we explore how ordinary people do big things.

Welcome to your tipping point.

Well,

Hello,

Lovely people.

Happy Tuesday.

We are in episode 139 and today we have Michael Faber joining us.

And he's also known as the coach Mike.

And we're talking about a really important topic today.

We are gonna be talking about suicide and the importance of connection.

Michael has the goal of ending suicide and addiction through connection.

And even if he doesn't get to experience and see that come true in his lifetime,

It is something he wants to work on during his life.

Michael has coached sports for over 15 years and private clients for over five.

He loves to work with individuals and businesses to help them achieve their goals.

He really specializes in working with those who are seeking fulfillment and bringing their purpose and passion into their careers.

So not only does he do coaching,

He does speaking engagements for schools and colleges,

Business and other community outreach centers.

He also really values practicing what he preaches.

So he uses the tools he provides to others to help him thrive in his own life and work through any obstacles that come his way.

So not only is he a coach,

He's also a businessman.

He has a food truck and a landscaping company and he helps run the foundation that was set up for his brother,

Which is the Joseph Patrick Faber Memorial Foundation.

One of the reasons why I wanted to do this episode,

Especially with Michael,

Because his mission is to end suicide,

As I had previously stated,

Is because suicide is the leading cause of death in the United States.

And the numbers keep growing and it would be amazing if we could see those numbers stop.

So I wanted to provide some definitions.

So suicide is defined as death caused by self-directed injurious behavior with intent to die as a result of the behavior.

A suicide attempt is a non-fatal self-directed,

Potentially injurious behavior with intent to die as a result of the behavior.

A suicide attempt might not result in injury.

And suicidal ideation refers to thinking about considering or planning suicide.

If you're in crisis or you know anyone that is,

Or if you just want to be proactive and keep this number in your phone in case you ever do find out a friend or a family member,

A loved one,

Or a stranger is feeling this way,

You can provide them with this number.

It is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and it's 1-800-273-TALK.

So again,

That's 1-800-273-8255.

And it's available 24 hours a day,

Seven days a week.

It's available to anyone and all calls are confidential.

You can also check out their website at www.

Suicidepreventionlifeline.

Org.

So thank you for joining me today.

And I hope that you find some valuable information that you can use and apply.

Enjoy.

Well,

Michael,

Thank you so much for being with me here today.

I'm so excited to have you here because we're gonna talk about some really important issues that don't get enough attention in I think both of our opinions.

And so I'm really excited to talk about this heavy topic but needed to talk about topic.

And I also just wanna highlight before we get into all of that,

That you started out as a basketball coach and you've transitioned to a business owner and a life coach.

So that's pretty phenomenal.

So welcome to the show.

Thank you,

It's my pleasure.

I'm honored to be here.

I was surprised whenever I get an invite to something,

Especially a show that's as great as this,

It's surprising to me.

So thank you for having me.

Hopefully I do good enough.

You will for sure,

Hands down because you have a mission that is really to help change the world and spread more love and goodness and give people another option besides suicide.

So I think that is really powerful work.

And I really honestly hope that you get every platform you possibly can because to spread this message and to end suicide.

So before we dive into that,

I want to ask you,

Michael,

What is something that you've learned recently that inspired you?

Ooh,

That's a good one.

What did I learn recently that inspired me?

I think I learned the impact one can have on a platform.

You know,

I can't speak for everyone.

I can just speak for myself.

So,

You know,

Since 2011,

Just like you a long time doing this,

Trying to make impact,

Trying to improve lives,

At some points you wonder if your message is being heard and if you're making that impact that you seek.

And I think it's very humbling,

But yet also inspiring when someone reaches out to you and lets you know like that you changed their life or that you impacted their life in a way that made them see other options in their life or other possibilities in their life.

So that's actually been happening often the last couple of weeks.

And I think that it's been very humbling,

But also very inspiring and motivating me to continue down the path.

So from anyone,

No matter what platform you have,

I would say someone's listening and it means something to someone.

So keep doing your mission,

Whatever that mission is,

Hopefully it's positive,

But keep doing that because you might not see it all the time,

But you're making impact and people are depending on it and changing their lives on it.

I love that you said that.

That is such a fantastic message because people may not be liking your stuff or commenting on your stuff,

But they're still taking it in.

And so even if you feel like,

Oh,

I only got three likes on this or something,

You don't know who's taking in that message.

That just isn't letting you know about it.

So I love how you said that,

Like just keep doing it because you are impacting people,

Hopefully in a positive way,

But you know.

Right,

But you're a hundred percent right.

Normally the people that you impacted the most by a post or a presentation or anything of that nature,

You most likely won't know it because they won't show you per se when it happens.

I love that.

I think also because we're in like the personal development and self-growth world,

There's also still a little bit of a stigma around that.

Like if people hear,

Oh,

You went to therapy,

Are you going to co-gener?

You know,

Oh,

You're trying to better yourself.

Like even though everyone's trying to better themselves,

It's more like,

Oh,

You're trying,

What are you doing?

And so people are a little bit more hesitant to put that out in the open by liking or by commenting.

And so when they let you know,

It'll also be through a private message because they want to keep that part of their life and that self-growth personal and private to themselves so that people,

Because we're all worried about people judging us,

Right?

And when we start putting that,

Then it can put,

It can invite the idea is that it could invite more judgment but it would really probably invite more support and,

You know,

Open up conversations more.

But so anyway,

I love that we're talking about this because I know I go through that a lot myself sometimes where I'm like,

Oh man,

I'm not even making any difference at all.

What am I doing?

And then I'm like,

No,

I made a difference to one person.

And sometimes that one person is just me putting that information out there.

And I'm like,

Dang,

That felt good for me.

That's enough.

That's a good enough reason.

Reach one,

All right?

Like isn't the goal with everything we put out,

Everything we say,

Everything we do is to reach one.

I think sometimes,

Especially in the social media world,

We get too caught up with numbers.

How many likes,

How many views,

Right?

Someone asked me last night,

What's your largest viewed audience for a video you made?

And they were stunned that I literally had no idea.

And I'm like,

Don't you look at that stuff?

And I was like,

You know,

I try not to because I don't want that to seep in and start affecting my thought process of why I'm doing something.

Right,

It's,

You said a phrase,

You said it,

We're all trying,

We all wanna be liked or,

You know,

Liked,

Appreciated,

Whatever the term is,

We're all gonna use a different term.

And I think a lot of life starts when you're like,

You take that thought and say,

I wanna be true to my purpose,

Right?

Or why I'm here for,

Like what my passion is,

Rather than I wanna be true to what other people believe it should be.

And that's a big switch.

And when that happens,

Life changes.

I love that,

Michael,

That was so good.

I want to be true to my purpose and not what other people want me to be.

I love that,

That was really good.

And speaking of really wonderful things that you say,

I have a quote of yours that you said,

Gifts are meant to be given,

We master our gifts and that's how we create our greatness.

So can you share a little bit more of that with me and kind of dive into that a little bit,

Like what were you referring to and how do people even know what their gifts are and let's just talk about that a little bit.

Right,

Thank you,

I was nervous when you said you had a quote from me,

I was like yeesh,

I was hoping it wasn't about hot dogs or anything.

No,

But no,

That is actually a quote of mine,

Which was surprising.

What I meant by that,

I said I wouldn't say I'm and I just did,

What I meant by that is,

We all have greatness within us,

I truly believe that.

I don't think there's a special DNA that makes you great and you not so much,

Sir.

Or it wasn't the lotto,

Some people got it and some people just don't,

All right,

Like shucks.

Blame DNA or your heritage or your parents or everyone,

I don't believe that,

I believe we all have it.

Sometimes we ignore the gifts we have or we don't acknowledge them fully.

I know I didn't for most of my life but there was some gifts I had that just came more natural to me that I had and those were the gifts I was given.

Now,

From that you have to perfect those gifts,

You have to master.

See,

I don't like the word perfect because we know perfection is impossible,

Right?

But mastery isn't.

So we can master those gifts and that means putting time into dedicate to craft that gift as well as it could be crafted from yourself to others.

So when I say that,

It's more saying focus on your purpose and developing the way you can serve that purpose all out,

Where people can receive it the easiest and the fullest to make the most impact on society or wherever you're presenting your gift to.

I love that.

