105 Dark Masculine 2: Freeing The Beast

The 'Dark Masculine' is the set of testosterone-driven traits that have been evolutionarily beneficial, but not accepted by modern society (Hence they are "dark"). The first Dark Masculine episode (from last summer) focused on healing shame. But how do you embody these characteristics for fun and profit? Enter: The Beast. This episode speaks on channeling that animalistic part of you that conquers, takes, pillages, (and has people love him for it). We dive deep into some social taboos. Be warned.

Transcript

The Ruando podcast is an exploration of the unconscious in the game of life.

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And we're live.

It is morning on Monday here in Thailand.

This is the first time I'm doing one of these not having just drank a bunch of coffee or any coffee.

I've been kind of in vacation mode these last six or five weeks or so here in Koh Pha Yung for the Chiang Mai burning season.

Anyways,

Being out here,

I've realized that I've been drinking way too much coffee for way too long.

I actually didn't never drink coffee until I came out to Thailand three years ago.

The short version of the story is I decided to fast for 22 hours a day.

That kind of left me searching for some stimulation.

I started drinking coffee here in Thailand for the first time every morning and realized how much it affected my productivity.

And ever since then,

I've had one to two to three coffees a day every day for three years.

But it's come to my attention,

Especially after doing the ambition aliveness,

The ambition acceptance episode from a couple of weeks ago.

I realized I really have been violating that rule,

Pushing a little bit too hard.

And basically on these days that I haven't had coffee,

I've been sleeping all day,

So massive adrenal fatigue.

So anyway,

This is all to say,

This is the first time I'm doing one of these without coffee.

I don't know if it'll come out any differently,

But it's an experiment.

We'll see.

Instead of a coffee,

I had a mango,

I had an hibiscus tea,

And a sun salutation.

There's a puppy outside.

Today is good.

We're going to jump in.

So today's episode is on the dark mask limb.

Part two,

Or episode two on this topic.

So since the episode,

The first one came out last summer,

Got a lot of feedback on it from different people.

That episode is focused on healing shame.

There's been a lot of questions on the topic,

The dark mask limb.

And there's a lot more to speak about.

And this episode has been inspired by people reaching out to me,

But also recent events in my own life.

Whereas the first episode focused on overcoming shame,

This episode's going to build off of that and we're going to call this freeing the beast.

The beast being the virtues of the dark mask limb,

That animalistic side of your testosterone driven part of your psyche,

Which can be used in positive ways,

But it can also be used in destructive ways,

Which is why we call it dark,

Or society calls it dark.

So just a short definition.

We're going to give a more detailed definition,

But the dark mask limb is the animalistic side of your psyche,

The animalistic side of your testosterone driven part of your psyche.

It comes from genetic programming for survival and replication.

These are behaviors and instincts that have evolved into human behavior and male behavior long before human consciousness,

Which is part of why it causes people so much trouble because it doesn't always line up.

The impulses of the dark mask limb,

Or we can call impulses dark if they don't line up with our rationality,

They don't line up with our morality or sense of what is good and bad and acceptable and not acceptable.

Anything that is dark is something that's within us and is a part of us that doesn't line up with what we think we should be,

Which is why a lot of people have shame about it.

So we'll start with the story because I wanted to go back.

In recent episodes,

I've spoken a little bit about things like the Madonna-Whore complex and different aspects of internal shaming and dissociation.

I want to go all the way back to my very first connections of darkness,

Which came around the time that I started to feel these strong impulses for growth.

Because we're actually in this episode,

We're going to speak about various taboo subjects,

So be warned.

We're going to speak about sex.

I think it's one place where this becomes very applicable.

But also,

There's a meta benefit or a deeper benefit I want to bring about,

Which is how this is a critical part of individuation.

So I first started having dark thoughts,

Which should be dark thoughts being,

Again,

Unacceptable or antisocial thoughts.

Around teenage years is also when I was the deepest in depression.

It's when I got really into my own developments.

And these three things are not random.

They all came together.

And I remember,

This is something I've spoken about in other episodes,

How I speak to a lot of guys about what they think about or what they dager about.

And of course,

A lot of men,

Most men think about sex periodically.

But a lot of guys,

Especially guys who are a little frustrated with their lives or don't feel as empowered as they want to be,

Maybe don't feel as accomplished.

It's very common for guys to fantasize about violence,

Whether it's something like being an MMA fighter,

Which is a more socially acceptable version,

Or being a character in Game of Thrones,

Conquering or defeating barbarians or something.

These are common fantasies of men.

And I would propose that one of the reasons why guys,

This is such a common fantasy for men,

Is that this is a sign of the dark mask and archetype.

It's a part of you that insists on asserting itself in reality.

And we can bring it back down to our genes.

Like throughout history,

Male genes or genes that were inside a male body could pass on better if that individual was willing to conquer,

Willing to fight,

Willing to kill,

Maybe willing to rape and do other things.

So anyway,

I remember as a teenager,

My first dark thoughts came around where I just felt like I just wanted to get into a fight.

Like the movie Fight Club really hit home,

Like the line,

I just wanted to destroy something beautiful,

Which Tyler Durden says when he beats up Jared Leto.

Like there's something in that that really resonated.

And I think it resonates with a lot of guys who are fighting for their growth.

And throughout my many years of being feeling disempowered,

These kinds of feelings or thoughts really resonated with me.

And I remember when I was just at the peak of like about to have a breakthrough internally.

I was around,

So I moved to New York City.

I was 23-ish.

I was actually right before I joined One Taste,

The Cults,

If you caught that episode from last,

From years ago,

Actually.

And I remember telling my friends,

I had this weird feeling.

I didn't know where it was coming from,

What it was about,

But I had this feeling like I was going to get arrested.

Like I had this strong feeling that I was going to do something crazy.

I didn't know what it was.

Like I just felt like I want to break free from something so,

Like there's this urge in me that's so strong that I'm willing to burn everything down.

I'm willing to like get arrested or get,

I mean,

I just,

I remember,

And I was kind of like,

Not that I had a death wish by any means,

But I had kind of like an adventure wish or like a danger wish.

I remember like throwing myself into situations without really knowing why I was doing it.

It was just like this strong urge.

And looking back,

My interpretation of this is like,

I was feeling so out of,

Or my unconscious or my archetypes were feeling so under expressed.

I was feeling so in the wrong place.

I was so far from individuation that the,

Whereas like these other archetypes or parts of our personality might be softer and might be more pro-social or try to fit in.

The dark masculine is that core,

Which is like,

Hey,

If we're not getting what we want,

We're going to take what we want.

And this is an important piece in,

And I,

Cause I think that with men that comes out the most when you're,

When you're like beaten down and you're almost at your rock bottom,

This is the part of you that's like,

No,

We are not going to bend over here.

It's important.

However,

This impulse obviously can be expressed in very destructive ways.

And you know,

This,

This maybe is a,

Yeah,

This is the first slightly taboo thing.

I've been reading a lot about,

Not a lot,

But I've been reading a bit about school shooters and like what drives a guy to do that.

And I read one of the,

One of these guys,

What's it called?

I mean,

A bunch of these guys have written,

What's it,

Manifestos about their viewpoints or whatever.

And I read one of them by one of the school shooters,

I think from the Palo Alto killings.

Really,

Really messed up kid.

He had all these racist remarks.

He had this viewpoint.

He was kind of like this MGTOW type incel where he really felt like the world was against him and all these resentful thoughts.

And that's what drew him or gave him the moral justification to shoot up a bunch of innocent people.

But I remember reading his thing and obviously it's very sad.

You can see he's in a lot of pain.

He's externalizing his pain and blaming the world for it,

Which is I think his error of thinking.

But the feelings,

Those feelings that he was writing,

I can relate to them a lot.

And like,

I know it's like,

You know,

It's not a pleasant thing to think that you can relate to something,

But I think a lot of men,

If they're honest,

If you've ever felt like really beaten down by the world,

Whether it was in your head or in reality,

You kind of relate to those feelings.

