Soul Shots - I'm Spiritual Until I'm Around Family

If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with family...Yes, the holidays are amongst us and family gatherings are here. In this audio I discuss why it can be hard to maintain an enlightened state around family, and how you can bring a level of consciousness, love and compassion to the table, creating firm and loving boundaries, and a space that is safe and nurturing for all.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to this audio.

This was meant to actually be a recording of my live from Wednesday 30th of November,

But for some reason it didn't record.

And so I'm here again today just going to record what we went over and give you the teachings and the transmissions without the actual live recording.

So apologies for that,

But hopefully you shouldn't miss out on too much.

I'm Shirley,

I am your host.

I am a trained homeopath.

I have been doing soul journey work for forever.

I am an artist and a channel,

No longer practicing homeopath,

But working with people's souls is what I do.

And guiding us through how to ground that spiritual principles,

How to ground those spiritual concepts into the 3D physical world,

Into being human on this planet right now.

And I would just like to start by honoring that I am British and based in Montreal,

Which is also known as Teotiaque,

Which are unceded lands and waters which the Canyon Cahuaca Nation is recognized as the custodians of.

And I just want to draw my attention to that because it's really important to me to honor them in this land and I feel very privileged and honored that I get to be here.

And also,

You know,

I am a settler and an immigrant of this land and want to acknowledge the indigeneity of it and the horrors and genocide that was caused here.

So now that said,

I want to talk about what the subject of yesterday's live was,

Which is basically what to do when you're around family.

And this comes from the,

You know,

Have you heard the saying where if you think you're spiritual and enlightened,

Go spend two weeks with your family and watch that unravel,

Right?

Watch ourselves get triggered,

Watch all of the zen state like just dissolve instantly as we are engaged and around family.

And so as it's also the holidays and we just had Thanksgiving,

I just want to acknowledge that it can be very easy to want to be away from these people and to want to sort of do our own journey.

Now,

I also want to put in here a little disclaimer that by no means is this endorsing toxic,

Narcissistic,

Abusive behavior.

That kind of relationship,

You were allowed to put a very firm loving boundary around that and absolutely go ahead and do that.

However,

When it's just normal family dynamics and there are triggers and there are things said or people or people that we might not get necessarily on with or people that will like bring us down when we think we're up and the rest of it.

Like this is this is what I'm talking about.

And again,

Especially also with even in our immediate families,

We might even have that.

So for myself,

My journey with my son is an interesting and beautiful one because on a regular occasion,

He will trigger me.

He will push those buttons.

Right.

And I remember thinking one of the reason this talk came about was because a few weeks back,

I was really sort of wanting to literally go on retreat to get away from my immediate family,

To be,

You know,

On a beach in Bali,

Meditating every day,

Feeling the energy of the earth and being completely at one and Zen and just like having the spiritual upgrades that I was desiring.

And I was feeling very held back by my family.

I was feeling very much like that was causing friction and stopping me attaining the states I was wanting to attain and the consciousness levels I was wanting to attain.

And I actually called B.

S.

On that because I actually realized that the journey I wanted,

The spiritual growth I wanted,

The consciousness up level I wanted wasn't going to come by avoiding my family and by going off and being on a yoga mat somewhere in complete denial of that.

But it was going to come through my family.

It was going to come through those triggers,

Through those difficult relationships,

Through those difficult conversations that we have to have.

And through my own ability to emerge more of who I am as a soul,

As a love,

As a force of love and as a force of compassion on this planet,

It was going to come through these difficult dynamics,

These difficult situations.

And it's the same with all of our family.

And I'm going to just say one of the ways that we've been in this previous paradigm has been through this mirroring of consciousness.

So we have been in the Pisces era and it's all about sort of bringing the subconscious to the conscious and the only way to do that really that we have known in this paradigm has been the mirroring consciousness.

So people coming in and mirroring our past traumas,

Our past like shadows,

Whatever's going on that we're rejecting,

It comes forward as a mirror for us.

And so people are coming into our environment and generally they might be very unconscious,

Right,

Which is why they're being used in this way.

And we are all used in this way because we've all like bought into this paradigm.

Like this has been how we have been,

You know,

Entrenched and programmed for the last 2000 plus years.

And so what happens is our family members can often become those mirrors.

And so they often come in and will say the things that we are feeling deep down but don't want to believe.

You know,

Those really limiting self beliefs that we are still holding deep within us,

Even though we may have like affirmed them opposite,

We may have like,

You know,

Done all of the work to kind of release them,

They might still be there.

And so those family members might come in and reflect that back to you.

And it's our job as conscious beings to not only see the innocence in that person because they're generally being used as a mirror,

They're generally like not even aware of what they're doing.

