Overcome Perfectionism & Embrace Your Authenticity #261

It takes bravery to live your authentic self in this world and to let go of the pressure to be perfect! It takes courage to stop beating yourself up and to LOVE yourself! But it's necessary if you want to live a truly fulfilling and joy-filled life! Whether you're struggling with self-judgment or you simply want to learn more about living a life that feels true to you, I invite you to listen in! This episode was recorded live on January, 30, 2023.

Transcript

Welcome to the Soul Infused Monday Show today,

Episode 261.

Be Brave,

Be You.

It's about overcoming perfectionism and embracing your authenticity.

And because it's the new year and you might listen in,

You know me,

Some people might not know me,

Let me introduce you very shortly.

My name is Sonia Buono della Torre.

I've been now working with people,

Teaching,

Facilitating,

Healing,

And transmission of love and light for two decades,

For over two decades.

I believe that the biggest contribution to the world is you working on yourself to make your world a better place and then being the ripple effect that the world needs.

Humanity as a whole is still going through a lot of pain,

A lot of suffering,

And a lot of distortion in their own lives,

In the energy field,

In the emotion.

There's a lot of trauma.

And by any individual doing the work,

I truly believe that this is the biggest contribution that you can make.

And it takes courage.

It takes bravery to truly live your authentic self,

To show yourself as who you are,

Because it is so much easier to hide and to immerse in what society expects you to be.

And we are all so conditioned.

There's so many programs are running that to truly peel off those layers and to let yourself authentically be seen takes a lot of courage,

Takes a lot of work,

It takes commitment,

It takes determination,

Resiliency,

Everything.

So I appreciate you being here.

I acknowledge you for taking the time to do some work on yourself because you could easily do something completely different now.

So I want to acknowledge that,

Honor that about you,

And share some of the things I've recently been learning that I do believe through my own lessons and stories,

It might ignite a fire in you and you can relate to some of the things that I'm going to share.

So it will help you to hopefully be less self-judgmental,

Less perfectionistic,

And to live a more joyful and more authentic life.

Does that sound good?

Is this something you want?

If so,

Hit the like button.

Say yes.

Send me some love.

Also,

I wanted to share with you that it has been nearly a whole year since I left last year in February from the Dominican Republic where I sold everything,

I gave everything away,

Gone with my two and a half suitcases to find a new home.

And on the 2nd of February,

That's in two or three days,

I think,

I've been on the road for a year.

Blows my mind.

I'm not any closer to finding a home.

However,

I learned so much on this journey,

And it's not about necessarily finding a home,

Is for me to finally commit to write a book that I keep sharing with you so you guys can keep me accountable.

I'm on day 10 of the writing process.

And I chose perfectionism for this show today because I know it's something that cripples us inside and so many women and men in the last years that I've been working with and myself that I keep working,

Keep continuously working.

The perfectionist is an extremely limiting force.

Would you agree?

Do you have that inner perfectionism that is keeping you in check,

That makes you feel you're never good enough,

That's maybe making you feel overwhelmed,

You're maybe not even doing the things that you want to do because it's not good enough or it's not perfect.

Can you relate?

Let me go back to just two weeks ago when I was in Austin.

So I've decided to write a book.

And because I know about myself over the years that I've worked,

That I have a very strong perfectionism because this baby that I'm birthing is in me already for nearly a decade.

I've been pregnant with this book for at least nine years.

Now,

My time was not yet – I wasn't ready until last year when I felt,

Okay,

My soul is calling me to finally get this process started.

The process started a long time ago and I've written a lot of things before,

But I've never been committed enough and ready enough to do it.

And because I know I'm not going to get it done by myself or not as good,

I've hired a company.

And I hired a company that I feel really great about,

That do exactly the support people like me to bring out a good book.

So I was at a workshop in Austin,

Texas just recently,

And I had such a,

Let me say,

Reoccurring lesson about perfectionism that might be valuable to you as well.

Are you one of those that struggle with perfectionism?

Yes,

I have been very hard on myself lately.

My expectations are so high.

I so hear you,

Emily.

My standards to myself are so high.

I mean,

I'm such a dedicated person when it comes to my own growth and what I do,

And I have so high expectations.

And often when I check in,

What's my biggest fear when actually even putting something out there?

I'm not too much concerned about what other people think anymore,

Like I used to,

But that's not my fear.

My fear is that I'm not going to fulfill my own expectations in my own purpose.

So,

However,

That is also coming from it's not good enough.

The one thing that I really took out of this workshop is when you start writing a book,

What they recommend is to,

First of all,

You've got to create your first vomit draft,

Meaning you don't reread it,

You don't edit it,

You don't fix any mistakes.

You only write,

You vomit out.