I mean,

It takes,

It takes a few other steps for someone to want to cause that much pain on other people.

But that's the same.

I would say that is the dark masculine as well.

And that's perhaps why so many people are afraid of it because that part of you that is able to empower you and conquer life and take what you need and be attractive on a very primal level is also the thing that could drive you to shoot up a school or do something terrible like that.

Camille Paglia has a quote,

I'm not going to remember the words off the top of my head,

But it's something like,

There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper or she might've said that backwards.

It's just like,

And the quote goes on,

But it's like the same impulses of testosterone that have someone be obsessed enough to become Mozart,

Have them become obsessed enough to also murder a bunch of people.

I guess the same impulse expressed in different ways or perhaps these same people if conditioned properly go anywhere.

Anyway,

This is,

This is from my past,

But recently I've been exploring this in sexuality with my partner,

With Nalaiah.

And we had an experience a few weeks ago now where,

And actually just a little bit backstory.

I mentioned this in the Madonna horror complex episode where throughout my life,

Especially when I recognized for the first time that I needed to bring my darkness in the bedroom.

It was like being called for from women.

It was something that was like a very foreign concept for me,

Like whether it was BDSM or just like,

You know,

Just being dominant.

Like my whole life,

I thought like that was a bad thing as many people do.

And it was just like,

What?

Yeah,

Like women want me to be dominant.

Oh shit.

I have to learn this new thing.

Dominance like is very confusing,

But eventually I did tap into it and feel a lot of power from it and a lot of individuation.

A lot of myself came out that maybe had been dormant.

However,

I found it really hard to express that with a woman I really cared about.

It was very easy to express that with like a lover that I didn't care about or actually I'll go even deeper.

Like it was really easy to express it with a lover who I felt a little contempt for or maybe I didn't respect or I didn't like something about them and became very easy to go very deep into like that pillaging,

Biking type of thing.

And I felt a very healing because very often,

I mean,

Those types of women,

I don't know if it was a chicken and the egg thing,

But they would seem for at least in my world view at the time,

Which I think is still accurate,

But I have a different take on it.

I really got off on whatever I was doing.

It was like my darkest impulses,

Darkest to me,

Like things that like I wouldn't normally think is okay.

I could do it because that's what I felt and she would really enjoy it and she would really get off on it and that made some part of myself that maybe had never gotten appreciation or not never gotten validation or appreciation.

It was like,

Oh,

That part of myself was like,

Ah,

It's okay to be me.

Like that part of me that just wants to choke a bitch like,

Ah,

It's okay.

Like that,

That is actually okay in the right context.

It's actually okay because that's a part of us and we're gonna explain in this episode where all these urges come from because maybe that'll help a lot of the intellectual guys get over whatever distance they feel.

But anyway,

Okay,

So skipping ahead.

A couple of weeks ago,

We're having this experience.

I was kind of in this dark mode,

Not that we always are doing this,

But like I was kind of in this like really animalistic mode where like I was really taking her body and like being selfish and like doing what I wanted,

But in the midst of it and everything was going great,

But in the midst of it,

Because like with,

Uh,

With Nalaiah,

I should,

I just want to say,

Um,

I don't know if,

I don't know if I'm jumping around cause I haven't had coffee or maybe I'd do this anyway.

But um,

In the Madonna horror episode,

I mentioned how,

Uh,

One of the reasons why I felt able to integrate this archetype in my relationship is that I feel so much trust in our connection and I feel so much permission from her that I don't need to not care about her in order to feel connected to this archetype.

It's been something that's before she and I got together.

It was one of my concerns like,

Oh,

Is it going to be hard for me to access my darkness with her?

Hasn't been the case mostly until a couple of weeks ago.

So a couple of weeks ago we were in this mode.

Um,

And you know,

Normally I was feeling good about it.

However,

She is not just a sex partner.

She is my life partner and we,

We discuss many things about how to work together and all this stuff.

And anyway,

This part was in my head too.

While we're making love,

It kind of popped in my head and I'm like,

Oh shit,

Am I being selfish right now?

Like it just the thought that I'm being selfish,

Like physically with our bodies.

I was like,

I'm really just focusing on my pleasure right now.

I'm being a little selfish.

So it's like,

Oh,

I don't want to be selfish because you know,

This is the woman I love and care about and have a life with.

Uh,

So I was like,

Oh,

Let me,

Let me make,

Let me balance it out.

Like I had these like carnal,

Uh,

Kind of,

Yeah,

Just like,

Uh,

Take,

Uh,

I was ravishing her and really enjoying it,

But then I was like,

Oh,

Let me balance it out with making sure I'm giving to her.

And I started to give it,

Give to her.

I kind of switched modes to balance it out of my head and I totally ruined the moment.

Like it's like,

It just like I was in the taking archetype and I switched it to give her and it threw off the dynamic.

It was not right for that moment.

Um,

So then we talked about it because like,

You know,

The,

The vibe was just killed.

We discussed it.

Um,

And uh,

You know,

We,

We,

She spoke about how like she really liked it that I was in a taking mode,

Blah,

Blah,

You know?

And I was like,

Oh yeah,

Okay,

That's right.

I re I remembered what I knew was true.

Uh,

And she said something like,

Like I really,

I was really enjoying you taking me.

Um,

So,

Uh,

Someone just commented.

Yeah.

The,

The intellectual man's voice is always audible.

Yeah.

So,

Uh,

She said,

Um,

She's really enjoying me taking her.

So I was like,

Okay,

Now I need to take her for her sake.

It's like I switched in my,

In my brain instead of like being in this mode of like taking for my own pleasure.

I was now trying to seem like I was taking for my own pleasure,

But for her pleasures that also ruined the moment.

Like we,

We couldn't really get into it.

I actually ended up going a little bit too hard and a little bit too fast,

Which is one of the concerns,

Right?

Like a lot of guys don't.

I mean the,

The narrative you hear mostly from women about what makes men not good in bed is,

Uh,

You know,

They're thinking about themselves and they go too hard and too fast.

I would actually say,

And I can't say this is the case in all situations,

But in many,

Uh,

That often happens when the guy is going into his head because if you're really feeling her body,

It actually doesn't feel good to go too far outside of her range.

Like when two people are connected,

They might not want the exact same thing in the exact moment,

But your Venn diagrams of what you would enjoy become more and more overlapped.

If you're really tuned into another person's body,

They become almost the same circle.

It's very hard to do something that would make another person feel bad if you're really feeling their feelings via empathy.

Anyway,

So this is all to say,

I,

You know,

I realized,

Okay,

I,

There's,

There's a part of myself that still feels maybe nice guy stuff or shame in the bedroom.

Like I mean the fact that I was able to,

I mean I,

I lost my,

This,

This part of myself.

Then we had,

We had another talk and essentially,

Uh,

She said something,

Uh,

That made it click in my head that I forget exactly the words she said,

But she said something along the lines of like,

I want all of you,

I want to feel taken for you and I love feeling your pleasure.

And I think it was that last piece that clicked into my head of like,

Oh yeah,

Like me taking for myself in certain contexts is actually the most enjoyable thing for her.

And me trying to like focus on her constantly actually was in a way annoying to her.

And this is something that clicked in for this dark masculine piece of like the thing that I was getting from these past lovers that didn't really care about or not even that I didn't care.

It's just like for some reason we can maybe speak about it more.

I felt like just an annoyance with them and that made me kind of want to like do things that I would think would humiliate them and maybe it was on like a rational level,

But they really ate it up.

And what it really gave is like a permission to that part of myself that for some reason existed and really delighted in doing certain things in the bedroom.

And you know,

Because essentially what this does and like,

You know,

We're not going to talk about healing so much in this episode,

But it's like,

It's letting that beast in you that part of you doesn't really get along with your sense of rationality.

What society says,

Okay,

Is telling that beast,

Hey,

You're not alone.

It's like,

I mean my notes I wrote down,

It offers connection in quotes.

Like it's not connection in like the lovey dovey sense,

But it's connection of like that part of you doesn't have to be dissociated.

