38. No Regrets: How To Use Failure As A Tool For Growth

In this episode of Spiritually Hungry, Monica and Michael illustrate how making mistakes and failing are part of our spiritual process, teaching us valuable lessons that help elevate our souls. Tune in as they discuss training ourselves to embrace our failures as fuel for our next success.

Transcript

Failures do not make us a failure.

Failures actually make us better people,

Stronger people,

Wiser people.

The point is not to take those times we fall as an indication of who we are,

But rather that there's something we need to pay attention to and to change within ourselves or about how we're living our lives.

First,

Failure is an intrinsic part.

Love it.

It's going to happen.

It's going to continue to happen.

You will not become wise.

You will not become strong.

You will not succeed unless you are constantly failing.

Second,

Make sure you learn from your failures.

And third,

Never view yourself as a failure because you failed.

When you're in the ocean and you're stranded,

Let's say on a boat and you see like a lighthouse,

You know,

That's what this really is.

That's what falling is.

It's now saying,

Oh my God,

That's where I need to go.

And you can't actually see it.

If you weren't hopelessly lost in the ocean,

The lighthouse wouldn't mean anything to you,

Right?

And the thing that we express clearly is that in the right way,

Failure becomes some of the most exciting,

Embraced part of our lives.

Welcome to Spiritually Hungry Podcast episode 38.

It's almost,

We'll reach our age soon.

How do you know we haven't?

So I wanted to,

I looked into it last week.

You were talking about,

You mentioned Oscar Wilde.

And I was curious about why he was imprisoned.

So- It's important to be curious.

Yeah.

I just wanted to give this little fact to our listeners.

He was in jail for being gay.

Interesting.

In London?

Do your own research.

I don't know if it was in London.

It was the,

It's like that's what you're going to,

Like there's so many other things I would ask other than in London.

Like really,

Wow,

What year was that?

Or you know,

What was the circumstance?

Like really?

Was he caught?

What was the circumstance?

Okay,

Well I'm going to tell you a story.

So it was during the libel trial and it unearthed evidence that caused Wilde to drop his charges that he was putting against,

I guess,

The city.

And it led to his own arrest and trial for gross indecency with men.

Then he had two more trials after that and he was convicted and sentenced to two years hard labor and a maximum penalty and was jailed from 1895 to 1897.

What a different world.

That's right then.

Thankfully.

But it begs the question,

Is sin,

Because that's what we're going to talk about today,

Sin and sinners and falling,

And I think this is such an interesting topic,

But it begs the question,

Is sin a constant or rather a culturally held belief?

Right?

How much of sin and what it means is something that- Well sin's a tough word,

Right?

Because it has so much religious baggage with it.

So much.

By definition,

A sinner is a person who transgresses against divine law by committing an immoral act.

You know how I feel about rules and judgment.

A person is a sinner if they continuously do things they know are morally wrong.

That was interesting too.

Now do you know what the seven deadly sins are?

Tell me.

Can you guess a few?

Yes,

I can guess a few.

Lust,

Gluttony.

Do you know all of these?

You're so annoying.

Greed,

Sloth.

Did you know that one?

I love a sloth.

Wrath,

Envy,

And pride.

And then the opposite of a sinner is innocent,

Angel,

And saint.

So if you look at those two opposite things,

It leaves very little space to actually,

Either you're expected to be perfect,

Innocent,

Pure,

Angelic,

Or you're all of these seven things,

Right?

So what we're going to share today that from our spiritual understanding,

Kabbalistically,

There's a very good reason for falling.

I think that's how we'll refer to it today.

I do want to tell a funny story because you actually did bring this up a few weeks ago and I said,

Oh,

We'll go into it another time.

I think now is the appropriate time.

It's about you.

Oh,

Yay.

I hope I wind up looking not so good in this story.

I always make you look good.

So I'll start with you are talented at many,

Many things.

But skiing is not one of them.

That is true.

And a few years ago,

We went many years ago.

By the way,

I've cross country skied many years ago.

That's not really skiing.

You use skis,

That's not like,

Yeah,

Okay.

So anyway,

We went skiing and our whole family was at different levels.

And so we all got a trainer to get comfortable and you ended up with Adolf.

Adolf.

And he had been teaching how to ski since 1955.

So right after the thing.

And before you were born.

So you didn't have a leg to stand on with this guy,

Not literally or figuratively.

And his- He didn't speak English that well.

He was German.

He was very strong.

And his methodology for teaching you was very archaic.

So he took you on the kiddie slope,

Which is about like three feet off the ground,

I'd say.

And he made you sidestep all the way up and then you- I'm sorry.

Then you would- You'd ski down and you'd fall.

I don't think I'd fall that often.

It's good for the story.

I actually have this noted from a diary oh so long ago.

And then you'd fall and then you'd get up and do it over again.

And I was so impressed because after all of us went up and down different slopes,

We'd come and you were like dripping two hours,

You're dripping with sweat.

