Don’t Try to be Loving, Just Make Yourself Pleasant

Emotion, Sadhguru says, is a strong aspect of being human. For many, a moment of love has been the most intense experience in life. However, Sadhguru cautions, don’t try to be loving - just make yourself pleasant in body, mind, emotion and energy.

Yogi, mystic and visionary, Sadhguru is a spiritual master with a difference. An arresting blend of profundity and pragmatism, his life and work serves as a reminder that yoga is a contemporary science, vitally relevant to our times.

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Transcript

Love has become a relevant thing in human life only because human emotion is a strong aspect of being human being.

In human life,

Emotion is a very powerful thing.

Even in this day and age,

Though people think they're very intellectual,

Even today their emotions are the strongest aspect.

Yes or no?

It's the most intense aspect of their life.

They claim they're intellectual,

But their intellect is never so intense,

But their emotions are intense.

Maybe not love,

Maybe not compassion,

But maybe anger,

Maybe irritation,

These are all emotions.

So emotion is a very important aspect of being human.

Now we're only talking about what type of emotion do you want to have.

Now if you… do you have a mind?

Do you have a mind?

Yes.

Would you want it to be sharp or dull?

Hmm?

Why?

It works better that way,

Isn't it?

Similarly if you have emotions,

Do you want to have sweet emotions or bitter emotions?

Sweet emotions.

It works better that way,

Isn't it?

So love means just that you have transformed your emotions into sweetness.

Now I want to be in love without emotion.

That's a very European idea.

Love is an emotion.

It is the sweetness of your emotion which we are referring to as love.

If the same emotion becomes bitter,

We call it hate.

Usually it is the people whom you love that you hate,

Isn't it?

Some time ago you loved them,

Now you hate them.

You don't hate that man who is just walking on the street,

Isn't it?

Some love should have happened and now the coin fell another way and now it's become hate.

Yes?

So it's just the same coin,

If it falls this way it becomes love,

If it falls that way it becomes hatred.

Don't think they are too far away.

They are pretty close.

One little thing goes wrong,

Love becomes hate,

Isn't it?

So how to be in love without emotion?

Love is an emotion.

Now the choice is only do you want your emotions to be sweet,

Pleasant or unpleasant emotions,

The choice.

It's an obvious choice,

Isn't it?

But most people are keeping their emotions bitter most of the time.

Bitterness need not necessarily mean they are in active hatred,

They are in irritation,

They are in agitation,

They are in some kind of… fear is also an emotion,

Anxiety is an emotion.

It is in some level of unpleasantness.

If you make your emotions very pleasant,

Then life will be very pleasant.

Even today most people experience as a moment of love as the most profound experience of their life.

It is not,

But they experience it that way because that is the most intense thing they have touched.

What that is the deepest dimension of life they have touched is a moment of love.

So they raise it to heaven.

People are transporting it to heaven,

People are talking about divine love.

You do not know whether God loves or not.

Human beings are capable of love if they are willing.

Dog is capable of love.

When human beings fail you,

You get yourself a dog.

If you get a dog,

Twelve year guarantee love affair.

Yes?

Don't… do not underestimate this.

You get yourself a dog,

Every day you come home,

What a welcome you get.

Your wife,

She is no good.

One one day she is one one way,

Your children they are not interested with you come home or go.

But your dog,

Every day what an excited welcome he gives you.

Nobody is capable of this,

Isn't it?

Every day without fail,

He will never show disinterest in you.

He is such a boost for you.

Dog is love for sure.

Maybe it's just a spelling mistake.

You know typos can happen.

Now if you made yourself in such a way,

Nobody around can… around you can love you,

Then the only sucker you have is somebody must love you long distance from there.

It's unfortunate way to live.

God loves you,

It's the most unfortunate way to live.

That means you made yourself in such a way,

Nobody can even look at you.

If people around you cannot help loving you,

That's a nice way to be,

Isn't it?

You may not be great,

Maybe at least you are cute.

Yes?

So in yoga,

We don't look at anything as love,

Hate,

Happiness,

Misery,

We don't look at it that way.

We just look at it this way.

Do you want to be pleasant or unpleasant?

If you become pleasant in your body,

We call it health.

If you become very pleasant,

We call it pleasure.

If your mind becomes pleasant we call it peace,

If it becomes very pleasant,

We call it joy.

If your emotions become pleasant,

We call it love.

If it becomes very pleasant,

We call it compassion.

If your very life energies become pleasant,

We call this bliss.

If it becomes very pleasant,

We call it ecstasy.

If your surroundings become pleasant,

We call it success.

So the other names that you give are just leading to confusion.

Should I be loving?

You don't have to be loving.