Even the part of you that maybe does have a slight impulse to do commit atrocities and like rape and murder and stuff like even that part of you is acceptable.

It can be integrated because the really bad things happen when you dissociate,

When you push that and you stuff that jack the ripper inside of you down and down and down and try to like dissociate and pretend that's not you.

It kind of becomes its own personality and you know,

Maybe that's where Ted Bundy's come from anyway.

And this actually goes out very far outside of the bedroom.

We're going to speak about you know,

Where this shows up in life.

And like if you caught the episode with my boy Noel Free recently,

He and I had,

We're having a discussion,

Not necessarily on like this like dark,

Dark part of the dark masculine,

But just like the idea of what if people in social situations would like you better if you took what you want within reason,

Right?

Like what I mean,

Just it's just,

It's a question to think about like what if the world enjoyed you more when you served yourself?

It's just,

It's something I want you to think about is listening to this episode because that is a way of tapping into the dark masculine without shame.

And finally,

Well,

I'll just say like this.

Oh,

Okay.

The last thing I'll say about this,

This bit is,

So ever since this happened a couple of weeks ago,

Nalai and I have been like exploring different things.

Some of it's just in my mind,

But some of it is between each other.

And she said stuff kind of out of nowhere,

Like that we had sex on the beach the other day and she said something like,

I like that you can kill me.

And you know,

It's something that keeps coming up like this idea of like women want to be conquered within certain settings.

So we're going to speak about this.

We're going to jump in now to the first part of this episode,

This first half on,

I guess essentially the history of the dark masculine or where it comes from and why it exists for the sake of specifically the intellectual guys who still maybe are like,

Okay,

I hear what you're saying,

But like why is there a part of me that wants to rape and pillage and murder?

Or maybe for guys who are like,

Oh,

That's not me.

I mean,

Maybe you,

This,

You,

This dude,

You know,

Speaking his podcast is really into that stuff,

But no,

No,

Not me.

I'll say like,

I used to feel that way as well.

And when I first got into,

When I was first exposed to BDSM,

I was just like,

Why are women into this stuff?

Like,

And then I was talking about fairly vanilla stuff,

Like spanking and choking,

Like not like really dark stuff that I've now also been exposed to,

But like,

There's like,

Why are women into this stuff?

It's like,

Fuck,

Like I have to learn how this stuff because women,

Women like doing this.

Like I don't,

I don't get it.

And it just seems so foreign to me until I got into it and I realized,

I fuck it.

There's something about it that feels very much at home.

Okay.

So before we jump into why it exists,

I just want to give another definition.

The dark masculine archetype are essentially the primal urges that have been genetically useful evolutionarily,

Meaning they've been effective in the survival and replication of our genes.

All of our behaviors,

All of our genetic behaviors have persisted because they,

You know,

Through natural selection,

If they were good for the survival of our genes,

Our genes passed on and that those traits passed on.

If they were not,

Then those genes died off.

The dark masculine are particularly effective survival and replication traits.

However,

They're dark because they don't fit in with society.

They don't fit in with our current morality.

And it is,

This is the part of the psyche,

The part of the man's being that polarizes the animalistic side of the feminine.

Like when you see women who want to,

Want to go dark,

Want to go red,

Want to be taken,

Go into that really animalistic zone.

The light flowery,

Divine,

Angelic masculine is not going to bring a woman to that place.

You could have great angelic,

Lovely sex too,

A lovely intimate connection,

But it is the dark masculine,

The conquering animalistic masculine that brings out that animalistic feminine that most women want,

Not all the time,

But sometimes is a part of ourselves as a part of them and say it was a part of us.

So today we're going to speak about why power is sexy and completely separate or,

You know,

Not even completely separate,

But what I think is even more important than the sexual benefits or the benefits in connecting with women is that this is a part of you that asserts your self,

Self with a big S,

The Jungian self.

It's a part of you that when you've been beaten down,

When all your other archetypes have been beaten down by society and you've really been,

You've really taken on this idea that maybe you're not a good person or you're a beta male or you're not good enough.

It is the dark masculine archetype that says fuck you to all that and pushes you back up the chart.

Some of the Mast Underground group asked how does a man move up in the dominance hierarchy?

Because in the last episode,

I mean,

I was criticizing MGTOW guys of like guys these days don't realize how lucky we are.

I mean,

Even though,

Even though men in the 21st century have been feminized and all that stuff,

Like men don't realize how lucky they are.

Men who are complaining,

I should say,

Don't realize how lucky they are that compared to most other males throughout history,

Throughout other species,

You know,

And other types.

We have some of the easiest mobility of our upper dominance hierarchy,

Right?

If you're a gorilla and you're a small gorilla,

You're never going to be alpha male.

But even if you're a guy who's born not good looking or you're not the smartest guy,

You're just not dominant or you didn't,

You didn't grow up with masculine,

Good male role models and stuff,

You can still learn how to be top of the hierarchy that,

That is relevant to you and still be attractive.

And that dark masculine is the part that is an archetype that if you hit the bottom,

It will push you back up,

Right?

It's the will to life,

Is a will to life at least.

Yeah.

And essentially,

You know,

The shame comes from the animal instincts conflicting with society.

So let's spend a bit on why this exists in the first place again for the intellectual guys.

So at the cellular level or,

You know,

Down to the most simple units of life,

Nature is metal.

Meaning nature is totally amoral,

Right?

Even when it comes to cellular organisms,

They're eating each other all the time.

They're birthing,

They're dying.

I mean,

They're feeling some sort of pain or what we might call proto pain.

Like throughout nature at every level,

Stuff is eating other stuff.

Stuff is suffering at the hands of other stuff,

Right?

Stuff being living organisms life,

Right?

Like nature is not kind.

There's no sense of morality in nature.

Morality is a human thing.

And living organisms behaviors,

Again,

As I mentioned before,

Determined by natural selection,

Right?

If a behavior or a trait makes it easier for a gene to pass on,

It becomes more popular.

It becomes more prominent in the gene pool.

If not,

It gets weeded out.

So I mean,

Some examples that are particularly weird that maybe give us a slight lens to BDSM stuff through some sort of evolutionary web like female spiders of many spider species decapitate the males and praying mantises do the same thing.

I've told this story,

I forget what other episode,

But the way that betta fish mates is through violent,

Violent rape.

I told a longer story of the time I very naively tried to breed betta fish and was horrified.

You know,

Cat penises are barbed like for a cat to get pregnant,

The male cat has to like rip a hole in her vaginal canal.

Like nature is not kind even to its own organisms,

Right?

Even our own genes and our own genetic traits are not necessarily nice to us because the genes just want to pass on.

I mean,

In a sense,

They're not intelligent.

I mean,

You could believe that,

But natural selection is what allows a trait to continue.

And for,

You know,

Maybe a strange way of looking at it,

But this has mentioned the self machine and you know,

A Hari's sapience.

Certain organisms like let's say rice,

Wheat and corn have been extremely dominant,

Right?

Like compared to other grasses,

Rice,

Wheat and corn are some of the most popular or like by,

You know,

I think they make up like 97% of the grasses.

Why?

Because they become useful to humans and humans have planted them over and over,

Over again.

So rice,

Wheat and corn are extremely dominant.

The fact that they were able to mutate in such a way that human beings like to eat them,

Great mutation for them.

In another darker version of this,

Which maybe will upset the vegans,

Cows,

Chickens and pigs are also extremely successful genetically.

Even though cows,

Chickens and pigs suffer because of factory farming,

Which is something I don't like either,

Even though I am a meat eater.

They genetically,

The cows,

Chickens and pigs genes have had an incredibly successful trait of making their owners or they're making their vehicles delicious to humans because humans breed them over and over again and that serves the genes agenda.

It's kind of a dark thing because you're thinking like the genes,

You know,

These animals have evolved in a way that causes suffering to the animals,

But it's good for their genes.

Rape,

Another taboo thing,

But rape,

The reason why they,

Women have rape fantasies and many men,

Even though less men,

I think admit it,

Have fantasies of being a rape rapist.

