11. Life Lessons From Our Teachers - Rav And Karen Berg

In this intimate episode of Spiritually Hungry, Monica and Michael share the most meaningful lessons Karen and Rav Berg taught them over the decades. Listen as they share personal stories of the woman who made it her life's work to teach the world about certainty and love, making the wisdom of Kabbalah accessible to all those with a desire to learn.

Transcript

I think we can all look in our lives and say,

Okay,

Well I've tasted something that's great or I've experienced something that's new and profound and then we just stop there.

We say,

Okay great,

This has helped me.

Very few are willing to take so many risks and sacrifice so much for the other person,

For another.

The ways by which you changed me were the ways that I needed to change in order to manifest my soul's purpose in this world.

Most of us,

Right,

When we look into relationships and what we want,

We limit the experience of true love to affection,

Mental stimulation,

Physical desire and chemistry.

But a soulmate love is not based on the five senses.

My father and my mother were both open to each other to be changed and molded by each other,

Changing you in ways that are sometimes uncomfortable,

In ways that you can never change on your own.

Welcome to the Spiritually Hungry Podcast,

Episode 11.

This is going to be more of a personal podcast for us.

It's an ode to our teachers who happen to be Michael's parents,

The rubbing current as we call them.

This is a raw time for us and we're perhaps a little bit more vulnerable.

The Rev passed away seven years ago and Karen passed away seven days ago and this is our first podcast that we're recording since her passing.

I've learned so many things from being a student of the Rev and Karen for 28 years and their daughter-in-law for 23 years and not just in the expected ways.

We're going to share four powerful ways that they've impacted our lives.

It was a very long list and it was hard to narrow down but we picked I think the four ways that they most influenced the world and our lives personally.

Perhaps one of the biggest influences they've had on me is how they nurtured and guided me as if they were my parents and it's how I strive to be with my own children.

I always felt the Rev and Karen did the following for me.

They nurtured me for who I am and not for who they wanted me to become.

They helped guide me to manifest my goals.

I got to see them.

They didn't need to teach me because they led by example.

I strive to live in such a way with my own children so I see their passion and drive each day.

This is one of the most important lessons they showed me.

They created an environment with a support system that honors and challenges me to be the best version of myself according to who I am.

And there's so many memories that I have when I think about the Rev and Karen.

Perhaps one of the most endearing is about the Rev and from the time that we got married the Rev would bless us,

Me,

You Michael,

Our children every Friday night.

This is something that you grew up with,

Right?

Right.

The Rev,

The Bible,

Is the custom that every Friday night the father gives a blessing to all of his children one by one.

And the Rev,

My father,

Began that I believe from,

I remember as a child,

But probably even as a baby.

Usually it's once a week on a Friday night that the father gives blessings to his children.

But the Rev,

My father,

Took it much further than that.

As often as he could he would give us blessings as adults and my wife Monica as well and then our children.

And even so much so I think the Rev had a key to our house on Friday nights and sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night like at three in the morning and I'd have hands over my head where he would come in one by one and bless everybody in the house.

Yeah,

And he would literally do that as literally if we were next to each other staying in closer rooms,

The Rev would come into our room almost every single night,

Usually after midnight and give blessings to each one of our children separately and to us as well.

And I think that when he prayed for us it was with such a pure heart and really I think his wish was that we would be guided by the Creator.

I don't think it was so much that right when you were a child growing up did he ever pray that you would become this or that or suggest what career you should go after?

Did he really just try to pave the way for you and know that that would create a clear path with just having an open vision for you in that way?

For sure.

One of the more striking aspects of my parents and this goes both for the Rev,

My father and my mother Karen,

That I don't remember any conversation with them about what they wanted me to be.

Which is kind of crazy and I'm thinking even with our children we probably have had many more conversations just about their direction in life and so on.

And with my parents it was always,

They obviously I'm sure had hopes for me and I hope and believe that the way I'm living my life and where I'm dedicating my time is what they had always hoped for me but they never ever told me,

You should do this,

You should do that,

This is what we want you to do with your life,

This is what we don't want you to do.

Because at the end of the day their understanding is that the spiritual path is both unique to the individual and needs to be owned and chosen and re-chosen all the time by the individual.

And that's the way they live their lives and that's the way they,

I would say,

Directed me by not directing me but by living their lives.

And having had the merit to have such powerful,

Beautiful,

Spiritual giants as my parents and leading by example in the way they live their life is probably the most powerful way any one of us can teach other people,

Not by teaching but by living.

And as Monica.

.

.

Well,

I actually read something that Tharav had taught about parenting and that was the idea of restricting,

That in restricting yourself as a parent from either applauding too much or overly criticizing your child you allow them to become the person they're meant to be.

And so most often parents superimpose their own thoughts,

What's best,

I mean,

You know,

What they think we should do and by not doing that then there's a myriad of possibilities that are available.

Right.

And it's always your choice which is so important.

As Monica mentioned this is the first podcast that we're recording since my mother left this physical world,

Left her physical body.

And it was obvious to Monica and myself that if we were going to record a podcast it was going to be one that is very much dedicated to my mother,

Her light and her life and also to Tharav,

To my father.

