88. The Joy Of Wanting: 8 Ways To Rethink Desire

Kabbalah teaches that the essence of our soul is desire. For, if we wanted for nothing, we would never fulfill our life’s purpose. Yet, society teaches us that there is shame in wanting and that we should apologize for our desires. Human desire is how we know we’re alive! Listen as Monica and Michael unpack the lesson that our desires are a gift that motivates us and allows us to connect to the Light of the Creator.

Transcript

Stop focusing on lack.

I think that we do this more than we care to admit or more than we even acknowledge because we tend to see things,

Oh,

I want that and I don't have that,

But pause for a second.

Why do you want that?

What will you do once you have that?

How is that connected to your goodness and to changing your desire to see for yourself alone to desiring it for the sake of sharing?

There has to be that aspect if you're somebody,

It's not about being a good person,

But just somebody who's invested in this world and the goodness and the creation of this world.

Welcome to Spiritually Hungry Podcast episode 88.

You know I'd love a good story,

Michael.

So I'm going to tell you one.

I'm desiring a great story right now.

Sadly,

You've heard before,

But many of our listeners have not.

It's a story about our then eight-year-old daughter Miriam several years ago.

And I was pulling out of our driveway when she was turning onto our block after school and coming home.

So she saw me driving away and I didn't see her coming from the other end of the block.

She sure saw me.

And I was on a phone call driving to the valley.

We lived in California at the time and I didn't hear her call.

I went to voicemail.

I went straight into an appointment.

That took two hours and then I got back in the car driving home.

And at that point I heard her voicemail,

But I saw two voicemails from her.

So the first one was hysterical.

Mommy,

Did you see me?

I saw you.

I was so excited to see you when I got home.

Where are you?

I want you.

She was hysterical.

She was crying.

And then she had calmed down and she left another voicemail,

I guess an hour later.

And she's like,

Hi,

Mommy.

I love you.

I love to see you.

I'm so excited for you to come home soon.

And she had gotten past it.

And it struck me so completely in that moment that she had no shame in wanting.

And the fact that she could express herself so freely,

What she desired,

What she wanted,

It allowed her to move past that negative feeling and that emotion very quickly.

And that is the theme of our topic today,

Which is what is desire and its importance in our life.

It really is so vital that we have this,

That we direct it and that we listen to it.

I was going to say without desire,

There is nothing.

Correct.

That is what Ravashlag,

The great Kabbalist,

Talks a lot about actually.

He said,

What is the greatest gift that we have in our lives?

And there you go.

The answer is desire.

It's the essence of our very soul.

If we wanted for nothing,

We would never fulfill our purpose.

It literally carries you through your life.

Beginning to see each desire as a gift and a chance to connect to the powerful source within you can change your entire life and the way you live it.

And I think that people forget about that at some point.

If we look at children full of want,

Full of desire,

They come into the world screaming and they're hungry when they're cold,

Any need,

Right?

This big desire.

And it's cute,

Right?

But then somehow later in life,

That shame of wanting,

As I've talked about,

Sets in and we feel bad or ashamed to ask for what we want or what we desire.

And we think that we shouldn't actually.

We should be polite.

We should be sanely and we shouldn't make a fuss.

I think especially women get this kind of feedback,

Shall I say.

And also sometimes in the spiritual path,

People get the wrong message that spirituality or being spiritual is about decreasing desire.

Exactly.

Which really makes me annoyed,

Quite honestly.

I think it also leaves room for a lot of judgment.

If you were spiritual,

Then you'd want for nothing and you'd be happy with a simple life.

And I've never read that actually.

I've studied.

It's about building desire and of course then doing different things with the things that you desire.

But we're going to get into that.

So again,

We should feel no shame in wanting because at the end of the day,

How else will people know what to give us or what we can give ourselves if we're not tapped into that?

It's the quintessential human desire to have and it's how we know we're alive.

So and I want to just go on about this a little bit more.

The only reason we enjoy anything is because we have desired it.

The only reason we seek is because we have a desire.

The only reason we live is because we have desire.

Desire is so powerful that it's quite literally determines the course of our lives.

And the word desire.

.

.

If I can.

.

.

Sure.

Interrupt me.

No,

It's good because you ran through that and thought it was such an important statement.

Oh,

Because you were writing.

I thought I was boring and you looked distracted.

Never.

Not possible.

The amount of pleasure that we derive from anything is exactly equal to the amount of desire that we have for it.

Right.

And the interesting things,

I think Ravashlagh,

I was going to go into this a little bit later,

But Ravashlagh stated that you cannot actually desire something unless you've already had a taste for it and it grows your desire.

Right.

So it's a constant and I'll unpack that a little bit later,

But it's a constant kind of evolution.

You desire something,

You've tasted something,

Then you desire,

Then you want more of it.

And then our desires are forever changing,

Which is why we need to be aware of them.

Desire equals motivation.

Motivation like emotion derives from the Latin,

Movere,

To move.

And I thought this study was really,

Really interesting because I think sometimes we tell ourselves.

.

.

Well,

I know we do a lot of different stories.

We have illusions about certain things in life.