And can you also maybe share your perspective on how we all can have different gifts and they can all be valuable?

Oh,

Damn right.

I always say the phrase paint your masterpiece and people always think I'm talking about painting and I tell them I might be the worst artist on earth if it was just painting or drawing.

I have horrible drawings.

My daughter is 16,

Much better draw than I am and she's not good.

Don't tell her I said that.

So when I say paint your masterpiece,

I'm really talking about your purpose,

Your gifts,

Crafting them in a way that you can create that,

Where you can create your Sistine Chapel or your Mona Lisa or your Statue of Liberty,

Whatever it is,

But everybody can create their masterpiece.

I had this conversation once and it was a gentleman that rides the big street sweeper up and down the street and he was kind of down on it and he was kind of talking about how the little impact he made,

He wasn't really fulfilled.

And I kind of reversed the story and said,

You let people walk down the street safe,

You let kids be able to play on the sidewalk and in yards without getting cut or dirt or garbage on them or impacted by that.

And that's your masterpiece is that you create the community in a way where people can enjoy it and embrace it and connect with others in it.

So no matter what you're doing,

You can create your masterpiece through it.

And it's important for us to see that and stop going by the society,

Told or thought process where it's like only the people in the top office as the window view is making that impact or creating that masterpiece.

Wherever you are right now,

Doing whatever it is you're doing,

You can create the masterpiece.

I'm part of,

I'm an owner of a part of a company that has a food truck.

And every time we put anything out that window,

We're trying to create that masterpiece.

We're trying to create something that can either bring someone back to a point where they just remember it and they love that memory or that they're having that moment with their family or friends and just talking about how delicious that food is and just putting them in a better spirit and better mood than they were previously,

Giving them an opportunity to enjoy a moment.

And that's the masterpiece of that business.

Or cutting grass,

We have a landscape company and making it where someone can come home and just be proud of that that's their home and create the moments to them to have their family or friends in the yard or have a barbecue or just sit outside and enjoy the moment.

Everything you're doing,

You can create a masterpiece through if you flip the way you look at it.

I love that.

That was really good.

And I love your point to that.

Even if you're behind the scenes,

It doesn't diminish your value because there's still so much that you're providing.

And I love how you shared that example of the guy who worked as a street sweeper,

Because truly he is making the environment and just like that neighborhood so much safer for the kids even driving to work,

Right?

Have you ever been driving and you get like a flat tire because there was a nail or something and you're like,

Oh man,

Now my whole day is messed up,

Right?

And so,

I mean,

It really,

I love that you shared that with him.

Did you see a shift in his perspective when you talked to him about that?

He definitely acknowledged that he never looked at it that way.

And sometimes it's just shifting your angle of how you're viewing something.

Yes.

Really is that could be the fix.

Yes,

I love that.

He said a great phrase that reminded me of something my dad always told me.

And then after he passed,

My mom tells me all the time.

And she says,

The confetti doesn't throw itself.

You see the people behind the scene,

Right?

Think about those parties that you see and the confetti starts falling.

Someone's throwing that.

They're willing not to be on the ground level.

They're willing not to be in the party.

They're willing not to be in front of the camera to do their part to make that scene what someone else needs it to be,

Right?

And 100% behind the scenes,

The most amazing thing happened.

We have a team here that does amazing things.

And I might be sitting on this camera and I will not sitting on it,

That'd be weird.

But sitting in front of it,

But without the team all around,

Literally and figuratively,

We wouldn't be able to do this.

Right.

I love that.

Oh,

That's so good.

And that's so good confetti doesn't throw itself.

What is simple,

But like really visual.

Like you can really see that and apply it and think about everywhere.

That's so I love that.

That's really good.

That's a good one.

Thanks.

John.

Okay,

So now I want to kind of talk about your life mission,

Your purpose of what you are trying to do with all this work and the knowledge and just the heart and everything that you're about,

Which is ending suicide.

And I know it's kind of a heavy topic to talk about,

But it's one that needs to be talked about.

And I know that you come from a place where you've experienced the loss because your brother and your best friend have completed suicide.

And so can you share a little bit of your story and how you discovered that this is really what you're meant to do.

And this is what gives you purpose is to end suicide and do your part in that journey.

Right,

So that's my dream.

And when I say that I have a dream to end suicide,

Addiction and self-interest behavior,

It's to pay homage and understanding to Martin Luther King Jr.

When he said he had a dream,

It meant that it was bigger than just in his lifetime,

That even if he didn't get to see the end of it or see the dream come true,

It was still worth fighting for that dream to come true even if I don't necessarily get to experience it.

And I say,

We call goals things that are like more individualized.

And when it's something greater than yourself,

It's a dream because it's gonna take more than me to do this.

It's gonna take more than us,

But it takes us.

Right,

Like any big movement takes more than you,

But it takes you.

And I think that's important to remember when you're like,

Oh,

I'm just this peon in this game,

Or I'm a fly on the wall,

But really it takes all of that.

It takes every single person that movement to move it as far as it needs to move.

So it's definitely a dream of mine to do that.

And why is because I've been impacted so deeply.

And at the beginning of my life,

I would say the phrase,

Why would this happen to me a lot?

It was almost making myself the victim.

Why would this happen to me?

How could this happen to me?

It's not fair,

That terminology gets you nowhere.

Really negative state.

And I started the one the last times it happened and a couple of times after that,

When I lost one of my best friends,

It happened,

Self-interest behavior and addiction happened with people I knew and were close to.

So it kept saying,

All right,

This is happening for me.

It's for me to get the message,

Right?

And I didn't come up with that.

I forget who did,

But someone did.

I don't wanna get in trouble.

So it was really when the switch happened to say,

This is happening for me and it's really hard when it's negative or when we perceive it as negative or hard or painful to say,

This is happening for me.

But when that happened,

That switched everything in my mind and with my actions.

So I would say that was the moment where I really started pushing towards figuring out a solution.

What is the area that,

Because there's a bunch of things people say,

Trying to figure out how we can be successful at this because it is that big.

And then the steps to go along to be able to create it.

It's funny,

I took the idea of that we have,

It's to live your best life,

Right?

And it's a simple guide.

It says,

But that's the start.

It's five steps to live your best life.

But it starts with where are you right now?

That's the starting point.

Where are you?

Boom,

All right.

Be very honest,

It's brutal,

All right?

It's very hard to be exactly where you are because you wanna believe or think you're farther,

Right?

Most of the time,

Or we don't wanna acknowledge some of the faults and struggles or the exact position we're in.

So it is hard,

It takes time,

But where exactly are you?

In every aspect of life.

And then what's your mountain top right now?

Where's your best case,

Right?

And then you put that on the map.

And why you do that is to connect any dots you need to start and you need to finish line,

Right?

That's like the newspaper had connect dots and there was always a start net.

There's a reason,

It makes sense.

So,

All right,

Now those dots are achievement stones.

So if you wanted to,

Let's do something that more people can relate to.

If you wanted to save $50,

000,

All right?

So that's your mountain top,

Where you are right now is zero of that 50,

000.

One of the first things might be 1,

000,

2,

500,

5,

000,

10,

000,

Right?

25,

000,

35,

000,

40,

000,

45,

50,

Right?

Like you can mark all those things all the way up to your mountain top.

Those are achievement stones.

We have those for a couple of reasons.

One,

We need to see progress,

It's human beings,

Right?

We need that,

We thrive off progress.

Most of our struggles come when we feel like we're not progressing,

Right?

Ever heard like,

I'm not where I wanna be or that I'm on the job I want.

It's,

We feel like we're standing still and we're not where we should be.

We're not progressing as we should.

If we break that down,

It's progress we seek.

So those gives us attainable objects to show progression.

So it puts us in the right mindset.

And also I always believe in celebrate victories,

Right?

Too often we're taught to mourn defeats and not celebrate victories.

And I believe in both learning from defeats and also celebrating the wins because they're important,

You work for them no matter how big or small they are.

So,

And then you do,

What's your first step?

So my first step was study people before me that are trying to make those kinds of changes on earth in all different areas.

From Martin Luther King Jr.

To Abraham Lincoln,

To Mother Teresa,

To Nelson Mandela,

To all these people that are trying to create movements and impact communities and the world while doing so.

Because we're all known successfully scrums.

So one of the things I saw through every single person was they connected with people,

The connection.