And I know that there are thousands of people who are listening to this podcast who might not know who my parents are or have had direct contact with them or even with their teachings.

So in thinking about what we want to share we looked at literally a very long list of lessons that we have learned from their lives and tried to find teachings that were applicable to anybody even those of our listeners who have never had the opportunity to meet them or even to know them.

And you know there's a concept in Kabbalah we teach that a person's life and light and soul never go away.

And this is my view of my parents.

I do not see them as having left although of course their soul left the physical body but their presence,

Their light,

Their teachings,

Their soul,

Their essence is not only still available but as a matter of fact the Kabbalists teach that when a person certainly an elevated soul leaves the world their light and their influence actually grows and there's a story that my father would often tell that when his teacher Rav Yehudah Teri Branwein passed away in 1969 at first he was filled with a tremendous amount of pain and loss because he couldn't realize.

A little regret right?

Yes well he only had seven years with his teacher from the first time he met him until his teacher passed away and he had hoped to have many many years of study and connection and as my father would tell the story he came to a dark point.

You know he had and we'll talk about this a little bit further but he really was ready to change his entire life.

He knew that it was going to be dedicated to these teachings.

He was so excited and filled with inspiration to be studying with this great master for many many years.

His teacher passed away very young.

He was only 69 and my father really hoped for many years of study and connection and he would relate that when his teacher left this world he was filled with with a tremendous sense of loss not knowing how to move forward.

It took time but it came to a point in his life where he felt not only able to maintain a connection with his teacher but actually grow his connection from his teacher.

He would say that having gone through that period he realized that his teacher is actually going to be more available to him having left the confines of the body than he was while he was still physically in this world.

And that's really my hope for my own connection and relationship now both with my father with my mother with my teachers that that relationship does not not only not dissipate in any way but actually grows.

And therefore I'm so excited to be able to have the opportunity to share with all of our listeners some teachings from their lives and their essence and their soul because this is how I make my connection with them and I hope for so many of our listeners this is the way that they'll be able to make a connection a lasting connection to these two beautiful spiritual giants.

So four points right?

This is what we agreed on.

Right just to like I said yeah the list was much much longer and literally we can spend hours talking about this and with countless topics but we try to choose again.

The ones that impacted us the most individually and also that we felt our listeners would connect most strongly to.

So the first one is that the Rev and Karen were when we think about their characteristics are powerful curious thoughtful kind generous but the the number one thing is that they were rebels they were revolutionary.

Many people choose the well trodden path but the Rev and Karen never did.

They went against the opinions of others to live life on their terms and their values dictated their decisions even when it was unpopular and most people avoid that right?

Absolutely and you know it's funny that word my mother would often use the word my father maybe a little bit less so but that's the truth at the core of who they were who they are right I want to use the past tense of who their what their soul is and their essence and their light.

Many of you probably know their life story I'll recap it quickly for those who don't.

My father came from one very specific background he grew up very religious and learned he spent most of his life in places of study yeshivot seminaries and he advanced received his rabbinic ordination and spent the first half of his life really in you know very much accepted by his community seen as a very successful person a very respected person but as he would relate he had no spiritual foundation he had a strong very strong religious communal background and foundation but not nothing in the sense of spirituality and only in 1962 that my father's mother my grandmother passed away in Brooklyn in New York and she wanted to be buried in Israel so my father flew with her body in 1962 to Jerusalem where she is buried and during that time the man who was to become my father's spiritual teacher and guide came to pay his respects came to pay a shiva call we know that week from burial there's seven days that are seen as a time that we both support the soul of the those who have left this physical world and also make a strong connection with them so I think it's not coincidental that it was at the leaving of his mother that my father made this strong connection to his teacher of you to treat brown wine that was in 1962 his teacher passed away in 1969 so he had a very short relatively short amount of time with him and it's interesting too because the rub had a different life up until that point right and one that people would consider to be successful to be with a very clear direction and then 40 suddenly it's a whole new life right and that's really when the I think of the rubs in his own words said his life really began that's when he started to study Kabbalah and the first 40 years of his life it's like a different incarnation completely to who he became.