It was this way,

Then it would be easier if it was that.

If I could just have this thing,

Then I'd be happy.

So neurologists have discovered that people who sustain brain damage in specific areas of the brain experience a loss of emotion.

Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt,

Who I quoted,

I think in last week's episode also,

He wrote the book,

The Happiness Hypothesis,

Really good book.

He talked about how patients with this type of brain damage report not feeling emotion when they should.

That their logic and reason remain unaffected along with their understanding of social mores.

And since we often struggle with our emotions,

You might think that not having any might make life easier.

Right?

Because sometimes our emotions make things more complicated,

Right?

If we just were logical and clear headed,

We'd be able to be decisive.

What?

Spock.

Exactly.

Spock from Star Trek.

Exactly.

Then we would go ahead and there'd be no issue.

It's our emotions that get us into trouble.

But this is what was fascinating about this.

These patients who sustained these injuries could now rely exclusively on the rational mind to make good choices.

But this proved to not be the case.

In fact,

It was quite the opposite.

People who are unable to conjure up any feelings saw their lives fall apart.

Rather than turning into purely goal oriented hyper focused people,

They found themselves unable to even make the simplest decisions.

Without emotions fueling their desires,

These patients were paralyzed.

In the absence of feeling,

We have no desire.

In the absence of desire,

We don't know which way to go.

Dr.

Haidt said,

Human rationality depends on sophisticated emotionality.

It's only that our emotional brains work so well that our reasoning brains can work at all.

I think that's really interesting because we're born out of desire,

Right?

From the minute we wake up in the morning,

I want a cup of coffee.

In this case today because I hardly slept last night,

I wanted two.

We have these wants and desires all day.

They're so automatic.

We're,

For the most part,

Not fully aware of them and also not fully of what's driving the desire.

And that can be a dangerous thing.

And the paradox of desire is that even the desire to stop desiring in itself is a desire.

Right.

I would just add that the problem is amongst,

I think this is- There's many here though.

Yeah.

Because this is such a fundamental,

As a matter of fact,

The fundamental part of who we are.

But the term desire,

I think,

Can be misunderstood.

Right?

There's a very big difference if a person is honest with themselves.

I was actually reading a book by a psychologist who would often say with his patients who would talk about their problems,

What they want to solve,

What they want to do.

And they would,

Every once in a while,

Ask them,

What do you really want?

They don't know.

Most,

I don't know if I could say most.

I don't know what the science on this is.

Many people don't really know.

Many.

Meaning the point is,

In their life,

Okay,

They're having a problem with their spouse.

I want this to stop.

So you can call that a desire.

I want a desire for my problem with my spouse to go away,

Or a person who's having trouble at work,

I desire.

That's not real desire.

When we're talking about desire,

We're talking about the core desire.

And what I would even ask our listeners now,

And it's beautiful to do many things and to want many things.

And again,

There's a very big difference sometimes between wanting.

I might want that meal.

It's great to want it.

It's great even to desire it.

But that does not really explain my core desire.

And I think while we made it,

I think,

Very clear that the spiritual view is that desire is not only positive,

But necessary,

And actually necessary to grow.

It's not about diminishing,

Certainly,

And it's not about fulfilling.

It's actually,

But how do I grow my desire?

But I think that the other part of that is to make sure that we really come to a core understanding of what is our truest desires.

Because if you don't have any clarity about that,

Then you can go through life wanting and desiring things and aspects,

But never being able to fulfill your core desire,

And therefore never really being satisfied.

Right.

So the first thing is you have to know what you want,

But I think you also have to challenge yourself and make sure what you want is really what you need.

So I think that a lot of people,

When they think about desire,

They're focusing on lack,

Not necessarily desire.

Right.

Like you just said,

And often those two become confused.

We desire what we don't have.

If we had it,

Then the desire might wane after we get it.

How many times,

I mean,

You see this with children a lot,

You know,

I want this one toy pleat,

They beg,

And they get it.

And then like in five minutes.

Actually,

Like when we were in a store,

We were flying back from Austin for a wedding,

Right?

Then we were going through the toy store,

It was like trying to bring back something for our kids.

And we were looking.

.

.

Well,

We were able to fast forward exactly how long that would last.

Exactly.

And you said,

Well,

This is nice.

She'll play with us for three seconds and then,

You know,

It'll be done.

But that's,

You know,

We can see it clearly in kids,

But it's often the reality in adults as well.

So I think,

Again,

The first thing when it comes to desire,

It means being vulnerable and having a willingness to see ourselves and allow ourselves to be seen.

So the first is you have to know what you want.

The second,

You have to believe it's okay to want it and that you're worthy of receiving it.

And the third is we need to give ourselves as best as we can and be willing to ask others for it,

Which is a really tall order.

And I don't know,

And,

You know,

Have you always found it easy to ask for the things that you want in life,

Whether it's from your kids or your parents or coworkers?

Well,

That leads to a bigger question.

If you want me to answer it,

It's going to take a little bit longer than a yes or no question.

Well,

Yeah,

But you never really go into great divulge about your.

.

.

Well,

I would explain why if now is the right time.