And that's what moved the movement,

Right?

So I don't know how nerd talk you want me to get here,

But.

I love it,

Go as however you want to because I can keep up and I love this stuff,

So.

Awesome.

So to miss suicide,

They say you need three things.

Someone said this before me as well.

Yes,

I definitely wanted you to talk about this for sure.

Yes.

Okay,

Cool.

So they say you need three things.

One is to feel isolated,

Like you're alone.

The other one is to feel like a burden,

Like it's worse with you here,

Better without you.

And the third is to be able to harm yourself beyond repair.

That's the hardest one and the non-negotiable.

Why is that the hardest?

Because we're wired to save ourselves.

So you have to get past your hard wiring that your whole body is.

And that was Joyner that said that,

I'm being reminded.

So the idea is I can't take away that last one,

But I can take away those first two if we're connecting at deeper levels more often,

Because then we will not feel isolated and we'll also know the importance of us and how we matter.

So that's the idea of connection and through deeper level connections,

We can end suicide,

Self-injurious behavior and addiction,

Because all of them are trying to fill or end voids of pain.

I love that you're talking about this.

And I think that is such good information for us to like break it down.

Cause sometimes it seems so big and so scary and we're like,

Where do I even start?

How do I even know what to do or anything?

And when you talk about connection,

We can all understand that.

Like even if we've never been to a place where we felt suicidal ourselves,

And we're like,

I don't understand how people can get there.

We've had moments where we felt alone or unloved or that we were being such a burden to other people.

We can relate to those emotions and we also can relate to the desire of connection.

So Michael,

Can you share with me?

Cause I know you talk about the different levels of connection.

So can we touch on that a little bit?

Right,

Definitely.

Thank you for bringing that up.

First,

We have surface level connection,

Right?

We're both followers of the same band or group or poetry.

We both like the same teams.

We both have some of the same foods in common.

Sometimes I used to have some friends that I knew loved tacos and I would eat taco Tuesday.

We'd always eat each other up and be like,

We're going anywhere for tacos.

And we didn't really know much about each other other than we all appreciated tacos,

Right?

That was a surface level connection.

I even spent time with them.

We knew each other's numbers.

So it was deeper than just both following the same team.

But I always use the example of,

Because like you said,

I coached basketball originally with my first coaching was basketball.

And we used to walk into a bar or a networking event,

Right?

And you see someone wearing the hat or tie of a team you like and automatically you feel a connection to that person.

You're like,

Man,

We got a shot this year or that game was crazy,

Wasn't it?

Can you believe we made that shot?

And it really goes to where we feel that connection because of that surface level,

We both like that team.

So that's not gonna save us.

That's not gonna form deeper levels and roots in our system in our body,

But it is gonna create the moment of comfort,

Right?

All of a sudden I went from uncomfortable,

Nervous,

Right?

Maybe even shy to actively seeking a conversation with that person because of that.

So that's what a surface level connection can do for you.

Next is casual.

I know that person,

You can even use the Taco Tuesday reference in this a little bit.

We know them,

We feel comfortable with them,

But we might not know everything about their life.

We're not on deeper levels.

We're not talking about serious things.

They don't know the real raw me.

They know just a piece of me.

So that would be more casual.

We work friends,

Acquaintances,

People that hang out in the same area as us.

So we know each other through that.

A friends of a friend,

Certain people that live near your house,

They could be casual where you're walking the dog,

You see the mob saying,

Hey,

And you just keep moving.

That's more of a casual connection.

Again,

That makes you feel comfortable,

But not working with deeper levels that we're talking about for the progress that we wanna make towards the subject.

So the next two levels are the deepest two that we have,

And that's intimacy.

That's good friends,

Tight neighbors,

People that you have real relationships with.

You know about them,

You know about their family,

You know about some of their struggles,

You know about some of their aspirations and goals.

You get it,

You'll be there for them.

You're very comfortable with them and that you find some value in for yourself and also some strength in knowing they're there.

And then you have love,

And that's the kind of people that you'll sacrifice for and lay it all on the line for and that have a piece of your heart.

One of the biggest problems we run into is when those deeper level connections are broken or lost,

How do we fill that void?

Because it's harder to get those connection levels.

So how do we do that?

There's not a pill,

There's not like a secret app or something that I could do.

I wish it was that easy.

What it's gonna take is us opening up more and to more people.

So then we can form those deeper levels.

That's tough because it makes you vulnerable,

But the vulnerability is part of courage.

We all know that,

Brene Brown.

Right,

And as you're saying that too,

It reminds me,

I can't remember the name of the movie,

But they talk about how love is in the pain as well,

That love is within that too.

And I love how you said we have to just trust and open ourselves up more,

Continue to do that because we can find that we can actually handle more than we think we can when we wanna think about it on a logical sense.

We're like,

Ooh,

That's painful,

No,

Thank you.

I don't like pain,

I wanna run from pain.

But at the same time,

When we allow ourselves to expand our heart and expand the ability to give love and receive love,

Then we realize it's not the love that actually hurts,

It was the loss like you talked about.

It was losing this connection,

This routine,

This familiarity,

Even if the person,

Like if you're talking about a relationship even,

Even if that person's in the right person for you and you know it to the depth of your soul,

It still hurts when they leave because it changes everything in your life.

Your life is no longer the same anymore.

And there's so much to shift within that.

So I love that you're talking about just like the intimacy and the love and like finding a way to stay open.

So how would you suggest to somebody,

Like how do you go about building a deep connection?

Because I think what you're talking about too is like when those moments when you're in a room surrounded by so many people,

But you feel alone and you're like,

Why am I feeling alone right now?

I'm around 100 people.

Like this is a weird feeling,

Right?

So I feel more alone here than I feel when I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night watching a TV show that I like.

So can you talk about that a little bit?

Or your take on it?

Oh,

Why you feel less alone there is because you connect with that show at a deeper level than you do with the people in that room.

But one of the things I'll say is when you're in that room and you feel completely alone,

How can you shift your view?

Right,

We talked about this earlier.

How can we shift our viewpoint?

You said we run from the pain.

How can we shift our viewpoint from the pain?

Right,

And it's one of the things all too often we do is we focus on negative easier and we put more focus towards pain than joy.

And that's an issue because we're missing the good that come from it.

But we've all been hurt,

Right?

You've been hurt,

I've been hurt.

Probably everybody listening to this has been hurt.

Everybody around me right now has been hurt,

Right?

So we've all experienced that hurt.

But what also came from it?

What was the gifts that came from it?

And I'm not talking about just when you had it.

What was the gifts that came from it after?

Like you were talking about losing someone that you knew wasn't right for you.

But you learned that from that,

Right?

So even forget about the enjoyment,

The happy moments,

The good times,

Right?

Pretend like they didn't exist.

But you still get the lesson from it too.

It's like my boy Carter that passed away.

I had a really good friend for years.

We did a lot of things together.

We would watch games together,

Play games together,

Play sports together,

Hang out,

Watch TV shows together.

Back when I used to watch a lot more TV.

And I had all those moments.

If I didn't want the pain,

I wouldn't have got those moments.

So I have to be willing to take that hurt to get all those moments.

But also after he passed,

I learned be a better friend.

Be more involved in my friend's life.

Ask the right questions.

Don't just say surface level questions.

All too often in those rooms where you feel alone,

People are doing a lot.

What do you do?

Oh,

This is what I do.

It's that great sell constantly.

It's like 4,

000 elevator speeches,

I feel like.

And rather than that,

Be the person that changes that.

Be the woman or the man that changes that.

And I free people out in events like that because I always say,

Hey,

Who are you?

And normally they'll say their job.

And I'm like,

That's not who you are.

That's what you do.

So who are you?

Because before I even know if I wanna work with you,

I need to know a little bit of who you are because I don't work with people for what they do.

People do a million things now.

You can get me in more trouble in the coaching industry.

And I'll start talking about that if you like.

But there's multiple people that do every job out there.

Every job.

But the connection you get with those people is what makes you hire them or not on the smaller,

Not global scale.

But even that is.

Yeah,

I think that's such a good point.

One of my favorite questions to ask my friends just randomly is,

Are you happy?

Like,

And I'll ask them too.

And they'll be like,

Well,

And I'll usually ask them on a scale of one to 10.