Absolutely and then again so the wisdom of Kabbalah was always a wisdom for rebels it was it was the history of it was that it was only taught to a very small group of people in every generation and there was a whole both secrecy and impermissibility about it you were not allowed to teach this to anybody who wanted to study so the rub my father came from again very conservative orthodox religious background having gained his entry into the spiritual realms in 1962 to 1969 with his teacher my mother came literally from the opposite side where she had zero religious conservative orthodox background but she was deeply deeply spiritual and she would often relate she had a very difficult childhood one where she was often you know pushed aside she her mom her father passed away when she was very very young and she lived life yes with her mother at the time but but really on her own a lot and she on her own developed a deep deep spiritual connection to the creator but it was you know completely not based in any religion or or anything like that it was what she came to in those years of struggle so when they met my parents met they were literally opposite people with the only common ground that they both had suddenly found mother for the rob suddenly but for my mother a continual process in her life to come to to spirituality and when they came together they realized that their life's purpose was going to be to endeavor to try because there was no way or even reason to assume that they were going to be successful to bring the wisdom that had changed their lives that they knew could bring such light and blessings to countless others that they had to do whatever they could to bring this wisdom to the world my mother would often recount the story that in those years in in the early 70s when they first had started having these discussions my father was very concerned these discussions these arguments probably more arguments and discussions but let's say heated discussions where the rob would say you know what you want us to do right to bring this hidden concealed wisdom that has been so for thousands of years to the world people are going to come after us and my mother said so what and then he said people are literally going to beat us up because they had this has happened in the history of this trying to bring the spiritual wisdom to the world and again my mother said so what and again in these discussions arguments wherever they were my mother really convinced or gave strength to my father to say it is time to do what we can to bring this wisdom to the world and there was great great great opposition to the degree that my mother was actually once even physically beaten up with a baseball bat for trying to do this but trying to to bring this wisdom to the world so it's so interesting too because they were such a powerful couple so in love and you would think that most people when they come together after again having two different lives before each of them individually that when they came together and they found such happiness and they found this wisdom that was so fulfilling and transformative that they would just want to live their happy life and go merrily along their ways but this again is a testament to who they are that was not nearly enough the fact that they were able to taste of such a reality they couldn't simply just live with it they were compelled to go and share that with whoever would accept it and that's a beautiful idea right the word you use compelled that when any one of us is really trying and trying I think we're always trying to to make sure that we're living our lives and manifesting our potential in the way that we're meant to I think the question is what is compelling us I know that I received from my parents that that this wisdom when once it enters your mind and your soul and your heart you feel you found the greatest treasure in the world through the spiritual wisdom that not only do you want right and I think that's Monica like you said I never got the sense that they felt they wanted to bring this wisdom to other people they felt they had to they felt they didn't have the right not to do everything they can it's so important to realize that what they did was a revolution it was a revolution that cost them a tremendous amount of physical emotional pain to be ostracized often to be spoken about negatively very very often and that almost never dissipated but they really did not have a choice they felt that they did not have a choice but unless and I mean I often think about then it's not that it's necessarily important to compare yourself to others but you know would I have the guts to to say this that I am embarking on is so important that it doesn't matter if every single person in the world stands up against me I have to try to do it and I use the word try because you know my mom my parents would often explain that they they first of all didn't have a plan and again if you were if you were betting and creating the odds in the beginning all the odds were that they were not going to succeed all the odds were that they were going to be stopped by all the external forces and maybe just not having the internal strength to continue but thankfully for me and I know for Monica and for the millions of people who they reached and continued to reach they had that rebellious streak that said if we see things as they are and they're not as they should be and I can do something and I can do something significant to change them I have to try no matter what.

But this is such I really want to just pause for a second because most people in life they might see something that needs to be done but they might think that they're not powerful enough to do it or somebody else could do it or is you know be consumed with doubt and uncertainty and the Rev.

And Karen it was not even trying right trying was their purpose because that ultimately would be the process of everything they never once doubted that this was why they came together and this is why they came to this world right and I think we can all look in our lives and say okay well I've tasted something that's great or I've experienced something that's new and profound and then we just stop there we say okay great this has helped me very few are willing to take so many risks and sacrifice so much for the other person for another right for the world I feel and that yeah that's what I mean yeah and I was going to say that I think that it was an interesting paradox with which they lived on the one hand they had no plan they weren't sure that they were going to be successful and as a matter of fact if you got them in a room in their early days and ask them do you think you actually be successful to bring this wisdom to thousands to hundreds of thousands to millions if they were logical if they were thinking logically the answer would be no but while that was true you never got the sense even the most challenging times from them that they ever doubted ever doubted that they were going to continue to try and that reminds me of one way I always referenced the Rev.

But Karen as well as having unwavering perseverance in every area of their lives I remember when I had given birth to Josh and as I've discussed before he was born with Down syndrome and we found out just three four hours after his birth and in that first week or two I remember he was in the hospital still he was in intensive care and we had come home and I had a c-section I was in a lot of pain I was sitting in bed and we get a knock on the door and it was the Rev and I at that time I remember feeling very broken I was really emotionally distraught I was scared I was full of doubt about the future you were also very sad and the Rev just walked in didn't say a word pulled up a chair next to the bed and just sat there and we probably sat like that in silence for about 20 minutes and again you have to know the Rev was I mean never one to be quiet always had something important to say and but in that moment we just sat in silence and then when the Rev finally spoke he looked at me and he said it didn't just happen to you and I remember just by uttering those words because he meant every word of it 50 60 percent of the pain was instantly gone because in that I felt like I wasn't alone I also felt that I outside of you of course Michael I had a partner in being able to navigate successfully through this challenge and ultimately see it as an opportunity for growth and and it was a great blessing right but I think that that is what the Rev was able to do he could see a situation and see the good in it right away you know not just the situation in the beginning but all the way how it would go until the end and I found great solace in that.