For someone like me,

That sometimes takes two hours to even write an email because I'm so in tune with the words and how to get it all perfect.

And you might have your own version of this in your own life where perfectionism is creeping in.

And I knew,

Okay,

The biggest lesson for me is to overcome that layer of perfectionism that was creeping up.

And when it comes to perfectionism,

So it has different underlying issues.

Some of you might know what are yours or some might resonate with you.

And maybe you haven't explored that yet completely.

But our urge and need for perfectionism obviously comes from a wounded place and a place of insecurity.

It comes in addition to a belief that you're not good enough.

You're either not good enough,

And that's why you try to be perfect.

It comes from an old ingrained conditioning that we adapted when we were young.

And it's a flawed logic,

It's a lie,

But it's ingrained so deep that you need to be perfect to be loved,

And you need to be loved to survive.

So often that strong perfectionism that is running in you was created at such an early age that is so absorbed in the energy field and in your emotional body that you don't change that just through thinking because it was developed before you even had awareness or self-reflection.

Does that make sense?

So going back and doing the work and say,

Where's my perfectionism coming from?

In my case and in many other cases,

That's part of it.

And the other part is not feeling safe.

When we don't feel safe,

We try to control the environment.

And perfectionism is one way to try because as long as it's not perfect,

We are not moving forward anywhere,

So it keeps us safe.

It doesn't keep us happy.

It's not working for us anymore.

That pattern does not serve you as an adult anymore,

But the perfectionism creeps in to protect you.

I'm sharing these things because part of overcoming perfectionism is really also understanding why it's running deep in you and to explore and do the work and heal those places that instead of judging yourself to being so perfectionistic and having that urge to constantly being perfect,

To understand it and have compassion.

That's part of overcoming it because you are already judging yourself.

You are already under the pressure of being perfect.

That's impossible to reach,

By the way.

That inner voice,

That personality that we call the inner perfectionist,

It's never good enough.

You're never going to reach that.

It's a battle that you're not going to win.

Understanding and having compassion and acceptance is crucial because this is not who you are.

It's just a pattern.

It's a part of you that is running the show,

And you get to take the wheels back of this car and run your own life and to embrace who you really are,

To embrace your authenticity.

But what is your authenticity?

Who are you beyond those layers,

Patterns,

Triggers,

Beliefs,

All of that stuff that's not even you that we are all running autopilot?

As you are watching here and if you're following me,

You are most likely someone that has done work already,

Maybe even a lot,

Maybe a little.

And at the same time,

You are like this beautiful unfolding being that gets to peel off the layers.

And the more layers you peel off,

The closer you get to your essence and the more you're going to live your authentic self.

And it takes courage.

It takes strength.

And it also takes support and community.

Community and support is crucial.

Why?

Because most likely,

And I don't know if that is true for you,

But a lot of people in my community and the women and men that I work with and have been working with in the last two decades often have a sense of being different,

That they are different than their surroundings,

That they feel sometimes they grew up like the black sheep in the family,

That they don't really fit,

But they also don't know who they really are.

And so often they feel like they're not belonging and they feel lonely.

And that alone creates often the feeling that something is wrong with me,

Something must be wrong with me because apparently everybody else has it all together.

Now,

If that resonates with you or maybe that resonated with you in the past,

That's why community and support is crucial because you are already struggling with that.

And if you don't have a mirror,

If you don't have support of people that reflect who you really are and hold the vision of your soul,

What's beyond the patterns and the stuff,

You will forget who you are because you don't see yourself anymore.

I want to pause here for a moment,

Go through your comments,

And I would like to hear from you what's resonating here with you,

What's landing here for you.

And if you have a question,

Leave it here in the comments.

If you're listening to this in a podcast,

At a replay,

And you're not able to leave a comment,

Send me a message.

I love to hear from you and I love to support you.

Yes,

Perfectionism keeps us trapped.

Yeah,

It can.

You can change that around.

But yes,

If you don't deal with it,

If you don't get,

If you don't do the work to have the self-awareness and you understand and detach from the perfectionism,

It keeps you trapped.

You are absolutely right.

I think it started in my youth,

Norma.

Yes,

It most likely started earlier than in your youth.

However,

Certain things when we grow up,

Also especially when we become a teenager,

The images we get,

We are absorbing things like sponges,

And it hits us when we don't have the capacity to differentiate what's real and what's not,

And it did start much earlier on.

Because if it would start later on,

It would be easier to overcome because it's not so ingrained in your system.

Thank you for sharing.

Yes,

Support and community are powerful,

100%.

Ida,

You're so right.

Everything resonates.

Fantastic.

I want to share something real quick with you,

And it relates to the perfectionism.

As I'm writing a book,

I'm reflecting a lot on my life and all the things I've done and my story from the very beginning,

And so it is a very intense and sometimes emotional process as well.