10 being the happiest you could possibly be.

And one being the complete opposite.

You can even get more unhappy.

Where are you at?

And then they're like,

Oh,

That's a good question.

But for me,

I'm like,

I want to know,

Are you happy?

And then I'll ask them,

Is there anything I can do to like be a better friend?

What do you value in friendships?

Because I want to make sure with the people that matter to me,

That I'm showing up in a way that matters to them.

Do you know what I mean?

So I think that goes with your connection and I see you nodding.

So go ahead and share a little bit of your thoughts on that.

Oh no,

That's deep.

I was gonna say,

You should quote that if you haven't.

That's good.

That's good stuff.

Oh,

Well,

Thank you.

Well,

Thank you.

And I love how you talk about perspective as well and just like shifting that a little bit.

So have you heard of Science of People?

Vanessa Van Edwards.

So she talked about a study where I think it was doing karaoke and people like,

So there's three different groups,

A group that said nothing,

They just went up and sang and a group that said,

I'm nervous and went up and sang and a group that said,

I'm excited and went up and sang.

And then they were like judged on how well they did or whatever and the group that said,

I'm excited,

Got the highest ratings because simply it just shifted everything in their body,

Their mind,

Their energy,

Just by saying,

I'm excited.

So I love how you're talking about perspective and how we can shift it.

So do you have any like how to tips or first step to get to that achievement status?

If you feel like you don't have any deep connections in your life,

What is like a step to start your way towards like your first connection,

Your first deep connection?

So first,

I love what you said,

It's 100% accurate.

Olympic athletes do it as well.

Simon Sinek read something where it showed that if you watch the interviews with every Olympic athlete or world champion when they're being interviewed before it,

They say they're excited.

And why is because our bodies operate the same from excitement and nervousness.

We sweat a little bit,

Right?

We get a little clammy,

Heart rate increases,

Right?

We got those little like,

All right,

All right,

Right?

So it's the same,

Our body reacts to each the same.

So keep telling yourself not that I'm excited,

I'm excited for this,

I'm excited for this opportunity.

Not that I'm nervous for this moment,

I'm excited for this moment.

And it shifts the way your brain operates though,

Because your brain is reading the signs from your body and vice versa.

So if I'm saying I can get all these signs from just being excited,

Maybe I'm excited,

Right?

And when that happened,

When I started doing that,

Speaking to people changed.

Because before that there's a big group of people,

I'm like,

I'm up there,

I'm up there,

I'm up there,

And it wasn't very good,

I didn't make much impact.

After that,

I just kept saying,

I'm excited,

I'm excited to do this,

I'm excited to reach these people,

I'm excited to make impact in their lives,

I'm excited to connect.

And the ability I had came out more because I wasn't closing it off trying to fight that fear or that pain.

So that'd be the first part.

The second part,

How do you form deeper connections?

First thing we said,

Be more vulnerable.

There's gonna be some people you know,

Associate with,

Talk to,

Let them in,

Be open with them.

Ask them questions too.

And even like,

One of the things that drives me crazy is people,

And memes now drive me crazy,

Even though I love memes,

But they say,

Don't put your burdens on your friends.

Right,

They have their own.

And it's true,

They're gonna have their own,

Everybody has their own.

And if you don't feel comfortable doing that,

Ask them.

Be like,

Hey,

I'm going through this right now,

Is it okay if I talk to you about this?

And we kind of bounce this off where you just hear what I'm saying,

Just take it for me.

And if you ask them at least,

You gave them an opportunity to say no.

You gave them an opportunity to be like,

Listen,

I got a lot on my plate right now,

I'm probably the worst one to do this with.

And most likely you're gonna find out what kind of person you're sitting across with,

Because if I care about you,

I wanna hear it.

So I would say,

Be willing to open up to the people that you have at the level before that connection.

So who are your casual connections?

Any of them can become more intimate.

It's all up to you,

Right?

Like the great part about this,

It's so simple.

It's just not easy,

Right?

Someone said that before me,

I love saying it.

It's simple,

Open up,

Open up to deeper levels,

Pull back some scars,

Right?

Be vulnerable to the people that you feel that you have a casual relationship enough and trust enough to start the process of it.

All too often we try to hide and social media makes it even more so that we try to hide from reality or truth or hurt or pain or things that make me less cool in someone else's opinion.

And that's why I really try to stay away from the opinions and more stay towards the purpose.

So I know I have to be vulnerable.

I made some posts and I know you see them on Facebook that I just talk about failures I had.

I just talked about mistakes I made.

Literally for,

I think like three days straight,

I just brought up mistakes I made.

And I wasn't doing that because I was beating myself up over it.

I was doing that because I wanted people to feel comfortable saying,

You know what?

I made a mistake,

Like I messed up or I didn't get this done today.

And that's okay.

See all too,

The problem is we try to avoid that and we can't because that keeps us back from going as far as we can as soon as we can.

So I would say,

Be willing to open up to the people around you.

Be willing to share,

Be willing to listen.

I don't just be a user in this and just,

But I need to say something.

No,

No,

No,

I can't.

I don't say anything to me.

I'm like,

Don't do that.

You form those deeper connections by over time and by making the effort to form those connections.

I love that.

And you know,

This metaphor came to my mind when you're talking about that.

You know how we have like that scar cream cause you mentioned scars,

Where it can be like,

Oh,

Use this and your scar will disappear,

Right?

It's almost like these conversations,

This willingness to be vulnerable and open yourself up to the people that you trust and feel good with.

And also that safety and that trust will build the more you are willing to open up.

But it's almost like that's what's gonna take the scars off your soul,

Off your heart,

Right?

Is it's almost like the words in that and setting up that environment,

That space for yourself will remove those scars.

I don't know,

Just kind of,

I was thinking of that when you were talking about that.

You're a hundred percent right.

The more you talk about something,

The further you've pushed through it.

Yeah.

The more you try to bottle it up,

The more in the center you are,

The more in the cage you are.

Every time you talk about it,

You expand that cage you're in.

So the way to get out of that prison within is to be honest about it,

Be open about it and be vulnerable about it.

Yeah.

And I love how you said too,

Like if you're not sure if your friend's willing to hold that space for you to ask them.

And also I think another just great way of building like a deep connection,

And you can correct me if you,

Or just disagree if you disagree or agree,

Whatever,

Is I think that having,

Making sure that you're bringing good stories,

You're sharing the good stuff in your life and you're sharing the pain points in your life,

Right?

So,

And allowing them to do the same with you.

So sharing both the good stuff,

Because as you said,

Like even sometimes celebrating can now be like,

Oh,

That's not being humble.

Oh,

Look at you getting all,

Woo,

You're all so proud of yourself,

Calm down.

But we also have to have room and someone safe to celebrate with too.

That's also going to feel just as happy for us as we are feeling.

And in those moments,

If that person isn't feeling just like,

If you're not feeling like,

Are they happy for me?

Maybe they're not the person to go to for your pain points,

Right?

But if there's somebody that you can share the good in your life and they're like,

Yeah,

Woo hoo,

Then maybe they're a good safe place to share those pain points and do the same for them.

Like give and receive,

Because I know in my own experience that if someone's coming to me only when they need something,

Only when they want me to lift them up,

That can feel exhausting and feel used,

Right?

It doesn't feel like a mutual relationship.

So I think those are just like,

From my perspective,

Little tips to add in for anybody who's listening.

If you're like,

Well,

Should I talk to people?

How do I know if I'm doing too much?

You know,

Basically,

Is that the only thing you're talking to them about?

If not,

You're good.

Right.

That reminded me of something Jim Rowan and Tony Robbins both said about the,

If you give blame,

You gotta give credit.

If you give credit,

You gotta say where you got it from.

So it's,

I believe that any relationship and any life lesson,

Like,

Listen,

The pain of losing my friend,

Though the appreciation that came from that friend,

I wouldn't have had that if I didn't get one with the other,

Right?

So it's those things.

And when we're talking to someone,

The pain that caused,

But also what I got from it.

So it's two,

It's the,

What I got from it hopefully is positive or you train that switch,

Change the angle you're looking at it and make it into something that went for you.

Cause it's along the journey that negative is gonna become positive if you let it.

I like that.

Yeah,

Blame effectively.

And I'm just thinking too,

Cause I love how you keep mentioning the shifting of your perspective.