And I think it's interesting as you were talking I think one of the reasons why both the Rev and my mother had such strong perseverance is because they did not feel they had any other option from the beginning which means that they decided a long long time ago that accepting I mean how many of us go into any endeavor knowing that it's going to be very very difficult almost impossible I was going to say almost a lot of this thinking about logically there's no way we're going to be successful yet deciding like you like the word used before compelled we are compelled to do this and then of course having that level of certainty and and conviction they actually started to be successful challenges always kept on coming but when you live life in that way that you're doing something important and you're compelled to do it no matter what I think it gives you if you're blessed a level both of conviction and perseverance in every other area of your life yes I agree and that's why you know it's hard it's hard to express especially for I'm sure as I said I'm sure so many of our listeners never even met them my father my mother once but you met strong people but not strong people that that did not go through tremendous hardships right strong people who because they went through so much hardship and never losing one iota of being compelled to continue no matter what that permeated their their essence it was the making of them because when your goals become not about what you're going to accumulate or who you're going to become right if that's not your thought your your driving thought is how am I going to be of service how am I going to go and help other people selfishly really you are helping yourself in that way but that's their entire lives were lived like that it was always how can I help the world first that's the opposite of how most people live and and because like you said they were at their core rebels it was never important than what people were saying thinking and doing and I think that's again a very important for every no matter what you you're trying to do if you're trying to be a parent you're trying to do something important for the world you're trying to be a good person you're trying to be a spiritual person deciding that it literally does not matter what anybody's going to be saying about me when anybody's gonna be thinking about me when anybody's going to try to be doing to me that is probably one of the most important decisions that we make that we need to make you also brought up a word a few minutes ago and that is certainty that's another one that goes in this bucket they were the most certain I mean people would come to them with all kinds of chaos and problems and they had so much certainty that it was contagious really I mean I remember the I think we were really newly married and we were in Mexico City and we were at somebody's house having dinner and we were in a high rise I think like on the 20th like tie up there and it was a pretty big earthquake and the whole building starts to sway and shake and everybody else who was in that room with us started to run down the stairs very frantically and the Rav was sitting there and he continued to cut his steak and eat it very slowly while Mexico is shaking and I remember we looked at each other you and I and we looked at the Rav and we had the same thought because we both sat there with him and we thought okay if the Rav is comfortable with this he's really certain we are too and we just sat there and he had the biggest smile on his face and by the time the earthquake had ended and everybody could come back in the building because they wouldn't let them in at first it was like 45 minutes later and he was still eating his steak we were still sitting at the table as if for us time had completely stood still we were not affected by anything that should be terrifying and he found it a little bit humorous to see everybody else's behavior in that moment.

For sure it's interesting as you were talking about that story of certainty with my father with the Rav you know it reminded me of really the process with my mother really for the past year and for those of you who had this experience either yourself or with a loved one you know that often the trips to doctors and in my mother's situation we literally went to doctors in New York and went to doctors in Houston went to doctors in Arizona we traveled in Austria we traveled all over the world with her and my mother had she was actually a nurse at one point in her life she had a very strong medical background she knew what the likely outcome was going to be and as I look back on this past year especially in those doctors offices and visits and and the subsequent conversations we would have one of the most striking memories that I have is how little fear my mother experienced throughout this process again one can imagine that when a person is going from doctor to doctor and one treatment is tried and it doesn't work and then another treatment and then you again have another conversation with the doctor those are all should be rightfully terrifying conversations terrifying moments but I can say honestly that going with my mother through this process most of the times there was joy most of the times there was peace most of the times there was certainty I mean so much so they just want to really emphasize this that most didn't think she was really sick I mean she didn't physically look ill until the very end but her demeanor and her attitude about life it was like we almost couldn't take it seriously that there was anything wrong because she did experience like you said joy and more than that she still took the time to ask people how they felt and wanting to hear genuinely the answer she was still putting people before herself in terms of you know what are you going to do about this thing or how can I help you with that problem it was really unbelievable to watch.

Yeah and I think you know we're trying to talk about things that we can emulate and learn from I'm not sure you you can't really learn this unless you lived your life most of the time trying to think of others first but like I said of course of course there were moments where I could and I know my mother very well I could look in her eye and see fear or see a realization of where this was probably heading on a physical level but I have to say that I am literally overwhelmed by the experience of watching somebody go through literally the most painful and what should be scary process in their lives most of the time happy most of the time at peace and it's a tremendous testament not only to her soul and her essence but really to a life that has been dedicated to doing good for others where that brings you in your consciousness where that brings you in your life.

There's one more story that comes to mind when we're discussing certainty and I remember you know when I started studying Kabbalah I was 17 and my parents especially my father was very controlling and was the opposite of certain I'd say.

He was a Virgo I don't know if that had anything to do with it.

I'm a Virgo hey hey.

So he was just very he had a lot of worries and doubt and he was the opposite of certain in many areas of his life and.

But he loved my parents.

