Learning From The Classics Podcast: A Little Princess/Stoic

This track is a recording of my weekly LIVE PODCAST, Learning from the Classics, dated May 30th, 2025.

In this LIVE session, I will relate prompts from Classic Literature to the challenges we face every day. There is a certain sense of security in understanding that some struggles are universal and not personal to us. In such novels, there is also a reconciliation to be had with souls we cannot and will not ever meet, but who teach us so much.

All LIVES are available week to week on a playlist.

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Sleep
Bedtime
story
Folklore
Relaxation
Literature
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Emotional healing
Grief
Social dynamics
Domestic life
Nostalgia
Reunion
Emotional reunion
Grief management
Storytelling
Imagination
Fantasy
Characters
Classic literature
Culture
Adventures
Moral lessons

Transcript

And that's what these lives are.

So let's begin.

These lives are about stoic philosophy and therapy through literature.

So looking at examples of stoicism within specifically female literature.

Literature written by women,

I should say,

Because yes,

Predominantly the protagonists are female,

But also the authors are women.

So that's what we're looking at.

A genderless stoicism.

So where stoicism originated primarily within,

It was a patriarchal take,

If you like,

On coping.

It's now,

And especially significantly from the late 18th century where we had the blue stocking group,

A group of intellectual women,

Who luckily for them had the financial freedom to and have the time to discuss stoicism,

Is now open to both sexes and we are embracing that as women.

If you haven't already,

Take a look at my 10 Days of Stoic Journaling for Women course.

I have been very pleased at the take up with this.

It is 10 days of bite-sized exercises that you can do in your journal,

Bullet points,

Short,

Manageable starting points for you to reflect on the question that I ask at the beginning of the lesson.

So I say a question,

I suppose it's just,

It's a coping task.

So how to manage when you're being confronted with a difficult situation.

So they're the starting points and then you have a couple of exercises to do in your journal.

Take a look at that.

I hope it helps and that now,

Mentioning the course,

That now leads me nicely into a comment that was made on one of the lessons that I hope Jo won't mind me sharing because I know the comments are live and available for anyone to read.

So I'm just going to use that as something that has given me inspiration and made me think this week and to let you know and share the value of the comments that you make.

How I value them,

How significant they are and how I value the idea as us as a group of women growing together in an empowering way.

Because this is not just about me as a teacher and you as a pupil,

This is about all of us developing.

This is the 21st century blue stocking group.

Okay,

So I'm going to go on to,

I won't see your comments now,

I'm going to go on to begin the lesson if you like.

The discussion,

I'm going to go on to my notes so I won't see any comments from this point onwards.

I will go back to the comments at the end of the live.

So,

Today we will be looking at the regulation of emotional outbursts.

The regulation,

Okay,

The way we can regulate our emotional expression amongst others,

Not for ourselves.

And we're going to place a spotlight on Sarah Crew in A Little Princess.

But before we do that,

As I mentioned,

I'm just going to thank Jo for this comment on one of my reviews,

Which really got me thinking.

She says,

I've struggled with bad things as actually being a benefit.

So last week we talked about how to practice gratitude even for the tough stuff.

I've struggled with bad things as actually being a benefit and the idea of being grateful they haven't at all.

That is a really hard thing to do.

Although I can see the positive aspects of that as it reduces the power of those negative things,

Which would hopefully over time help to reduce their effect on me.

Now the reason I found this comment so poignant is because Jo is saying that the effect of something bad,

If we reduce that in the moment,

In turn,

It will reduce the effect on us over time.

So in the lives,

I tend to talk about how to cope in the moment.

And on the course,

I tend to talk about how to cope in the moment.

How to cope in the moment,

What to do in order to manage the feeling at the time it's occurring.

But that's a very important point.

If we learn to manage that,

It will reduce the effect on us over time.

Stoicism has a lasting power.

We're setting in place management techniques now in order to cope now and so reap the benefits of that later.

Massive thing.

Thank you Jo for that.

So if we can reframe something now,

If we can practice gratitude for it now,

Our body's listening to that.

And it's saying,

Our body memory is saying,

I remember how I feel when things like this happen.

I have the automatic fight or flight,

The automatic stress reaction.

Then I remember I have to recognize that.

And I have to reframe,

I have to be grateful for that.