Yeah,

I'm curious.

So as I said,

It's not a quick answer.

So.

.

.

Are you going to tell me something juicy?

No.

I'm not going to tell something I'm going to tell her,

Listen to something really,

Really important.

And.

.

.

This was a personal question.

Now you're going to give us a teaching.

Okay,

Rabbi.

We can continue.

I don't know where you're going with it yet.

To answer your question that could answer it,

Your first question was,

Have I found it difficult to ask for something I really need or desire?

I don't think so.

I can give a longer answer later.

No,

Just answer the question.

So there is an ancient Indian mystic.

His name is Kabir.

Oh,

I read some of his stuff too.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Very interesting.

And he writes about desire.

And it's much longer than this,

But he basically explains that there's four levels of desire.

Many people have many,

We'll call them shallow desires,

Right?

You meet people like this.

They want the next shiny thing.

They want the next cart.

They want the next meal.

They want the next girlfriend.

They want the next boyfriend,

So on and so forth.

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many desires,

But they're all relatively shallow.

He says those people will never find people,

And again,

We're all,

I would say,

Somewhere in the gamut at times in each one of these four,

But those people will never have great fulfillment because their desire is shallow.

They fill it.

They go on to the next one.

They can never really come to true fulfillment.

On the other hand,

They also will never really come to great heartbreak because their desire was never shallow.

They'll never really get it and move on or don't get it onto the next,

Which has a positive side.

The next level of people who have lesser desires that are a little bit deeper.

And again,

The third group of people who have very few desires,

And they hold them very deeply.

And the fourth level,

Which he spoke about,

Is somebody who has only one desire.

That one desire is what I would call,

And again,

This is where we get really deep,

A desire for what we call the connection to the light of the creator,

Or in other terms,

To the universe,

To the force that makes this universe,

That phrase,

Being at one with the universe,

Which is kind of cliche at this point.

And he explains that really ultimate fulfillment can only come from the ultimate singular desire.

And I think I would say that most of us should be living between the third and fourth group,

Meaning a few very important desires and hopefully at times a singular desire.

I'm assuming.

Yeah.

You asked me,

I just want to make sure,

Because it's a really important point,

I want to be sure if I'm not being clear that.

.

.

No,

I think it's super clear.

I mean,

I read it though.

Oh,

Good.

Okay,

Sorry.

I think it is.

So what I would say is this.

So I think this is a really important.

.

.

But that's why people have to be able to decipher what their desires are and where they're coming from.

But more importantly,

I would say create a.

.

.

Well,

Why is my thing?

Create a hierarchy of desires.

So if you ask me.

.

.

Yes,

And ones that you take more seriously and invest in more and others you don't.

You can still derive pleasure from them.

And you're meant to,

I think.

So if you asked me for a list of my desires,

I can give you a list of 10,

000 things that I desire.

I desire this pen,

I desire this cup of tea,

I desire.

.

.

I have a long list.

But then if you asked me what are my most important desires,

I would certainly put at the top of that my connection to the light of the creator and then you,

Number two,

And then so on.

So I would say,

What are my core desires?

Three or four.

And it's also good to have the other 10,

000 ones.

So what I think is so important for our listeners to really meditate upon,

I would say,

Really focus on,

Yes,

It's good to have many desires.

But for true fulfillment,

Discover what your core fundamental desires are.

And for many people,

It's going to be very unclear unless you really take the time.

Really take the time.

I'll give an example.

People.

.

.

There are many people who don't want to be alone,

Don't want to be alone.

And of course,

We're meant to be with a partner,

Absolutely.

But for many people,

That desire not to be alone simply comes from a lack of fulfillment from other places.

And they all boil it down,

Oh,

I need to find.

.

.

How many people you've met that said,

I need to get married,

I need to find my partner?

Not really because they were so clear about what their real desires were.

It was sort of the catch-all,

They thought,

That would solve all of their desires.

It was a lack of,

In many cases,

A lack of understanding what their true desire is,

And therefore the fulfillment didn't actually wind up filling what they thought was desire.

So I think this understanding of really asking yourself the deep question,

What are my core,

Core desires?

Hopefully many of us can reach,

As Kabir wrote about,

That ultimate desire,

At least at times,

Where a singular focus desire is a connection with,

You can call it the universe,

Call it the light to the creator.

And I know you can attest to the fact that there is nothing that gives you as much fulfillment and peace as those moments of connection to what we would call the universe or the light to the creator.

And then what are your two or three,

Four other core,

Core desires?

And then it's okay to have the other thousands,

But as long as the hierarchy is clear.

And I would even create a pie chart and see how much time and effort and thought you put into which desires specifically.

I think it will show you why your life is the way it is,

Where you're stuck.

It will really shed,

I think,

A bright light on it.

I also want to talk about the desire to have a connection to the creator as something that lives and is rooted within all of us because it's how we started.

So Rav Aslak talks about this also in Ten Limit Asseminations.

And he said,

The source of all of our hope comes from a connection to the residue of the time we're filled with light,

Which is basically the time before creation.

This is a very deep concept.