Loved yeah I mean he knew the Rav and Karen and had a great relationship with the Rav before I ever came into the picture and so I wanted to go to Israel I was 18 and travel on my own and of course he was terrified he thought it wasn't safe for a young woman to travel alone and there was you know there's always issues in the Middle East and he really was very much against it and I said well I'm paying for the trip myself out of my own money and I knew I knew that he respected the Rav so much he said you know what let's ask the Rav if the Rav says I shouldn't go then I'll accept it but if he says that he thinks it's a good idea then you have to accept it and my father because you know again he saw the Rav as of course a leader for him but also a friend he was sure that the Rav would side with him so we went over to him one afternoon and you know presented the question and the Rav looks at me and looks at my father and again with that smile I love that I love his smile he said you know Abe that's my father's name he said Abe if you're asking me if you should go to Israel I'd say no no absolutely not but if you're asking me if Monica should go I'd say yes because she's certain she's full of certainty and I looked at my dad he looked at me we all smiled and off I went.

Was he happy about it?

You know he trusted the Rav so much that he was okay with it I can't say he trusted me that much but it worked for both of us.

The next thing we wanted to talk about is this idea of what a soulmate relationship really looks like and again we were fortunate to have the Rav and Karen as an example for us they were so clearly soulmates and I like to talk about soulmates because when people think about a soulmate relationship I mean that's what everybody's hoping for and wishing for they usually think it's problem-free there's no conflicts.

It might be the opposite of that.

There's no but the right you know it's funny I was watching the documentary this documentary on John Lewis and you know he would often use the phrase get into trouble good trouble so I would say that a soulmate relationship as I saw it with my parents who were so deeply and completely in love there definitely was trouble but I would say good trouble.

So let's just go into soulmates for one second before we give you some examples from a real life soulmate couple and I can tell you from first-hand experience you may not recognize your soulmate at first because I didn't recognize you in that way at first.

I've written in my book Rethink Love that if God had come down and told me that this is the person you marry I would have said absolutely not and not because you're not amazing it's just that it wasn't obvious to me at first because finding the person has absolutely nothing to do with how you look your status or how often you date.

Most of us right when we look into relationships and what we want we limit the experience of true love to affection,

Mental stimulation,

Physical desire and chemistry and a soulmate isn't necessarily someone that you have the greatest chemistry with that you look great with in pictures that you have overwhelmingly passionate feelings for even the person you have the greatest sex with.

It's not to say that you won't have those things but a soulmate love is not based on the five senses and I really love this idea Kabbalistically.

Well again I'm sure this is what you meant right everything you said.

Are you taking something personally?

No not at all.

You correct me if I'm wrong but all of those things actually you don't mean that those things are not important in a soulmate relationship or as a matter of fact that you can't have all of those things but right you see that's not the foundation that's not where you begin.

That's what I said.

Okay.

I think you did take something personally.

You will have all those things but that can't be the only thing that you're looking for.

So Rabbi Isaac Luria also known as the Ari explains that if you look at all of humanity as a tree two souls that come from the same branch are connected.

Anyone in your life whether it's a friend a lover or a business partner you experience a closeness with those people because you're from the same root of the soul.

Having the same root of the soul brings with it a responsibility regardless of the nature of the relationship.

You have an obligation to assist these people that you're connected to not just physically but also spiritually and I think that in a nutshell this really explains how the Rav and Kiran operated in that their souls were from the same root but also they were able to bring about the most beautiful powerful yet hidden parts that they each possessed and they helped grow it in one another.

I also write about that in my book.

It's called the Michelangelo phenomenon where you are able to recognize things in a partner almost like it's you have a slab of clay.

It's unmet potential and you're able to help shape and mold the person into who they have a desire to become and who you see them as having the potential of becoming right.

The only thing is their desire and your desire for them has to be aligned but this is what exists in the best relationship.

So yes Michael sex is super important and so is chemistry and passion and you need all of these things right.

You need all of the ingredients but at the core again a soulmate relationship because so many people are saying I just want to meet my soulmate.

To be able to help shape somebody and mold them into who they are destined to become is obviously going to take a lot of work.

It's not always going to be easy.

It will take a lot of sweat blood tears but also the greatest joy and fulfillment will come from that but that's what the soulmate relationship is and again I feel so blessed to have been able to see your parents as really living that right.