This is a really terrible thing.

And guess what?

It's a lesson.

I'm going to benefit somehow.

It doesn't seem like it now,

But I will.

Very good example of this.

Bad news.

I've had a lot of bad news lately,

And not just about my mother,

But just bad news in general.

And every time it feels like there's an attack,

There's some right,

Okay,

They've done this now.

It's just one more thing.

It's just too many things.

And what I always did from young childhood is used the shock,

The anger,

The complete disbelief,

And the utter desolation as fuel to say,

Thanks for that.

Now I've got something to fight against.

Now I've got something to give me a reason to fight.

And that is reframing the moment.

And I almost forgot that this week.

I almost forgot to do that.

It's been a very low week.

And then I remembered.

My body remembered,

That's what you do.

And I did it and it helped.

So yes,

Good starting point today.

The reason for practicing the lessons and the skills that we've learned through this training,

This stoic training,

The purpose behind it is not just to cope now,

But be able to set in play a course of events that will benefit us in the future.

So at no point are we just trying to manage in the moment.

We are trying to lay the foundations because there's nothing worse than everything being constantly tense.

You get tired,

You get exhausted.

And when you're tired and exhausted,

It's so much harder to do the right thing.

Because you just forget.

You don't want to remember.

You just want something to be easy.

But if you've practiced it a lot,

Suddenly these things come back to you.

These memories,

Your body remembers,

Oh,

I can,

This can be all right.

I can relax because guess what?

This is fuel for my fire.

So again,

Thanks Jo for that.

That was a very welcome comment.

Right,

We're going to talk about A Little Princess today.

A Little Princess is a story by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

It is on my playlist,

Premium Track playlist,

And it is about a little girl,

If you don't know the story,

Sarah Crew,

Who comes from a wealthy background.

She doesn't have a mother,

So she's compromised to start with.

But she has a father who,

She was born in India,

So she used to,

But she's a white girl who was born in India.

Her father was very well to do.

He sent her to be educated in England.

And she ends up in this school.

Needless to say,

Of course,

The school's going to be awful.

The headmistress is going to be dire.

And she's going to be verbally and mentally attacked.

Now,

It starts,

Everything starts off fine because she's rich,

But suddenly she loses everything.

Not just does she lose all her wealth,

But her most important thing,

She loses her father.

So she becomes very poor.

And she has to live in the attic.

And she has to survive.

And there are many themes of stoicism running through this story.

This Edwardian story,

But I think the most important thing for me is resilience in the face of adversity.

Resilience.

And this is something women have inherently.

We are resilient because we have to be.

We are,

Whether we've chosen to,

Or whether we've physically gone through the process or not,

We are programmed to give life and to protect those more vulnerable than ourselves.

So,

Resilience comes easy to a degree.

But of course,

When,

As many of us are,

We are called upon to both nurture,

To solve,

To support,

To refrain from speaking out,

Naturally,

We are called upon to do all of those things that Marcus Aurelius,

For example,

One of the Stoics in a Roman arena would be called upon to do.

We're called upon to do that every single day.

Be the pragmatic,

Be the problem solvers.

When we are called upon to do that,

We have an inherent resilience.

And if you have children,

As I do,

And you have a boy and you have a girl,

You will see that's part of nature.

It's biologically imprinted into us.

There's just a difference there.

There's nothing to do with upbringing.

There's just some resilience and understanding of a girl from a young age.

It's different for me.

I have to do X,

Y and Z.

And I can see from a very early age I have to do and be responsible for X,

Y and Z.

And wow,

It just makes for a different outlook.

So this resilience in the face of adversity,

It is portrayed beautifully in this story.

Because this little girl decides,

She makes a conscious decision.

I'm going to be a princess.

Whether the world sees me as that or not,

I see myself as that,

And I can be that.

Because that's who I am.

And inside,

I will always be my princess.

And that's beautiful.

Because that inner determination,

And it doesn't matter who else can see it.

And the funny thing is,

When you have that,

People can see it,

Even though.

And it takes no arrogance,

And it takes no self-affirmation out loud.

It's just something that exists.

And that's essentially why,

In many ways,

Women are a threat.

Because we are resilient.

And we should be proud of that.

There are many forces within a patriarchy attacking us.

And that's because we're a threat,

Make no mistake about that.