So I have an experiment for anyone who's listening.

If you're not sure about how much just shifting your perspective a little bit can change your thought,

And you wanna see it in action,

Take your phone,

Go find something,

Put like a water bottle or your meal in the middle of a table and go take a picture of that from different angles.

And then go look at those pictures.

They will not look the same.

Every picture will look slightly different in some way.

And that's exactly what you could do with your mind if you allow yourself to just tap into the possibility of shifting perspectives on the way you're looking at something.

100%,

One of the things that I forget,

It's been said multiple times,

But the shift perspective,

Shifting your mindset.

It's really easy when things are easy,

Right?

Like,

No,

I have faith.

No,

I have faith.

No,

I have faith.

Something bad happens.

I told you,

It's not fair.

This is BS,

Right?

It's all against me.

I even was saying I had faith,

But they don't understand the process of it.

And Rob Dial just did a great video about it just recently where he had this like bucket of water and it was like,

This is how you're born,

Clean,

Perfect.

And then it was like,

I dump a bunch of dirt in it.

That's like what society tells us.

And what we tell ourselves.

Oh,

Your connection is awful.

We feel like other people need from us and what other people tell us.

Sorry.

Okay.

But we're good?

Yeah,

Your connection like froze for a second.

So can you start over with the water example?

It was because I was moving so fast.

They used to call me lightning.

I was pretty quick.

So the idea of Rob Dial made this video is a bucket of water,

Like a vase of water.

And you could see it and it was clear.

And he said,

This is what you are at birth.

You're perfect.

And then he took this thing of dirt and just dumped it in.

Or he started putting it in,

Putting it in.

Then he like dumped it in and he stirred it.

He said,

This is what after society and TV and movies and friends and parents and just people in general.

And then you start telling yourself and then it becomes all dirty.

And then they believe that like,

Oh man,

I'm really messed up.

My head's all in the wrong spot.

Oh,

Well,

You know,

Switch your perspective.

Start saying something you're thankful for.

Well,

All right,

I'm thankful for this.

I didn't change.

Well,

It's not gonna change immediately.

Just like it didn't get that dirty immediately.

And he puts this hose in this bucket and just leaves the hose in it for a while while he's talking.

And then by the end,

The water's back clean.

And it says,

It takes that kind of time to when you switch your perspective to keep switching it because you're gonna go to your safe place.

You're gonna go to your home.

You're gonna go to where your brain normally goes to when something's acting up.

And you have to like almost,

You're rewiring your neuroscience,

Real nerdy.

You're rewiring how your brain works because just imagine how much time it took you to get to this point.

It can take you some time to get away from it.

So don't beat yourself up and don't automatically lose faith like,

I knew it wasn't right.

This is all like,

There's nothing wrong.

There's nothing wrong,

Doesn't work.

And listen,

There's gonna be things that go wrong.

But are you gonna have the perspective where you could say,

Listen,

This is a pain in the butt right now and this sucks.

Because sometimes that's the best we got.

It sucks.

But what can come from it?

What can I learn from this?

What can I gain from this?

Where can this become something that I use to better me,

Better my situation or better my life?

And,

But that switch is key.

I can't tell it enough.

And it's not from like reading books or school or anything of that nature.

It's more from my own life.

I had an anger issue.

I got in fights,

I got in trouble.

My safe place was anger.

Like that's where I went to because I was comfortable.

I felt like I took control back when I went there.

And when I started switching that mindset,

My life changed and my relationships with the people in my life changed because of that.

And that's how powerful it is.

I say it not because I read it in a book somewhere and I think that's good stuff to say.

I say it because I used it in my life and it worked.

And then I was like,

Wow,

All right,

Everybody can do this.

If I can do it,

Anyone can do it.

If anyone can do it,

I can do it kind of thing.

All right,

It's one of the biggest things to believe if one can,

Anyone can.

And when we make that switch and we continuously do it and we work on it,

Like anything else in our life,

We're good at it,

We have to work at it.

When you do that,

Your life changes.

Amazing.

I love that.

And I love how you said that it takes time and if you start applying it,

And I love that you practice what you preach because I think when people see that,

It's like,

You know,

If you're not telling people to do something you're not willing to do yourself.

So I think that always is a game changer when working with somebody because they know the value of the information they're providing because they've seen it work on themselves and other people they care about.

Michael,

What would you say if somebody was wondering like,

Do I need deeper connections right now?

How do I know if I need connection?

If I need to work on my connection and build my connection skills and put myself out there and how do I know if I need that?

If you're a person you do.

That would be my easiest answer.

If you're breathing,

If you're asking that question or not,

You need it.

And why I say that is because don't wait till you do.

Because then it's too late.

Don't wait till you're hit by the impact of losing a connection to say,

Man,

I wish I had more of them because then you wouldn't be in the mindset to say that.

You'd be in the mindset like,

Oh my God,

What am I gonna do?

All right,

How's this gonna work?

Like,

Who am I now?

Right,

Those questions that come up when we start losing those connections.

And I'm even talking about connection with yourself.

Right,

Form deeper connections with yourself.

Right,

Like be brutally honest with yourself.

One of the things with the starting line,

It really tells you like who you are with you and then things you wanna change with that.

And one of the biggest thing is we're so quick to check other people.

Make a Facebook post sound like,

Come 50 fingers,

Right?

Headbutting the,

That's a Dane Coach hook,

Headbutting the space bar.

Right,

But it's like,

Because the keyboard was this high.

The,

So the idea of only checking other people when something's up and we're so quick to,

But we're not quick to check ourselves.

And I figured who it was,

But someone said,

Because I said it with everything I say now,

Just not to get in trouble.

The more we check ourselves,

Right?

Like some people go to January 1st and January 1st comes in like,

I'm gonna be a new person.

I'm gonna be happier and in better shape,

All right?

And I'm gonna do all these things cause I'm gonna be better,

Right?

And then a year later,

They're like,

Well,

Let me see,

Was I?

It's like 365 days just passed.

You didn't check yourself before that.

So it's,

And they,

It's great.

I'm trying to remember who said this,

But it's the more you can do that,

The quicker you can adjust and get back on the path,

Adjust and get back on the path,

Adjust and get back on the path.

The more we do that,

The better the results will be.

So it's check yourself and build that connection with yourself.

Like I would say one of the best things that happened to me was I formed a deeper connection with myself because I started the things like people,

You know,

You bust on each other and make jokes.

I come from an area where if you were sensitive,

It was horrible because three older brothers,

You know,

Community of friends,

Friends,

Right?

And I did air quotes to make sure that we got friends that did that,

But you would dog one another.

It was brutal.

And we didn't understand at that point,

The harm that can do mentally.

And when you go through that,

When you come to grips with who you are,

What you're about,

Everything about you,

What they say can affect you.

Cause you know,

You know,

If it's real or not,

If it's real,

It's only for you to change.

And if it's not real,

It's a lot about you and who cares.

Right?

So it's to me forming that connection with yourself.

Everybody needs to do that at all times and build myself at a deeper level,

Forming deeper connections with other people all the time,

No matter who you are,

What you're going through,

Build those connections.

I tell you,

I notice people around me and I fear things because I see that their connection they have is with one or two people.

And it's like,

Life sometimes hits us with hella losses.

Right?

Also lessons or losses or both.

And if you only have that connection with two people,

You're losing half of that level,

Possibly on one blow.

That's huge.

And that makes me fearful for them because that'd be a heck of a hit because they don't have those other levels of connections cause they never took the time to form them.

That's a really good point.

And I hope,

And I love also that you mentioned to build that connection with yourself and to have more than one or two other connections outside of yourself,

Because you're right.

If you get a loss in that area,

Then you're gonna get taken down to a really hard place where it's really difficult to shift your mindset.

It'll take like Hulk strength to really focus on that and do that.

I also wanna mention,

Cause I love how you're talking about connect with people all the time.

And so it sounds like even throughout the year,

Check in with yourself,

Check in with other people.

However,

The holidays are coming up.

And from my understanding,

Suicide numbers go up around the holidays.

So do you have any tips for anybody who,

I don't know,

If you have someone in your life that you're like,

I'm kind of worried about them,

Even if they've never expressed anything for you to be concerned about,

But internally you just feel a little worried.

Do you have any tips for people around the holiday season of what they could do?