And I think like you said it's so important that you know they came from opposite parts of the world on so many levels and the I revise of Gloria that you quoted he also says that one of the indications of soulmates is when they actually do come it says from across the ocean and that doesn't necessarily mean that they physically were on two different continents but rather that their background is often you know sometimes people like to have a partner who you know come from the same place as the same type of person but in reality you know there's a phrase my mother would often use which is a very strong kabbalistic term binding by striking binding by striking that that the process of unification does not come from everything being exactly as you want it to be but some friction and the beautiful paradox in my parents relationship was that while they were so different just not just by background but also by personality but that the way they came together sometimes in ways that were comfortable to see and sometimes in ways that were a little more had a little bit more friction but the entire process was making them both better you know I shared this actually but I had the opportunity to speak some time ago at my birthday and I spoke about what I appreciate about Monica and it was getting interesting now yeah I think you heard you heard this before you'll be hearing it again you know the way the way I grew up I was I would say you know a spiritual person and I believe that had I never met Monica chances are that I'd be a spiritual person chances are to even be a spiritual teacher and you never know what life would be like in an alternate universe an alternate set of circumstance but I think I would have been a good person a spiritual person a spiritual teacher but what I realized 23 years into our relationship and marriage that the ways by which you changed me were the ways that I needed to change in order to manifest my soul's purpose in this world and that I think again is what I learned from my parents and I'm so appreciative to have gone through this process with you and and endlessly continue to go through that process with you that a real soulmate relationship is when you're both open to each other in such a way that you want to be changed by each other you want to be molded by each other and then you realize that only that person was able to both change you help you develop and help you mold yourself in the directions for which your soul came into this world it's again I and I hope I'm being clear and I remember having witnessed it really the most important part of a soulmate relationship where you both want to be influenced by each other it's safe to be vulnerable enough to be changed by each other you know and I think about my parents as I've said my father came from a very conservative background and the revolution that they started only was possible because my mother changed my father in ways that he needed to change but probably wasn't even aware of it until it happened you know my mother would often tell the story just to show how I would say yeah you know I don't say closed-minded but conservative my father was he he didn't even want a television in the house he felt that you know there are things on TV that people should watch and so on and so forth and my mother of course knew that if you want to be of this world and especially if your life's purpose is to bring wisdom into the world you better get to know this world not to mention the entertainment that you get from watching some good TV shows and they literally had a fight back and forth back and forth whether a TV would be allowed in the house of course at the end my mother won that fight and many others my mother would also tell the story that when she first began introducing my father to the to the concepts of astrology which my father was not very open to because of his background but then she started actually showing him out in the ancient kabbalistic text there was such a tremendous amount discussion around astrology so he became open to that and so on and so forth I can give hundreds and hundreds of times and arguments and that's why you know we said before good trouble because there and I remember even growing up there were some significant arguments that they had but it was always almost always around important questions and my father and my mother were both open to each other to be changed and molded by each other and I would say again I think it's one of the most important aspects of a soulmate relationship and partnership where you know that you need to change you know you need to grow and you're open to your partner changing you in ways that are sometimes uncomfortable in ways that you can never change on your own that's interesting too because when we're talking about change there's very you know often we can't see the parts of ourselves that need the most changing and this is why a helpmate is so important they act as a mirror to you Ravashlak teaches another great Kabbalist that we can't give a name to anything that we can't imagine when we look at who we are and where we want to be it's limited because it's all within the framework of what we know and this is where our partner can help us if they can set aside of course their own idea of who we should be and see us in terms of our potential as I was saying a little bit earlier so think of it this way if a person's been blind all of their life and a new technological breakthrough makes it possible to see again to have an operation and now you know they can see once the bandages are removed technically they're no longer blind but it's going to take some time to understand what they're looking at and that's how our potential works we do need situations and people new people to reveal the hidden and unrevealed potential that we all possess and that is really the formula for a soulmate relationship working absolutely you know there's a teaching that I often think about for myself and also when I speak to others is that the person that I am meant to be is somebody who the person I am today can't even imagine and having a partner a soulmate who will help you and I think this is so important not Monica said this in passing but not that they want to mold you or make you the person they want you to be but they really want you to become the best version of yourself and I think often there's that confusion in a marriage or in a relationship where I'll just change my partner yeah I'll just change them in the ways that I want them to change comfortable and happy right and it's that's not soulmates and that's not the change that we're talking about we're talking about the support and the help to make them the best version of themselves for themselves and hopefully for what they're meant to bring into this world and I think the last point that we wanted to share with you is well it's something I think I even understood more after they physically left the world and that is to have gratitude and appreciation because often we don't fully I don't know when we ever fully fully have it but we tend to feel more grateful and have more appreciation for people after they've passed for sure you know it's interesting and I can give you because it's so fresh in my mind many things that I appreciate now even though I'd like to think and I believe I was appreciative at her burial we flew to Israel and Safed next to my father is where my mother is now and I mentioned the fact that my mother liked of course when we hugged and if I was honest with myself when we were in this world I mean she was in this world I probably appreciated but certainly not enough and that moment when you know you will never have the opportunity to physically hug another person gives you such a different level of appreciation for a hug you know I would call my mother every single day and now it's been a number of days and every once in a while a few times throughout the day I'm like there's something I should be doing now and then I realize oh I should be calling my mother and then I realize oh I can't call her and like Monica said you know even those of us who strive to live with appreciation there is so much more such higher