I was about to say a raper like in stepbrothers,

Is that rape historically,

Evolutionarily has been in a very effective survival and replication strategy.

There's some stats that I'd actually bring up in my history of man series in the prologue on testosterone.

Rapes conceive at twice the rate of consensual sex.

Rapes conceive at 6%,

Consensual sex conceives at 3%.

Now,

There could be a lot of reasons for that,

But one of them actually is that the number one predictor of whether a man will be a violent rapist are his,

It was his prenatal testosterone exposure,

Meaning if a guy is exposed to a lot of testosterone while he's in his mother's belly,

There's certain male traits he'll have throughout his entire life,

One of them being that he's more likely to be a violent rapist.

Another thing that also indicates is that if he becomes a day trader,

Like a stockbroker,

He's more likely to become successful.

Actually,

This is a study by Ben Coates.

You can determine a day trader's career success by his prenatal testosterone exposure more than his years of experience or IQ.

It's kind of crazy,

Right?

Like if you're exposed to testosterone in the womb,

You can almost predict a day trader's salary or his earnings over his lifetime based on his testosterone.

It's kind of in many ways genetically predetermined.

Actually,

A very similar stat is that prenatal testosterone exposure is a greater indicator of violent criminals than age or race,

Which is shocking to a lot of people.

Actually,

Yeah,

It's a greater indicator.

Anyway,

I don't have to give examples.

See,

I guess I'll know examples.

If you're curious of how much testosterone you're exposed to in the womb,

You can look at your hand.

One of the easiest indicators of estimating how much testosterone you're exposed to in the womb is your 2D to 4D ratio,

Meaning your second digit,

Your pointer finger,

To your fourth digit,

Your ring finger.

Mine are basically even if you are watching the video feed.

But the longer your ring finger is in relation to your index finger suggests how much testosterone you're exposed to.

It's like in women,

Almost pretty much all true lesbians,

Like women who are only into women have particularly long ring fingers.

Very often,

Almost always,

The ring finger is longer than their index finger.

Very often,

Lesbians will have extremely long ring fingers.

Same thing in men,

Again,

If a really long ring finger,

Very likely that they're either going to be,

Basically they'll have high male traits.

It'll be very dominant.

Typically they'll either,

Well,

Depending on how they were raised,

They could be a very successful stockbroker or they might end up becoming a criminal.

Again,

This ties into the dark masculine archetype of like these high male traits can be expressed in positive or negative ways.

Okay,

And actually,

All right,

So this is actually something I've been pondering a lot because maybe you know that I've been working on this history series the last couple months.

The first series,

The first volume is on the history of warfare,

On how it relates to masculinity.

And I got kind of lost in it because I'm following the evolutions of weapons technology and evolutions of war fighting techniques.

And I kind of for a while,

I got so deep into the facts that I kind of lost track of what it has to do with masculinity.

I went so deep into these other facts like,

Oh shit,

I lost my thread.

I was pondering this.

It's like,

Wait,

How do I tie this in again?

Why is war masculine?

I can't just say men like to fight.

What is it down to an elemental level that makes war a masculine thing and not a feminine thing?

And I realized what makes war masculine comes down to essentially Stockholm syndrome and something called war brides,

Which is,

I don't know,

Because I'm going through every era in this series starting with the stone age.

In the stone age,

Women didn't actually care who won given battles because they were always the prize of the battles.

This is another taboo idea,

But a stone age woman,

Especially in the Paleolithic era,

She might be devastated if another group of cavemen killed her mate and killed her sons or all the other men and took her and raped her and made him a war bride,

Made her his wife.

It would be very devastating,

Of course.

However,

Her best survival strategy would be to fall in love with her captor and genetically,

It didn't actually matter.

In fact,

Genetically,

She was actually in a better position now that she was with a more dominant male who could obviously do a better job of protecting her.

It's kind of a dark thing to think about and this is the idea of war brides that Rolo Tomasi speaks about in his book,

The Rational Male.

It's kind of a dark thing to think about and I remember reading this from the perspective of the losing team and thinking,

Oh man,

If I was a stone age man and these barbarians came and killed me and my sons,

My wife would fall in love with that guy.

It's a really dark thing and a lot of these red pill guys,

The thing I dislike about red pill is the conclusions they make about women from what I think are facts,

These are facts,

But they use this as a justification why you can never trust women.

I look at it as like,

Well,

If you can really understand the dark feminine,

You can really accept your own dark masculine.

Anyway,

Now I kind of look at the same scenario from the position of the conqueror.

Like if you are the winner of a battle,

Of a gruesome battle,

Women actually want to be with you.

Now,

Obviously we are going to taboo subjects.

It's not saying that you should go around beating people up and stealing their wives and people will love you.

That's not what I'm saying.

What I am saying is that genetically,

Especially for our ancestors,

The reason why one,

A lot of men feel good seeking dominance or making dominance plays,

Whether it's socially acceptable or not.

And a lot of the reasons why so many women have rape fantasies,

Not just women that have been raped.

That is one theory that is not consistent though,

That women have rape fantasies.

If they've been violated as a way of healing in there,

Like creating a psychodrama to heal.

That is true sometimes,

But so many women who've never been raped or never even been close to being raped have these feelings.

Like I've spoken to many women when I used to coach women more about their fantasies and a lot of women have said like,

Even as a little girl,

They daydreamed about being kidnapped and something about that.

It was exciting to them.

Why does that exist?

That we can call them like ancestral memories and quotes if you want to take like a more hippie term.

But these are feelings that exist that are like passed on genetically because for a woman for thousands of generations,

One of the best things that could happen to a woman's genes,

Not to the woman,

Obviously she might be devastated for a time,

But to her genes.

The best thing that could happen to her genes was to basically upgrade her mates by having a better,

Stronger,

Bigger,

More alpha guy come in and take her and have his baby.

That was actually the best thing that could happen to her genetically,

Not to her emotionally.

However,

This is one of the reasons for Stockholm syndrome because Stockholm syndrome is basically,

I mean,

Stockholm syndrome is the syndrome where you fall in love with your captors.

It's a way of kind of like getting rid of the cognitive dissonance of,

Okay,

This is good for her genes,

It's really bad for emotions.

Her emotions are basically syncing up with her genes.

So even though it was a terrible,

Terrible thing that her family was just slaughtered,

Well this Khal Drogo guy who just took her over,

He's kind of cute.

It's actually the best survival strategy for her to fall in love with him.

We saw this in Game of Thrones where Khaleesi falls in love with Khal Drogo despite being essentially his slave wife in the beginning.

So this is all to say that these archetypes,

They're just like,

They are genetic behaviors.

And actually,

Khal Jung,

When he first came up with the concept of archetypes,

He compared them to genes.

I don't think he used the term gene.

I don't know if gene was a popular term when Khal Jung was writing these things,

But he compared them to physical structures that evolved in the same way that we all humans have livers,

Which came from another organ from one of our pre-human ancestors.

Archetypes are essentially the organs of the psyche.

They're parts of ourselves that have persisted over time.

Nowadays we could say they're just like the genes of the psyche.

They're sequences of information that have passed on in our unconscious.

An example would be like,

If you have blue eyes,

The reason why you have blue eyes is that you probably have ancestors from snowy parts of the world because blue eyes are a better at seeing in the snow than other colored eyes.

That's why blue eyes have persisted mainly among white people or people who live in snowy areas because blue eyes are less likely to get snow blindness.

So you probably had snowy ancestors.

And actually,

The fact that we all have eyes,

If you want to go really deep in evolution,

We have eyes because many of our ancestors going back thousands of other species that came before humans had some reason to see.

There are many creatures that can't see because they just didn't have a reason for it.

We have eyes and if you have blue eyes,

You have blue eyes because your ancestors were able to benefit from having blueness in their eyes to be able to see in the snow or whatever.

However,

If in modern day you have moved to a place like where I live,

Like Thailand,

Where there is no snow,

Having blue eyes is totally useless.