As I'm going back and remembering things,

And because my life was so intense and I've done so many things,

It just blows my mind all the things that I've done and also the amount of pain and suffering I went through through my life.

I use Facebook,

Friends,

Pictures to kind of remember certain things from the past.

Yesterday,

I was doing that,

And I saw such a deep sadness.

Such a deep sadness came up in me.

What hit me the hardest,

And it's not the first time.

I've gone through this many times.

Every time I have been going back to work on my inner child and the young self of mine that felt so terrible about herself,

That hated herself,

That was so in shame.

What hit me the hardest is going back and seeing all these pictures,

And I have a MacBook Pro,

So they create like memories for you,

Certain years,

Certain pictures with music.

And I was looking at myself,

And I was thinking,

Such deep sadness.

I felt it so deep in my heart,

How beautiful I was and how bad I was feeling about myself.

The discrepancy from what was real and my perception of myself.

And when you maybe look back,

And you look back and think,

Oh,

My God,

Why did I think I was bad,

Ugly,

Dumb,

Whatever comes up,

And you look yourself with mature eyes in the present moment.

I cried and I grieved for this young girl.

And even though I didn't have back then someone like me to hold space,

I am here available for her now.

And that's why maybe I'm also so dedicated and so committed to keep doing the work and helping others,

Because the pain of not living who you are,

The pain of not seeing your worth,

Your beauty,

Not seeing how lovable you are,

And that continuously reoccurring in your life.

I hope that any of my work,

I hope that anything I ever share,

I hope that all the work and the effort and this whole process,

Even writing a book,

Takes so much,

Even if it just touches one woman,

One girl,

One man,

One person that feels inspired to love themselves just a little bit more or just a little bit quicker,

And to let go of self-judgment and to let go of perfectionism.

All of this is worth it.

To me,

All of this is worth it.

And that got me even emotional for a moment.

So if this resonates with you and you have a younger self,

Maybe you are even very harsh on yourself right now,

And that's okay too.

Tune in to a version of a younger self from your past and look at her or him and tune in what would this child or young self or teenager,

Young person,

Whoever that was in your past,

What does she or he really need?

And can you hold space for that younger self in you and let yourself come to the present moment and to be courageous enough to actually embrace the truth,

And the truth is that you are lovable,

That you are worthy just by being in existence,

And to dedicate the rest of your life to live as authentically as possible so that you can not only love yourself,

That you can love people,

That you can love the world.

And I do believe that through us healing and through us loving,

Accessing that love that is innate in you is how we can help to heal the world.

And God knows the world needs healing,

Love,

Acceptance,

Consciousness more than ever.

I'm going to leave it at here.

Thank you so much for being here today.

And before you leave,

Do me a favor and let me know what was one thing that is a takeaway for you today,

One thing that resonated with you,

One thing that you might be inspired to do just because you've been here today.

And share with me,

Leave me a comment,

Send me a private message,

Leave me a review.

Let me hear from you.

Let me see you and be courageous enough to live and to embrace your authentic self.

And I know it's work and it's not going to happen overnight and it's just one layer after the other.

Take one step at a time and keep walking.

I'm walking with you and I'm super,

Super grateful that you are in my community.

So I'm going to take a moment to see your comments and then I will let you go and start a wonderful week,

A soul-infused week.

Much is landing,

Feeling different,

Out of sync with the world,

Perfectionism,

Et cetera.

I realized my father felt the same.

One of seven siblings and I'm much like him,

Though I'm an only child.

What a great realization,

Darlene.

I can really feel the depth of that.

I think exploring that can bring a lot of healing.

Thank you for sharing that,

Very deep.

Thank you for being vulnerable with that.

My pleasure,

Jessica.

I'm happy,

Too.

Yes,

I appreciate you and what you share.

Bless you.

Thank you,

Ada.

I was thinking this morning how committed you are in appreciating it.

It held space for me to show up today.

Resonates and love,

Welcome the emotion.

I see you and appreciate you.

Teresa,

Thank you so much.

Therese,

I hope I pronounced that properly.

Thank you for sharing that.

Feeling worthy is the main piece.

Beautiful takeaway.

Thank you for sharing.

Courage to make changes.

Yes,

Barbara.

It takes bravery.

It takes courage.

I will be more willing to hold space with my younger self.

Ah,

Yes.

Love it.

Thank you for being here.

Stay tuned this year with me on my journey.

I'm going to also invite some other authors onto my show.

I want to have guests on my show this year that all publish the book.

So that's my go-to right now.

I've met incredible people.

I already have two in the pipeline that I'm super excited about.

So stay tuned.

Come back next Monday.

I appreciate you.

I love you.

Have a wonderful rest of your day and be courageous to be yourself.

Bye for now.