levels of appreciation that we should have and whenever you go through a loss even though to my mind this is a loss of the physical not the spiritual hopefully it awakens greater appreciation for the hugs that you still can give for the calls that you still can make and I know for myself that's part of the inspiration that I am both receiving and gathering in these days to really make sure that I am awakening greater appreciation for the small moments that I can have with all those in my life that I care for that I love and any one of our listeners who is in a family you know that not all the moments are great then you know that especially with those that you love so dearly there are going to be arguments disagreements and times that aren't good and one of the gifts that really initiated by my mother over the past few years is that both for myself and Monica we went through a process a deep process of talking about the past more the things that we didn't agree with the more of the painful times because as I said again I'm sure every single one of our listeners who has a family or or has those he or she loves knows that there are going to be the arguments there are going to be those moments of disagreement but having guided us and we put in the time and effort and hours talking about everything in the past I can say that now that my mother has left the physical world there is nothing that I feel was left unsaid there's no argument that we had or or something that I wish we would have worked out and I think one of the lessons that I hope all of our listeners really are awakened to and I hope this for myself as I continue that we should always take the time and the effort to fix things now not everything is fixable but in the relationships that really matter in and with the people we truly love go back and fix have those difficult and and this is the thing my mother was was paradoxical in that she would often have difficult conversations with people but she often also shied away from confrontation so it wasn't her nature in the past as as as she acted upon in the past few years and she did go through her own personal continual growth where she really invested a tremendous amount of time and effort in making sure we spoke about absolutely everything and then we brought it all up and we cried through it and we argued through it we yelled it created a lot of healing I think the biggest lesson I had from all of that was there will be things that happen in life that you might feel wrong do you think are unfair and how you respond to it is on you right and and we I think often people choose to forgive you know move on but there's another step and that is to repair and it's not to say the relationship will be the same it's not about going backwards but it's really about creating a space to have beautiful exchanges with those same people if you so choose if they are important to you and we felt like nothing was left unsaid there was no regrets and more than that so much healing occurred where then we even became closer and more real and more honest and our children were really able to also connect with Karen in a way they never would have had the opportunity had we not gone through that process yeah and it's interesting you said something really important and I really want to underline it for our listeners especially in our important relationships there's always going to be something that happened in the past that was hurtful you could have been wrong they could have been wrong you both could have been wrong and I think it's human nature to say okay that's in the past I've forgiven maybe haven't forgotten let's move on why revisit old pain and while that's often true I can say that what I have found in maybe one of the greater gifts that my mother has given us is that those places in situations that were once a source of historical pain actually became sources of great connection and love because of the process that we went through to repair it and to talk about it so I think it's so important to realize it's not again and we have to be mindful as we go through this but imagine in your most important relationships those moments of pain that you're sort of letting go of or leaving them behind becoming a source of tremendous love connection and depth and that's really and again like I said I know Monica and myself feel so appreciative and and and really we would not have done this on our own I don't think but now I'm exhorting our listeners to really just take the opportunities well it was it was a renewal and I you know me I'm really big on talking I don't like to leave anything left unsaid of course you need to pause and not be reactive but even after a year two three years there's enough hurt that's still there which doesn't allow you to reconnect with a person that you still love and care about I think that that is more damaging than anything else so I'm a big proponent of having difficult conversations and it's not even I think that the key here is that it's not about some things are not fixable right and it's not even about having the person agree with you it's just that there are certain things that need to be said for the sake of saying them it's kind of like being an advocate or a friend to yourself and also being a friend to the other person that's part of the hurt right I think that of course there needs to be a level of respect and human dignity in that conversation but I really think that far too often people make the choice not to say things that need to be said if something was done that is not okay there's not acceptable and the action was done then why would we at least speak about it I mean speaking and and speaking your truth speaking your pain speaking your hope with somebody who has had such a great influence and impact in your life and whoever it is right whether it's your husband your wife your sibling you know have those conversations because I think far too often people don't and and you will regret it absolutely it's interesting I was thinking if you would have asked me five years ago about my love and connection to my mother of course it was strong it would always be strong but the process that my mother guided us through in the past few years we're literally no no past again all of us I think all of our listeners know of which I'm talking that when you're in a family there are going to be things that you do that either you know hurt another person even if you're right or hurt another person especially if you're wrong and if you don't address them I think and I've seen people go through this even with their loved ones where they didn't clear their history they didn't go into those moments and therefore either while they're in this world their relationship is limited but worse when one of them leaves this world there's a sense of unfinished business things we didn't talk about we should have talked about and like I said one more blessing and teaching from my mother and this was very personal to us that if you invest the time and the effort and the emotional danger of opening up everything and talking about everything you wind up so much closer and most importantly you feel that whether or not the person is in this world or not your bond has become stronger and stronger and again you have to be mindful this isn't true in all cases that you should open everything up but for the relationships that really really matter do everything you can to to open as much up as possible because those previous sources of pain can become places of great connection and love and just to show my gratitude and appreciation I just want to thank there I'm in Karen for showing me not just teaching me but showing me that transformation change is possible and doable I think that really from the age of 17 I think that just changed my entire life by having those role models right in front of me because I was a person who I think was a little stubborn and inflexible and I never noticed that you were stubborn because you met the evolved version and I was seeking perfection and I can tell you I would have lived a miserable existence had I not been spun around and put into a different direction so I'm forever grateful.