But of course,

We don't see that.

But we should remember that.

So again,

To go back to the theme of today,

The regulation of emotional outbursts,

Why should we have to regulate anything?

Sarah Crew is very good at doing this.

She realizes,

This character realizes from an early age,

I'm going to have to regulate how much I show.

Because if I don't,

This headmistress is going to completely take control of me,

She's going to use my emotions against me,

She's going to see them as weakness,

And that she will destroy me.

We are not regulating anything for anybody else's benefit.

As Stoics,

Let's get this very clear.

We have a right to behave however we want to behave,

If it's in our interest.

But it is not in our interest to have an emotional outburst.

It's not.

Why?

Because we have let down our guard.

That's controversial,

Isn't it?

As a woman,

Why should we have a guard?

We are supposed to be all giving,

All nurturing.

And if you ask my children,

I think they would say that I was an earth mother.

I really am.

I really am all giving,

Because that's the only way I know.

And that's the best way to be a mother.

But for everyone else,

Apart from my husband and children,

There has to be a guard.

There has to be.

Because if there isn't,

Life will destroy you.

That's the truth of it.

So maintaining this circle of control,

Right?

So if you haven't attended the Lies before,

Just to recap,

The Stoic circle of control,

You've got the inner circle,

Everything you can control.

This is your emotions,

The way you protect yourself,

Your actions,

Your virtue,

Your acceptance of what is,

Your knowledge,

Your understanding,

Your wisdom.

You can control that.

You cannot control the actions of others,

External forces,

You cannot control those things.

And what Sarah Crew in A Little Princess does is she understands,

I have to be in control of my thoughts and my actions.

I have to be seen by others to be resilient.

But I have to control my thoughts,

My actions for myself so that I can make it through.

I have to remind myself I'm a little princess.

Daddy told me I was and I am.

She's keeping her circle really tight so that she's safe.

She lets her emotions go.

She has a little girl that she's a very poor little girl that she's trapped in the attic with,

That she has to live in the attic with.

And she,

Every now and then,

Shows that person a little bit of doubt.

I'm not sure if I can do this.

And she exhibits weakness,

But that's because that person's safe.

She doesn't have an emotion out of her.

She doesn't show anybody else that.

Why?

Because she understands that that will be used against her.

And we are called upon as women to exhibit emotion all the time,

Whether it be for the entertainment of others,

Whether it be so that other people can understand that,

Oh,

She is nice,

Really.

Oh,

She is kind.

We have to protect our emotions and exhibit them in a way that is appropriate for the situation.

And this is why I love literature,

Because there are so many examples of women and little girls doing that.

We are not doing it so that all people think we're in control.

It's not about that.

Stoicism for women,

What I'm promoting is us having,

Being safe.

That's basically it in a nutshell.

Us protecting ourselves so that we keep safe and we promote,

I'm promoting inner peace.

So we're going to,

I'm just going to talk quickly about the stoic principles in A Little Princess.

We've got the focus on virtue.

Sarah has an ability to remain kind.

She's kind and compassionate and she's positive throughout her trials.

So she retains,

Within her circle of control,

Is the virtue.

She retains her own principles.

She's kind and compassionate.

But they're the emotions she chooses to exhibit.

She accepts what is.

Initially,

She struggles with the loss of her wealth,

But she eventually learns to accept it and focus on what she can control,

Which is her own character and her own actions.

She distinguishes between what matters and what doesn't.

So stoicism teaches us to recognise external events,

Like wealth,

Are not inherently good or bad,

But we can be indifferent to them.

It can come and it can go.

It doesn't need to affect us so deeply because it does come and it does go.

Sarah,

As she matures,

Learns to appreciate the value of her inequalities and friendships rather than being defined by that wealth that she started off with,

She started life with.

She's resilient.

She maintains her composure and dignity in the face of hardship,

Which is the big one.

And she finds contentment by mirroring the stoic goal of achieving a well-lived life.

So this narrative is exploring these principles and is highlighting and showcasing them.

I'm just going to read one of the quotes,

A couple of quotes from the book here.

She says,

Whatever comes cannot alter one thing.

If I'm a princess in rags and tatters,

I can be a princess inside.

It would be easy to be a princess if I were dressed in a cloth of gold,

But it is a great deal more of a triumph to be one all the time when no one knows it.