However,

I would call it a vestigial trait.

Vestigial meaning it's existed for evolutionary reasons,

Doesn't have a use anymore,

But there hasn't been a reason to get rid of it either.

So you might,

If you have blue eyes in Thailand,

Your blue eyes are useless because there's no snow here to benefit from the blueness of your eyes.

However,

One,

The blueness of your eyes can still be attractive and two,

There's no reason to feel ashamed of your blue eyes just because you're not actively using it.

I would say the same thing is true for the archetypes and specifically archetypes like this one,

Like these dark archetypes or the dark masculine archetype.

All these archetypes,

These sets of behaviors have evolved for certain survival functions.

Some of these functions,

Many of these functions are outdated,

Right?

Like most men don't need to rape and pillage.

In fact,

It's not a good idea for your survival or the group survival for men going around bashing each other over the head and stealing each other's mates.

These are outdated behaviors,

But one,

They're in us,

So there's no reason to feel ashamed of it.

This is all about finding the healthy expression and two,

Even though it's not even useful for a woman to be raped by an alpha male anymore,

It's not the best way to have a mate.

It just doesn't fit in our society anymore.

There's better ways to ensure survival and replication of your progeny.

It's still attractive,

Right?

Women still have,

Is still attractive and this is why masculinity,

While it's being attacked culturally,

It still shows up in the bedroom.

The guys who,

And actually I would say,

This is another thread I posted in the masculine underground group,

Because a lot of guys,

Including myself sometimes,

Complain about the attacks on masculinity and I feel really bad for boys coming up right now who are confused about masculinity.

But actually,

Just as a reframe,

If you're a guy who's,

Let's say,

Listening to this stuff,

Let's say you're a young guy who's been feminized and all this negative stuff,

But if you're a guy who's listening to this right now,

Realize that you have an extra special advantage because the bar for masculinity is so low.

It's actually quite easy to compete compared to most men because if you're like me and you hear a lot of feedback from women and from men,

But so many women are saying guys just aren't masculine anymore.

The bar for masculinity is so low.

If you could just be a little bit masculine,

You have an advantage over men that our grandfathers did not have because the bar was so much higher.

Anyway,

This is all to say that if you have dark impulses,

It's not something to feel ashamed of and if you can express them well,

It can be very attractive and very useful and outside of the bedroom,

It's useful in inserting yourself and being competitive and part of individuation and however,

It can hurt when you do something socially violating especially when it's dissociated.

So for the final part of this episode,

I'm going to speak about actually how to free the beast and specifically,

How do you express this or how do you channel this in a way that is not harmful?

I hope no one catches just a clip of this episode and thinks,

Oh,

This Ruan guy is saying we should all go out and rape because it's good for society.

No,

I'm not saying that.

I'm saying that those impulses are not bad and they can be expressed in a way that's very beneficial to you and people you relate with.

I mean,

Mostly in the bedroom and perhaps other ways too.

So what I spoke about more extensively in the first episode on the dark masculine,

We spoke mostly about shame but I'll repeat this point because it's important.

Shame essentially is the emotion of trying to dissociate or edit who you are in order to fit social expectations.

So like if society says,

Oh,

Sex before marriage is bad and if you want to have sex before marriage,

You're a bad person,

A child who's not even particularly conscious will take this in perhaps unconsciously and when his own feelings come up that,

Oh,

I do want to have sex.

Shame is his way of cutting it out and pretending like,

Oh,

That's not a part of me.

Like the shame is like,

Oh,

That's bad.

I'm condemning it too.

I'm condemning that part of me that wants to have sex.

Like that's not a part of me.

Hey,

Society,

You don't have to condemn me because I'm condemning this part of me first.

And by cutting out,

Like trying to cut out this part of your psyche,

You're basically making its own dissociated thing and it becomes like a cancer cell.

A cancer cell is a cell that is growing just like all of your cells are,

You know,

Are multiplying but is disconnected from the whole of your body so it grows at a rapid rate that ends up harming the body.

This is what happens to dissociate archetypes.

If you shame a part of yourself and try to try to disidentify with this part of yourself,

It starts to like assert itself and try to make noise.

Like all these,

I mean,

The stereotypical example is like the postal worker who goes postal and shoots people up because for years and years and years,

He suppressed and suppressed and suppressed and never got to express his anger in a healthy way and it all bursts and he ends up shooting a bunch of people or something like that.

All of these experiences,

All these atrocities that we hear about are some version of this.

Yeah,

I mean,

Shame is almost a way of like internal virtue signaling of like,

Hey,

I'm condemning this too.

Going back to our earlier piece about sexuality,

I realized that one thing that kind of had me addicted to certain kinds of women that even though I felt a contempt for their personality,

Like there's something about it that I just like loved about being intimate with them is that the way they would get off on my unbridled impulses,

Which just to be fair,

Like I'm a fairly vanilla person,

At least as far as I think,

Because I've seen a lot of other much weirder stuff,

But like I do like feeling power in the bedroom sometimes.

And you know,

Basically what these women sub communicated to me was that your nastiest,

Darkest desires are totally okay here,

Which is why I kind of had like this addictive relationship with this type of sex with these types of women,

Even though I didn't really like them personality wise,

And perhaps I needed that at the time because the dissociation or the dissonance was too much to overcome.

So something I've been actually exploring with my partner now,

With Nalaya now is actually you know,

Going off this war brides thing because like this war brides idea for it was like such a repugnant idea to me like such a kind of a disappointing,

I remember first reading about this and feeling like kind of a disappointment in life of like this idea that,

You know,

If my woman is if I'm killed,

My woman will fall in love with the murderer type of thing.

So I've actually gone I've kind of flipped it.

And some not all the time,

But sometimes when we're when we're making love and going to this dark place,

I'll actually imagine that I'm the the the barbarian who's just slaughtered her tribe.

And now I'm taking maybe the queen of the tribe or a girl in the tribe,

And I'm raping her until she loves it.

And I mean,

All right.

Yeah,

Anyway,

I'm being vulnerable here,

Right?

This is actually what goes on.

I hope this isn't taken out of context.

But something about the fact that it is repugnant like that idea,

Like that idea of being so unempathetic,

Right to like just murder a man and take his wife and like force her until she loves it like there's something about that is so repugnant to my to my my rationality and to my sense of right and wrong.

And actually,

The reason why I use this specific one is that this is probably the darkest thing that that would really get me off.

I haven't gone too much deeper into this,

But it is something that,

You know,

If I think about it from my moral brain,

It does bother me.

But because it's kind of repugnant,

It really feels good.

Like there's something about it that really feels good.

And I spoke about this in other Dark Archetypes episodes on how sometimes we feel an erotic charge specifically with the things that bother us.

And one of the examples I gave in the Devils Inside Us episode was like a lot of racist old white men,

Like historically in the United States at least,

Have fetishized black women.

Why?

Because it's like it's like their it's like their sense of eros or their unconscious is trying to correct for their racism.

It's like,

Oh,

You think this type of person is bad?

We're going to make you obsessed with her body,

Right?

It's kind of like our.

Well,

I would say to apply this to myself,

I've had this disdain for I mean,

Growing up,

I had this disdain for power dynamics,

Perhaps because I was bullied and like I just didn't like the idea of power disparities.

But that specifically really turns me on.

Perhaps perhaps the correct for my lifetime of feeling like I was the one being attacked.

Now I really get off on being the attacker.

These are all theories.

But I will say my theory,

Though,

With this is that one of the functions of the Dark Mask and archetype is that these dark masculine thoughts arise to save you from disempowerment.

It's kind of what I mentioned in the beginning,

Like disempowered guys feel the most violent thoughts or like daydream about righteous battle.

Like not most of us,

I think if you are if you are social,

Socialized well growing up or you're not like you don't have your questions,

Like particularly evil places,

You might you're probably not going to think of shooting up a school,

But you might daydream about,

Oh,

If someone is being an asshole,

I'll kick his ass like in the movies,

Go Jean-Claude Van Damme or do an MMA move.