One,

If you ever come into a situation where you're really worried about someone,

Contact somebody because it's better safe than sorry.

And that person might get mad at you at that moment.

And it might not be contact someone huge.

It might be,

Listen,

We all know there's a million coaches out there now.

There's people in the mental health field.

There's other friends of theirs or acquaintances of theirs or family of theirs that you can contact.

Just be like,

Listen,

Something seems off and it could be nothing.

I would just rather say it than not and live with that regret because that is tough.

That guilt and regret to live with,

Believe me,

Is a hard thing to get through and live through.

So that would be first.

Second at this time,

One,

The number of spike at this time because of the holidays and we reminisce more on the connections we don't have or notice the connections we don't have.

The part two,

The scary part of that is this year's numbers are up and to think we haven't hit the big time yet.

So it's like,

Whew.

So this is a problem that's growing that we really need to start paying attention to.

And if it was a disease,

We would label it as an epidemic.

Over 3,

000 people a year,

A day,

Right?

It would be an epidemic.

If that was a disease,

Everybody on earth,

Every major agency,

Anything and everything would be focused on it.

But because it's the stigma and something that we try to sweep under the rug and tell it doesn't exist or not.

The part there,

This is hard because if you know someone that's having this moment or during this time,

They have a hard holiday,

Dive deep with them and be willing to go places that they can dive deep to.

One of the things that I know exists in most areas is there is areas that give Thanksgiving dinners.

Just give them.

There is areas that have that are restaurants are open for Thanksgiving.

I know restaurants in the very area I'm in,

Which is not that huge area,

That are open for free dinners and lunches on Thanksgiving for people to come have.

Bring them there.

Heck,

If you have time and you're not struggling,

Go there and connect with some of the people that are there.

Let them know they matter.

Right?

It's form those connections.

I'm the weird guy that goes out and people always ask me why I do this.

And it's,

I go around and talk to everybody at the bar.

Like everybody at the restaurant,

Everybody at an event.

I go around and talk to everybody.

And why is because that's important to me because I know that one moment can change something.

So be willing to take the moments and the time.

And if you're struggling right now,

I would say dare greatly,

Right?

We're never out.

Go out,

Go to these places,

Mingle with these people and see also you're not alone at these moments.

Like you're low,

But there's other people that are low too.

And you guys could be the stool for each other and start stepping up and moving up the part.

Remember Tony Robbins,

I believe says,

Pain is inevitable,

We're all gonna feel that.

But a lot of struggle is a choice because we're not creating our new reality.

And we have to really be active and aware of creating this moment because the more we're stuck in it,

That's when it starts happening because we're stuck.

That makes us feel isolated.

We're stuck,

That makes us feel like a burden,

Like we're heavyweight.

And that leads to the third.

So I would really say,

Which is extremely hard,

But be very observant and be willing to give some of your time,

Which that's what life is measured in,

The greatest resource we have on earth is time,

To that person and show them that they're not alone and that people care.

I love that.

And there's so many ways you can get creative with that.

And so tap into your own creativity and what feels good for you and where maybe you even got to push yourself outside your comfort zone a little bit,

Just to connect with people,

But do it.

And then see,

Kind of reevaluate at the end of the holiday season,

How did this holiday season feel different than any other holiday season you had before because you spent it just leveling up your own ability to connect with other people.

So I just think that would be something very interesting.

And you also mentioned people could get mad at you if you contact people.

And I often tell,

Like to say,

If people get mad at you,

Emotions don't last forever,

Emotions are like waves,

They might be mad at you today and eventually that anger will go away and they'll have a conversation with you about that situation most likely.

So it's okay if people get mad at you people,

It's okay.

You can survive somebody being angry at you.

Because it's not about what they think about you,

It's about your purpose.

Yes.

And if that's trying to save lives or trying to be a great friend or trying to be there for people,

Then it's gonna take sometimes people being irritated with you because you're there.

And that's okay.

That's okay.

They made a commercial from the short film and the person that made the short film got this from somebody else.

That sounded like a real chain of like,

No one cares.

But it was the commercial where they were all on the hallway and people were bringing out tables and chairs and like food.

And they got it because one Thanksgiving in an apartment building,

This family saw some people coming in like by themselves or alone and into their rooms.

So they literally brought their table out and some chairs and the food they had out into the hallway and just knocked on the doors and said that people would come out and join them.

And people actually started bringing their tables and chairs out and some of the food they had.

And then some people came out with no one in there and just had food.

And it was,

I mean,

What they did just by doing that,

Just by that little,

Like you said,

Be different,

Be creative.

What they did there,

We don't know,

We can't measure the impact they had in some people's lives that day.

But I'm sure it was great.

That's beautiful.

I have not seen that commercial,

But I'm gonna look it up.

Oh,

Yeah,

That's beautiful.

The commercial came from a short film and actually won an award for it as well.

It was like a two minute film and literally no words are in it.

It was just the actions of what they were doing.

And it was,

They made it to build connection and they made it more about smartphones,

But really what it came from was,

I believe at Thanksgiving or Christmas,

But I believe it was at Thanksgiving and in an apartment building.

And they brought the tables out and food out into the hallway so everybody could share and be part of it.

So they didn't have to be alone.

Huh,

I love that.

So I'm curious,

Michael,

When do you think it is too late to go after a dream?

Never.

My mom's 70 years old.

Just started a gala,

Equinine Therapy,

Built this huge arena for it.

It's never too late.

The point where it's too late is you won't know it's too late.

Your eyes won't open,

Your masterpiece will be created without you going for all your dreams.

So when is it too late?

There's only two times.

One,

Where we all pay that debt where it's part of living.

The other one is when you refuse to do it.

And that's a shame,

So it should never be that one.

So it should always be the one where you just run out of time.

But no time like the present,

If you're hearing this or anything,

You have time to do it,

Go do it.

I love that.

And so I know you have like a business,

You're a life coach,

You're trying to end suicide.

And I also love how you mentioned like,

No part is too small,

Right?

Every part adds to the greater good.

So I'm curious when time comes up,

When there's ever any fear that tries to sneak in and derail you or some doubt,

How do you move through that so you can stay focused on the path and the mission that you're on?

So we're human.

You're gonna have all those moments,

Those moments of frustration,

Those moments of self doubt or doubt about what you're doing.

They're gonna come.

And I try to do a couple of things.

One,

Always try to flip the script quick,

Right?

How much time are you giving yourself to hang up on the loss?

I say,

Me,

I try to do it shorter.

When I first started this,

It was like,

I won't hang on to the loss for more than a month.

And I was like,

Oh,

That's a long time.

But at that point,

It felt like that was no time for me.

So now it's like less than a day or less than an hour or how many minutes do you need for it?

The quicker you can flip that script next page,

Right?

The better.

We used to say this to our players in sports,

Next play,

Right?

Next moment.

Don't let that moment take more moments from you.

You already didn't get what you wanted from that past moment.

Why give that more moments?

So learn what you need to learn from it,

Right?

One of the other things I would say to do that is what you learned,

What you got and what did make you.

So did it make me,

Even the bad days made me stronger,

Made me realize who I was more,

Right?

Made me know what I was capable of.

So it's what can we take from that?

How we can flip that?

And then what can it push us towards?

So I know again,

It sounds simple,

But it's not easy.

It is simple,

But it's not easy.

And it's gonna take time like anything else.

So start saying,

I will not hang on to this for more than this.

What do I have to do to let it go?

And then what did I get from it?

Not just the BS,

The agony,

The pain,

Whatever,

But what gift,

What gift did I get from this?

I'm trying not to sneeze right now.

It's unpleasantly hard.

But,

And what I just got from that was I have the ability to control that,

Which is huge,

Right?

So it's taking those moments.

How quick can I go through it?

Now,

One of the biggest things when I say this,

People misconstrue,

Is I'm not saying don't go through it.

I'm saying,

How quick can you not avoid this and go through it?

And when you go through it,

You grow through it.

I forgot who said that,

But that's not needed.

So it's take that situation,

Make it positive,

Take that situation,

Make it work for you.

So,

And again,

Sounds simple,

Really hard,

But start doing it and start doing it more and more and quicker and quicker to the point that it becomes,

Starts being second nature to you.

Literally,

I can tell you a bit from today about myself this morning.