I want to see you unpack it because it's really deep.

Is this a challenge?

It reminds our souls of the endless blessings we once had and pushes us to keep striving toward a deeper connection with the light.

So when we talk about the endless blessings,

It means that we were so completely and wholly fulfilled and happy.

There was no pain,

There was no suffering.

So we've experienced that.

Our soul has experienced that.

You've unpacked that.

This is a very deep concept,

Right?

Okay,

Rabbi,

Would you like to add to that?

We'll take it step by step together.

Sure.

No,

Just again,

It is a fundamental understanding and one that is really,

Really important,

But I think might be new to many of our listeners.

The fact that before our souls came,

Any of our souls came into this physical world,

There was another reality.

One could call it even the true reality,

Whereby all souls of all people that have ever lived,

Now and will ever live,

Experience that total and complete connection to the source.

Oneness.

Oneness.

And in that reality,

Like you said,

There was no pain,

There was no suffering,

There was no death,

There was no lack.

All desires were filled.

And our work in this physical world is to reconnect to that which we had already experienced.

Before creation.

Right.

And I think it's so beautiful if you think about it because then you realize,

Because some people,

Again,

Mistakenly with the thing about religion or spirituality,

It's sort of something new for me,

Right?

So I'm going to experience something new.

In reality,

True spirituality is taking you back to actually something that your soul not only knows but experienced completely.

Right,

Which is why I think it explains why you feel so good when you are fulfilling the desires that are connected to the creator,

To sharing,

To elevated being in existence because it's reminiscent of what we had and what we're striving for.

So it's kind of like deja vu.

It's kind of serendipitous.

It's those moments where you're having like,

Oh,

This is familiar,

This feels really good,

Or I feel enlightened.

Right.

It's going back to those moments.

Why are you laughing?

No,

No,

I was going to say,

Actually,

I was going to share something personal.

I get excited when I share something personal.

Let's see.

No,

Actually today I had this experience.

I tried to,

Every day I take a certain amount of time to study and be inspired.

And I actually made a note of this in my mind as I was studying.

And I'm always,

I try to be always happy and inspired.

But then it almost,

It's like a buildup where you're,

In my reality,

In my experience,

You're studying,

You're connecting,

You're thinking,

Your mind suddenly gets to a place where it experiences that oneness,

That connection to truth,

That connection to what we call the light.

And it's beautiful.

And every one of our listeners,

I hope,

Is.

.

.

And it's undeniable too.

I mean,

When you're experiencing it,

It just,

There's no time,

There's no space,

You're just completely at peace.

It's that feeling that kind of overtakes you and it surrounds you.

Everything is as it should be.

And we all have those moments.

I mean,

Maybe people might connect that to being in nature or there's times in life it doesn't have to be.

.

.

Very much so.

But it's that.

And that's why I think part of what,

I mean,

We were just at a wedding this weekend and I feel like that's part of what I love about participating in weddings and being able to participate in their love and offering in the ceremony because it's like that is a moment of perfection also when two souls come together for most.

We've witnessed other things.

But I do want to,

I want to say,

So that feeling,

That desire,

Whether it's small or large,

It doesn't,

It's from that place that was.

And there's this example I talked about water before,

But I just want to talk about it,

I want to unpack it a little bit.

When we get thirsty and have a desire for water,

As an example,

An aspect of that desire comes from this residue,

Right,

That we had.

Most people think I want water because I'm thirsty and I have a desire to drink.

We believe the desire is the cause and the fulfillment we experience from drinking it is the effect.

But Ravashlak teaches here that it's actually backwards.

The only way that a desire is awakened is if there was once a fulfillment of that desire.

We can't desire water if we never tasted it and then had it taken away from us,

Which I think is just such a crystal clear way,

Pun intended,

Of explaining this concept.

What was the pun?

Water,

Crystal water,

Clear.

That went over my head.

That's where my mind went to my head.

So our desire is not the cause that allows light into our lives.

The light is the cause of our desire.

So I think that,

Again,

You need to unpack it because that's a very deep and powerful and also beautiful concept.

Because the question can be asked,

Well,

A baby who's born,

Why are they desiring their mother's milk?

They haven't tasted it yet,

Right?

And I think,

Well,

While you're laughing,

Or even the first time they desire water or bread,

Right,

Where did that desire come from?

Okay.

I know my answer.

I know my answer.

So using an example,

I'm holding here a cup of tea.

Those of you who are watching the video,

But I'm holding a cup of tea.

I have a desire to take a sip of this tea.

I'm going to take a sip.

Should I or you?

You can take a sip of your tea.

You can take a sip of my tea if you want.

There's energy in everything.

In other words,

We could say there's light in everything.

So there are sparks of light in this tea.

My desire for the tea on the deepest level is for the sparks of light,

The energy that's in that tea.

And the energy I felt,

Light I felt,

Every baby born into this world not only has at one point experienced light,

They've experienced the totality of light and what that means.

And therefore,

The point you're raising is so beautiful.

The fact that at the core of all of our desires is desire for the light.

And this is,

Again,

A very high concept.