Like that's a kind of natural fantasy of most men and boys.

And I would say that is also the dark masculine archetype trying to assert power,

Perhaps in a way that's more in line with your sense of morality.

And this is the whole idea of the of the very common phrase that you see one of the most masculine phrases out there of death before dishonor.

Like this these feelings,

These dark masculine feelings and even like things that have evolved from that,

I would say that sense of honor actually has evolved from the dark masculine as well was basically asserting the strategy or asserting the truth that is better to die honorably than lose dignity.

It's better to risk everything and put everything on the line than be shit on.

And when you're feeling in a beta state,

You know,

That sometimes is a useful tool to stand up to the bully and take the punch in the face because that's better than continuing being bullied.

Or anyway,

You can you can apply this in many ways.

And I just want to say,

Because I did mention this taboo idea,

I just want to assert that I'm not in any way trying to be apologetic for school shooters or anybody like that.

Like I'll say anyone who has that kind of like anyone who chooses that kind of expression of the dark masculine definitely has it twisted.

And it's probably it's one of the most cowardly ways to express these impulses.

Maybe I don't have to say that,

But I want to say that just in case I just want to say that.

Right.

It's like such people find this moral justification for for hurting people because they're suffering,

Which is kind of one of the weakest things a person could do or a man to do because that same rage,

That same dissatisfaction,

Even when I was reading like the manifesto by the Palo Alto killer,

You know,

Sometimes I'd be like,

You know,

I read some of the things you saying and I'd be like,

I understand his pain.

I understand how much it sucks to feel like you're at the bottom of some hierarchy and like have girls not like you and have guys not respect you like that fucking sucks.

But you can use that frustration to build cool shit or do cool things with your body.

You can punish yourself in the gym and like grow a strong body.

You can you could,

You know,

Metaphorically,

You know,

Be willing to die in battle,

Like really go for your goals.

Like it's a it's a shame.

It's it's just it's just the wrong strategy and not wrong morally,

But wrong,

Like as ineffective is not a useful strategy to dump your pain on other people.

Use your pain to build something.

So anyway,

We're going to we're going to end this with two techniques that I've used recently to recently and also in bits through my life,

Although I wanted to make this episode because I really feel like I've had a breakthrough personally with like integrating or like unleashing a new part of the dark masculine myself,

Releasing shame,

Perhaps.

First technique is a Jungian technique called active imagination.

It's it's what you could probably imagine.

You would guess it's actively imagining,

But specifically active imagination on taboo desires,

Right?

Like just sitting and thinking or lying and thinking,

And this could even be mixed in with some sort of self-pleasuring or whatever,

But just really being willing to explore taboo desires and what might actually turn you on physically,

Right?

Not not intellectually,

Even though obviously we're speaking about this intellectually.

Like what can you explore in the realms of things that may be discussed to you?

Like maybe maybe you are also disgusted by maybe like a very liberal person politically and like you want,

You know,

Everyone to have equal power and equal say,

But just play with it.

Just play with it in your head.

You don't have to do anything and no one has to know.

Like what if you went very deep in like having a slave,

Right?

Like what?

I mean,

That's a taboo idea,

Especially if you have liberal politics like that's probably seems like a terrible thing,

But think about it.

Like there's any part of you get turned on by the idea of that or that's too much like the idea of being like a Sultan with a harem of concubines.

Like does that turn you on?

If you're honest,

Like think about it.

Yeah.

I mean you can play with these things because chances are any idea that you feel like pushing away might have something in it for you or actually a better way to put it.

It was like there might be a part of you that naturally desires that because having a harem is a very effective strategy for your genes.

Being a raping conqueror,

Having slaves,

Like all these things that are dark and unpleasant perhaps from a social perspective have been useful and there might be a part of it.

Chances are if you're a man,

There's a part of that in you that has that like a,

Has that strategy or has that card to play,

But maybe it's been untapped.

Maybe it's never been tapped and maybe,

Just maybe if you play with that desire,

You will feel that it's one arousing in some way,

Which is a sign that it's like reintegrating into you.

It's a sign that it is part of you that could be useful.

Now some people,

And I,

Again,

I'm saying,

You know,

I'm fairly vanilla in my dark desires.

Like,

You know,

I think the thing that I mentioned,

Like the idea of like murdering a tribe and raping their women is probably the darkest thing that would turn me on that I've at least uncovered and I have thought about other darker things,

But they just don't turn me on personally.

Kind of vanilla like that.

But maybe,

You know,

You're a person who has really dark stuff and you know,

That's not like very hard to find a good outlet for,

But you can still think about it,

Right?

There's nothing wrong with thinking about it.

The problem is,

Is when you are ashamed of something,

It's hard to not think about it and it,

Those thoughts kind of take over,

Take over on its own.

I had this client sometime ago who,

When he was young,

He accidentally watched,

Somehow,

He came across child porn.

Another taboo thing,

Right?

And you know,

As far as everything,

You know,

I know the guy now,

Like I don't think he's a pedophile,

Especially actually because of his reaction.

He accidentally watched child porn for a bit.

I think he was like 16 or something.

He felt incredibly ashamed of it.

He was like,

He felt like he was the worst person because he watched a little bit of this,

This thing that was not,

You know,

Obviously not a pleasant thing,

But like,

But for many years afterwards,

He could not stop thinking about it because he was so ashamed.

If he was just like,

Okay,

I saw something not good.

I should not look at it again.

It's not,

It's not something,

You know,

Obviously it's a terrible thing.

Whoever created that,

All that stuff,

Right?

If you just let it go and he accepted,

Okay,

I saw that.

He probably would have never thought about it again.

The fact that he felt so ashamed and like,

So like,

Ah,

I keep thinking about it.

Let me stop thinking about it,

But now I keep thinking about it.

It kind of made him,

It overloaded him with shame and these thoughts would not let go.

It's like these thoughts were like constantly persisting because he was resisting it so hard.

Had he just,

I mean,

I know this is really like a dark thing,

But had he like really thought about it for a second,

Maybe it would have let go.

Actually,

That was what I recommended to him and you know,

I think it,

I think it helped.

And the other,

The flip side of it,

And this is what we've mentioned throughout this episode.

In the same way that you might have this dark impulse,

The,

A similar thing,

Let's speak about sexual impulses in particular.

There is very likely a corresponding impulse in women.

A lot of guys like being in power in the bedroom.

A lot of women like being taken in the bedroom.

It's something that conflicts in the minds of many feminists because of,

You know,

Feminist morality,

Rational thinking clashes with our instincts.

But I've spoken,

A lot of my friends are feminists.

I've dated a lot of bad feminists who like,

Like,

Yeah,

I don't know.

I mean,

I really believe in women's empowerment,

But in the bedroom,

The only thing that gets me off is being submissive.

That's pretty common.

You can take it deeper and you might have weirder things that you're into.

There's probably a woman into that as well,

Even though it's probably more rare.

All right.

I wanted to mention the dark triad,

Which is a term from the red pill community.

I'm not going to go too deep into it because I think they,

They over,

Anyway,

The dark triad is a set of personality traits that spoken about in red pill a lot.

It's selfishness,

Machiavellianism,

And should I'm forgetting the last one and narcissism,

Right?

And,

And red pill guys have identified,

Oh,

Women are really into these traits.

And in a way it's true because these are,

These are dark traits.

They're not socially acceptable traits,

But a lot of women,

If you just look at women dating people,

A lot of women are drawn to guys with traits that seem like this from the outside.

And when I say,

I say seem like this is that if you go into it thinking you have to be selfish,

Narcissistic,

And Machiavellian to be attractive.

And if you think,

Oh,

Women are so crazy because they like these bad traits.

One,

You're,

You're kind of missing,

You're kind of only superficially understanding this and you're probably going to cause yourself to get resentful at women,

Which is not useful because if you think of,

If you think of women this way,

It's kind of hard to,

It's kind of hard to think of people favorably when you're like,

Oh,

Well they,

They love being mistreated like,

But if you look a little bit deeper and recognize that these dark triad traits are essentially signaling to the world,

What they do is they signal to,

To women perhaps that you are not needy,

Right?