How beautiful is that?

And this is what I'm promoting.

In charge of how you feel.

Know thyself,

Know who you are and be proud of that.

Whether anyone knows it or not,

What does it matter?

What matters is that you know it.

If nature has made you forgiver,

She says,

Your hands are born open and so is your heart.

Though there may be many times when your hands are empty,

Your heart is always full.

And you can give things out of that warmth,

Kindness,

And help and comfort.

And sometimes kind laughter is the best help of all.

We won't always have full hands.

Sometimes they will be empty.

That's out of our control.

That's out of our circle of control.

But we have the capacity for kindness.

We have the capacity for generosity.

If it's of heart and it's of love,

Out of love,

We have that capacity.

And that's within our circle of choice,

Our circle of control.

Okay,

So as Stoics,

We're encouraging regular self-reflection.

We want to identify and challenge our irrational beliefs and assumptions.

That's what we're doing here.

So this idea of toxic masculinity,

Where we don't express ourselves and we hold ourselves accountable and we say nothing and we just powerfully express ourselves,

Has been used as a stick to beat people with.

The idea that,

Well,

If you decide to be in control of how you exhibit your emotions,

Somehow you are restraining yourself,

You're stifling yourself.

This is the 21st century speak,

Right?

The popular word.

We exhibit everything.

We say everything and we let everybody know.

And what I'm saying is that doesn't seem to be getting anyone anywhere.

There's only so much noise people can make before everyone stops listening.

So this really is about which words are worth saying and which words are better off just kept to ourselves.

The less you say,

The more people will listen.

So if you are in a situation where it's just too much,

And this is what the course is about,

It's just a small 10-day introductory course.

I will go into it in more depth in the future,

But this is what the course is about.

How to cope just at that moment.

But if you find you are in that moment and it's just too much and you really just want to let it rip,

It's then that the test begins.

The challenge is to practice stoicism when the times are tough,

Not when they're easy.

Because when they're easy,

You've got time.

You've got time to work things through.

When they're tough and you're called upon to be your higher self,

That's when it hurts.

That's when in your gut you think,

Can I really do this?

These are all just words.

But going back to the beginning,

As I said,

If we are practicing that short-term,

Our body remembers long-term how we are supposed to feel in this situation and it goes into shock and then it recovers and it says,

Oh,

I remember.

I can go back to feeling as though I can cope.

I just have to do this.

And this is retreat,

Take stock,

Think.

Don't make your decisions in the worst times,

In the low times.

Big decisions need to be,

And if that big decision is not to scream and shout and slam doors,

If that's a big decision for you,

If that's what comes naturally,

Then big decisions need to be made from a place of wisdom and understanding,

Not from a place of emotion.

Which is difficult sometimes.

And that's what's expected of us.

This is what I've always found so insulting,

Is the idea,

Well,

We expect that from you as a woman.

We expect the crying and the screaming and the silent treatment and the emotional blackmail.

But if you have experienced that,

If you have been on the other side of that,

And that has happened to you from another woman,

You realise I'm not going to be that person,

Right?

Because that is destructive and we hold the power,

Make no mistake about it.

We as women hold the power.

No one's saying this,

But that's the truth.

And it is the system's job to break us down so that we're good girls and we do what we're told.

That's why looking at these examples from literature is so empowering.

It doesn't mean we have to rage against the machine,

You know,

But we have to be aware,

We have to educate ourselves and understand that it's not in society's interest for us to be in control and be calm and be in control of our faculties and our mind.

And this is why stoicism hasn't been promoted for women.

But it is our job to feel safe,

To feel empowered.

And the only way we can do that is through knowledge.

It's through wisdom and this is where it's at.

If this has resonated with you,

Then welcome to the club.

I'm going to go on to the comments now.

I've spoken quite a lot.

But as with most of the lives,

I've darted about a bit.

So if there are any gaps,

You have questions,

You can stick those in the comments now.

I'll go back to the main screen.

Okay,

So I need to scroll up because I.

.

.

Oh yeah,

It does go up a bit.

It's just like a learning thing for me.

Technology,

Oh wow.

Right,

Thank you April for that.

She says,

I'm so sorry,

My condolences.

Yeah,

It's a difficult time.

Ah,

Thanks Jo.