But even when you're in a relationship,

You might think that,

Oh,

No,

You're designing this physical person sitting in front of you because of this or that or the other thing.

In reality,

The core desire for your soulmate or your partner is because in that connection,

There is light,

There is energy,

And you desire that energy.

Because that's what the soul understands.

That's what the soul desires.

That's what the soul.

.

.

If you strip everything away,

If you strip everything away.

.

.

Everything is energy.

Everything is energy.

And that's what we desire.

And that's why,

By the way,

And this is a much bigger topic,

The reason people desire those who fall into drugs or alcoholism,

They're desiring the same thing you and I hopefully desire all the.

.

.

I will just say,

Oh,

Well,

I know that desire in a safe way or in the right way is found in our relationship or in other experiences.

But at the core of even addiction is a desire for energy.

Again,

We can talk about why.

.

.

Negative or positive.

Right.

But I think if you really look at life in that way,

That my core desire comes before anything else that it becomes manifest.

It gives us a much clearer view of desire.

And it also opens up another understanding.

Just to be clear,

So our ego.

.

.

What we're saying is our ego-based desires are also rooted and connected to that residue we're speaking about because at the end of the day,

It's energy.

And it's how you want to get energy.

I mean,

We talk about this in relationships also.

Some people are addicted to drama and negative energy.

Children often do this with their parents.

They don't care what kind of.

.

.

If they want attention and they're being neglected,

Even negative attention is something that they will seek.

But of course,

The problem is that our desire can either be focused or diffused.

And if it's focused,

We're going to accomplish amazing things.

If it's diffused,

Very unlikely.

It's just spread out.

You're getting a little spark here and a little bit there.

And then,

Oh,

Then that's when you're like,

Oh,

Look,

There's something shiny.

And then you run into that thing.

Exactly.

And that's why.

.

.

Because you're not thinking about.

.

.

It's almost like eating anything that you see,

Right?

There's no aspect of restriction or thought or wherewithal.

Is this good for me?

If I take too much of this,

How will I feel after?

It's the same concept.

And therefore,

Ultimately,

Lack of fulfillment.

Which is such an.

.

.

So when we spoke about.

.

.

Which I think is a really important concept,

The idea of the hierarchy of desire,

I think we should talk about the protection of our desire.

Because the same energy to eat a thousand cookies can also be used to accomplish something amazing that my soul came into this world to do.

And if I allow myself to spend all day and all night for the next three months eating 10,

000 cookies.

.

.

You're going to have a big problem.

But also,

That same desire will be diverted away from accomplishing this one amazing thing.

We often talk about this,

And you talk about this in relationships.

There are many people who say.

.

.

I remember this many,

Many years ago,

Somebody who was talking to his friend who was not married and just liked to be with many different women.

And the guy said,

I just love women so much.

But the point is clearly not.

The point is that when a person.

.

.

So just as a side note to this,

When it comes to relationships,

If a person has or goes through life manifesting the desire for a partner a thousand different times with a thousand different women,

That makes it much more,

Much more unlikely that they,

He or she,

Will be able to manifest the one and actually receive fulfillment in that way.

So the protection of desire is very important because the force,

As we call it,

The negative forces of this world will try to get us to manifest our desire in ways that allow it to be diffused and not powerful.

The more you protect your desire,

The more powerful it becomes.

No,

I love that.

And I think it's related to this idea also.

I think that they overlap.

We've talked about this before.

I think it's such a powerful concept that desire often wanes as we get older.

You see it when people,

Especially elderly,

Get tired more often.

The idea to go and to try and to see new things and create new things gets less and less,

Not for everybody,

But that's the usual understanding of what we see.

We assume it's a natural progression of aging and that's just part of life,

But that's not what Kabbalah say.

Desire wanes in fact because we've been investing our time and desires in the wrong things and things that have a limit that are not rooted in sharing and goodness.

And so those things we have invested in when they come to an end,

So too does our desire.

So for instance,

If somebody like the examples we gave earlier,

If their desire is constantly rooted in desire to receive just for the self alone,

I want this and I want that and their appetite is unsatiated always.

And we talked about why,

Right?

Their desire never feels fulfilled.

Then when those things go away as physical things will,

Then their ability to have desire is less and less.

So this is if you,

For instance,

Plant a tree even from the fruits that you won't be able to eat from,

Right?

And then it will last for generations and generations and they'll keep going to that.

So that's energy,

Right,

That you have created,

That you've tapped in your desire to create and to build that will then go on to feed you.

And I thought this was also interesting.

It says every person in his life is given a reservoir of that residue,

Right?

That certain amount,

An exact measurement of what our soul needs in order to fill our spiritual purpose.

We can use it to build a desire for light bringing things slightly closer to completing our spiritual work or we can use it to awaken and fulfill selfish desires.

The difference is that when we awaken a desire for negative or selfish things,

We use up our reservoir of this residue.

Once we use it,

It's gone.

In order to fulfill our purpose,

We need all of that residue.

If we use 50% of it towards selfish desires,

Then half is gone and the furthest we can go is 50% to our spiritual goal because we won't have the motivation to go on to the other half.