Because on in the stone age,

Neediness was the worst.

The reason why women hate neediness to this day is that a needy man not only was useless in the wild,

In the wilderness prior to societies or throughout most of history,

Not only is a needy man useless,

He's actually a drag.

Like a woman cannot feel safe being pregnant with a needy man because she can't take care of him while she's pregnant.

Who's going to take care of her,

Right?

Whereas these supposedly dark triad traits signal to women that you're not needy.

I don't think you need to be narcissistic,

Selfish or Machiavellian to signal those traits,

But in an extreme,

Especially if you're a recovering nice guy who's like realizing that just being a soft,

Effeminate guy is not attractive.

Wearing a pussy hat is not going to get you laid and you see these other so-called bad boys being selfish,

Narcissistic and Machiavellian and they're getting the girls.

A lot of these nerds are like,

And I mean this in a loving way,

I'm also a nerd,

But a lot of these nerds who don't understand social dynamics are like,

Oh,

You have to be an asshole.

You don't have to be an asshole.

You have to just not be a little bitch.

Anyway,

This is all to say that these dark triad traits,

I mean the thing that is important,

The thing is universally attractive is being independent.

You don't have to necessarily be selfish,

But being willing to take what you want,

Being willing to take responsibility for yourself and not expect someone to give you stuff.

It's nice to have soft,

Gentle sex sometimes,

But the ability to take what you want even in the bedroom is attractive to so many women because it signals to them,

Oh,

This guy can handle his own and this guy will probably look out for our children and this guy will probably be able to kill anyone who tries to harm our children.

Those traits are very instinctually super attractive because they're more important than everything else.

In the stone age,

A woman was better off being with a powerful,

Conquering,

Selfish guy who is maybe a little bit unpleasant than she was being with a very pleasant guy who could not hold down the fort.

With the nice beta male,

Her children were basically doomed.

With the alpha male,

At least they would survive.

And then women have evolved to find those traits attractive.

Anyway,

Yeah,

And like,

Oh,

So the last bit before our last tip and we close.

These dark traits are essentially ensuring your genetic line.

And if you look at some of the more modern,

Or if you look at villains that have become popular like in Game of Thrones,

Cersei Lannister is probably the best example.

If you watch Game of Thrones,

If you've seen it,

Cersei Lannister is the queen of one of the families or the mother of one of the families.

And she does some of the nastiest shit,

Like the most heartless,

Terrible things to other people,

Machiavellian,

Selfish and narcissistic.

She tortures people,

All this stuff.

And in many ways,

She's like the arch villain in the series.

But she does all of that for her children.

That's her go-to line.

She will do anything for her family,

Which is actually a sweet thing.

And one of the things that was great about most of Game of Thrones was that they really humanized their villains because the most evil things that people do very often is to defend some part of them that they think is vulnerable,

Whether it's themselves and their own egos,

Perhaps,

Which is hard for us to feel apologetic for,

Or for the sake of their children.

When I think about it now,

I don't have kids,

But I love my girlfriend so much.

And when I think about if she were to be threatened by someone,

The things that I would do on her behalf,

I would do some really nasty things to other people if they were trying to harm her or something like that.

Same thing with other people I'm close with.

That is what darkness is for.

That's the reason why we have darkness.

There is a function of survival and protecting our own that is tied to this.

But however,

The impulse can be thrown off base.

What throws it back on base or what gets you back in line,

What allows you to express the dark masculine in a way that is beneficial or allows you to stay in connection rather than in isolation,

What allows you to be loved or respected for your dark masculine impulses as opposed to being arrested or shot by the cops or something like that,

Is finding a place where it fits in with other people.

So in the bedroom,

This is one of the places where it's maybe the more straightforward because you have communities for this and all that stuff.

But one of the most important things I would say,

And I do this all the time when I'm coaching a guy who's got sexual shame,

Is I get him,

I try to pull,

Sometimes it's like pulling teeth,

But I try to get him to admit to me something dark that he's turned on by.

And what I think a lot of guys don't get is that most things that you're into,

There is someone who's into the receiving end or whatever complementary activity is.

And as I mentioned,

Basic things like being in power,

Putting a collar on someone,

A lot of women are into that.

Maybe not everyone,

Maybe it's a minority,

But a lot of women are in.

One guy I used to hang with when I was getting into BDSM,

I didn't go very deep into it,

But this guy was very deep.

He did some really gnarly stuff,

Stuff that I can't even imagine being into.

But something he told me that always stuck in my head,

He was like this BDSM master guy,

And he would humiliate women,

He would do things that were really painful,

I can't imagine anyone was into that.

But he would say to me that a lot of the women that would go see him to play,

They had boyfriends,

And they had husbands.

And the reason why they went to him was that their husbands or their boyfriends were great guys and maybe the woman loved him and all that stuff.

He was afraid to go to the places that she wanted to go.

She wanted to experience certain things and the guy she loved was just too afraid to go there.

So she had to go to this other guy,

This guy in here,

This BDSM guy who was willing to sew up her lips or humiliate her in the corner,

Do other nasty things that I'm not into.

But there are women who are into that and if you want to relate to such a woman completely,

If you want to relate to the entirety of a certain person and she has this dark piece of herself,

The only way to completely relate is to play that alternate role.

A lot of guys I think fuck up their relationships where they want to talk dirty or they want to explore sexual things,

They want to fulfill their sexual fantasies,

But then they invite the women out and they get disgusted because they have their own shame and they're like,

Women shouldn't be that sexual.

It's like,

You were asking for that bro,

Do you want to have a freak in the bed or not?

And it's understanding that we have these many archetypes and it's not one thing or another.

A woman can be a perfect wife and can be stuffed at the same time.

And this is the last thing we're going to say.

Let me just make sure I didn't miss anything.

Before we end on the sexual stuff,

I want to speak with Noel Freeh.

I hope he doesn't mind me sharing this,

But he was speaking about,

I'll leave the details out,

But he was just thinking about a pretty tame example.

He was just hanging out with his friends and there were certain things he wanted in a certain social situation that he was afraid to ask or he didn't want to bother people.

I mean,

It was something around,

I won't even get to the details,

But the thing that I suggested to him is,

What if people actually would get off on you having what you want?

And if you forget everything else,

You forget all the concepts,

I want you to think about that.

What if people actually liked you better or people were actually more happy if you had what you want?

One of the brainwashy things,

One of these really negative memes that I think have seeped into society is this idea that if you're having fun,

If you're gaining,

Someone else is losing.

That's not how life is.

This is one of the things that pisses me off about this move towards androgyny in society.

Men and women,

Equality is nice.

People should not be harmed on other people's expenses.

There's no reason for that,

But that doesn't mean people have to be the same.

Most women prefer the guy to drive.

That's actually okay and the most guys prefer to drive.

People win-win when they get to play,

And this is just an example,

But when they get to actually play the roles,

It doesn't mean that people have to do the same thing.

Not everyone has to do the same thing for people to feel good.

Actually what if,

Whether you take this sexually or in regular life,

People will actually enjoy more you having what you want.

The active technique is when asking for what you want,

When exploring your desires,

Whether in a small social way or in a more intimate sexual way,

The thing I would suggest you to play with is what if you expected your desires to be received with enthusiasm?

They might not always.

You might be into some weird shit or you might be into something that does somehow take away from someone else,

But what if everything you wanted was totally received by the other person?

Of course,

Because we take this into the bedroom,

If you imagine what if everything that would delight you totally delighted the woman you're with,

That's like extra turning on.

It's like there's something like almost like soul nourishing about that idea because it's like you do not have to compromise yourself to be in relation with someone.

You don't have to compromise yourself to be accepted by a person in a relationship or in society.

Like that I think is the role of all of this stuff in individuation and becoming a complete person.

The last thing I'll say on this is understanding that archetypes are not identities.

Archetypes are roles.

They are parts of our personality.