And Miriam,

Our older daughter and I were just- I almost peed my pants,

I think.

Our stomach muscles were as tight as our legs were at that point.

And I remember asking you,

I said,

Don't you mind like falling all this time,

Getting up and falling,

Getting up,

Falling,

Getting up again.

And you said,

No,

I don't mind falling as long as I'm learning something new and falling,

Which I thought was a really powerful message.

And then I also pulled Adolf over because you're really much more patient and I had a little talk with him.

He didn't listen to me either.

But I did share what I felt.

But I think that leads us to what we're talking about in terms of there is a good purpose and reason for falling in fact.

Yes.

Interestingly,

As I was thinking about this idea of- I don't like using the word sinning.

That's a whole other category of things.

I don't either.

I think it really gets people's attention,

Like,

Oh,

It gets thinner.

And not a good way,

By the way.

It's very negative.

Right.

So I think for me,

The topic is failure,

Falling,

And failure.

And- Well,

I think those are two different things.

I want to hear how you actually see them because it seems like you see them in a similar light.

And I think the first and fundamental mistake that we make is that I think we'd like to believe that life is meant to be a straight line from wherever I am now to wherever I need to get to,

Whatever my plan is from today to wherever I need to get to.

And in reality,

Of course,

Not only is failure an intrinsic part of life,

But it's actually built into the system.

And I think it's important to understand why,

But that the system of life and the system of the universe is not meant to be a non-failure system,

But rather one that is filled with failures.

There's a powerful phrase that the Talmud uses.

It says,

And the original words are,

Ein adam omed al-divreto hab,

Which means a person can never really understand wisdom.

Elah imken nich shalba,

Unless he failed it.

What they're saying is that you never really understand anything.

You never really accomplish anything unless you first and probably many times failed at that same thing.

Have done it wrong.

Done it wrong,

Exactly.

Failed at it,

Which means again,

And I really hope for our listeners that we create a fundamental shift that it's not that life,

Oh,

Best case scenario is filled with success and growth and one thing leads to the next of good things,

Positive things.

And then whenever we fail,

And we often fail and fall short,

We say,

Oh,

I made a mistake and this unfortunate or unnecessary part of life is now what I'm experiencing.

It's a different mindset.

If the mindset is no,

It's actually a necessary and intrinsic part of life's system and life's work to be failing,

At least probably.

.

.

So if you look at your life and you say,

Okay,

I understand that the way this system works,

The way the game of life works is that 50% of the time I'll be failing and 50% of the time I'll be succeeding,

Then failure is not something that happened that you disappointed about or you're upset about or you wish didn't happen.

It's actually an intrinsic built in part of the system.

So much so,

As I said before,

That the understanding is that unless you are failing,

You're not learning.

Unless you are failing,

You are not becoming wise.

Unless you are failing,

You are not growing.

And that shift of the mindset.

So next time we fail,

And we're going to fail today,

Tomorrow,

The next day,

Rather than again,

Reaction being,

Oh,

I wish it didn't happen.

I wish I didn't make this mistake.

I wish I didn't fall in this way.

No.

Actually,

Falling is a necessary,

Necessary part of life's system,

Life's learning,

And life's growth.

But see,

This is where I want to challenge you.

I see failing and falling related but different in the sense that when you're learning new skill or you're putting yourself out there in the world in a vulnerable way,

Something you haven't done before,

You expect,

I think to some degree,

It's harder for some than others,

That there's going to be a learning process that you will fail and then you're going to try again.

Some people don't try as hard.

The falling,

Which I think is more connected to,

Again,

We don't really want to call it that,

But sinning,

Is when you repeatedly act in ways that are not aligned with who you really are.

I'm not sure that,

That's not the word I would.

.

.

To me,

Failure,

Falling really the same category.

I think that is repetitively failing in the same way.

I think that's what we should talk about.

No,

We're shortchanging yourself in terms of putting your best self forward.

Acting with integrity.

I think that falling is really when you know better but you don't actually do better.

Yeah.

Okay,

I think that might be semantics.

But I think I'm.

.

.

And this is something I do think we should talk about,

Is that there's the necessary learning from any mistake that we made.

Yes.

And that is true both of not acting with integrity or anything else.

Meaning for example,

And this is something I do think it's important we spend some time focusing on,

The learning that must come from every failure.

But let's say I'm learning to bake,

Right?

And the first time I put in too much salt.

Now I made a mistake,

I fell,

I made a failure,

Whatever you want to call it.

Now there's nothing wrong with that as long as the next time I might make a mistake,

But it should be a different mistake,

Not the same mistake.

Okay,

But this is.

.

.

I like this conversation.

This is.

.

.

Okay,

Let's look at this one.

Let's say,

Because baking is pretty.

.

.

There's not a lot on the line there.

But let's say you have a child who drives recklessly.

He's not very thoughtful about people on the road.