I thought that was so profound and deep.

Yes,

I would say those two points that are connected,

Which is sorry,

I want to underscore what you said.

Because the thing that bothers me and this is what I think is so powerful about this teaching is that people accept that it's just natural,

Right?

It's natural that you better hurry up and do all the things that you want to do from this age to this age,

From your 20s to your 50s.

And by the way,

That's what a midlife crisis is,

Right?

We're desiring to do more things and we don't feel like we can.

And you know,

My God,

I'm running out of options.

I better change everything.

Or I thought it'd be a different place,

But it's a crisis,

A midlife crisis is a crisis of desire.

Exactly.

Exactly.

And so this is,

This should be really,

Really inspiring if you start to look at your life and understand this truth.

Right.

So I want to underscore what you said,

Which I thought so important,

The idea that there are two types of fulfillment of desire because there are two types of actions in this world.

One that are,

I would say either immortal or at least eternal and others that are mortal and finite.

Right.

And because as we understand it,

Desire is actually what we are.

We are made up of desire when we call in spiritual terms,

The concept of soul,

What it really is is desire.

And as we go through life and we take that reservoir of desire or of our light or of our soul,

All the same,

You are choosing where you are manifesting yourself.

So to the degree and to the amount that one manifests themselves in finite,

You can call it selfish,

Desires,

Then they are now literally in some way,

It's kind of scary saying,

Limiting,

Or in other ways,

Killing their desire.

On the other hand,

To the degree that one manifests their desire in things that are for others,

Things that are of sharing,

They are actually giving greater life to their desire because it's becoming manifest in eternal or unkillable places.

If you really think about that,

Hopefully it changes how we go through life,

Knowing that every thought,

Every word and every action that we do every single day is a decision.

Is my desire going to become manifest in something that will continue to sustain with desire or am I going to manifest it in places,

Words,

Things,

Actions that are going to diminish my desire?

And like you said,

Which I think again,

You said so many things that are so important,

Underscoring it again,

We are meant,

Although the world does not experience this usually,

We are meant to have greater desire when we're 70,

When we're 80,

When we're 90,

Than when we're 20,

30,

40.

But only in living with this consciousness and consciously and consistently making different decisions about where I'm going to manifest my desire,

Can you actually have the fulfillment of that?

And that's true in relationships and that's true in business,

It's true about every aspect of our lives.

But I think,

Like you said,

And I hope all of our listeners really pause and meditate on this teaching you shared that it is not the nature,

The necessary nature of our lives that as we grow in age,

Our desire diminishes.

Don't accept that.

Don't accept that,

But also there's something you can do about it.

Everything you just said,

Everything we spoke about until now will change,

Can change whether when you're 70 you have greater desire.

Because how sad is it?

Again,

Probably when you're 70,

Your desire will be directed in other ways than maybe when you're in your 30s,

But hopefully still in ways that are of sharing,

That are of others.

But don't you think that's always like I was at most the night last night,

So I was thinking about something I desired and I'm struggling with things.

I'm like,

Should I really desire this?

Or maybe that desire should move to a different category.

You know,

I give myself a lot of emotional feedback.

But I think that's good because I don't want to have regret later in life and I always want,

I want to make use of all my years.

People often by 70 and 80s,

90s are like,

It's just like some don't even want to live at that time,

Right?

I mean,

Where most people when you're younger,

Like,

Oh my God,

Please give me more and more days.

There's so much I want to do.

So I think it's so important for us to stop and to question what we desire,

Even if it's a good thing.

Is it a good thing for right now?

And is there growth in that?

Is that going to sustain you later?

And the other tool there is to stop focusing on lack.

I think that we do this more than we care to admit or more than we even acknowledge because we tend to see things,

Oh,

I want that.

I don't have that.

But pause for a second.

Why do you want that?

What will you do once you have that?

How is that connected to your goodness and to changing your desire to see for the self alone to desiring it for the sake of sharing?

There has to be that aspect if you're somebody,

It's not about being a good person,

But just somebody who's invested in this world and the goodness and the creation of this world.

Absolutely.

Again,

You said so many important things.

The protection of our desire.

And like you said,

Because you know,

Again,

On the hierarchy of desires,

There are clearly selfish desires,

Which by the way,

It's okay to have those too.

But then there are what we would consider altruistic or for the sake of sharing.

But even those,

It doesn't mean that it's the right desire for me now.

Is that where my desire should be directed?

And I think this understanding that we have a responsibility to both understand deeply our desires and direct them properly.

And that's what you're talking about.

The fact that our need to direct our desires.

Again,

Because like you said last time,

You were thinking about something that is objectively an important desire,

But is it the right desire now?

Is this where your desire should be focused?

And if you realize again,

The power of desire and the responsibility that we have to direct it properly,

You think about life differently.

Yeah.

And it makes you actually be a lot more thoughtful in every decision you make and every step you make.

Because there's no right or wrong.

It might turn out later to be something that your time would have been better used in some other way or you'd be somewhere else and that was the better.

But there's no right and wrong.

And we often like,

I don't know if this is right or that's wrong.

What should I do?

What should I desire?