Just be pleasant in your body,

Pleasant in your mind,

Pleasant in your emotions,

Pleasant in your energies,

You will be a wonderful being.

If your emotions are pleasant,

If somebody comes here,

You can share that pleasantness with them.

If your emotions are unpleasant,

For sure you share that with people,

Isn't it?

Yes or no?

So you cannot… you cannot do something that you are not.

If this is feeling pleasant now,

It will naturally be pleasant to everything.

If this is feeling unpleasant right now,

It will be nasty to everything.

So instead of seeing how to make this pleasant,

You want to be pleasant to somebody,

That is being loving.

You don't have to be loving.

If everything within you has become pleasant,

Whatever is needed in that moment,

You will do.

If you need to say pleasant things,

You will say that.

If you need to say some hard things,

You will say that.

But without any unpleasantness in you,

That's important,

Isn't it?

If you will have to fight a war,

You will fight it.

Without any unpleasantness in you,

That's important.

Then you will do everything,

Only to the extent it's necessary.

You will not do… overdo anything.

If you say,

I love somebody,

You will exaggerate things about the people whom you love.

You will exaggerate good things about them.

If you say,

I hate somebody,

You will exaggerate bad things about them.

You will never see anything the way it is.

People go blind with things that they love,

Isn't it?

They have no sense.

They lose all their sense.

If they hate also,

They lose sense.

If you like,

You will lose sense.

If you dislike,

You will lose sense.

The doorway of life is in being equanimous that you are able to see everything just the way it is.

Now you are pleasant to somebody,

Not because somebody is nice.

You are pleasant to somebody because you are pleasant,

That's all.

This is more guaranteed.

It's a more guaranteed love affair,

Isn't it?

You are being pleasant to somebody because you are pleasant.

If I am being pleasant to you because you are nice,

Tomorrow if you are not so nice,

Something else will happen,

Isn't it?

If you martygage your pleasantness to something outside of you,

You being pleasant or unpleasant is only by chance.

Keeping this one pleasant is your business.

If this one is pleasant,

With whatever it interacts,

It will generate pleasantness.

Now you have not managed to make this pleasant,

You are trying to be pleasant to somebody and that is subject to so many things.

If you have to be pleasant,

They have to be fixed the way you want them.

And that's not possible.

Nobody can be fixed the way you want them.

You are not able to do that even with one person,

Isn't it?

You cannot even fix one person the way you want them.

Forget about the whole world.

The more you try this,

The more bitterness and unpleasantness will happen.

That is why in the so-called most intimate relationships maximum amount of unpleasantness happens.

So this is because you are trying to do something that you are not.

You are trying to be loving when you are not pleasant.

When you are feeling bitter,

You try to be loving and see it will destroy you,

Isn't it?

Yes or no?

You tried all these things,

Isn't it?

It's destructive.

When you are feeling pleasant,

It is effortless.

So you just have to look at why is it you being pleasant or unpleasant is mortgaged to external situations.

If everybody around me is unpleasant,

How can I be pleasant?

Especially if everybody around you is unpleasant,

It's all the more important that you are pleasant,

Isn't it?

Yes or no?

If everybody around you is in a mess,

Is it not all the more important that you are pleasant?

If everybody around you is unhealthy,

Is it not very important at least you are healthy,

Even if you want to take care of them?

Is there any logic to everybody is unhealthy,

So let me also get sick?

What is the logic behind this?

So if people around you are unpleasant,

It becomes even more important that you are pleasant.

Reviews

I love this. I believe that love is a verb not an emotion. 🙏💕 Verbs are ACTION words. BEING pleasant is an action.

Sensible, HEALthy, balanced & appreciated perspective! www.gratefulness.org, ahimsa www.compassioncourse.org

I loved this x

Such profound wisdom always. Thank you 🙏🦋

Fresh prospective for a new day! Thank you for this wisdom 🙏🏼

Excellent! Thank you! 🙏🏻

Thank you for this wisdom, it answered so many questions I have had about interacting with people who behave badly (who I find difficult). I don't have a dog but I have a chicken! 😆

This was so very helpful🦋

Love your view of life. Very true and powerful words. Thank you 😊

I love how all answers for me can be simple. Just have things be pleasant

I really enjoyed this talk. What a different way of thinking.

I have listened to this talk a thousand times and each time I find it clear insightful and very useful Thanks a lot Sadhguru

This message is so helpful!

I really love his message! It ended quite abruptly, however. I wish it would not have ended so fast.

Just be pleasant 🤗 so simple and yet so powerful. Thank you

I get some much from these talks. Practical wisdom on how to live well and relevant whether you consider yourself spiritual, religious or neither.

This perspective makes being a more positive, loving being much more manageable.

'Maybe it is just a spelling mistake.' Smart. :)

Practical, enlightened.