You tell them repeatedly over and over again.

And then let's say they hit somebody with the car,

Right?

And then they feel like they've really fallen spiritually as a human being,

That they did some great wrong because the warning signs were there,

They knew better,

And yet they continue to behave in that way.

Now of course,

In that falling,

You've got to fall to rise back up again.

So of course there's still that aspect of making mistakes,

But there's a different.

.

.

I think that there's a different thing on the line.

And this is why when people on that level,

To that degree,

Like serious things,

And that comes to the whole sinning thing,

Right?

That somehow I am not being the person I was meant to be or living the life.

Just the simple things we know in life.

You don't hurt other people,

You take extra steps to care about others.

So I do think that there is something there in terms of,

Again,

It all leads to the same road,

But I think that it becomes a different kind of.

.

.

I think there's a judgment probably attached to it.

And therefore people- What do you mean a judgment?

.

.

.

From outside,

From culture,

From the world,

And even we judge ourselves when we make bigger mistakes.

Things that we think we should have already known.

Maybe we just weren't listening or we weren't really participating in life in the way that we should- Again,

You spoke about the times when a person makes some mistake that really hurts somebody else.

And obviously that's a different category of things.

I think we should separate- See,

I do think that that's exactly right.

Yeah,

But that is true just because the stakes are much higher,

Of course.

But for instance- Well,

If you bake and you put too much salt in your cake,

You're not going to really hurt somebody.

Right.

But I just use it as an example.

But let's say you're trying to become a public speaker,

Right?

And you go out there and you make a fool of yourself.

That's also.

.

.

I mean,

You could just keep raising the stakes.

I would put it in a different category of things that potentially hurt other people.

But- Because this is what I'm saying.

There's things that we know we shouldn't do.

There's things we know,

Right?

And then we- Okay,

So that's a different thing,

Right?

And then we do that anyway.

And then there's other things that we know we're new at.

And of course we expect that there's going to be some kind of failure.

Right.

So that's what I was saying before is that certainly we should talk about the process that we need to go through to learn.

And that's where,

Again,

Things that we haven't learned,

That's a different category of failure than the next failure.

Than things we knew,

Exactly.

That we didn't know.

That we didn't know,

Right?

Things that we should know,

Behaviors that we should already.

.

.

We had enough warning signs- Or enough failures that we should learn from.

.

.

.

That we should learn from.

And I think that that's what creates the difference between the two.

I think there's a difference.

I think there's a difference between failing at something you've never tried before- Of course.

.

.

.

Or failing repeatedly at something that you've had many opportunities to master.

Of course.

Of course.

But the point is still true that it's important that we accept that failure,

Falling,

Is a.

.

.

It's not a bug in the system.

It's actually the system.

Yes.

Right?

We can agree on that.

So that when we fail or when we fall,

It's not,

I'm so sorry this happened to me,

Or I'm so sorry that I failed in this way.

Rather,

No,

This is actually the ebb and flow of life and learning and wisdom.

Go back to what the Talmud says,

That one does not attain wisdom and understanding unless they have failed in that.

And sometimes it takes repeated failure.

Well,

So that's.

.

.

Again,

So that's a different conversation and an important point,

Which is- I think I want to talk about that.

Right.

So how do we learn from our mistakes?

Without feeling like we are a mistake.

How do you actually rise up from that?

That's my point.

Right.

Because,

Again,

And I think take some humility.

There's many quotes like this.

The problem with failure is not that we failed,

But if we don't learn from that failure,

That's the greatest fail and failure.

And unfortunately,

We've seen people like that.

We failed in many,

Many areas.

And I hope that we have both the humility and the understanding to learn from those mistakes,

Learn from those failures.

But you do meet people who fail sometimes in big ways and don't have the humility and understanding to say,

I'm not upset with myself that I fell,

But what are the important lessons and changes that I must make moving forward?

So these are two important awarenesses,

Thoughts.

One,

Failure is not a bug in the system.

It's not a mistake.

It's meant to be a part of the process.

It actually is what makes us great human beings.

On the other hand,

Every time we fail,

We better make sure that we're learning something from it,

That there's something different about the way I will behave next time.

And this is what I'm saying.

And I'm not challenging you.

We're saying the same thing,

But I'm taking it.

I keep taking it to the next place.

If a person then in that second category keeps failing,

They refuse to learn maybe because of lack of humility or an excess of ego.

Or maybe not thinking about it.

Maybe not making a priority,

Right?

Just thinking that that's their nature and that that's okay.

And then before you know it,

They make decision after decision that's in a category of falling and then they have fallen.

And I think that's how society and culture sees certain people as sinners because it's repeated behavior of just not caring because they aren't actually changing.

I don't know if I'd use the word sinner.

Everybody has different people.

That's a word that has so much baggage.

Okay,

So fallen.

Right.

Fallen to the point of,

Because a lot of people give up on their process.

They give up on themselves.