And so,

In that sense,

Right,

It's not actually a vindictive personal thing.

It's like it is a gift in some ways because it allows us the ability to become conscious of what's going on within ourselves.

But also,

Like if we want to break free of this paradigm,

If we want to break free of this paradigm where we do get things mirrored to us and then we have to go through suffering,

We have to bring consciousness and love to it.

We have to be in a different state.

And so one of those ways is just being aware of what's at play here.

It's just being aware that,

You know,

What is going on on the outside is generally probably a reflection of what's going on on the inside.

And you can engage in that and you can by all means do the work to heal that.

But it's also highly exhausting,

Right?

It's also a very traumatic,

You know,

Upheaval,

Like long arduous journey to sort of get through this.

And there's definitely this sense of always having to heal,

You're always having to heal,

You're always having to take these next steps.

But you can actually just bring love here.

You can actually just take a step back.

And when I talk about love as well,

Like love is a firm boundary.

Love is a firm boundary of what you are willing to engage with and what you are not willing to engage with.

And that is self-love.

That is like one of the most powerful loves,

Right?

Because when you do that,

You are not only providing self-love and care for yourself,

But you're also providing love and self-care for whoever is in front of you,

Mirroring that back.

Because if you refuse to engage in it,

If you refuse to engage with it,

Then you are allowing them to also be free from it.

And you do this by A.

Seeing their innocence,

Reminding yourself.

And you might need to do a bit of work to do this,

Right?

It's not always easy,

Especially if we are triggered and we are hurting.

But we get to remind ourselves that we are all divinity and we are all particles of the One Being,

Right?

Of God,

Of the Divine,

Of the Creator,

The Source.

We get to remind ourselves of that.

And we get to remind ourselves of the innocence of people,

Especially unconscious people or people that,

You know.

.

.

And I'm not actually going to say unconscious people because I think we all have our own levels of consciousness and we all have our own levels of unconsciousness.

And so,

It's like being compassionate to the unconsciousness within someone and understanding the innocence underneath there,

Right?

Understanding that through their unconsciousness of that situation,

They are very able to be used as this sort of form,

As a mirror,

As a source of mirroring back to you your subconscious stuff.

And so,

Bringing in this compassionate love here and understanding of the innocence here too,

Underneath it all.

And then taking the time,

Giving yourself what you need to feel safe,

To have your nervous system,

You know,

In the parasympathetic phase,

To be able to hold your own.

.

.

What's going on,

Like your own emotions,

To be able to have that space that you need to do that.

You know,

One of the things I'm going back to England,

It's the first time in four years over Christmas and just buying the tickets has brought up a lot of unresolved stuff that I have with my family.

And one of the things I've had to do is just really acknowledge,

Ask for and receive what it is I need to feel safe and held and emotionally stable within that.

So we actually have a hotel booked for the first two nights instead of staying with family straight away.

Just so that when I land and I'm jet-lagged and I'm tired,

I do have a space to retreat to.

And it's just acknowledging tiny little small things like that because I know for myself,

You know,

My mother passed away in those four years and I haven't been back and there was no funeral.

That I know those first couple of days are going to be difficult,

Those emotions are going to come to the surface.

And so providing a safe space for myself to be able to process that,

Not only is a gift to myself,

But it's also a gift to my family because then I'm not going into this space charged with emotion.

And they've all had time to process it much more than I have because they were there at her deathbed and they were there at the scattering of her ashes.

All of these things,

Like,

It would be unfair of myself to go into this space having not provided a container for my own emotions and my own trauma.

And so there's two ways that we can go through this situation as well.

And one of those ways is in the old paradigm,

Right,

Which is like seeing the mirror reflected back to us and really,

You know,

Diving into our shadows of what wants to be healed.

Or we can go into a different,

More beautiful,

More loving,

Beloved paradigm where we actually ask ourselves,

Well,

What wants to actually emerge here?

And is this a more loving,

Compassionate version of myself?

Like,

What is the solution here?

And it's not about necessarily like trawling through our trauma and our past grievances and our shadows and working to integrate and heal them.

It's about bringing love,

Right?

It's about bringing love as a firm boundary around yourself and what you need.

So,

You know,

If it triggers you to stay in the same house as these people,

Don't stay in the same house.

Like,

Can you give yourself the gift of being able to,

You know,

Book into a hotel so that you can be there fully present and enjoy the experience while also having a space to retreat at the end of the day where you can regroup,

Where you can come back to yourself,

Come home to who you are and remember that.

And then can you bring love to the person in front of you?

Can you see the person in front of you fully self-realized,

Fully happy in their life,

Like thriving,

Joyous,

Full of love?

