My name is Sadie and I'm a yogi in recovery.
Having sorted through past behaviors,
Finding where misplaced longing led us astray,
And making sincere attempts to realign with our true nature,
We find ourselves at the forgiveness phase of our development.
How easy it is to beat ourselves up over the ways we've misbehaved,
Right?
The task of forgiving ourselves can feel insurmountable,
Yet it is absolutely necessary if we are to forgive others.
Holding on to blame and criticism towards ourselves will only reinforce the armor we've spent a lifetime building around our heart.
This will keep us isolated and separate from the rest of the world.
We must be free of blame and resentment towards ourselves if we are to experience the freedom of recovery,
The true freedom.
Through the teachings of yoga,
We learn that we have always had the capacity for loving kindness and self-compassion.
Addiction covers over this truth and tells us we don't deserve it.
In fact,
Life,
The experience of being a human being,
Covers over it.
We aren't the only ones that face this obstacle.
We can let go of blame and resentment towards ourselves by cultivating an attitude of friendliness.
That's what this meditation is about.
So find a comfortable seat and close your eyes.
Sit upright and tall but not rigid.
Turn your attention towards your breath and for the next several moments,
Focus only on your breath.
When your mind begins to wander,
Remember just keep coming back to your breath.
Keep coming back over and over to your breath as an anchor as many times as you need to,
Remembering that each time you do,
You're strengthening your brain muscle to return to presence.
Now bring to mind the image of a vast blue sky.
Maybe you're a little bit too tall to see,
But you can still see.
Now bring to mind the image of a vast blue sky.
Maybe you're lying in a warm smile gazing back at you.
The curve of a smile way high up in the vast blue sky,
Smiling at you simply because you're there,
Simply because you're you.
Feel the friendliness of this smile and breathe it in.
With every inhale,
Feel the warmth of this friendly smile radiate into your chest,
Your heart.
Do this several times.
Now allow the corners of your mouth to turn slightly upward,
Smiling back at the friendly sky.
Soften the space between your eyebrows and behind your eyes.
Soften and relax your hands in your heart.
Feel the lightness that a smile brings to the energy around your heart.
Feel your shoulders and belly relax,
Bringing in a deep sense of peace and inner stillness.
Now bring the smile down into your heart center.
Feel the corners of your heart turning slightly upward,
Forming a smile in your chest.
Notice the uplifting sensation this creates.
Be with that feeling for the next few moments.
Now go even deeper and bring the smile down into your belly.
Sense the organs of your belly reaching up,
Smiling back at the friendly blue sky.
Feel the uplifting sensation that you're creating in your energy field.
You might even get the sense that you're going to float off of the ground and hover.
Light,
Airy,
Warm.
Notice what sensations in your physical body are present.
Be with that feeling for a few moments longer.
Keep coming back to the image of a smile,
Whether it be in the vast blue sky,
In your mouth,
In your heart.
Sense the smile,
See the smile,
Feel the smile.
Imagine yourself now as a child,
A time when you were innocent and joyful,
A moment when the world seemed just right.
See this child sitting across from you and offer them this friendly smile,
Smiling at them from the inside out with your eyes,
Your mouth,
Your heart,
And kidneys.
And see them smile back at you,
Joyful and at peace.
Now imagine yourself at a time when you weren't at your best,
Maybe you were even at your worst.
Recognize this past version of you as a wounded animal stuck in the trap of suffering.
Notice how your heart opens when you bring an attitude of compassion rather than criticism.
Smile at this past version of yourself with the same friendliness you so freely gave the sky and your younger self.
If this is difficult for you,
I encourage you to keep coming back to the smile.
Even if you have to act as if,
Continue smiling at that past version of you who is suffering and struggling.
Remember that forgiveness doesn't excuse the behavior,
It prevents the behavior from destroying your heart.
Now can you imagine taking yourself in your arms and with a loving compassionate smile on your face say,
It's okay,
It's okay.
If strong emotions are rising for you or your eyes are welling up with tears,
That's just the healing doing its job.
Allow it to be there,
Feel what you feel.
Don't push it away,
Just be with it and breathe.
Now imagine yourself sitting next to this old version of you,
This past version who wasn't at their best,
The sky smiling down at you both,
Not judging who's better or worse,
Just loving you,
Giving you the same equal smile of friendliness.
And now bring one hand over your heart,
Start to come back to your breath,
Take a deep inhale and a slow exhale,
Another deep inhale and a slow exhale.
As you feel ready,
Start to blink your eyes back to open,
Returning to the space where you're sitting.
As you move forward through the day,
Remember that you can bring this attitude of a friendly smile to any situation.
When you're driving in the car and you're looking up at the sky,
Imagine the sky smiling back at you and notice what that feels like.
Namaste.