And I think this is part of the reason why.

You mean a bad person.

I mean,

A person's views themselves.

They view themselves.

Not that they're a bad person,

But that they view themselves.

Because they're not actually taking these nuggets,

These opportunities,

These failures,

And doing something with them.

They just let it define them.

And before you know it,

That's the space that you're in.

So that's a third idea,

Which is important.

Which is that,

And by the way,

That's not always people who aren't learning from their failures.

It could be somebody who is learning,

But still after a while,

Because they're expecting themselves to be perfect,

Even if they are learning from it and changing,

They still start viewing themselves either as a failure or somebody is falling.

Or damaged or something else.

Right.

So what we're saying is that because failure is an important part of the process,

Never view yourself as a failure because you failed.

It's actually the only reason,

Again,

The only point in which a person should view themselves as a failure because they failed is either because if they don't learn from it or they're just thinking in the wrong way.

Because failures do not make us a failure.

Failures actually make us better people,

Stronger people,

Wiser people.

So we talked about,

Again,

I think the first thing is the consciousness we want to awaken within our listeners is the fact that failure,

Mistakes are an important and necessary part of life.

And really we want to get to the point where we actually get excited about failure.

We get excited about the times that we fall,

The times we make a mistake,

As long as the corollary to that is that as long as we learn from each failure.

There's the famous Thomas Edison quote where he failed 10,

000 times in making the light bulb.

He said,

I didn't fail 10,

000 times.

I just found 9,

999 ways that don't work.

And I think that's the important understanding.

First failure is an intrinsic part.

Love it.

Embrace it.

It's going to happen.

It's going to continue to happen.

You will not become wise.

You will not become strong.

You will not succeed unless you are constantly failing.

Second,

Make sure you learn from your failures.

And third,

Never view yourself as a failure because you failed.

And by the way,

If you find yourself like that game Candyland where you go up and then there's like a ladder that drops you down another level and then maybe you go up again,

You go down too.

So,

I think that that is how life is.

And if we think that every time we go lower on the ladder,

We give up or we just think that that's who we are now,

Then we're missing the whole point.

The point is not to take those times we fall as an indication of who we are,

But rather that there's something we need to pay attention to and to change within ourselves or about how we're living our lives.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

I'd like to go.

.

.

It's something you wanted to share with us.

I wanted to go a little bit deeper.

Yeah,

Go deeper.

Okay.

So,

This is a little bit.

.

.

So,

I hope you'll help me here if I go a little too deep too fast.

But why?

Because we said that it actually is an intrinsic part of the system of life,

The system of the universe,

Failure,

Falling,

Making mistakes.

And we always know one of the beautiful things about wisdom is that certainly there was no couple eyes that you want to understand why.

We don't just accept,

Even if it's true that there are certain rules that govern our world,

You want to understand the reasons behind them.

So,

The question is,

Why is it an intrinsic part of the system failure?

So in order to understand that,

I'd like to take a step back.

What is the purpose of our lives?

So,

The Kabbalists teach.

.

.

Taking a step way back,

Say the beginning of everything.

So,

The Kabbalists teach that there are sparks of light.

They're called the fallen sparks.

When we talk,

Many of us know the biblical story,

The fall of Adam,

That represents when light was spread out and fell to places.

What does that mean,

It fell?

That they are in dark places.

So our purpose in life is to extract sparks of light from the fallen places,

From the dark places.

So a person who's a great person,

A good,

You know,

You,

Me,

Our listeners,

Good person,

Right?

If a person's living elevated all the time,

He or she is not accessing the dark places,

Right?

Imagine you're living on this plane where everything you're making,

Doing everything right,

You're not making any mistakes,

You're treating everybody properly.

But really the reason why your soul came into this world is because all the way down here in the dark places,

There are sparks that you need to come in contact with and elevate.

Whose sparks are they?

Humanity.

Humanity's sparks of light,

Right?

It's viewed as sort of the energy,

The light that we are meant to extract and reveal.

And that's what brings us greater joy,

Greater fulfillment,

Greater blessings.

That is sort of the fuel that generates more blessings,

More light,

Not only for ourselves but for the world.

And therefore both individually and collectively,

The real purpose of our lives is not just to be good people,

But to actually extricate,

Come in contact with those fallen sparks of light.

So I think we need to break this down a little bit.

Sure.

So how did those sparks fall and are they the negative aspects of people or what does that mean?

So the reason they fell is because humanity's job,

Right,

And our individual job also is to bring more light that did not exist before I came into this world.

Right?

There's a baseline of light before I was born.

Your individual soul.

Individually and the world collectively,

Every generation.

Our job is to reveal more of that light.

Where's that light found?

So the zara tells us light does not exist where there is light,

Right,

Because that's already revealed.

Light comes from darkness.

And what does that mean?

That means that there's a spark.

So there's an ancient phrase that is used,

It's called the shells.

So for every fruit,

There's a shell around it.