They're not the full thing.

They're not.

It's like I get so frustrated when I see because the term archetype has become more popular with Jordan Peterson speaking about Carl Jung in recent years and you'll see people saying these nonsensical questions of like,

What archetype are you?

I see this quiz pop up on Instagram sometimes like what is your archetype?

That's like a nonsensical statement.

You do not have an archetype.

You cannot be an archetype.

An archetype is an aspect of your personality.

It's ridiculous thing to say that.

Anyway,

They're roles that we play.

They're roles that we can consciously play.

If you can become conscious of your impulses and your feelings,

You can consciously play.

You can play the conqueror when you're in bed with your girlfriend and you can play the something else.

You can play the king when you have a child who's dependent on you for something.

You can play the warrior when you're being dependent on by your employer or something like that.

Anyway,

Just to end our whole story and my own personal stuff,

The thing that really clicked in my head about like going deep and dark in bed for instance is recognizing that Nalaiah,

My partner,

My girlfriend can really enjoy surrendering,

Can really enjoy being taken,

Can really enjoy when I ravish her because of the fact that she knows in real life I love her,

I respect her,

I care about her wellbeing.

And like that background knowledge allows her to really go deep and really enjoy the idea of me kidnapping her or something like that because she knows deep down that I'll always keep her safe.

And I would say that actually ties in to the evolutionary beginnings of all of this.

Actually,

This is something Nalaiah has said is that she loves at times when I get this way because it's like her inner cave woman knows that a strong man will take care of her if he sees her as sexual property,

Right?

It's not a pro-feminist idea to be a man's property.

But again,

Going back to the genetic stuff,

A cave woman would be in a really good survival situation with a man who took charge in that way.

And this final thought for anyone who's like kind of struggling to tap into this,

Who like still can't wrap their head around how like a woman would want this from you or how to express this in a way that's still constructive and pro-social,

This is it.

I mean,

I think Joe Rogan mentioned this on one of his podcasts,

Like what women really want is like a college rogue,

Like a Jason Momoa type who also respects you,

Like someone who could kill you,

Who could like rip you to shreds,

Who could take everything from you,

But actually cares about your boundaries at the same time.

Not someone who's incapable of that.

Like that's not attractive because that is useless.

And should society break down in some way,

We're going to need,

Like we actually will,

We as society or as a group of humans will actually need men willing to do these nasty things for survival purposes.

So that is that.

I hope the feed worked because it's been a little fuzzy on my side and I've been getting these comments in.

Oh wow,

We got a lot of comments.

They all are coming in now that I scroll.

All right,

So I'm going to really real quick look through these comments and see what I can address.

Then we're going to close.

Someone said,

I mean this is all from the last hour,

But someone said the surge of adrenaline and instinct that just overtakes us.

Same person said soldiers experience these impulses in critical situations primarily working from the reptilian brain.

Someone said,

Yeah,

So on the healing side of this or the individuation side,

Freeing and people,

It's nice when you are free to be yourself,

You're also giving other people permission to be themselves.

And like if we could be in a space where everyone is okay.

Oh,

That is the thing actually.

And like that's something I think I missed saying through this is that,

You know,

If shame says,

Oh,

You are not okay,

Whoever,

Whether it's self shaming or shaming another person or being shamed by another person,

Shame says you are not okay.

Reintegrating these dark impulses is saying I'm okay and you're okay.

It's like everyone is okay.

It's like,

I know I've dated women who,

I mean,

I haven't gotten,

You know,

Kind of analogous to what I mentioned about the BDSM guy I used to hang with.

I've been with women who,

You know,

Enjoyed exploring shibari or things like that.

And they have said that they've wanted to experience it for a long time,

But maybe their previous boyfriend was so disgusted by the fact that she could be so kinky,

Which is in my opinion,

Not that kinky,

But perhaps to some guys who are really shamed up,

The idea of a woman wanting to be tied up is like,

Oh,

It's like,

It's so beyond them that they have to shame her to feel okay about themselves or to feel to justify their own shame.

Anyway,

A lot of women have told me like it's been so freeing to be,

To at least experience that with someone who doesn't see them as a dirty slut for it or like not dirty slut in like a positive sense at least.

Anyway,

But what,

What,

What all of this is doing by accepting yourself,

Ultimately it's a little cheesy to say,

But by accepting yourself,

You're giving permission to other people to accept themselves and we can,

By reducing shame in society,

We actually can reduce these dissociated behaviors such as in extreme and atrocities like shooting up a school or just being dicks to each other,

Right?

A lot of people are assholes to each other simply because they're shamed up and they don't know how to deal with it.

Someone says one of my ring fingers is longer than the other.

I don't know what it means if your fingers are different lengths and different hands,

But I do know,

Yeah,

It's called,

If you look it up,

It's the 2D to 4D ratio.

Speaking of prenatal testosterone,

Again,

If your ring finger is longer than your index finger,

It suggests that you're exposed to a lot of testosterone in utero,

Which means you're either going to be a great serial killer and or a great day trader.

Both are paths where you can find success.

Someone says the archetype of the goddess warrior is the female form of their masculine shadow.

Yeah,

And I would say,

You know,

There's different versions of the dark feminine.

There's a dark feminine like the siren,

Like the woman who manipulates men and ruins their lives.

There's also,

I would say,

You know,

The archetype of a woman who wants to be taken and raped,

Let's say,

Is also an aspect of the dark feminine,

If only because a lot of women feel ashamed about having that feeling.

Let's see here.

Yes,

Someone said older men seem feminized.

It's not because they suppress their masculine instincts,

It's because they found it harder to express themselves as they age.

Yeah,

Also,

You know,

Testosterone declines.

If testosterone is the fuel of this,

If our hormones are the fuel of these instinctual behaviors,

Obviously,

If the hormone declines,

You're going to feel less of that.

I've actually,

You know,

I'm only 32,

But I have noticed my body aging in different ways.

Probably going to get into that TRT.

I haven't looked into it much,

But a lot of people I look up to are into testosterone replacement therapy,

So I'm probably going to get into it.

I'm going to at least explore it myself as I get older.

Anyways,

I think there's a big delay on the comments,

But if anyone has any last questions,

Thanks for the kudos,

Everyone who's watching live.

If you're not watching live,

I hope you're listening to it in podcast form so you can go out and do things.

And I guess I'll end with a little plug because I should be doing this more,

Says my marketing people.

If you want to explore the dark masculine in a hands-on way,

If you want to do some exercises to really embody it instead of just thinking about it,

You can check out my masculine archetype challenge at romano.

Com slash archetype.

It's a 21-day set of micro lessons and micro missions to train you and retrain your habits to tap into your testosterone-driven impulses.

We have a three-day,

There's a lesson every day for 21 days.

We spend three days specifically on the dark masculine and getting in touch with your animalistic instincts.

You can check that out at romano.

Com slash archetype.

And a last announcement,

Next week,

Well,

In the next two weeks,

I'm going to do an episode on how to release regrets.

It's something that's come up with some of my clients and myself too.

This feeling of regret of like,

Oh,

I should have done this.

I wish I did this with my life type of thing.

It's another form of shame and I've been thinking about this a lot on how to release regret.

So that's going to be one episode.

Another episode is going to be on,

I'm trying to summarize everything that I actually know for sure makes a man attractive to women.

I'm saying this because I don't consider myself to be a dating coach anymore.

I only briefly did.

And even when I was coaching guys specifically on dating,

The thing that interested me the most was kind of the spiritual journey of learning to be attractive.

This is all I have to say is that I don't really want to answer questions of how to attract,

You know,

How to get girls.

I don't ever want to like take that route even though I've created content for other people on that subject.

But I do want to make one episode really summarizing what makes a man attractive,

Like on the most like elemental empirical level.

So I don't know which episode is going to come first,

But those are the next two episodes.

If you want to have a specific topic discussed,

Post about it in the Masculine Underground at forum.

Masculineunderground.

Com,

Which is our Facebook group.

Thanks for listening everybody.

See you next week.

Peace.