Wait a second.

Try to fast forward a little bit and plug into where is the desire coming from and why.

I think a really,

Somebody who really inspires me in terms of being able,

And I don't know him personally.

No.

I'm going to tell you a piece for those of you who aren't watching,

Michael's pointing at himself.

Those would be Keanu Reeves.

Because the thing is,

He is a celebrity,

He's an actor.

And the things I'm going to tell you that he does,

He actually doesn't have to do.

And I think that he's taken the money that he's made and the responsibility or the ability he has as a public figure to do great things is really inspiring.

And there's a lot of desire.

Again,

I don't know anything about him personally,

Other than what I've read that's inspired me.

I'm going to give you that disclaimer.

But these are a few things that have been consistent throughout his career.

When he was working on the sequels to The Matrix,

He reportedly negotiated a back end deal that included circulating a fraction of his paycheck throughout the costumes,

Special effects and design teams claiming that their contribution was just as crucial as his own.

Okay.

He didn't have to do that,

Right?

He is known for wanting to know everyone's name on set,

Has personally helped crew members through family crises and has taken pay cuts in order to help solidify production on films like The Devil's Advocate and The Replacement.

Most notably,

After paying nearly $5 million to help his sister successfully battle leukemia,

He now runs a private cancer foundation aimed at helping various children's hospitals and funding cancer research.

I consider him to be one of the most successful actors in the world because he's used his fame and inexhaustible financial means to help others.

And this is really,

I think,

The definition of transformational sharing,

Right?

So how you get from desire received for the self alone,

How do you get to the desires for the sake of sharing?

It's by transforming,

Forcing yourself to give in ways that are uncomfortable,

That are foreign to you.

It's being invested in not just your desire,

But then take that energy,

Take that desire and see how then you can spread it and offer it and help other people who have desires.

I think it's really powerful.

And I would say again,

That that is a lesson to all of us,

That when we speak about protecting our desire and actually growing our desire,

There's a Kabbalistic parable or explanation that,

If you look at a vessel,

If we would call it,

Because by the way,

The ancient word for vessel is the same numerical value as the word desire,

Because we understand that vessel or ability to receive is only dependent on desire.

But that a vessel that receives inside is always going to be limited,

Even if you have the biggest cup in the world or the biggest vat in the world,

The biggest anything in the world that takes inside to it,

That will always be limited.

But if you're given,

If you have what we call in spiritual terms,

Have a desire to share,

That can be limitless because you can desire to share it till everybody in the world has and that is limitless.

And by the way,

Then your desire does not wane,

Right?

It grows and grows and grows.

And that's what gives vitality to life,

Whether you're 10,

20 or 70 or 90.

And that's hopefully where we're all directing our desire towards,

Right?

And the only way that that can be achieved is by significant parts of our lives using our desire,

What we call for the sake of sharing.

And I also want to bring up this other thing is I think when we look at desire,

Let's just talk about our basic needs.

They are for air,

For water,

Food,

Shelter and sleep.

This is everybody,

Right?

Some of you may be familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs,

Which he proposed in 1943.

So the first is physical needs.

Like I said,

Air,

Water,

Food,

Shelter,

Sleep.

The second is safety,

Primarily physical safety.

Third is love and belonging.

Four is esteem and five is self-actualization.

Maslow posits that all human motivation is based on the desire to fill one of these needs.

Most of us are blessed enough to have enough food,

A home and feel comfortably safe in our lives.

Once those desires are fulfilled,

We move higher up on the pyramid to love and belonging.

To then exploring our talents and interests.

And finally,

To striving for self-actualization.

In other words,

Working to meet our greatest potential.

Meeting these needs is a lifelong process and integral to our happiness and our spiritual growth.

And I just think if we can keep that pyramid right in our mind,

The first four that I went through,

We're pretty much doing,

Right?

That's where we spend,

Or desiring,

I should say.

That's where most of our desire is,

Right?

Food,

A lot of people think about that.

We have a good friend,

He's hungry all the time.

Food is a big stuff.

And there's people starving in the world too.

Right.

Then there's people starving and don't have their,

And home,

Right?

Feeling safe,

Love,

Belonging,

And then exploring talents and interests.

I think that's the majority of where desire for most of us lives.

The important part,

The striving for self-actualization,

The part that's connected to soul and to creation.

Again,

Create your pyramid and see how much of your time is invested where in this hierarchy of needs.

And Ravashlach,

Again,

I just,

I'm so inspired by what he spoke about on this topic.

There's three levels of desires,

As he said it,

Which correlates,

I think,

To Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Level one,

Desires are those based solely on gratifying,

Innate physical urges,

Such as sex,

Shelter,

And food.

Basic logic is used for the purpose of fulfilling these primal needs.

Level two,

Desires are those based on gratifying a need for status that go beyond the body,

Such as power,

Honor,

And fame.

And level three,

Desires are focused on fulfilling a drive completely outside of the physical realm.

Those at this level seek wisdom and knowledge and use their higher faculties to find fulfillment through such searching.

These three levels of desire,

Ravashlach tells us,

Are found in all members of the human race.