The shell isn't a negative thing,

But you have to remove the shell before you can enjoy the fruit.

Same with the sparks that we're talking about,

That these sparks reside in the low places.

And my job and your job and humanity's job is to come in contact with these low places and remove the shell and enjoy the fruit,

That light,

That blessing,

That energy.

And those sparks are from all different generations?

Those sparks before the creation of humanity were there.

Imagine they use the parable of a king who wants to give his subjects great treasures.

So what he does is he goes to the beach and he pours diamonds all over the beach.

And he tells his subjects,

I left you great treasures on the beach,

But you have to go there and find them and extract them.

So that's really our life's journey.

Life is a beach.

And the diamonds are there.

And you have to spend time sifting through the sands to find those diamonds.

For example,

That's one way to view it.

So again,

So now let's try to make this more practical.

So that means that in order for me to have joy,

Greater joy than I have today,

In order for me to have greater blessings than I have today,

I have to find those sparks.

I have to find new sparks that I haven't yet revealed,

That I haven't yet connected to,

New energy.

That's the fuel that will fuel my growth,

My wisdom,

My joy,

My fulfillment,

My blessings.

So that would sound like you do it through sharing,

But you're saying,

But we're talking about falling.

So- Yes.

So like I said before,

When you're living on the plane and you're a good person and everything's going as you want it to go,

You're here.

You're really in a different place than those sparks that have fallen into the low places.

When you fall,

When you make a mistake,

When you make a mistake,

You fall.

I inadvertently hurt your feelings.

I inadvertently did something that I shouldn't have done.

I made a mistake.

Where am I in my consciousness?

Where am I spiritually?

After I've made a mistake,

I'm lower.

The good news is that when I'm low,

I am in the same place where those sparks are.

So actually,

And this is again,

I really hope,

I know this is kind of a deep concept,

But I really hope that I'm doing a good enough job in explaining it.

But what this means,

If you understand this,

What this means is that there's no greater joy than falling.

Once you fall,

Again,

It's not that we should actively fall,

Because thankfully human nature makes us fall,

But the joy in falling,

In being in that low place is that now you are in proximity to light,

To sparks that will fuel your next- That's interesting.

.

.

.

Your next joy,

Your next blessing,

Your next growth.

So it's kind of like a rocket ship.

It's propelling you up.

You bring with you as you rise up these sparks.

Right.

I kind of think of that.

.

.

Do you remember that movie?

I always quote this movie,

Sadness?

What's that one?

Oh,

Inside Out.

Inside Out.

So remember that one scene with the elephant,

She's trying to get out of the depths of darkness,

Right?

Right.

Because she actually fell down to those- Right.

.

.

.

And she finds these toys,

Whatever,

And all of the light from these different toys that were left behind and abandoned.

They had sparks of light.

No,

Actually.

That's very funny.

I wonder if they intended that.

Because that movie is so spiritual.

That's why I quote it so often.

So she gets on this thing and it shoots her up out of the depths of despair really.

It's where all the forgotten things have gone.

Interesting.

Interesting.

So that's what I visualized when you said that.

So the only thing,

Though,

That does keep a person in the part of despair,

Staying down,

In the dark,

Is when they feel sadness,

Right?

Sadness is what keeps the falling something that is constant,

Right?

You stay in that space rather than actually elevating yourself and other sparks.

Absolutely.

And interestingly,

There's a Kabbalah that says that there's never any negativity in falling and failing,

In making a mistake.

The only negativity is created if you become sad about your failure,

Sad about your falling,

If you beat yourself up about it.

Which many do.

Of course.

But I want to challenge you.

I want to challenge you to be a person who falls and then they hurt somebody in the process.

Okay.

So that's an important category to speak about.

I do think it's important to talk about.

I really do.

Of course.

Because if it's inadvertent,

If it was not premeditated,

Right?

Somebody hit somebody with a car by accident.

Okay.

You don't want that example.

Okay.

Well,

Anyway.

A person could kill a person.

I mean,

That's obviously an extreme case which deserves its own conversation,

Right?

Let's talk about the more usual conversation.

I always go to a very dark extreme.

Right.

But let's say a person,

Again,

Is having me and you have a conversation and I say something that inadvertently hurt you,

Right?

Inadvertently.

So I made a mistake.

I fell a little bit.

The reality is what should my reaction be?

First of all,

Apologize.

I've hurt your feelings.

But more importantly,

Be excited about the fact that I fell because that's necessary because in that falling- And the mistake you've learned.

Not only hopefully I learned,

But I just accessed some light that I need,

Some blessing that I need for tomorrow.

So again,

If you really understand this concept- Wait,

Wait,

Wait.

Unpack that because now you just threw in something else.

Light and blessing you need for tomorrow.

Because right now we're just talking about sparks we're taking out from the depths of despair.

Right.

But I should explain it all along.

Those sparks is the fuel for my wisdom,

For my growth,

My blessings.

