Discovering Our Values

It is very common to go through times where we feel uncertain, lost or unsure of our life and the path we are currently on. Discovering our own values are crucial, as they can give us direction, motivate us in difficult times, remind us of what is important to us and both who we want in our lives and, how we want to go about our life. In this motivating talk, Spiros explores what our values may look like, how they differ from goals, and why it is important to come to understand our own moral compass. There is a guided visualisation that follows this talk, used to help you discover and get deeply in touch with your own value set.

Transcript

Hi,

This is Pyrros and today I would like to share with you what I found useful regarding the lie values.

I will talk to you about what they are and the differences between the values and the goals which is something that most people confuse and at the end I will guide you through a visualization to discover them.

No matter whether you already know your values please continue listening and you may get a better understanding of your own values.

Sometimes we feel sad,

Depressed,

Stressed or that we are lacking motivation and we don't know how to move in life.

And some other times we feel ok or happy but at the same time we feel.

.

.

We may sense that we are just rambling on through life without any clear direction.

No matter how we feel we all have been in the place where the weeks become months and the months become years and we don't do anything valuable and then it's when we feel lost.

Then is the time that we most need some guidance from within and that is the time we need to remind ourselves of our purpose in life and the values can show us the way.

I have to admit walking alone our values is not an easy way and it's not a path paved in rose petals.

However,

By discovering our values we can start appreciating life as we tacitly recall who we want to be.

So what are the values?

Values are statements about who we want to be in life.

They are very important because they give us a direction,

They can guide,

Lead and motivate us on our journey through difficult times.

Values remind us of the ways we want to behave on an ongoing basis and they are always available to us.

That is why we can act on them or neglect them in the here and now.

In a sentence,

Values are our hearts deepest desires for what we want to stand for in life.

So there seems to be a confusion about values as most of the people take them for goals.

Goals differ though,

They can be achieved and then they are done.

When we accomplish a goal we cross it off our list.

We may want to achieve it again in the future,

However goal is not an ongoing aspect of our life.

A goal is something we desire to acquire or do,

But on the other hand values are desired ways we want to behave and act in our life.

To clarify the difference further I will use an example taken from the act made simple,

An amazing book by Russ Harris about acceptance commitment therapy which has helped me a lot in the past.

So think for a moment the difference between getting married and being loving.

Getting married is a goal,

It's not a value.

If you get married you can cross it off your list,

You can achieve it and then it's done.

It has been completed.

Getting married is not an ongoing behavior you want to maintain.

However being loving can be done even if you never get married.

You can be loving towards your parents,

Your friends,

Even strangers for example you meet in the street.

Being loving says something about who you are and who you want to be.

And remember it's always available to you.

You can always act lovingly no matter your current mood or situation.

To clarify values further I would like to use a very strong metaphor and that is that values are like a compass.

And think about it,

The compass does not tell us where we are,

It doesn't even tell us how far our destination is.

The only thing it does is to point to the north while we have to figure out the rest on our own.

On the other hand the GPS device takes us directly to our destination.

It points all the turns we have to take and how far our goal is.

While values act similarly to a compass they show us the direction we want to move in life and specially when we feel lost.

Goals on the other hand are like the places we want to see on our journey.

When we visit a place,

When we reach one of our goals we cross it off our list and then we continue moving towards our general direction in life.

So in a nutshell our values like a compass keep us on track and give us direction when we want to find our way.

Having distinguished values from goals I would like to describe a couple of features of the values.

Usually people hold a few values at the same time and because values are always available to us we have to prioritize them.

For example let's say that our values are feeling free and being supportive.

We can imagine situations where we have to put one above the other.

For example let's say that a friend of ours needs our help or a family member.

So at that moment we have to make a choice.

Are we gonna go for our trip let's say or for our walk in the park and have this feeling of freedom or whatever is this that we want to have or are we gonna be supportive and go and help them with what they need.

So I would suggest you to not be rigid when it comes to your values.

Find out which your values are right now but always remain open to change their priority as different circumstances arise.

Values are so important I could talk about them for hours but I will just add one last thing here.

After listening your values which we will do shortly by using a guided visualization,

You may believe that you are not aligned with a few of them in some particular areas of your life.

However you may be in some other area that you haven't considered yet.

To make that clear I will tell you about my value of being supportive which is one of my highest values.

So some years ago I quit my job because I felt the need to volunteer and I did that for some time until my wife got pregnant.

Then I had to get a paid job again which would support us financially.

For some time after that and because I was not volunteering anymore I was feeling that I was not supportive but then a realization struck me.

I was actually supportive towards my family from my financial perspective though.