Yes,

Jo says she,

It's nice to help back in a small way.

It's a big way,

But yes,

Thank you.

Yeah,

It's not happening to us,

It's happening for us.

Yes,

Anastasia,

If you manage to come back and hear,

That's true.

It's not happening to us,

It's happening for us.

The name of the book we're doing today,

JE or J maybe,

Is A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

It is on,

There's a playlist,

It's on my tracks,

And it is about a little girl,

Sarah Crew.

Listening,

It's,

Oh thanks Jo,

Yeah.

Thanks Jo,

The Little Princess sounds a great book.

Yes,

Introducing me to,

I admire the character's determination,

Her ability to reframe her life,

To view herself as a princess.

What a beautiful thing to do,

Yeah.

The funny thing is,

I'm quite amazed that no,

You know,

You say that and you haven't done that,

Because I just thought we all did that.

And that's why I call myself a natural born Stoic,

Because that comes easy.

I think if you have ever been in a situation where you've decided,

I'm not getting enough adoration here.

I don't think anyone realises how great I am.

Then you start doing it for yourself.

And if that's when you're very young,

So be it.

You've got to do it,

You know,

Because if you cannot blow your own trumpet,

Who's going to do it for you?

Right.

Yes,

We are resilient and we are powerful,

And it is not lip service.

That is what I have learned to be true about being a woman.

When you have been up all night long,

Breastfeeding a child.

Okay,

Some of us it's not painful for,

Some of us it's very painful for in the beginning.

And thinking,

No,

I'm not going to stop and this is flipping killing me,

But I'm going to carry on and I'm not going to give in.

You realise I am resilient because I understand that this is more important to me than my pain.

Okay,

There are so many ways we are called upon as women.

I have a friend who suffers from endometriosis and the pain,

You know,

The suffering.

Just for being born a woman,

How cruel is that?

And yet,

We power on.

Reminded of how resilient,

Powerful,

Yes,

Yes,

It's very inspiring too.

And we are knowledgeable,

But we must be open to the signs.

We are not inherently knowledgeable,

None of us are.

We have to open our eyes to what's going on and learn from that.

Learn from other people,

Learn from ourselves,

Not walk around with blinkers on,

Open our eyes to what's going on.

That's a really important message.

A huge part of stoicism is knowledge and understanding,

And that is what I'm here for,

To try and open your eyes to it.

We cannot anymore.

Cover ourselves up,

Hide away from the truth.

The truth is very beautiful,

And it is also very,

Very ugly.

And it is our job to protect ourselves from that,

Right?

Yeah,

The image of KVL Garda puts me in mind of the invisible shield you spoke about.

Yeah,

Thank you,

That's great.

That's great to hear,

Jo.

Yeah,

Invisible shield,

Exactly.

And it doesn't mean it's impenetrable,

Because at times things are going to get in.

We are only human.

There are moments where things just get in and it becomes too much.

And what do we do then?

We take stock,

We rest,

We recuperate,

And we understand that it was just a moment,

And we can pull the cloak around us again,

The invisibility cloak,

And be safe.

I'm really glad to see you guys here with me today.

It means so much,

Especially in tough times,

Because you're still here.

And it's nice to have something that is continuous,

And that's what we've got to hold on to,

Those little foundations.

I hope you take a look at the course,

Give a little princess a listen,

And thanks,

Jo.

Yes,

I hope next week goes better for me,

But it doesn't matter,

Because I'm always going to be okay.

It's just a little moment,

And then it's gone.

But thank you for your kindness,

It means so much.

Thank you all for coming,

And next week we are going to talk about,

Now I've just started a new book,

I read a lot of books,

And I like to share them with you.

I've just started Little Women,

So Little Women we are going to be looking at next week.

Yay!

Brilliant story.

Another stoic,

Female,

Flag-flying exercise.

So I hope you're with me on that.

Yes,

Me too.

And I shall see you next week,

Same time,

3pm GMT.

Bye for now.

Reviews

Little Princess, quite the stoic lesson. Thank you too for the note on importance of making big decisions from a place of wisdom and understanding. Let the emotions fall away first! 🙏
A note too on gratitudes. My mentor always says, for us to say 'thank you thank you' for every instance. Even if needed through gritted teeth for those challenges, as everything is an opportunity for teaching, for growth. ♡