So it's for your better tomorrow.

It's not just- Exactly.

Right.

So it's in your growth.

It's necessary for it.

And those,

Again,

Like I said before,

Those sparks of light are light that I can't access in my regular,

Unmistaken life.

Unless you dip down.

I got to dip down.

And while I'm in that low place,

That's when I am in the closest proximity and the greatest ability to access that fuel of blessings,

Of wisdom,

Of joy.

Okay.

Now what if you know better and you did it anyway?

It's like there's something called the knowing-doing gap.

Well,

There's a teaching that says that you can correct any mistake except the mistake that you knew that you shouldn't do and you did it anyway.

So I think there's two- Really you cannot correct that?

Very much more difficult to correct.

So again,

I want to be clear.

There's three categories at least that we're talking about now of mistakes.

I'm sure about seven things.

Right.

One,

Mistakes that we just make in the course of life.

Second are repetitive mistakes that we should know better.

That's still close to the first category.

You should know better.

You should have learned the lesson.

Because it could be that you're young,

That you're ignorant,

Whatever.

The third is that you do know better.

Okay.

This is what I want to talk about.

That's the one.

If you do know better,

Meaning,

Again,

Using the example,

I know that this person is very sensitive when it comes to their children and I say a joke about their kids and I knew better but I said the joke anyway.

You knew it was going to hurt them.

That's a whole different category.

If I know better and nevertheless make that mistake,

That's much more difficult to elevate from.

I would not put that in the category of the intrinsic necessary failures and mistakes.

The first two categories,

Which are when we don't know better or that we know better but it's not.

.

.

We should know better but it's not really part of us yet and therefore we still fail and we still fall in those ways.

That's one category.

That's part of life's process that makes us better,

That brings us closer to those sparks and it's the best part of life really when you fall in and then you get up.

The third category is when you actually do know better and you still do it.

That's a different category that does not fit into everything we've spoken about until then.

Yeah.

That's what I was thinking about all along.

Right.

Right.

But again,

Going back to this teaching- Because I feel like the other one should be called tripping and not falling.

I mean,

Falling for me is like falling,

Right?

That's what the third is what I was thinking about.

But you can.

But the point is,

Again,

Not to get semantics,

But again,

Falling is also good as long as it's within the first two categories,

Which are- Yes,

I agree.

Now we're on the same page completely.

Yes.

So the bottom line of this understanding of this secret wisdom,

Which I shared,

Which I think is that you will hopefully come to our listeners,

Will actually come to be excited about the next time we fall,

The next time we make a mistake,

The next time we do something that's a failure.

Because when I fall,

When I fail,

Again,

As long as it's not the third category of things that I know better,

I am more accessible,

More in proximity to the energy that will propel me to reveal great light,

To have great success,

To have great joy.

And again,

I want to underline this point.

If we are successful in this podcast,

If our listeners are successful in this understanding,

That means that next time we fail,

We're going to be so happy.

We're going to be so excited.

We will embrace every failure.

Again,

We will learn with humility from every single.

.

.

By the way,

We should learn from successes as well,

But certainly learn from every failure.

But realize that those are probably the most powerful moments in our lives.

And they're really indications that we just have more work to do.

I mean,

Who doesn't want to be able to see that so clearly?

It's like seeing a light when you're in the ocean and you're stranded,

Let's say,

On a boat and you see a lighthouse.

That's what this really is.

That's what falling is.

It's now saying,

Oh my God,

That's where I need to go.

And you can't actually see it.

If you weren't hopelessly lost in the ocean,

The lighthouse wouldn't mean anything to you,

Right?

So now,

Suddenly,

It's the fog and this,

And you think you're going to die.

And then all of a sudden,

You see a lighthouse,

You're like,

Oh,

So I'm so happy I got lost here because now I'm found.

And that actually reminds me of an example that I give,

Which I think,

Again,

Exactly just really repeating what you said,

But maybe in a different way.

Isn't that what you always do?

Yes.

Hopefully,

If I'm lucky,

Is that today we all use our phones for navigation.

But I remember,

Again,

I'm not sure if all of our listeners will remember the days when you actually had to use maps.

So imagine that I gave you a map,

You were driving from New York to Los Angeles cross country.

And because it's a big map,

It's a long way,

You fold up the map,

Right?

So your map is only showing you from New York to Oklahoma,

Right?

Then you drive all the way to Oklahoma,

And then you open up the rest of the map and you realize,

Okay,

I still have all this other way to go.

Nothing bad happened,

Right?

You just had one part of the map open from New York to Oklahoma.

And then when you got to Oklahoma,

You open up the second part of the map,

Oklahoma to California.

That's what failure is,

Like you just said.

It's just showing you,

Oh,

There's actually even more to do.

There's actually even more to do.

So what I really hope that we express clearly is that in the right way,

Failure becomes some of the most exciting,

Embraced part of our lives.