Right then I think the first meeting with my mother.

Yeah the first time I actually ever sat with her I had anorexia and a lot of people in the community had obviously noticed the extreme weight loss from an already small sized person and they all encouraged me you know you have to speak to Karen to speak to Karen and I was like I don't really have a problem what are we going to talk about because I was still in denial but I knew obviously I didn't look okay and I went and I sat with her and she didn't want to label it she just said that there's just a disease in your body not disease but there's something that is not in accordance with who you are meant to be and you just need to find your light and I think I kept speaking about this desire to be perfect and then the next thing Karen said was you know this is why God invented erasers it's okay to make mistakes it was just such a freeing conversation because she was the first person who in my life at that point was not an alarmist everybody else was like you're going to die or if you you know everything it didn't matter what it was it was the end of the world and she was the first person that was actually a happy person always laughing always smiling joyful and from how I grew up that was really foreign if you can imagine and also again just so forgiving of process nothing was you know most people when they see a problem it's already like oh well this is going to be the outcome and it's not going to be good right and that's and even if you're an optimistic person they're gonna say okay well this process you know it's gonna be really painful the outcome might be okay but oh you're in for a ride she didn't do any of that it was more like this is just where you are right now and you'll you are okay right there's no disease we're not going to even label it you are okay and you just need to shine the light on it I remember also when Josh was born right I mean you shared before about the row of my father the way he supported us right and Karen took the same kind of approach I remember when Josh was born I just I was in such shock and I just needed I needed a minute I remember right when I heard the news I got into the fetal position it was just automatic and I started rocking back and forth I just didn't know I wanted to go back in the womb myself I did not know how I was going to navigate and most people were really concerned about Josh right we wanted another blood test to make sure the test was oh no don't don't hurt the baby or you know and and Karen was actually and of course I'm excluding you from this but was the only person that walked in the room that day in the hospital and she looked at me and she saw me and she saw my pain and she again made it okay to feel what I felt and was very forgiving of the process it was just like Monica I see you and you can you can do you can feel you can think you can say whatever you want and that is just perfectly fine so thank you Karen and the rub and I miss you but I know you hear me when I say these things I know you hear us today and really that's why we wanted to do this podcast I hope that our listeners connected this was a personal one for us and we really just felt compelled to do this because how can you repay somebody who who's given you everything yeah I knew it was unlikely we'd get through this one without crying and like we said I mean I feel like we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of what we have received and what we have learned from our teachers from my parents but I do want to share one experience that I had you know I had never been in the room when somebody left this physical world when my father passed away seven years ago I let I entered the room probably a few seconds after and you never know what it's going to feel like of course you you assume it's going to be sad and it's going to be scary so a day and a half before a doctor came by and said you know I'm not sure why she's still hanging on you know maybe you know it doesn't make sense maybe the family should gather around and tell her it's okay for her to go but I knew the day later was going to be the ninth day of Leo's called the ninth of Av it's a very significant day in the Kabbalistic calendar it's a day that both signifies great darkness and the potential for the greatest light and I knew in the back of my mind when the doctor said that that she was actually waiting for the ninth day of Av the ninth day of Leo because of the importance the singular importance of that day and Kabbalistically we know that the highest most elevated souls literally choose the day of their passing and so in the back of my mind I said you know I didn't tell this to the doctor because she probably would have thought I was crazy but my mother's waiting waiting for this day that she chose it also not coincidentally of course is the day of the passing a few hundred years ago of one of her favorite capitalists the seer of Lublin so I knew she was waiting that day we gathered together at her home there's a in the morning connection the most powerful time is literally the moment of sunrise so we were gathered in a house a group of teachers and as we were in the middle of our connection preparing for the moment of sunrise the nurse called me upstairs we were down the first floor and my mother was on the second floor and she said I know that it's going to happen the next few moments and the only way I can describe my experience is of the most holiest moment of my life and she was breathing differently and she was behaving differently than she had in the previous days and then for me the most unbelievable thing is the fact that her last breath and her soul left her body literally in the moment of sunrise kabbalistic as I said it's seen as the most powerful moment of any day and seen as the most merciful moment of any day that moment that darkness becomes light that the sun begins shining into our world and there is no doubt in my mind that my mother chose the day the minute and the second the most powerful day in the most powerful minute and second to leave this world kabbalistically we often say that you can tell how a person lived their lives by how their soul leaves this world and the kabbalists say that you don't really understand somebody you don't really understand your teachers until 40 years later and I can tell you that in the time leading up to my mother's elevation from our world I began appreciating her in ways greater ways than I have ever appreciated her before I can say that the moment that her soul left this world was the holiest moment that I have experienced in my life and it's a testament to this great soul and it's a testament to what she did in this world and I know that no matter how much appreciation I have for her doesn't even come close to the amount of appreciation I need to have for the person who gave me so much everything physically spiritually but I ask that my appreciation and connection to her continues to grow and most importantly that all of you who are listening to us today take something from what we shared improve your life in some way improve your family in some way and think about my mother Karen and the light that this has brought to your life and with that I know I will be able to maintain a connection and to hopefully continue to grow with her and in my life have the merit to bring my parents teaching light and love to count this more people thank you for joining us thank you bye

Reviews

Thank You! :- ) How wonderful it is that each time I listen to one of your podcasts and will listen multiple times to each talk. I learn or understand more.
Shalom

Thank you for sharing your grief and raw appreciation with us for allowing us to hold a safe Space for you. Shanti.

Thank you for sharing your personal story. It reminds me that even in grief there is room for joy. Wishing you Peace.

Thank you for sharing. Many blessings ❤️🙏❤️