Can you vision that for them and can you hold them in that?

And when you do that,

You're allowing something new to emerge.

You're allowing a better dynamic to emerge.

And of course,

You know,

We do trigger family,

Right?

We do,

When we change,

Change is triggering for people.

And so,

What it does is it allows people to kind of suddenly have a moment where they reflect inwards and they might not be happy with what they see,

Right?

And so they will project it back out there and there is an innocence in that.

There is a,

It's a completely natural human response,

Right?

And what we do is we hold space for that.

So we understand that through our own change and consciousness and awakening,

We might be triggering those around us.

And so can we hold space for them in that?

Can we hold the view of seeing them also,

You know,

Thriving and both of you thriving and this amazing,

Wonderful experience where you get to share love and enjoy each other's company.

And it might take a while,

Right?

It might not be instant.

You might not be able to have this instantly.

And so the invitation is what,

Once we emerge,

It's more love,

It's more compassion,

More understanding.

And again,

Not staying in abusive situations or toxic situations.

This is not that,

Right?

More love wanting to emerge can be just a very firm boundary around what you are willing to engage in or not.

But every time you engage in something,

Remember you're feeding it.

And so do you want to feed the monster or do you want to feed the little puppy dog or the kitten in the corner,

Right?

You've got to actually think where you're putting your energy and where you want to feed that and where you want to allow space for something different to emerge.

And so when we are with our families and they do trigger us and they do say things like,

These are our chances to grow,

Right?

These are our chances to become more of.

And I'm not talking of just airy-fairy here,

Right?

I've had some very big examples in my life recently with family members,

With going back to England,

With my son.

There's been many things that have,

You know,

Where I have seen right in front of me the mirror and I could and have partook in the mirror.

And I have been able to also just acknowledge that,

You know,

All right,

Yeah,

I'm being exactly how I don't want to be.

And I'm judging that person for being that way and showing that to myself,

Right?

But then I've also done the work to completely disengage from that dynamic and to really see the innocence at play here and really see the innocence of all of us who are in this mirror paradigm and bring ourselves out of it and allow what wants to emerge to come through,

Which ultimately is a blessing.

It's more love.

It's more,

It's a container for nurturing us all in our innocence and really understanding that and seeing the divinity in each other.

And it's not easy,

Right?

Especially when we're triggered.

It's not easy to pull back from that.

But that's the invitation.

And so much as we want to go sit on a beach in Bali or stay on our meditation pillow and feel all zen,

You know,

It's,

We're in a real world and we have to address what triggers us and we have to address like,

You know,

Those elephants in the room and they are big when we meet up with family.

But there are ways that we can address them and we can either,

You know,

Try and battle with the elephant,

You know,

Or we can sit with ourselves and hold ourselves and hold that person and just,

You know,

Send them love.

They're hurting.

Only hurt people hurt people.

Your change is triggering them.

Like you are just as much a trigger to them as they are to you.

And so can you hold each other in that space?

And it might be that you just have to do it from afar.

And you have to work on,

You know,

Forgiveness.

To forgive is to be forgiving.

It's like giving of yourself,

Giving more love to someone.

And forgiving is doesn't necessarily mean condoning if you disagree.

But again,

Remember,

Like in your condoning,

In your disagreement of something,

It is still a judgment.

And in the eyes of God,

In the eyes of divinity,

There is no judgment.

There is just love and forgiveness.

So what level do you want to emerge?

And again,

Love isn't being a doormat.

It isn't letting someone treat you like poop.

It is,

Do I want to engage at this level with this person?

Because if you are that,

Even if you sort of think,

Oh I'm going to love and forgive them and let them treat me like this,

That's not actually love.

That's actually still playing into their paradigm,

Right?

But if you can put up a very firm boundary and disengage from that entirely,

And only relate to them as the divinity that they are and the innocence that they are.

And it might be that you can't do that while you're there with them.

You know,

You might have to go do a bit of work privately to do this.

But then you are not feeding that monster.

You are not in that paradigm and continually perpetuating this mirror suffering cycle.

You know,

That needs healing over and over and over again.

It's like you get to disengage and you get to be really at one with yourself and it's the most loving thing you can do because you then set that person free as well.

So I hope that makes sense.

Thank you for listening.

I think it's slightly different than the live because I've talked a bit more and even my own understanding of this has changed even since yesterday.

But I think it's very valid and useful.

Thank you for listening.

Come follow me if you want to leave a donation.

It's all welcomed and appreciated.

And there's meditations too if you follow me on my profile.

And yeah,

Enjoy.

Thank you.

Have a wonderful holiday season with family.

Bye.