Absolutely.

I think that people just need to adjust the way they view this whole thing.

Because I think day to day we look for signs,

We look like,

What am I supposed to do next?

Or am I supposed to go?

But we want it packaged in a very different box,

Right?

We don't want it to look like this.

But it's going to happen inevitably.

So if you can see it for what it is,

That it's really a gift and it is there to really show you,

Okay,

You want to go left,

Now you want to go right.

It's your navigation basically.

Yeah.

And again,

Like I said in the beginning,

I just think this is so important,

It cannot be repeated enough.

But by the way,

To our listeners and our listeners to themselves on a daily basis,

Failure is a necessary,

Beautiful,

And powerful part of my life's work.

It is not a bug in the system.

It is not unfortunate.

It is amazing.

It is beautiful.

It should be embraced for all the reasons we said until now.

Which reminds me,

One of my favorite quotes on failure is a Churchill quote.

He said,

Success is stumbling from one failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm.

I love that.

And that's really what we're talking about.

If you really understand how powerful and beautiful failure is,

Then you will actually gain enthusiasm.

And this is something else that the Kabbalists say is that when you will look back on life,

When you will have a true vantage point,

You will realize that the moments you lived for were the dark moments of failure that you elevated from,

That you learned from,

That you grew from,

That you drew the sparks that we spoke about before.

And the good times are great,

But that's not really when my soul is the happiest.

Which leads me to another very important point,

Which teaching,

Which I often repeat,

But it really sums up importantly what we've said until now,

That there's a famous teaching that says that if you are not able to know with certainty,

The second after you've made the biggest mistake of your life,

To know that in the next second you could be the most elevated,

Powerful being,

Soul,

And do the most amazing thing,

You haven't even begun your spiritual understanding.

Yeah,

I love that.

And that's the,

And now we understand why.

Because when I made the biggest mistake of my life,

I went to that really low place where all those great sparks are,

By the way,

The lower I went,

The greater the sparks that I've come in contact with.

And now I can shoot like inside out all the way to the highest place.

And unless you believe that,

Unless you know that,

Unless you know that after having done the worst thing in the world,

The worst mistake you've ever done,

That in the next second you now can be the highest,

The most successful,

The most elevated,

Unless you know that you haven't even begun your spiritual journey.

It means you have to pay attention to your failures,

But not take them seriously.

You cannot let them define you.

Yes,

You have to take them and learn from them.

Yeah.

Right?

Pay attention and learn from them,

And learn from them.

So sorry.

No.

So I have a question and then a joke,

Not necessarily very funny,

But,

And then a letter.

But my question to you is,

Can you share a time,

A moment,

A failure,

A mistake that propelled you forward?

It doesn't have to be a big one.

It can be small.

Yeah.

I think that,

And I do think about this often,

So this is probably the right answer for me,

But there was a good 10 years where there was a lot of opposition headed my way directed towards me.

For a long time,

I took it seriously as if I wasn't good enough or spiritual enough,

Or there must've been so much truth in that because there was so much opposition.

Then years later when I really,

So by the way,

So how did I fall?

I felt sad a lot and I looked really serious.

I never smiled.

I think I was a bit unapproachable.

My response to the situation was,

I think that I was in a dark space,

Even though I was happy in our home and there was a lot of joy in other aspects of my life.

When I was around people that were putting that energy towards me,

I guess I fell.

It was the opposite of what I really felt.

You allowed it to influence how you felt.

How I behaved,

How I felt,

Yes,

For many,

Many years.

Then years later when I understood really what was going on and the veil was lifted,

The only regret I had was,

Why didn't I take myself seriously in the sense that this isn't really about you and this is happening in your life and just get back up again.

Rise up.

Don't let it actually dictate how you express yourself day to day.

I'll ask for a really long time.

I'm happy that it happened because I don't ever allow myself.

I think that my inclination is probably to go to that space because that's just how I've always responded to opposition.

But now it's like a quick turnaround and maybe a day,

Sometimes a half hour,

But never to steal.

I can't say they stole it,

But it was years of that.

Yeah.

Like you said,

And you had the choice though.

It was nice.

It wasn't an easy choice,

But a choice nonetheless.

But I couldn't ever see that I was ever that person or that I would respond like that until I stayed in that space for so long and I was like,

Wait a second.

Yeah.

Interesting.

One of my favorite verses is that the righteous,

The most elevated souls,

Seven times they'll fall and they get up.

That process of,

Again,

Like I said before,

Failure is the righteous way,

Right?

Not in a religious way,

But it is the perfect way.

Fall down,

You get up.

You fall down,

You get up.

As long as you're learning,

As long as you're understanding the beauty and the power of falling to those dark places,

But then getting up.

By the way,

What I learned from that falling is that I will never give my days,

My power,

My thoughts,

My consciousness away to things that I don't welcome,

That I don't believe in and that I don't want.

