Hello,
And welcome to this guided meditation for connecting with your baby during and after ectopic pregnancy.
My name is Sarah,
And I'm a perinatal chaplain offering spiritual care and emotional support during fertility,
Pregnancy,
Postpartum,
And loss.
I'm also a lost mom,
And I have walked the road of ectopic pregnancy myself and know how deeply painful and heartbreaking it is.
In this gentle and comforting audio,
I want to help you connect to the baby you lost during your ectopic pregnancy.
I invite you now to lie back and close your eyes,
Or if that doesn't feel safe,
Simply soften your gaze.
Take a deep breath from your belly.
Let that breath slowly fill your belly,
Your sides,
And your lower back.
Exhale slowly.
And take another breath.
Each breath is an invitation to come home,
To your body,
To this moment,
To the present.
Now imagine a warm golden light rising up from the center of the earth.
See it traveling upward,
Through layers of soil,
Through roots and stone,
Until it reaches the soles of your feet.
Feel that golden light enter your body,
Bringing warmth,
Steadiness,
And grounding.
With every inhale,
The light moves upward,
Through your legs,
Your hips,
Your belly,
Your heart,
Your shoulders,
All the way to the crown of your head.
With every exhale,
It releases what your body no longer needs to hold.
You are filled and surrounded by light.
You are held in safety and love.
You may feel fragile or raw.
You may still be bleeding,
Waiting,
Or recovering from treatment.
You may still be in the liminal place between pregnancy and loss.
Bring your hand to your heart,
Or to your belly if that feels right.
Feel the warmth of your hand.
Notice the rise and fall of your breath beneath it.
With your next inhale,
Imagine breathing in compassion.
With your exhale,
Imagine releasing self-blame.
There is nothing you did to cause this.
There is nothing you could have done to prevent it.
Your body was protecting you the best way it knew how.
As you breathe,
Imagine that same golden light softening around your heart,
Forming a thread of connection between your heart and the little spark of life that was your baby.
See that connection strengthening,
Pulsing with love and light.
This connection does not depend on time or milestones reached or biology.
It is woven out of love.
This love existed even before your baby's heart began to form.
Even before you may have known you were pregnant.
And it continues even now,
After your baby's physical presence is gone.
This love will continue to connect the two of you forever.
This thread of love and light will always be there,
Connecting you.
It is always yours to reach for and feel.
Whenever you miss your baby or feel overcome by a wave of grief,
Know that this cord of love and golden light is still there,
Tying the two of you together.
Now take a moment to imagine your baby.
You may sense your baby as light,
As warmth,
Or as presence.
You may feel nothing at all,
And that's okay too.
You are safe in this moment.
Your baby is safe in light and love.
And you are connected through that love,
Beyond form,
Beyond time,
Beyond fear.
You can whisper to your baby if you'd like.
Thank you for coming to me,
Even for a little while.
I carry you with me.
You are free,
And so am I.
If you'd like,
Take a moment to say anything else you'd like to say to your baby.
If you chose a name for your baby,
Take a moment to tell them about their special name and why you chose it.
Now take a moment to turn that same gentle maternal care and love from your baby to yourself.
This was not your fault.
You did not cause this.
You did nothing to deserve this.
You could not have prevented this.
You are safe and whole.
You are loving and deserving of love.
Your body is good and whole and complete.
Imagine that golden light coming up through your feet,
Flooding your body with light and love.
Send it to any parts of you that feel broken,
Scarred,
Missing,
Or incomplete.
Your body tells the story of this baby and this pregnancy.
Your scars are marks of where love once lived.
Your body is good.
Your body did its best to protect you.
Today I am bearing the unbearable,
And still I know that I am safe.
As we begin to close,
Bring your attention back to the breath.
Notice your body resting on the surface beneath you.
Notice the rise and fall of your breath.
I am connected to my inner knowing.
I know I am safe.
My heart can stay open even as it breaks.
I am learning to live with the questions,
And that is its own kind of wisdom.
My baby's light lives on in love.
Take one last deep breath in,
And let it go.
When you are ready,
Gently open your eyes,
Or simply return to the world around you,
Carrying the warmth of this connection with you wherever you go.