I started feeling a little bit of pressure,

Right?

About,

You know,

Businesses and things going on in life.

And it made me tight.

And then I said,

All right,

Why is this making me tight?

Verbalize it,

Right?

Like face it rather than trying to push off because I pushed it off,

It's gonna become greater,

Greater,

Greater.

And then like,

Someone's gonna like,

I'm just tying my shoe,

Which I don't even have laces on.

And I'm gonna freak out over it.

I mean,

Like you ever freak out of something so small,

It's like,

You know,

Your kid drops a toy or something or like drops a piece of food on the carpet.

You're like,

God!

Right,

And you know that moment didn't do it to you.

It's that you've been trying to avoid this feeling,

This moment,

These moments,

These feelings.

And then that was it.

Like that was you on the edge and you fell off or you snapped the wire and now you're on free fall mode and you're freaking out for no reason,

Or at least not a bigger reason as why you're freaking out for it.

And then after it,

You'll look back and you'll be like,

Wow,

I did lose control a little bit like that.

I didn't go above and beyond where I should have.

And then you'll try to justify it for yourself too.

Well,

What really is I'm saying is that this carpet is vintage,

It's really nice.

And you can't find that carpet from where else now.

It's not gonna be the same,

So you can't repair it.

So it's like,

It's either we saved it or we lost it forever,

Right?

And we're trying to justify it to make ourselves not be like,

All right,

I react a little bit because of these other things that I won't face.

So it's face the things as quickly as you can and go through it so you can grow through it.

And then how can you make that work for you?

So what I did this morning was I said,

You know what?

I talked to business,

I talked to game,

It's time to show it.

So what can I do?

Change,

Adjust your plan,

Keep it moving and get to where you need to get to.

Or at the end,

At least say you did everything to get there.

So because I know and we should all know we're gonna fail at some points and at some things.

And it's not,

Do we fail?

I mean,

Everybody says,

Do you learn?

That's always a big thing.

Do you learn from your mistakes and failures?

But also did you do everything your hand could do?

Right,

Because you don't control,

I have a common cliche,

I don't know who said this either,

But you don't control the hand you're dealt.

But you damn sure control how you play it,

Right?

So play that hand the best you can all out as far as you can.

And then you can live with the results,

Right?

It's amazing,

I was talking to a poker professional and the guy kept saying this one word to him,

Luck.

How do you get so lucky?

Man,

You must be the luckiest man on earth.

How many tournaments you almost won?

He must be like most money won in poker.

He must be the luckiest dude ever.

And the guy just kept staring at him.

And finally he was like,

Do you understand the difference though in what you're saying?

Here's a piece that's lucky,

You get dealt pocket aces and then two aces come on the board,

That's a piece of luck.

But how I played it,

I didn't have a winning hand every time I was dealt.

I made it a winning hand by how I played the hand.

And the reporter was almost like dumbfounded by that idea that it wasn't just luck in the game.

And you take that to life,

It's that sometimes you're gonna get a raw deal.

I hate the word fair,

It doesn't exist,

Right?

And sometimes it's not gonna go your way and sometimes you're not even gonna get the hand for it to go your way.

But you control how you play it all out.

You control how you go about it,

How you handle yourself while going about it.

So focus on what you control.

I told my daughter all the time,

She has this issue with science right now.

My daughter is very opposite of me,

She has straight A's.

So saying I got straight A's.

But laying it on pretty thick now.

But she's having trouble in this one science class.

And I said,

Did you go to the teacher and ask,

Whatever you can do to move that grade.

You're like,

Oh,

But when I do that,

She's gonna say I have to go to the study thing.

And then she doesn't give extra credit,

I can just retake a test.

I'm like,

Oh,

You might not like the answers.

I didn't say you would do that.

But I did say that if you do that,

And you go and you do all those things you can,

At least then you get everything your hand could do.

And whatever grade comes,

Comes.

And we live with it.

Because we did everything we could.

And sometimes that's the win.

Literally sometimes that's the win.

I have some clients where it's like,

Getting out of bed is a win some days.

All right,

And hell I've been there.

Getting out of bed some days is a win.

So it's forget about what society says,

Go back,

Be very in the moment of you and what you're going through and what's happening,

And play your hand the best you can.

I love that.

There was so much goodness in all of that.

Talked way too long.

But I loved it,

It was so good.

It was worth every moment.

That was really good.

Michael,

What is something you think is underrated?

There's so many.

Connection,

I think love is very underrated.

I think the whole point of this for us being here is to love and be loved.

I think that's,

You can experience those both things.

You experience life at its fullest.

Someone else probably said that too.

I'm just gonna keep saying that.

No matter what I say,

Someone can yell at me.

The,

So I think love is complete connection.

I think truth is very undervalued these days.

And I don't mean just by like the words we use,

But like how we hold ourselves,

Or we hold ourselves to.

I think authenticity is being lost.

There's a lot of copies out there and we all know that copies aren't as much as the original.

So be an original,

Right?

Someone said that.

The,

I'm just gonna,

Just pretend like I say that's everything I say.

Like even the word authenticity though,

Let's talk about that for one second.

So interrupt you because I think it's the buzzword now.

Right?

So when you say authenticity,

What are you meaning?

True to oneself.

What you are,

What you're about and what you're trying to be.

Being true to all those things at one time is being authentically you.

Regardless of who's in the room,

Right?

They're right,

Or who's gonna hear it.

I mean,

Listen,

Someone's gonna listen to this and they're gonna think I'm like some crazy person and that's fine.

And just like,

You know,

The war of me with coaches right now so much so I think they're kicking me out of the field or out of that space,

Which some days I'm okay with.

So some people aren't gonna like what you have to say,

But if you're being real to you,

To what you're about,

To your truth and what you're going towards,

It's not for them to like,

And it's not for you to apologize.

Now,

If you go out and say some real awful stuff that somebody might wanna apologize,

Right?

Like you're a jerk,

Like you like that me trying to like G-rate being mean,

That was the best I could come up with on the spot.

But like there's sometimes you should apologize when you go beyond your scope and when you're not being real to you and you're just trying to protect an image of you,

That's not authentic there,

That's a copy.

That's why I said that.

When you do that,

You should apologize.

But if we're being real in a conversation,

How you perceive what I say and take what I say is completely on you.

Unless I say,

No,

This is exactly what I mean.

You're a low life,

Right?

Well,

Then I have to answer for that.

But if I'm saying something you're like,

Well,

You're pretty much calling me a low life.

I'm like,

No,

That's where you went with that.

All right,

So if you're saying being authentically you,

Yeah,

It would be that way and understanding that's gonna come from that.

You're gonna have,

If you're doing anything of impact or importance of movement or anything like that,

You're gonna have haters.

There's gonna be a lot of shade.

Yep,

Because not everybody's on board for that or understand it or think it's that simple,

Even though it's not easy,

Right?

And everybody has an angle.

And everybody has a way?

An angle,

Everybody's playing an angle,

Either from their experience or the business they have or what they're trying to do.

But everybody has an angle.

Now,

Some of those angles could be positive,

Good for you,

Right?

Authentic,

That's the kid's phrase now.

We didn't use it once,

Now we use it like seven times in 10 minutes.

But other times it could just be someone's playing an angle for you.

We see it all the time on Facebook.

You really need to have this to be a good coach.

Lucky for you,

I have the program.

And I'm sorry,

I put that accent on for anyone I offended with that accent.

That wasn't authentically me,

That's not my accent.

But it's that idea of it where there's a lot of angles being played.

So we have to see through those two.

Good point.

And Michael,

What is something you wish everyone knew?

That they matter.

That they truly,

Truly matter,

Right?

That they make a difference in this world even when they don't know that they do.

It goes back to our original conversation when we first started.

And I believe everybody has greatness with them.

If I truly believe that,

I believe everyone matters because if we can all paint that portrait,

If we can all do our greatness,

We're moving the flag further for the next generation.

And that's my daughter.

So that's very important to me that we move this as far as we can move that so then the next has the best opportunity to move it even further.

So if I really believe what I say,

Then that would be that it would be that they matter so they can create that masterpiece,

Which they're here to do and relish in that greatness that they have and what they create for others.

Love that.

And do you have any exciting projects you're currently working on?

No,

Very boring.

I have a very boring life.