It actually changed the way that I embrace setbacks and challenges.

I could have never learned that or mastered that.

I'm always learning.

I don't want to say I mastered it,

But I couldn't have had a grip on it,

Right?

A consciousness awareness or an elevation if I hadn't.

I mean,

But it took years for me to get that lesson.

That's why it was there.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

A joke before I read a letter?

The same question for you.

No,

No.

It doesn't work like that.

You have to come up with your own question.

Okay,

I'll answer it.

Yeah.

When did you find yourself falling the most,

Mr.

Spiritual Man?

Not with Adolph either.

Okay,

So the question is- By the way,

I'm really curious because I've never asked you this question and I have no idea what you're going to say,

Which is odd.

So the question is a failure,

Failure.

Well,

Actually I think I don't know if I'm sure.

Not failure.

I like the word- Mistake.

.

.

.

Fallen.

I've fallen.

I can't get up.

I remember,

So this is a number of years back when our oldest son was young and we were living in the apartment and he had maybe a fork or something metal and he was almost putting it into the electric socket.

And I remember I yelled at him,

I yelled at him really,

Really,

Really,

Really badly.

And I remember the face,

Those of us who are parents know that face when a kid is terrified of their parent.

And obviously I needed to warn him not to electrocute himself.

But on the other hand,

I realized that some of that yelling reprimanding came from a place of anger as well.

And it really changed me.

When I saw his face and I realized,

Again,

That there was a right thing to be done there,

But there was an emotion that was attached to that that should not have been there.

So I know that it certainly,

And again,

We're always learning and growing,

But I know that at that time it made me much more aware of really trying to disassociate,

Reprimanding when necessary,

Teaching when necessary,

But not to attach anger or any type of emotion that doesn't have its place there.

And perhaps some fear was in that,

Yeah.

You never told me that.

True.

All right.

Interesting.

I think I was home that night or whatever.

Yeah.

I remember that.

Yeah.

It was not fun.

So this guy is sitting at a bar and he has a forlorn look on his face and he orders a drink sitting at the bar with his drink.

And this really tough guy comes into the bar,

Sits down next to him,

Grabs his drink and drinks.

Tough guy says to the guy who was sitting there before me,

What are you going to do?

He says,

You know,

I tell you,

I've had the worst day ever.

I woke up late,

Got late to work and I was fired.

I came back home.

I found that my wife was cheating on me.

As I was leaving the house,

My dog bit me.

So this was the worst day I've ever had.

So I decided I was going to put an end to it.

So I went and bought some poison.

Yeah,

I knew you were going to.

I sat down here,

Put the poison in my glass and then you came.

How's your day?

Cute.

Failure.

So I'm going to read a letter from one of our listeners.

And again,

As we always remind our listeners.

But you know,

Failure.

I mean,

The guy's dead.

There's no coming up.

Well,

No,

No,

The failure,

Not the tough guy.

The first guy was having was failing in life until that point,

I guess.

Well,

Yeah.

There's a lot more that can be said.

There is in fact.

Yes.

Go ahead.

So as a reminder to our listeners,

We really love and are inspired by the letters that you send in.

Email monicaandmichaelatkabala.

Com.

Please send all of your questions,

Your requests,

Things you want to share in your stories.

So this is a letter from one of our listeners.

Hi Michael and Monica.

Hi Monica and Michael.

I hope this email finds you well.

I felt compelled to pull over on the freeway.

I'm so happy that our listeners are not texting or emailing when they're driving.

And send this.

So please excuse my lack of eloquence plus at 6 AM LOL.

Listening to your podcast as I often do in the car while driving.

And I just listened to podcast 31 about angels.

Currently my sweetheart and I have been experiencing a disconnect based on her narcissistic ex-husband who won't seem to fully leave our lives.

Sort of like the gnat buzzing by your ear you can't quite catch.

What you spoke of this morning about viewing that person as an angel to help me grow really touched me and changed my whole perspective.

I could go on and on,

But I need to keep driving.

Just wanted to say a very big hearty thank you,

Bless you and please keep doing what you're doing.

All the best Lou.

So Lou,

Monica and I when we saw this email earlier,

I think it was this week maybe it was last week,

We said no this is definitely the email we want to share with our listeners this week.

And as we always say getting emails like this,

Hearing from our listeners in this way is really what inspires us to continue to record and spread the word of this podcast.

So please make sure all of our listeners,

If you are receiving anything from this podcast,

Wisdom,

Inspiration,

Share it with all your friends.

Go to Apple podcasts and give five star reviews,

Write reviews,

Wherever you get your podcasts and share it with as many people as possible and continue to send your stories,

Questions,

Anything you want to share to Monica and Michael at kabala.

Com,

Monica and Michael at kabala.

Com.

We love,

Love,

Love to get them and I'm sure our listeners are inspired,

Again not just by anything we share,

But what our listeners share through us.

So we hope you enjoyed this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording it.

Bye.