However,

They are blended into each individual different in different degrees.

And this is the difference between one person to another.

Because if you look at people,

Why do people have such varying degrees of desire?

Absolutely.

And in relation to that,

There's a really great book called The Denial of Death.

His thesis is that everything that people do is so that they live beyond their physical life.

And that's very much rooted in what I would call truth,

That if you look at your life and you ask yourself the question,

What are the desires that I am awakening that are not,

I would say,

Of this world,

Whether it's desire to share to other people,

That's not of this world.

It's not of the physical lower levels of desires.

My desire for wisdom,

For connection to that source,

My experience of what we call the light to the creator,

All those are of the higher desires.

And unless in our hierarchy of desires,

That's up at the top,

It will be very difficult for us to really have not only lasting fulfillment,

But lasting and growing desire.

I think also it's important while we identify it,

And I agree that we still do need to have many different desires in many different areas.

I think we should be cognizant of reducing the amount of desires that we have in a day,

Which could be really just distractions so that we focus on the more important one,

Singular desire of sharing and connection.

Or even manifesting the purpose of my soul.

I think going back to what Kabir wrote about the fact that if you go through your day fulfilling a hundred desires,

Unlikely that day will be a significant day that lives on forever.

Whereas if you had four desires today and you really focused,

Much more likely that not only will you be fulfilled and not only will you have a growing desire,

But that you actually accomplish for that day at least what your soul is meant to accomplish.

But I think even more than that,

If you get it.

I get it.

None of our listeners do.

So I think that when our focus is centered on our primary desire in a day,

It gives clarity to our secondary desires.

So if you're busy all day,

The primary being revealing your soul's potential and that's what you're busy with most of the day,

Then when those secondary desires come,

You pause and say,

Wait,

Do I really want to do this?

Is it really worth my time?

I desire it,

But how much do I desire it?

It puts it kind of in a- Perspective,

Right?

Perspective.

But again,

It doesn't mean that you,

I'm really going to enjoy that meal.

Very good,

Beautiful.

You should do that also.

But I think the flip side to that is that also what you would get upset about.

So if you're clear about what your number one and number two desires are,

And you also have a desire for an amazing drink.

So if one or two doesn't happen,

I don't want to say you'll be upset about it,

But you really push for it.

If the last one doesn't happen,

Okay,

I'll have a good drink tomorrow.

It just gives you a much different perspective about what am I going to be upset about?

What am I not going to be upset about?

And I think maybe one of the ways,

Interestingly for our listeners,

To gauge whether their desire is being elevated as it should be is how upset do you get about things that ostensibly clearly or at least objectively should not be in the highest level of hierarchy of desire?

So if you would leave our listeners with one or two thoughts from today on this very,

Very important topic.

I really loved this episode.

Hopefully our listeners will too.

I think they will.

So as we said,

Sustaining our desire is paramount because without the force of desire propelling us forward,

We remain stationary,

Which obviously is not good.

Just as important as knowing what we want and asking for it is staying hungry and continuously desiring to drive our relationships and our lives to higher levels of connectedness,

Fulfillment,

And intimacy.

As you hold your desire,

Set an intention to create beauty,

Connection,

And joy in every moment.

In so doing,

You'll make space for your most fulfilled and abundant life to manifest before your eyes.

And all that's left then to do is to share.

And I think one other thing that we do,

I think often we limit our desires.

We tend to frame our goals and our dreams into a very small,

Like you said,

Vessel,

Right?

And I would say that protecting your desire is so important because it's fundamentally not only who we are,

What we are,

But also then what our experience of life is going to be.

Make sure that you have,

At least working on,

Your hierarchy of desires and the limiting of desires.

Because then if you really focus on your truest and most core desires,

You'll be able to manifest as opposed to living life just running after the next desire to the next,

Never really achieving fulfillment,

But more importantly,

Never actually achieving the purpose of what your soul came into this world.

And like I said,

I really hope that our listeners not only listen to this podcast,

But also really take the time to think through their desires,

Hierarchy of desires,

Core desires.

And that should also shift how you live your life.

Like you said originally,

That pie chart that you make,

Well,

If this is my most important desire,

Shouldn't most of my energy be put there?

And we all want to live in our 90s with the greatest amount of desire.

We want to be in our relationship,

Unfortunately even one year in.

But 30 years in,

50 years into our relationship,

This is the way.

Everything we spoke about today,

Protecting our desire,

Understanding our desire,

And focusing it as much as we can.

So I hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording this.

And as always,

Please continue to support this podcast by sharing it with everybody you know,

Going to Apple podcasts,

Writing five star reviews.

Continue to send your questions,

Comments,

And stories to Monica and Michael at kabala.

Com.

They continue to inspire us and we have the opportunity to share them with our listeners.

And as always,

Stay spiritually hungry.

Bye

Reviews

Thank you. A fabulous talk. Appreciated this immensely.🙏

One of my favourite podcasts! I received so much clarification on what’s happening in my life. I’m 82 years young and married almost 63 years. My heart and soul are full of desire to grow and give. In gratitude for your work, Michael and Monica ❤️