No,

I'm kidding.

We have a conference.

I was like,

What?

Story of me,

I'm so boring.

No,

I normally overdo it.

Put too much on the plate and then don't eat the whole plate.

That's a food reference.

That's literally true.

I normally put it on my plate and then don't eat it.

And also figuratively in life.

So we have a project.

It's a conference.

It's huge.

It's awesome.

It's huge for me at least.

It's the Unleash You Now,

Mastery,

Best self,

Best life,

Best life,

Best self.

I said it wrong.

Everybody's looking at me like I'm a big screw up now.

All right,

See how quickly I go and negative spot in my head.

I'm over it.

But it's November 1st through 3rd.

It's in Georgetown,

Delaware.

Trent Shelton,

CEO Charlie,

Myself,

Samara Carbo and a bunch of other great names are gonna be on the stage giving you a bunch of information and value and motivation and inspiration and tools to use in your life.

Plus we also give six different moments or more of being able to network and connect with one another,

To form deeper relationships.

Almost like I believe what I preach.

And those are all in the events.

It's gonna be fun.

It's gonna be awesome.

At least I believe it is because I'm gonna make sure it is.

Now that's my promise,

My guarantee as good as the person that wrote it.

And I'm starting to go away from the name that goes my favor more towards Michael Faber,

Strategist,

Connoisseur.

I love it.

And if somebody wanted to sign up for that event,

That conference,

Where would they go?

They would go to Unleash You,

That's unleashtheletteryounow.

Com.

And there's three different ticket brackets.

You'll see all the speakers and what they're about.

You'll see all the different events and the mission statement,

All the good stuff about the event.

There's still some sponsorship opportunities as well for your businesses.

And if you wanna see the person that completely goes against the coaching industry,

I'll be there as well.

All right.

And if somebody wanted to connect with you,

Just in general,

They wanna follow you somewhere,

They wanna get more of your stuff,

Where would they go for that?

You said,

Wanna follow you somewhere.

I was like,

Whoa.

Oh yeah,

They wanna follow you to the grocery store.

I was like,

You can just talk to me.

They wanna follow you online,

Your social medias.

All right,

You can just talk to me.

You don't have to follow me nowhere.

I'm very easy.

It's not that bad.

So to follow me on social media,

The coach Mike Faber,

You'll find me.

I've had that name since I was a basketball coach and in sports talk radio before the coaching industry got so saturated and watered down.

You like that,

You keep avoiding that,

I keep bringing it up.

And the,

Nothing like making it awkward at the end.

And you can find that's on everywhere,

YouTube,

Instagram,

Facebook,

Twitter.

I think I'm the coach Mike F.

Snapchat,

So where you can find me and my daughter every morning saying,

Have a great day cause she loves doing it still.

So I still love doing it.

Other than that,

You can,

I have my number and my email plastered everywhere because I'm really about what I am about.

Anything you're going through,

Whatever it is,

Reach out.

I'll be there and it's not about,

For me to be there,

It's gonna cost you nothing.

But having the strength to reach out.

We pride ourselves in making sure we're there for people that need to be there.

Every year we do over 200 plus free sessions from UnleashU,

Me and a bunch of other coaches that are part of it.

It's cause we're really what we say we're about.

And I think that's important for people to know that there's help out there.

I don't care if you have nothing,

Like you have us.

So you clearly don't have nothing.

I love that.

You're wrong.

I love that.

And before,

Well,

I wanted to say you were talking about the Snapchat with your daughter.

And I think that's even like,

It just made me think about when you're connecting with other people and it may not always be something that you would go to,

Like your choice of something to do,

But there's still value in doing it if it brings something to somebody you care about.

And then you're building this connection that it's laying seeds and foundation for the road to come.

And I just love that.

Right.

It's funny you say that one of my old players who follows me on Snap just because he's an old player and not because he was like,

Man,

I'm really dying to see coaches Snap was,

I'm not that cool.

But he sent me a message just two weeks ago.

And he said,

Just so you know,

Every morning I see that video and it makes me smile and it makes me laugh.

And I started the day in a better mood because of it no matter what's going on,

All because of that video.

I want you to know that it's important to at least somebody.

It's not a waste of time.

Cause one time I think I said,

Well,

We're just gonna waste the time in another video.

And I think he was proving me wrong.

And I appreciated being proved wrong,

Which normally doesn't happen.

I love that.

Great story.

Okay,

Last question,

Michael.

What is a piece of advice that you've received that you would say is one of the top five things you've ever been told and that you apply for?

Man,

That's a good one.

There's so many great piece of advice or wisdom I've heard.

I've been lucky enough to be around some amazing human beings that no one say so much that impacted my life,

Especially in the last 10,

20 years.

I hate before that,

But I wasn't necessarily positive for that.

I remember one of the things that really started and they say Rome wasn't built in a day and wasn't a story in a day,

Chaco Willink said that.

One of the things that I look back at now and I say where the beginning of my shift started from being that troublemaker punk,

I was always in trouble and probably would have spent a long time incarcerated,

Was my basketball coach,

Coach Darby.

And I was always very aggressive and I was very physical.

And he kind of said,

You know what everybody says about you,

Right?

I said,

Yeah,

Damn what they say about me.

I think that was real tough.

I always,

I like to portray that image.

And he said,

You don't control what they say and you know that.

I'm like damn right,

I don't do damn what they say,

Right?

Cause you know,

I'm just trying to act like I didn't care at that point because I wasn't living a life of my purpose.

So I did care.

And he said,

That's right,

That's good.

All you can do is prove them right or prove them wrong.

He said,

Who do you wanna be?

You wanna be that punk they say you are?

Go do it.

So you wanna be a better man?

Go do that.

And I think that started clicking where,

You know,

That idea where you don't find yourself,

You design yourself kind of idea.

I think that really started the movement of me starting to think of that more and more where it's like,

Is this who you wanna be?

Is this the person you wanna be?

Is this the man you wanna become?

And the more I asked myself that question,

The more I find areas that I wanna change or improve and grow,

We know in personal growth,

That's why there's the growth part,

Right?

And I think I would go back to that probably was so impactful because it was the beginning of the change.

So I say,

Whoever's out there,

Who do you wanna be?

If you don't like who you are right now,

Who do you wanna be?

And even if you do like,

You wanna be better.

Like who do you wanna be in every aspect of your life?

Who do you wanna be in your community?

Who do you wanna be in your relationships?

Who do you wanna be with your friends?

Who do you wanna be at work?

Who do you wanna be remembered as?

Write your own obituary.

Like,

Are you that person if not,

You know where you wanna go,

You know what you have to do to come and start doing it.

Sounds simple.

I love that,

But it's worth the work,

It's worth the journey and all of those achievement stones along the way,

Celebrate them and on your way to the top of the mountain and just go do the work.

Don't be as scared of the work,

Invite the work in,

Cherish it,

Embrace it.

Thank you,

Michael so much for your time and for being here and for the mission that you're on.

I truly,

Truly appreciate it.

Thank you so much.

Thank you,

The pleasure was all mine.

And remember that no matter what we do,

If we do nothing,

We're gonna get all the pain that goes along with living,

Right,

Of life.

If we do nothing,

We're gonna get it.

And if you do everything,

You're probably gonna get that pain.

So why not do everything?

If you're gonna get the bad regardless,

Why not get the good too?

I love that,

That's so good.

That's so good.

Thank you.

Yes.

Well,

My friends,

I hope you are feeling inspired to connect and go do everything and remember that you are enough,

You matter.

You truly do.

You make a difference even when you don't realize you make a difference.

Thank you for your time today.

Thank you for listening.

And if you have a few extra minutes,

I would love it if you could go ahead and leave me a review.

Give me your feedback on the show.

And remember,

If you're feeling lonely,

If you're feeling like you're a burden,

Reach out,

Talk to somebody,

Make the first move if nobody's making the move.

Sending you so much love.

Have a beautiful day.

I'll talk to you next Tuesday.

Bye.

Thanks for listening to today's episode Remember,

You're welcome to download,

Share and subscribe.

As always,

You can connect with me through Instagram at beautifullychanged or through my blog at beautifullychanged.

Com.

I'm sending so much love and positivity your way.

Remember,

You are enough,

The world needs you and you make a positive difference.

Now go out there and create your best life.

Bye.

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