I might not be supportive to the community at least daily as I used to be but I am still supportive within my family.

Just before we proceed to the visualization I would like you to pause this video and take one to minutes to write down the values you believe you hold right now which we could compare afterwards.

Well that was a lot of talking so let's move to our visualization.

For eliciting our life values there are a bunch of different techniques.

For example there is one where you imagine your funeral and people talking about you but I prefer another one which I call 100th birthday.

It's actually an adaptation from the book Act Made Simple by Russ Harris that I mentioned before.

And in this exercise you imagine obviously that it's your 100th birthday and people you care about will stand up and give a speech about you.

And it doesn't matter if those people are dead or alive.

It can be your children,

It can be your friends,

It can even be your parents.

The important thing is to choose people you really care about.

I will guide you through this visualization exercise and you will have two of those people to talk about you.

Powerful feelings may arise during this exercise,

Warm ones or painful ones.

Let them arise as they are,

Don't try to change them.

And explore these feelings,

Use them as they come and go.

Use them to realize what kind of person you are.

So to begin with I would like you to find a comfortable position,

Sit down on a chair or on a cushion on the floor and please close your eyes.

Take a few deep breaths and then let the air flow in and out on its own accord.

The day of your 100th birthday has arrived and you are there.

I would like you to imagine the scene.

Is this a small affair?

A big party?

And where is it taking place?

How is everything decorated?

Is there any music playing at the background?

You look around and you see that everyone you really care about is there to celebrate this important moment with you.

I would like you to take a few moments to imagine it to be part of the scene.

And it doesn't have to be realistic,

Just a visualization exercise.

Now imagine that a person you really care about stands up to talk.

This person will use only a few sentences,

Only the important aspects of you.

What is this that this person loves about you?

What is she or he saying about the kind of person you are,

About what matters to you?

I would like you to take a few moments to imagine the speech about you.

And as this person has finished his or her speech,

I would like you to imagine another person that you care about approaching the stand to give another speech about you.

And again,

It can be a short speech mentioning only the important aspects of you.

What do you really mean to this person?

What role did you play to his or her life?

He or she can talk about what matters to you,

What's important for you,

What you really value in life.

And again,

Please take a few moments to visualize it.

And now,

As the second person that you really care about has finished his or her speech,

We have reached the end of this visualization exercise.

And to get out of it,

I would like you to take a few deep breaths.

Start moving your fingers and toes.

Move your spine.

Move it to the sides.

And when you feel ready,

Feel free to open your eyes.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Remember,

The challenge in life is to keep moving in the right direction.

When we follow our values,

Even when we don't have a clear goal to accomplish,

We allow our values to shape our goals.

See you soon.

Reviews

It's so important to check in, recognize, and update my values. Thanks for the visualization!

Excellent discourse

Useful exercise in identifying our core values.

I cried. There were a lot of wonderful people at my birthday and I wanted to hear from all of them. I much preferred that to my funeral. Thank you!

Wonderful talk and visualization. Immensely helpful with self discovery. Grateful for you sharing this. Thank you 🙏🏽

Thank you for clarifying values and goals. How values are helpful in understanding what our personal goals should be rather than what society conscribes our goals should be. This is information to keep in forefront of my mind... And that our values are always accessible to us regardless of our mood or circumstance. What is name and author of book you mentioned, I couldn't quite hear it. Thanks again for this session.

Many many thanks Spiros 🙏

Absolutely loved the content in the meditation.

The questions for the visualisation came one after another...while I could not ‘see’ the scene at all, I felt the energy of the people closest to me as they celebrated.

I really enjoyed this, a different and yet surprisingly easy way to think about my values. I discovered a couple I hadn't really thought about before along with the familiar ones. Thank you

Thank you Spiros for this insightful talk x

"Our values are that which we are willing to struggle for in life." Great talk!

I really liked this and intend to return to it often to remind me what my values really are. Thank you for this valuable experience.

Thank you. A nice reminder to get us back to our foundation.

I needed this. 🙏🏼

Thank you! 🙏🏼That was a wonderful visualization practice & I loved listening to what you had to say!

Thank you 🙏 Dr Russ Harris has some great You Tube clips and books, alongside your visualisation activity and explanation I will get closer to defining my values, I tried using the values questionnaire on Authentic Happiness developed by M Seligman but it is just a computer rating my values after the questions. 🙏🙏

Loved it, a new favourite that I plan to return to regularly in order to remind myself of who I am. Thank you x

Thank You very much. This message on values really brought me clarity and was perfect timing.

Intetesting talk 🙏🧡🌻thank you . Simple analogies for goals/ values.

Thought provoking! I’ll listen to this again.